Finally graduated school. 2015 yet still treated like crap from parents

[Vester]

I don't know what to think of life anymore. Back in my old, last thread I mentioned how I was treated as an outcast over the whole incident months ago I had gone through against an ILC teacher whom made such a big deal over recordings I've did awhile back over something once funny that happened in the classroom, but later on got in trouble just because he was in it.

Well things changed. As of now, that same teacher doesn't even teach in ILC anymore, but instead in some science classroom so it had me thinking what was the point in the whole argument against him and the principle anyways. I ask myself this every time after finally graduating high school and coming to the decision of figuring out what to do with my life. Most students at this point would wait on what they're planning on doing after high school. For me, my parents forced me to go college with the idea that I needed an Associate's or Bachelor's degree just to get good income from jobs.

This being during the time when classes were already about to start so I quickly had to choose which classes I was getting myself into so I decided to only take two so it'd be easy for me. Even though I'm now attending community college with financial aid, I'm still stuck with my parents and don't have the basic skills yet to get out. I feel I'll never be able to do anything with my life due to many strict rules and disadvantages I'm facing against my family. As of now, I've started to realized how hard college life truly is and the stress that has built along with it. Before at the time I dread about going to that crap high school, especially after that entire incident where I had ISS over videos of an ILC classroom. But as much as I hate saying this, It was actually better back then as of now. Because it was my least escape I had in life against family problems where I could talk to my closest, mutual friend at school about things that have been going on.

I've been hearing for so long now how college is going to be harder where you're on your own with things and the expenses that come along with it. A few months ago, I was taking art and an english class (which wasn't even college level due to my low score on tsi) for my last semester before this winter break. But even though I just finished them, I already feel I failed both of them. As the art class was actually an advanced class which explained why it was so hard for me to catch up. I have a talent to draw but it feels the art professor always been an asshole to me just because I'm new to the class and have been late at times with assignments turned in as I only had a couple of days to finish on big drawing pads. So instead she grades and critiques everyone else's while mines is turned in last along with all of the other students. I had a week to take my english exam essay, but missed the chance due to my brother again taking the only single car we currently have. The last thing I now need is my mom bitching at me for everything little I do around the house just because I'm in the house all day and staying up at night during my break.

Arguments regarding about me isn't even the worst part that comes to it. I thought my good grades in school would finally do something for me. Turns out it didn't mean shit as all I get is a diploma and a congratulations from my family for it. Here it is now 2015 and for next semester I'm still gonna be doing the same repeated crap again for another worthless diploma. Only this time with college where I'm on my own due to my freedom since I'm not at school everyday. It's doesn't sound as bad, but in my situation it's fucking hell!@#$%


Things wouldn't have been half as bad if I didn't have my older brother also taking over my life. I don't remember a time I even had my own room. I'm now 19 but to my mom and brother, they only see that as a "number." I still can't drive a car and never gotten a job. He's seven years apart from me and has a job with a lot going for him, yet he's still living in my mom's (ghetto) apartment house and has now taken over everything. And in order to get it those opportunities, they act as if I must prove myself to them for why I want them, rather than supporting me as the assume it's that easy for me to get them myself. Because of that, I find my life nothing more but a curse even after high school.


My brother has more going for him and I don't know why. My mom once told me during his years of high school, he had to take a lot of summer classes. Where it was such a big deal for him to graduate. For me, even though I wasn't a complete straight A student, I never failed school to the point where I had to take summer classes... not once. I should deserve more, but for whatever reason my mom still praises him just because she has a lot in common with him, especially since he makes "money" whereas I have to argue through my mom just to get what I want / need with my priorities against his and his stupid job since she still only has one car. She cares more about him and his money from work than my future, which is why I feel money has corrupting everything. It seems to have ruin families for so long up to the point where everyone is against each other, but mostly at the youngest just because they are sensitive and defenseless. Parents may even try and take advantage of a son's financial aid when they know he / she needs it more for college. It's like what the point of them even making them go when they don't want me to support me.

