Being betrayed by those who we once thought were closest to us

[Elfy]

I am of mixed emotional states right now. Yesterday I learnt the full extent of my what my (now ex) girlfriend did in the last few months of our relationship. It was full of lies, deceit, she played on my emotions. Whilst I never laid with another women but her as I always kept my body for herself she was fucking some other guy behind my back and apparently now she loves him. This is the end of an over two year relationship.

I stay calm and think that surely I deserve better and I just need to put her behind me, but it's not easy forgetting how deceived you were by the ones who were thought were closest to us - that's the real damage, you think you know what's going on but who is this girl now? I don't even know the real her anymore. She hasn't even apologised.

So fuck it, that's the end of that. Getting my stuff back in a few days and never speaking to her again. I'm glad I've got closure, there's at least some peace in finding someone better.

[James Comey]

Damn, that hurts. :(

Well, all I can hope is the quickest emotional recovery. It takes time to get over this, I imagine. However, you'll eventually reach a point where you can fully move on and realize you don't need to be with her.

For now though, I wish you the best of luck.

[GamerGurl]

At least you got some ass.

LOL I kid, I kid.



I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. Are there maybe other girls you're interested in or used to be that you could reach out to? Idk, I'm usually bad when it comes to this type of stuff since I'm no relationship guru or never went through this before (at least not yet). I wish there was more I could say to relieve some of your pain.

[Elfy]

(05-22-2014 01:37 PM)SirMarty Wrote:  I wish there was more I could say to relieve some of your pain.

Words aren't going to effectively relieve the pain I feel. I've already come to terms with what's happened, I've already done what needs to be done. I just can't get over the fact these past 2 months or more I have been deceived, I don't want to count the number of lies, playing me like everything is okay - that's what hurts the worst, someone can trick you into thinking they care about you and you put your full trust and forgiveness into them just to use you, just to drop you. I used every ounce of kindness that I had with all my heart and it lead to betrayal.

Quote:At least you got some ass.

LOL I kid, I kid.

Perhaps, but I see sex as something that should be exclusive to the partners in a relationship (me personally anyway), for me it's the height of romance when two people engage in something so intimate - I have no desire for sex outside of a loving relationship. For her to just throw it away with some other guy knowing my views on this only hammers the nail in the coffin of what was our relationship. (Fighting the mental images the come into my head of her laying with another man, enjoying everything that I thought was mine, whilst I was clueless).

Why does it hurt so much? Because it makes me question who I can really trust and if I can ever fully trust anyone.

[Elfy]

I'm going to a folk music festival this weekend with a bunch of good friends. I'm hoping that time with friends will put all this aside, I'll will probably tell them. This has made me realise though at some point I will have fully gotten over the hurt and will want to seek out women again and one day I might have something better than what I had (when it was good).

Given the absolute total shit my ex has put me through I'm emotionally detatched, think I'll take this folk festival as an opportunity to relax and just engage in conversation with the women there. There are better girls out there but until I go out and see that there are and experience it I feel like I won't be satisfied. Of course, I'm not looking for anything, I just want to meet some women being hopeful that they are simply genuine and not a complete liar. I guess I'll never truly know but I can't just look at women I meet and be consumed by the trauma of the past, especially if they haven't given me any reason to doubt them - it's what I would if a women were to meet me.

[Ky]

Betrayal sucks, especially if its someone close.

Me, I found out at my graduation that all but one of my irl friends were finished with me. They made no effort to even say goodbye, or keep in touch, and I don't think I've seen any of them comment on my Google+ stuff except for the one friend who decided to stick around. (If only I'd treated that one friend better in the past, and didn't focus so much on those fair-weathers.)

It must hurt all the worse if it's a romantic partner, and I can see how it would lead one not to trust anyone anymore.

I can say one thing, and I hope whichever part of you signifies your past wouldn't hate for me to say it: There's a difference between your ex and other women. Other women (for the most part) are women; your ex, a bitch.

[Elfy]

(05-23-2014 02:01 AM)DoA Wrote:  Betrayal sucks, especially if its someone close.

Me, I found out at my graduation that all but one of my irl friends were finished with me. They made no effort to even say goodbye, or keep in touch, and I don't think I've seen any of them comment on my Google+ stuff except for the one friend who decided to stick around. (If only I'd treated that one friend better in the past, and didn't focus so much on those fair-weathers.)

It must hurt all the worse if it's a romantic partner, and I can see how it would lead one not to trust anyone anymore.

I can say one thing, and I hope whichever part of you signifies your past wouldn't hate for me to say it: There's a difference between your ex and other women. Other women (for the most part) are women; your ex, a bitch.

Nah I agree, she is a bitch for what she has done and I won't look it her positively than that, she wasn't who she used to be (was she ever so different to begin with I wonder?) and I have no idea who the real her is anymore. Sure we had some great times for the most part of our relationship, pure euphoria at times, but towards the last quarter of it, it wasn't going too well and she fucked me over again and again, lieing where it was necessary until it imploded and I was finally given the stone cold truth. That I can't forgive her for, she should have ended it when she fell out of love with me, maybe then I would have respected her still.

Quote:There's a difference between your ex and other women. Other women (for the most part) are women; your ex, a bitch.

So what do you do with a bitch that disguises herself like a genuine truthful women? Or perhaps a women that turns into a bitch and uses the trust and closeness of 2 years to use to her advantage. Sure you can say that my ex = bitch and other women for the most part are faithful and honest and there is a difference but those lines can be completely blurred through deception. It's like I don't wanna go into future relationships with "i hope she doesn't turn out to be a bitch" in my head because by that logic unless I was a hypocrite I would have to expect that the other person to hold a similar thought about me. I guess those I meet in the future trust will have to be earned over time and I'll just have to learn to trust again like I was once able to.

