I AM THE LAST SEAT IN SECOND PERIOD

[thelastseatin2ndperiod]

i was a new student that came from an alternative school about 7 states away. My inability to adapt has me deemed a pariah. I smoke 2 death sticks before the bus takes me and making robitussin cocktails.
i am 17 and sick of the teacher in my second period. She is my main stressor of my life, like, she is the antagonist in my junior year. The only reason i stay is it is one of the second class i have with an upperclassmen love interest. My school experiences are like as if my blood is kerosene and i am surrounded by sparks.
So, for every year since 4th grade, i have had the school system bully me.
4th grade, i transitioned from being away from my original parents for 2 years and just ended up in an urban school only 3 bad streets away from the project housing they tried to disguise as apartment complexes. It was like a movie, i was the kid who was scared of getting miss x, and got her anyway. As a kid i have selective mutism and i was slowly retiring it. Though when i spoke i was discouraged because i was too loud and nasty. Thats the way i learned to talk living with other foster siblings and enduring verbal abuse i heard my parents exchange. i had a habit of lying too. My teacher would send me to different classes because i would lie only to not get in trouble. yet here i am in tears sitting through another teacher who is very rude too. I was the scapegoat of my elementary school and it was devastating. They tried to get me into intensive special ed or be retained. I proved them wrong though, but middle school came.

[thelastseatin2ndperiod]

middle school was a bad trip my dad took custody of us and we lived in yet another project housing. He began dating around, and on the nights i would cry i would hear him moaning. I think at this point i began to almost compulsively cry, never wash my hair, overeat, and started experimenting with drugs and sex. I was scared nobody would like me so i lied about my mom dying and that i used to have cancer for sympathy. I would say i was a different nationality and spoke different languages. As soon as every found out i was targeted. I had summer school briefly and i didnt even talk and got conspirated for calling a girl a whore in a bathroom with the lights turned off and was beaten up. so shit i have ptsd now right? i only went to summer school so i wouldnt fail and be the butt of everyones jokes again. MY dad got married into middle upper class so life should have gotten better but the repercussions literally paralyzed me. many people say students being rude drove them to madness but for me it was the authority figures. i reported the lot of my incidents to counselors like i was advised to and always was shot down and told to suck it up. if only they could see me now in hospital gowns. In the fight i had earlier the police came and gave the main girl a slap on the wrist and made me come back tomorrow

[thelastseatin2ndperiod]

yes i am literally paralyzed because of ptsd i have sleep paralysis from stress and shit but this was my life going to shit as the schools just looked past it like it was out of their budget to help me. in high school every thing has slowed down but i am still fucked up by authority figures. My 2nd period teacher sits me down and questions my whereabouts when my body shuts down either panic attacks or crying fits or fainting spells like i am just some cigarette butt she found nested on her driveway. today was my last day of a weeks detention for ''skipping'' class because i had a panic attack and no one was there documenting me hunched over a toilet crying. i have legal dpcuments that say i have emotional issues and its brushed off again.

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this was an unnecessary memoir that was supposed to be a list of how many times the people that should help me have screwed me over

[The man]

Hi.

[James Comey]

Lol OP's only ever post