My family is very dysfunctional and I've been cursed with it. It's amazing how my brother (who's also a night owl) wants to talk about me being up when he uses my moms car till 3 am almost everyday.
My brother has even brought up about my father during an argument against my mom over staying up again just because my father used to play video games, but never took care of me as a baby. I don't know much about my father since they divorced at that time, but even still it's the worst kind of insult from what he was saying as my mom tells me everything I do resembles him. This whole "like father like son" when I didn't even have a father.

I guess since he's the firstborn that's why. As his personalities are far apart from mines since we both have differentiated fathers. I don't even consider him as my brother as most of the time he's always been a negative imagery towards me and my life. He used to have a car and an apartment with a friend until he got kicked out and had his car towed, yet he has the nerve to take advantage of that by somehow becoming man of the house and taking place of my mom and her financial responsibilities. Even asking to go somewhere like a friend's house, she has to ask him every time for her car as if he has something going on within his workplace and anytime he does (which is almost always) she wants to comply with it first every time and mines last and then acts like she forgotten to take me where I needed to go and postpones it the next day. But whenever I'm doing something for myself or with a friend, she wants to rush me and complain about it as if I'm asking so much from her when my brother is the one who's really doing a lot more. Almost as she's making people think everything revolves around me just so he can have it his way. This was the desperation I had to deal with as child. Unfair treatment and abuse between younger and older brother sibling and my mom's excuse for it?...

Quote:"It doesn't matter."

The exact excuse that the principle said to me during that entire discussion over the videos from the classroom, which they tried forcing me out of my "privacy rights" by logging in to my Facebook account just to delete those stupid videos when they record 24/7 in the school building anyways. Way before when I was a kid, she used to defend me but not anymore. Anytime I now mention about my brother and how unfair she's been treating me in comparison towards him, she goes off defending him by saying, "This is about you. This has nothing to do with him." Then she tells me "the only person I can control is myself", the exact same words that didn't mean crap when I was in trouble with ISIS for the 1st time at school. Even now, still during my winter break which I have a week a two until classes start again I was already lucky enough to still be eligible for financial aid to pay for my classes. Just today my friend's parents invited us to come over as today was her birthday. My brother came and she was ready to go around 11:34 pm. I tell her that I was going to be ready in a couple of minutes yet just because her stomach hurts and she was getting impatient, she knocks hard on my friends door. I asked her if she could at least treated the situation better by not causing a havoc, yet my brother gets into it telling me to drop it and just get my stuff. I tell him though that this isn't even in our house and he says that he's trying to be nice to me by telling me once to do it. His parents didn't even care about that.

I'm probably the only going through this as this is how messed up my life now is. I should've acted on this before if I known it was going to happen. Then I wouldn't be feeling so powerless over the situation. I don't know if college school even worth the time and investment of sitting 3+ hours over lectures just so I can finally become a graphics designer for video games, or just anything!! I can't keep sitting doing nothing all day while seeing my brother taking over my life!

[Vester]

I've come to find out this site http://www.narcissisticmother.com/ that explains perfectly of what I'm going through in comparison between me as a scapegoated Child and my older brother as the golden child. I'm in college now yet my family doesn't even care about me. My mom support my brother more than my future. I just don't get it. Why is it so hard for me to advance in my adulthood so I can do something with my life.

[SoulRiser]

You deserve better.

Is there anyone else you can go live with? Would you have enough time to get a part-time job or something so that you can pay some rent and move out?

[brainiac3397]

The only fix is ditching that sinking boat to its fate. You may want to try to find a job within travel distance since money is what will finally liberate you from that soviet shithole.

Don't show weakness by assisting them. Your money is yours. Your car will be yours. And soon your life will be yours. No Mercy.

[Vester]

(01-12-2015 02:06 AM)SoulRiser Wrote:  
You deserve better.

Is there anyone else you can go live with? Would you have enough time to get a part-time job or something so that you can pay some rent and move out?

