True or False? Most parents do not want to intentionally hurt their children

[stevehein]

SR showed me a link which had this line in it...

"Most parents do not want to intentionally hurt their children."

So is this true or false?

I would say it is false.

I say this because I believe most parents punish their children. When they do this their intention is to hurt another human being known as "their child" or "their" teenager.

Thomas Gordon said:

"Punitive discipline is by definition need-depriving as opposed to need-satisfying."

When we deprive someone of something they need, I believe we are hurting them.

So if most parents punish, then most parents actually do want to hurt their children, at least at times.

I would like to see people stop believing that punishing someone is ok and necessary.

[Cianna200]

Yes I agree that it is not true. There is a difference between punishment and teaching. Punishment is based on fear, through believing that you can instill fear into the child, that you can make them obey, this is a poisonous belief.
Actually the true definition of Punishment is retribution (payback, revenge)
The parent is actually responding to being wronged by the child for having their expectations being unmet by the child. Example of teaching through fear (the parent wants the child to perform well in school, the child does not, angry, the parent punishes the child, afraid of what may happen if they fail, the child may do better out of fear and not necessity.)

Example of teaching through compassion (the parent wants the child to perform well in school because they want them to succeed, the child fails, the parent puts his/herself in the child's shoes and understands why their child fail, and works to correct their failure through empathy)

The punishment and reward method has been around for a while, but it sends a bad message. Unfortunately most people still use it, unaware that they are creating a nation of selfish beings who don't express empathy and understanding too well. http://www.naturalchild.org/jan_hunt/22_...tives.html

[TheCancer]

What if you caught your 16 year old raping your two year old?

[Smokey]

Arrest the parents because children can do no wrong and probably learned that behavior from them. They just don't know better, man.

[brainiac3397]

Parents only become parents to commit sadistic acts against their children obviously.

[SoulRiser]

I think most parents believe that punishing kids is actually good for them... or at least, that's what they want to believe, because otherwise they'll have to find another way to deal with their kids doing things that annoy them, and that would be too hard... very few people want to think about hard things like emotional intelligence.

Quote:What if you caught your 16 year old raping your two year old?

I wonder how many clues there would be that something is very wrong before it gets to that point... probably many, and they were probably all ignored. I think parents who raise a kid who ends up doing stuff like that have fucked up so many things already, that there's no way in hell any kind of punishment would be helpful.

[Rule_BreakerXVIII]

(08-10-2015 01:30 AM)TheCancer Wrote:  What if you caught your 16 year old raping your two year old?

Methinks that was uncalled for. You really have to be doing something really, really wrong for that to happen. But to answer the question, I'd disown the rapist and hand him over to the police ASAP.

As for the topic, I think most parents-like mine- delude themselves into thinking that hurting their child is somehow helping them. "It's for the best" , "My parents [insert asshole behaviour] to me and look how well I turned out" etc. etc. Like Elsa's parents from "Frozen", they wanted to help but their intentions did not translate well into practice.

Does this make the abuse right? NO. Does this justify or mitigate it? HELL NO. "Turning out well" despite (not because of) asshole parents speaks more of the person's strength and personality than it does of the parent's deplorable parenting skills.

[Absnt]

I think it goes without saying that most parents don't want to intentionally hurt their children. As stated punishment is something they think will help them, not hurt them. Or they think short-term pain will lead to long-term growth or something.

Quote:"Punitive discipline is by definition need-depriving as opposed to need-satisfying."

When we deprive someone of something they need, I believe we are hurting them.

So if most parents punish, then most parents actually do want to hurt their children, at least at times.

We have to be kind of careful about how you defined need here, imho. Is taking away, say, a toy, depriving someone of an actual need? I don't know the answers, or how people should raise their kids, but I don't think you can raise a kid without making missteps sometimes, or get frustrated and do rash things, etc. Nobody is cool headed all the time.

There are *some* parents who are sadistic, but I think the vast majority want the best for their kids. The few who are actually broken people who have some kind of animosity towards their children probably don't represent most parents. Even parents who physically punish their kids can't be all bad. I genuinely believe my parents thought they were instilling discipline or whatever. Most of the time anyways.

[schoolsux]

(08-10-2015 01:30 AM)TheCancer Wrote:  What if you caught your 16 year old raping your two year old?

Taught by the parents. Just not with a 2 year old.