Suicide Comes Up Again

[Xicotc]

(09-21-2013 04:27 AM)brainiac3397 Wrote:  I wonder if it has to do with our obsession over external self-imagery. We expect the mirror(or society, your pick) to define who we are, and not ourselves to. The only thing I used the mirror for shaving(got to make sure I don't cut parts of my beard I don't want to cut) or to check my teeth before/after brushing. And to see if I've gotten my bow-tie on correctly(very infrequently, since the last time I've worn it was at graduation)

WHOA! WHOA... whoa... you have a beard?! O .o

[brainiac3397]

(09-25-2013 10:57 PM)Xicotc Wrote:  

(09-21-2013 04:27 AM)brainiac3397 Wrote:  I wonder if it has to do with our obsession over external self-imagery. We expect the mirror(or society, your pick) to define who we are, and not ourselves to. The only thing I used the mirror for shaving(got to make sure I don't cut parts of my beard I don't want to cut) or to check my teeth before/after brushing. And to see if I've gotten my bow-tie on correctly(very infrequently, since the last time I've worn it was at graduation)

WHOA! WHOA... whoa... you have a beard?! O .o

Uhm...Yes. Beard/Goatee combo. Its been nearly 3-4 months. Id guess it to be 3 inches thick, maybe a bit less.

People think me some years older becuase of it(Im 18 but they commonly assume me to be 3-5 years older)

[SoulRiser]

Is there no way you can internet stalk this person, find out where she lives, and then call CPS or something? Get her crazy mother taken away or something... I dunno.

I guess that's a bit... intrusive. It has to be her own choice, and she has to do something about it herself... it's just hard to convince people of these things when they feel like shit all the time...

What is she trying to 'prove her wrong' about? That sort of thing never works with these crazy people... she needs to give up on trying to change her mother at all and just do what's best for herself.

[Subb]

A few updates:

She's finally getting help. She signed up for a depression group at school. The first meeting is Wednesday.

But, two of her best internet friends have blocked her and moved on. Which isn't helping the situation at all.

[SoulRiser]

Some good news, mixed with some bad.

I guess at least she weeded out some crappy friends along the way.

[brainiac3397]

She now needs a weed-whacker to clean em up.

[Ky]

Some people, like her two "friends", don't know how to handle adversity. Or be good friends. Suicide isn't a threat to simply ignore; it is a cry for help that must be answered.

[Subb]

So her support group is not starting for another two weeks. Which is bad, but something she can deal with.

But I just thought of something. She hates school. Despises it. So, what if she comes across this site? What if she comes across this thread? Holy shit, how would she react?

[xcriteria]

If she hates school, why not link her here, or at least to some supportive resource?

There are better ways to learn than school, even if we haven't totally figured them out. The idea of searching for another way, and finding some options, can provide some hope that school itself rarely does for those who don't like it.

In terms of her finding this thread... It's hard to predict.. Maybe she'd appreciate the support, if she's open to waiting for a support group.

We really need to change education. I think that more dialogue is one of the things that will lead to a change. Education is more than what happens in school... "don't let school interfere with your education," and all that.

Even though it can be hard to tell how people will react, finding people who feel the same, and want to help, has proven to be a source of help in itself.

I think the big question is, whether to directly link her here or not. It's pretty unlikely that she'd find this place by chance. But look... suicide comes up a lot. Among so many people. And, to the extent it has to do with circumstances... let's figure out how we can change those circumstances.

[nrgyzerbenny]

WTF? Suicide ? Again there's like someone saying they're going to commit suicide every other month on this forum !But i think you should convince her to call CPS or escape her hellish mothers grasp before she really offs herself or starves to death.

[Subb]

Another update.

I talked about this with my therapist, and she almost immediately diagnosed her with borderline personality disorder. That means she's really emotionally unstable, and does anything to get attention. She can't deal with her life, so she's trying to suck other people into it so that she won't be alone. Trying to suck me in.

Basically, my therapist says that she lacks the skill of regulating her emotions, so she uses people on twitter to do it for her. She craves attention, and hates rejection. And I've become one of the people who gives her the most attention.

If she lived here, my therapist would be extremely worried that I would become too manipulated by it. Aspies are perfect targets for BPD's. We're gullible, they're manipulative. We're obsessive, they seek attention.

She's telling the truth, but she's more messed up than I thought. Her abusive parents have left a big scar that will make it harder for her to function in society.

I won't leave. That's the worst thing I can do to someone with BPD. I do know why the two left now, though. I can't tell her, either. She'll take it as a form of rejection. I'm pissed, but I'm sure that'll pass, when I accept her, disorder and all.

[no]

(10-16-2013 02:10 PM)SubCulture Wrote:  We're gullible,

Indeed, if you automatically think the shrink is right and knows everything about the situation without her even talking with this person.

[Subb]

Planetfall, you're right. I need to do more research.

I have some of the warning signs right here, and I'm going to go through them.

...

5 out of 9. She does have some of the hallmark traits, such as emotional instability and fear of rejection. It's at least understandable why my therapist thinks she has borderline.

[brainiac3397]

Usually it takes time for an accurate understanding of a person's psychology. But I wouldn't totally dismiss the shrink, even if it's only a rough estimate.

[SoulRiser]

Your therapist diagnosed her without even meeting her...

I found some interesting sites for doing research on other people's mental issues.

whywesuffer.com is one of them.

The guy's a bit harsh about some things though. Still interesting. I forgot the others...

[xcriteria]

It's worth taking personality disorders with a grain of salt. The actual categories are defined by committee and do change sometimes. Borderline is controversial, in part, because there are so many different combinations of symptoms to technically make up one single diagnostic label.

That said, the symptoms people have are real, and sometimes the labels can be useful for understanding.

Personality disorders in general also tend to have overlap with legitimate traits and personality types. However, by the time something is diagnosed as a disorder, things are, by definition, going wrong. Personality disorders are also notoriously difficult to treat, but one approach that's shown promise is called schema therapy, a form of cognitive therapy.

The idea of schema therapy is that people develop maladaptive schemas, or ways of thinking about the world, and this impacts how they function. Really, everyone has schemas, or building blocks of how we understand the world. But some schemas are based on maladaptive assumptions, and schema therapy aims to address those.

Here's a list of some of these maladaptive schemas: Early Maladaptive Schemas

Schema therapy is a specific approach, that only some professionals practice, but the ones who do say it tends to work, even with personality disorders that many professionals see as difficult or impossible to treat.

So, what's the real story? It's something to explore and consider.

Here's a short overview of schema therapy, including as applied to borderline personality:



Watch on YouTube

The idea there is that a core aspect of treatment is to helping people get unmet core emotional needs met. Some people would say that doing so would just reinforce "bad" behavior like manipulation, but what that guy is saying is that's not the case.

It poses a dilemma... what's a person to do?

Steve Hein has an index of information about emotional needs at Emotional Needs, and that whole eqi.org site has a lot of material on it.

SubCulture, maybe see what your therapist thinks about all this. In my experience, a lot of professionals don't know about all the approaches out there... just like with school, it's possible for even the less-experienced person in a conversation to do research and come up with perspectives and idea that the more-experienced person doesn't know about.

That's one more way learning can happen, outside of the traditional "scripts" of how people are supposed to obtain wisdom and expertise... at least when people are open to learning in new ways.