[GamerGurl]

(05-23-2014 05:30 AM)Ario Wrote:  

Betrayal is one of the reasons I really don't want to have a girlfriend.

Hahaha love it. So I'm guessing you're 95% single, and the other 5% is your hand?

[KFC Nyan Cat]

I don't want a girlfriend because of being tempted to have premarital sex, being betrayed, betraying my girlfriend, and being dumped.

[brainiac3397]

This is why I believe that my love surpasses more than a single individual. Course I don't believe that in reverse. I can have many female lovers...but my female can't have multiple male lovers.(toys are another story though since she'll be a dom and thus a state of hierarchy would form).

You must not so strongly attach to a women, without having a contingency plan.

And don't bother being nice and respectful. They sure as hell didn't.

Then again I'm the kind of person that outright refuses to show mercy to anyone who betrays my trust in them(or those who only pretend to trust me, then ditch me). I seem to have some strong belief in the whole camaraderie/brotherhood sort of idea. I'd be less pissed off if I was just told that I was being cheated on(cause then I could propose an open relationship and hope she's a sexually liberal person in disguise)

Like in the movies that piss me off. Guy gets considered crazy or criminal, and people he knew and trusted treat him as such. Later it's found out he was innocent or sane, and everything gets together and jokes and it's happily ever after. Screw that shit. Why the hell would I waste my time with bastards who would easily abandon me?

Most likely a cultural thing I guess...

[Elfy]

Quote:You must not so strongly attach to a women, without having a contingency plan.

Easier said than done, I could have had a plan all I liked, the attachment grows over the course of time. By virtue of being close to this person for so long and sharing many intimate things attachment was inevitable and uncontrollable, you can try control love all you like but it just doesn't work. The times were I was so attached and in love where euphoric, this is just me personally though.

Quite simply we do not see the world in the same way as each other. I can't begin to understand that one can have many female lovers but those cannot have any male lovers

A nice and respectful person is just who I am though. The right person for me will reciprocate this and I wouldn't expect to find anyone alike if I wasn't kind and respectful to begin with. I will be more cautious and more attentive to red flags in the future at any rate that's for certain.

[brainiac3397]

clarification

Be nice and respectful, just don't expect everyone to be like you. Otherwise you'll just be tinting everything the way you see it. Not the way it is.

[Elfy]

True that. Today is the day I see her to get my stuff back, I've no doubt it will be a quick exchange. Will be interesting to look into her eyes for the last time and make sure she knows the damage she has done and see if she truly has any remorse.

[brainiac3397]

Don't forget to laugh at the most random and tensest point. Just laugh in and laugh out. Speak not explain not.

[Cianna200]

This is why I prefer to remain single

[Vatman]

I adore how an anti-woman sentiment is always so tongue in cheek.

I'm sorry Elfy, I hope karma exists.

[brainiac3397]

Karma only exists when we put on the karma glasses and start making wild connections.

Realistically I doubt there's some sort of metaphysical force that attempts to institute balance of human behavior in the world. Otherwise don't you think some evil people in the world would be stomped out BEFORE they unleash their reign of terror for a few decades?

Unless karma is a concept used by the "upper priest class" to attempt to control the ignorant rabble through religious sayings. To push them into inaction by passing on the act of exacting revenge and retribution onto a metaphysical "force".

The only best retribution is to be better than those who deserve it. Be kinder, be more benevolent, be less greedy, be smarter(in act, not the intellectual aspect). And outliving them would be the greatest act of revenge(by avoiding unhealthy vices, and taking steps to maintain your physical and mental health).

I'm not doubting God's superior justice and mercy stuff, but obviously God would possess far more knowledge than any one of us could(100% of the person's past present and probable futures, their thoughts, feelings, moods and all). Thus it's unlikely the selfish cry of something as inferior as a simple human being would suddenly cause the involvement of God.(Kind of like how I find it stupid that bad/evil people somehow expect God to aid them in their devious endeavors juts because they ask for it)

[Cianna200]

Karma does exist, it stands for

Eye for eye

Tooth for a tooth

Cause and effect

You reap what you sow

Play with fire and you get burned
Every action has it's consequences

Reward and punishment

[Sunbourn]

Fuck it. There's nothing you can do now but focus on non-relationshit stuff for a while until you're mentally ready for one again. Exploring a new hobby is a really great way to get over a girl, and you might just meet someone else in the process. (Please note that methamphetamine is -not- a hobby and should not be confused with one. Meth is a way of life.)

[Elfy]

(05-30-2014 01:49 AM)|55555| Wrote:  Fuck it. There's nothing you can do now but focus on non-relationshit stuff for a while until you're mentally ready for one again. Exploring a new hobby is a really great way to get over a girl, and you might just meet someone else in the process. (Please note that methamphetamine is -not- a hobby and should not be confused with one. Meth is a way of life.)

I went to a folk festival and enjoyed life out in the country for a good number of days. Now I'm gonna go work on farms and stuff. Funnily enough though I did end up doing about 8 lines of meth's baby brother, speed, an amphetamine over the course of the festival, plus a few other things. That shit keeps you up all night and sleep feels more like a trip.

I feel better everyday, I don't nearly feel as hurt as I did when I posted this. At the end of the day I've just come to accept it and the fact I just wanna love and be loved (don't we all?) again and I'm now more open to the fact there are plenty of women out there that are cool.