I have a close friend who's going through very similar issues. The only thing that's been helping us is the financial aid used to qualify for our classes is our financial aid. Back then our friendship was better but as of now, almost everyday we have to go through something with our families and we talk about it, but regardless of how bad it is, it seems we always talk about our problems, but are never able to do anything about it. But that's were the issue seems to be an easy walk in a park to do something about it, but for me in reality it seems more than that. I've always been the person that never liked arguments and always wanted to avoid situations. Instead it seems everyday with my family it's been some kind of mind game for what they want from me even when I don't say anything to them.

Over the years I've been trying to prove my mom wrong so she can take my side and support me but to her all she sees in me is the image of my father whom got divorced just because I do things he does that she didn't like back then. My personality was always me being quiet and I never usually talk to anyone back in the schools I've gone to. I want to get out from this curse but what I fear is the self-confidence in myself as I've never gotten to learn anything more than just doing laundry. No one's been able to help me from the school or college, especially when my mom was there with me. It feels to me because of my trait of feeling dependent and always looking up to my mom back then we she did take my side whenever my brother was the blame and caused problems, it's even more hard for me to stand up against it compared to a bully or someone at a school. Because my brother as the golden child also tries to defend my mom. Almost every argument in my life even when I was trouble at the school for the videos on my phone has been where I get double teamed in an argument from adults. Now the same has happened with my mom and my brother and it gets worse every moment their relationship is stronger from what he does with his job. It's like a cesspool of my own despair since no one is there to notice that as she tries to always come in the campus as well whenever I try to get help with it as she tries to socialize with them like as if this all of this is just for her rather than for me and my benefit.

And when there's not something going on at my house, there's something going on from my friend's since his parents doesn't seem to care as much either considering he also graduated high school along with me with support. That alone was very difficult. I'm now trying to figure out if any of that matters. All the time of me trying to pass with good grades as I'm now dealing with college, it's been more about money than my own success.

I know the college we go to has an apartment. But it's been mostly hell trying to do anything about it with me being stuck up in the house 24/7 without even a phone. Months ago when I was still at my high school before graduation, I was on my spring break with nothing to do. We didn't have internet at the time and I was very bored out of my mind as much of my time is spent on my laptop. I remembered my mom telling me back then when we had service with at&t that we had unlimited plan or something but she tells me many times not to use it when we still had no internet for months. All of this happening and yet still was on my break so I was trying to tether with PdaNet app from my Android phone to my computer thinking it could disguise it but in the end it didn't. As my brother finds it after coming back from a trip to California as if he misses me but in reality he doesn't because the next day when my mom needed help with the bills and asked him about it, they bring me involved with the phone bill because somehow I costed her thousands of dollars for it. Of course my brother backs her up yet he's on his own phone bill and was gone. If he was in my shoes he would've felt the same way but instead he tries every manipulative way to prove me wrong in arguments. Even an argument as stupid as to why his washcloth was sitting on the sink.

Everything I've done up to this point my mom always see bad with me. My reasoning with it never matters with anyone in the end like with why I was still using the data plan which was due to the depression I've been going through without it for so many years while still in the house since at the time I wasn't at the school. I see now that moment was public wake for me as to how my college life would already be and now I see it being lifelong since I'm not going to be in the classes everyday and we have longer breaks.

While having a part-time job would help for me, I worry that my mom feels I have to owe to her for what I get over what happened, like with the data plan. She still hasn't gotten a job yet or got a new car so she has my brother ended up with all the responsibilities.

[Vester]

It's just stupid because my mom is a Christian. Anything I have of a problem with her she mostly tells me "I'm grown." And now my brother even defends that by telling me to just do what she tells me every time no matter what it is. She even said this to me last night while at my friends house and all I was trying to tell her was to respect how she knocks on my friend's door since we weren't even at the house. She thinks of me so low as a kid that she'll even yell at me while at the college just because she wants something done immediately for something regarding my class registration or whatever it is. So now it doesn't even matter to her if I'm with my friend, she'll keep parenting me with this "Explicit Control" so I feel intimidated by her manipulative ways of always yelling at me as if I'm still 12 years of age.

