I feel as if the system wont change

[MurkScribe]

I feel depressed, and a sense of loss and purpose in my life. I dont feel loved by my parents, but other people as well. School isnt the only thing making me miserable, even though it destroys indepdent and creative thought, but I wish people would care and understand me, its just so hard to continue living day through day spending your. Precious hours being told were to sit, what to think, and what action is appropriate in school. And my parents only hug or kiss me if I do good in school or I behave and do what they tell me to do. I just have so much social anxiety and stress when I talk to people outside, Im afraid of being judged and hurt so I like to stay inside and be bymself, so that no one will hurt or judge me. I want to world to be better, I want to feel like me talking to other people actually matter, but everything I do is overall meaningless and worthless. I wont be really happy over summer honestly if I dont have any friends to be honest. I feel alot of anxiety and stress when I go back to my old high school. I feel as if I was rejected, hurt, and betrayed. I was weeded out and no one said a thing when I got angry and confrontational with the teachers. People just looked at me in silence and said nothing, and they went along there merry way once class was over, it burdens and hurts me inside. I felt like a lost crowd amongst the fields of people moving class to class without hesitation or thought. No school staff seems to really question about the instiution of school, and they seem to support and actively push people to go to college, partly because they go went to college themselves, and just did what there told of. This forum is probably the only place where I feel comfortable sharing my thoughts and feelings without being punished by school officals or me being diagnosed and then given medication. I used to cry every day and so much when I was in 6th grade, and when I shared my thoughts and feelings they called me emo, and having low self esteem. They told me to just suck it up and handle it. I honestly dont know what to do
i feel purposeless and unhappy. Of course me being out of school is gonna make me happy, but receiving unconditional love and care would make me happy. My sister is vain and mean. Im sorry I ranted on for so long, but how can I feel purposeful or feel empowered or happy again?

[brainiac3397]

It won't change in the timespan you expect...which in your mind is probably like tomorrow.

Stable change comes slow. You try to push reform and you'll just make another shitty situation that'll take another decade to solve. It's quite obvious people are growing more disillusioned with the way schools are run, and taking action. Just because suddenly tomorrow schools aren't reformed doesn't mean it's not happening.

The bane of an idealist is the assumption that change will happen in the same time it takes to think of what to change.

[Cianna200]

Your rant almost brought me to tears, I feel your pain, living in a world where your worth depends on how useful you are to people, where they let you know that they won't care unless you make them happy, than they trash you once they know that they can't use you anymore. I don't know how to tell you how to find instant happiness, but maybe these pictures can give you at least hope.
http://www.thelawofattraction.com/22-ext...-humanity/

[Dead]

If other people know about some of your feelings you've described, then you'll probably have to be the one to reach out to them. Being around someone who's having some problems can be quite stressful because it's hard for some people to know how they should deal with it; they don't understand if you want to be left alone or if you want to be around people, what they should and shouldn't say, whether what they're doing is making you feel better or worse, etc.

Your parents probably don't show you affection when you're doing something that they don't want you to do because they don't want to feel like they're rewarding you for going against their wishes. I doubt that they've stopped loving you just because you've done things that they didn't want you to do.

[xcriteria]

That's intense. One thing you can do is continue to write and develop and share your writing. It'll help others as well as yourself. So there's purpose just in that.

As for finding friends and interacting with the world over the summer, why don't we plan some meetups? I think many others feel the same way as you and many of us here about school, even if it's a minority at any one school and people are afraid and apathetic. If you find others who can relate to that, it can be a starting point for conversation and a basis for knowing they're going to relate to you on some level.

So how to find those people in your local area? School Survival is a start, but obviously there are only so many people here, and they're pretty spread out. Your writing could be one starting point there... developing more of it out into short published articles.

Regarding your parents, it's sad that they're withholding expression of love, but I know your dad does love you. I guess it's something about how they were raised and just how they're used to being... the behaviorist mindset of only rewarding to reward what's perceived as good. You could talk to them about that, maybe write something like what you wrote above but explain the part about feeling loved or not in more detail. Maybe your parents could come to realize there's another way to do things... but either way, it could help others as well.

I think that in many ways, your concerns about summer parallel the reasons many of those who hate school don't put more effort into learning about options and convincing their parents. Where's the vision for "instead of school?" Staying home may be better than school, with more freedom and capacity to take charge of your learning and life. But if you don't have a vision for how else to engage with the world, something is missing. As cold as the world can seem at times, there are lots of people in it who are living positive lives and will value you for who you are and what you do, not just what others dictate you should do or who others dictate you should be.

It's just a matter of finding them... and maybe, once in a while, winning people over to look at things in new ways. Writing is one thing that can help with that.

[SoulRiser]

There are better people out there somewhere. I don't know where. Maybe some volunteer group with other people who want to make the world better in some way... people like that tend to generally be more caring/loving.

Also, love yourself... you are worth it. I know it can be hard to really believe that when so many other people only drag you down all the time... but try to focus on the things you like about yourself.

Telling people who think they love you that you don't feel loved is hard... especially when they get defensive and bring up all the "nice" things they did for you as "proof" that they do love you. Not sure if your parents would do that...

This is relevant: http://eqi.org/eipd1.htm