[brainiac3397]

Yech. My mother once behaved such ways. I ended up retaliating and taking the dominant position. Why do you feel intimidated? Like you say, you are not 12. There is no reason for intimidation because you aren't a child. Don't try to expect logic to help if it didn't work first try.

You need power. You need to fight for your "adulthood" by blasting away remnants of childhood erected by your mother. You need to show you are a living breathing thinking INDIVIDUAL not subject to her will.

Respect is earned. This is the lesson she must learn, and so must you. Earn your own self-respect and respect nobody that doesn't deserve it.

[Vester]

When I usually hear about power, I'd wanted it just as I would've against those who don't deserve it likes the principle and teachers. Even though I now they'll still have their way in the end and make me let go but still never change. No one is ever there in my arguments even if it's about them telling me to do something as if it would matter to help it when in reality only aggravates it more since I'm the ONLY trying to debate while my friends or other students sit and watch. I still can't better myself because it's always the same thing everyday. Trying to force me into college instead of helping me with basic skills of an adult and wants to threaten about kicking me out of the house when I'm not even ready yet. I just don't though want to feel like my entire life is entitled through what she and my brother wants. Whether they know I can be successful or not, they still don't try to help me as I'm not completely ready yet. They talk about number on my age when my own mother won't stop her way to help me to with adulthood basic skills yet she wonders why I talk to her like some stranger or try and leave the house when my brother takes the car for his stupid dance class.

And the reason I feel intimidated or always feel my heart racing is mostly during the argument especially when my brother tries to get involved. Because I always feel something was about to happen just for standing up as opposed to me telling teachers about bullies in school which I know now probably wouldn't work as much with professors if they even care. My brother was very aggressive as I was a kid and he'd wait till my mom was gone from work so whenever he didn't get his way with me during the times I did stand up or take action, he'd grab me by my neck and throw me at the wall or the floor and yell in my face. Then whenever my mom comes back he tries to lie about it and my mom always let it slide for him and tells me to let it go. So me hearing him telling me to drop it during the argument with my mom felt somewhat of an deja vu.

Trying to figure out if my life even matters and why I have to be fighting against a battle in likeness of my father whom I don't know either cares for me even though my mom and them divorced as I have no other biological parent to backup with what they insult about against my father. Because of the fact that compared to most that would get angry about it. Due to my crappy life in school where I barely socialize with students or if I did people never cared for me. Always felt envy in life whenever I saw something for someone else back in high school and don't know why. Bullies back then trying to take advantage and where teachers telling me to change and let go of something... then after all that they still continue as they were which STARTED or CONFLICTED the problem in the first place. Them having a problem with me still even when I'm not even doing anything of it.

It annoys me when my friend tells me to do something about it because I've always been the one not to get involved as I've been calm and quiet, since this being of battles consulted of both of our parents and I never wanted to get myself aggressively into arguments as he have even though I know I should stand up. I just wanted the situation to end or avoid it altogether. But regardless of what I do or say, I'm always still going to be seen from my family as the vivid image of an child as like father bullcrap. I know nothing of my father other than the negativity they mentioned in arguments and them saying I do the same thing as him. Which builds up to my mom's excuse for why she still treats me as my brother is the favorite one. My personality of being calm and quiet doesn't even help. I don't remember a time I known of true happiness that didn't involve money all the time to make me feel myself as I was back then when I was a kid and was in my hometown with my grandparents. There's nothing I can lookup to show me the best in my life to even motivate me that my life should matter. Nothing more but jealousy and discontent I've always felt through many years of other people's success. Makes me start to think college shouldn't matter as well as the stupid art class and degree. I need my own life, not some stupid diploma and crap to make them classify me better but then still treat me lesser than my brother.

[Vester]

I know whatever it is in most of these arguments they always want to consist about the "real world" as they see it and try to either brainwash or compare it between how I see it from right or wrong. Over how I treat my hygiene, what I do, how I dress, and my actions and personality as it differs from them. As one time my mom wakes up and comes out to the living room at 2 am just because I was still up with the tv. She turns it off and walks back to her room knowing or probably forgot I'm still on my spring break. Yet when I try to turn the lights on, she then tries to argue with my no matter what I say. So I then feel or not saying anything and waiting till she finishes or leave by going to my closet to avoid it. This happening while my brother was asleep, but just because of that, my mom later on puts a chair by it so I couldn't get out and after breaking the door to I finally went back to the living room seeing the lights turned off.

None of that mattered to them except for what I did. As just because I whispered "fucking bitch," my brother than decides to do something like taking my laptop away from me as if he's then trying to act like some father to me. And when I tried getting it back he then tries to grab my shoulder as if he was going to do something as he did back in the past (which ended back then just over my mom showing something from the Bible about it -.-") he then tries to challenge my theory over what happened when I try and tell him I didn't say anything, it was an whisper. When he himself cusses with his friends on the phone from his workplace or sometimes even in front me me one time with my mom right there and she didn't care. All because he had to go to his job early before me which was highways away from my college and he's blaming me that his boss will yell at him for being late. I'm the one who barely had anything anyways which is why she's still forcing me into college thinking I'll get something out of it when the world obviously doesn't.

Even though I might've done wrong, that's all the care to bring attention to me, nothing else that also caused it to happen. Which is now how I'm still without any data plan on my phone unlike my brother whom has his own data plan but then provokes me about why I used all the data plan back then during my spring break when I was in the house with nothing to do and no internet.

All my life has ever been portrayed as was everything negative I've done before. The only thing I cherish was the child support from my father even though he never cared to pay for it though. I never had much thought into it till now as it's been the only thing supporting me besides financial aid.

[brainiac3397]

Perhaps a surprise guerilla attack is in order. I recommend sugar in car gas tank.

Then again my solutions are often quite...active in their resistant role. Never been one for protests and believe in power(can't blame me eh, Turk means strength in old Turkic and my kebab ancestors were warrior sorts)

Blissful ignorance may work. Also known crudely as "Fuck you all nothing will perturb me do your worst you bastards!".

Just.Let.Go.

Don't think about the problems. Treat them as interferences in your current present and soon past. Meaningless to your long life. A calm demeanor is just as powerful as an aggressive one. Become like a mirror, idle and reflective. Let them recognize the futility, the vulgarity, of their behaviors when you refuse to react as expected. Be like a Buddhist monk.

[Vester]

Could that be what was going through this monk's head when he was engulfed in flames? The feeling of inner peace even when life feel is always filled with problems and trying to correct what's going on in the world? The acceptance of oneself against humanity even in the afterlife as no one knows for sure that Heaven and Hell may actually exist even though so many religions were created to believe in it's similarity from right or wrong?

[brainiac3397]

Pretty much so. The inner peace to sacrifice their mortal self for an ideal.

Though would not recommend that extreme because that would be overkill and quite possibly backfire cause you'd be considered a victim of depression or something thus they'd focus on the wrong area(like usual)

Seeing as you probably aren't an actual Buddhist monk.

[xcriteria]

That's a complicated situation. Unfortunately, in a world where school actually does little, if anything, to prepare people for life, figuring out a path from dependence on parents, to independence, is a struggle for a lot of people.

One basic thing to note is, you're not alone, despite the specifics of your situation. Another is, there are paths out, and not everyone is the same as how your describe your family. The question is, what to do with your time, given the options that are available to you.

One thing is, if you can get online, there are ways to get a free or cheap phone number so you can make and receive calls online. Check out Google Voice, Skype, and other options there. If you don't have Internet, or you have limited data, like the period you described, it's worth exploring options like libraries.

Re: college, and classes in general, if you're not learning effectively, something is going wrong. It may partly involve your own approach, but very often there's a problem with the learning environment. There are so many ways to learn these days, so explore options... including MOOCs, YouTube, and so on. For more personal attention and feedback, some of us have been talking about how to facilitate more effective learning for people who hate school... maybe you could participate in that.

Re: jobs, income, and independent living, it's worth looking into job options. Any ideas about what you might like to do, or be okay with doing?

Any ideas on what you might like to do with your life, overall? It can be really tough living with family, and not really knowing a path out -- I've been there -- but there's so much more to life than it might seem at the moment.

[Vester]

I don't know what to do with my life. My whole childhood was dedicated to trying to make good grades in school as if it'd help me with my future. Now on to college and instead they use GPA to completely start all over again. I guess at least during those lecture times in classes I could draw on the wasted paper they give me to make me feel better. I now hear about options but then for some reason they don't seem to excite me. When I hear the typical word of job because of how messed up my life is like the fact of having one car and one mom. I guess because at the same time I never had much experience in what to do. Most of the time I sit in the house on my laptop to ease the situation back in high school and still now but now during college breaks like this one, it makes it worse and everything in the house draws down my energy. I'd oversleep because I tend to find the nighttime better as my only peace for something to do like watching tv but then my mom who's also an nocturnal always gets on me only about it.

What's funny is I see my brother now trying to watch motivational videos on youtube of trying to changing himself for his future as if he's depressed when he's 26. All he ever cared was his job. I guess even though he has a job and is older and always talks crap to me, deep down he now acts as if it's not enough. I guess because no one was in his dance class yesterday. He's 26 and is still living here in my parents apartment with his boxers and tank tops still on around the house. Where he comes back to the house from his job late at night to get snacks or something from the refrigerator. He's been making money from the only car we have at his job yet he brought his money for a ps4. The army and his friends were the one back then helping him. During the times he was still going out at night doing whatever while I was still in the house. When my mom dies he once told me he was going to try to raise me as if he's my father and I will not want it to happen.
It's just during these times of my life as of now while I'm still young I want to just have vacations. Go snowboarding or something that I never tried that I still can't while in the state of Texas. No matter what, my family has always been the cloud in the way. My mom asking me why I'm up with the tv at 6 am. As if I'm just a pet rather than a person. Jobs would be the only thing to ease it. If I was away from it and had someone helping me. Something inexpensive to find more options with support is what sounds better to me

With my options I'd wish there's more online. I check my email a lot to find something to distract me that since I'm not in school as much anymore. I recently tried walking around outside and to a store and just browsing. Of course I'd still just be spending more from my money. I use Skype so I guess it's no so bad but my friend who goes through similar issues and stress affects the calls as that's also been what was mostly talked about. I guess mindset is the only thing for this. But if I could find a better path without them in the way and involved, where I am doing something for myself. YouTube is good so I try to make videos to see if I could find that as something but I see mostly it's just filled with spam so even for that it's hard to get attention or values to escape my current life. I used to played an MMO called Lost Saga back then that made me feel special but ever since 2012 it shut down from OGPlanet and has been moving to companies as of now called Z8Games. I was once popular on that game and had many online friends even though I didn't know them, they shared the same image and idea I have which started for them to play. It was the only meaningful time that was fun to me. But after the crash, I already felt that I lost everything from what I spent on the game as it started to have me think everything back during that year was better as those were the years my school was closer and I didn't have much disturbance as I have now. Of course I know that was in the past and games shouldn't be the focus, as that's how my mom feels about it, but that was what excited me. But everything that once excited me is now all about money rather than the whole made it something from the beginning. I needed something to escape my life and build my self-esteem to continue with my life.

[Vester]

I think I know what I need. If there was an cheap, inexpensive way to get out. Kinda like a hotel but monthly so I can first get a feel of being away from my family and then get something in life. Of course most of the things are so expensive to even allow me a way out that's whats also been an obstacle in my way of making me feel hopeless of every possible path I do take.