I'm going through a belief crisis, can anyone help me?

[James Comey]

At one point in my life, all was simple: there is a god, but he only occasionally interferes with the world; morality is subjective, and might not exist; indeed, there were "fake" and "real" people; and perhaps "natural selection" wasn't a completely bogus idea.

However, a lot of stuff has been going on in my life since I joined School Survival. My life has changed so drastically that I actually can't believe it. There were many points in my life where I had absolutely no hope of changing my circumstances, where I was just doomed to be lonely, socially anxious, and without any decent friends forever, and that the path that was paved for me was going to be a one-way never-ending dead-end (if that makes sense). I've re-developed my empathy and sensitivity (which, I found out, without it, caused many problems), I've become a lot less socially anxious, and I've also discovered new interests such as psychology and the whole idea of "re-discovering my wonder". It's been an amazing and somewhat epic journey, a radical transformation that, if I'd been asked about this on August-September 2013, I would've taken as some kind of practical joke. But no, it seems each next few weeks is a new chapter.

At the same time though (April 2014), I started reading into Christian prayers.... and I've kinda started believing, well sort of. I'm not a traditional Christian by any means. I have my skepticism (and honestly, I still am, and I'll explain later). I interpret the Bible rather loosely and believe that perhaps beliefs in the Bible may have changed. I don't believe homosexuality is evil, for example. I also started getting into tarots at the same time.... Sub's tarot readings have actually been quite accurate with what's been going on in my life.... so there's that. In fact, I do believe in some kind of "in between idea", that would be the most accurate idea. And actually, I've been happier. I've had a happiness (albeit one that isn't "full", one that doesn't feel completely steady) that I've never experienced before. I've been lost for the past 6 years in my life, and perhaps that dark age, that long walk through unhappiness, loneliness, anxiety, lack of confidence, lack of hope, and lack of what's going to happen next, is coming to a close (or has come to a close).

However, even before I started becoming a Christian-Wiccan (well, sorta), I knew that I was somewhat happy with where my life was going. I was experiencing emotional warmth, I was experiencing these things that I am feeling now, such as optimism and faith in a better future, etc. I will also tell you that, I actually did attend service back in 6th-7th grade. Can't say my life was good back then. Though it is possible that, with a renewed faith in God, that he (who knows, perhaps she, a hermaphrodite, who knows for sure) will give me a better future. But I'm also wondering whether this simply is just a religious way of saying I have more confidence in myself and that I have a better outlook on the future, because I have a plan.

Basically, I don't know what to believe anymore. I've been believing all these things about the world and I'm not sure whether my life has gotten better or worse, whether what I'm telling myself is an illusion or real. It's so crazy really....

I think what I want to say though is this: I don't care whether god exists or not. I don't care what is right or wrong. I don't care if it's Christianity, Islam, Judaism, Buddhism, Hinduism, or anything. I don't care about any of these things. The only thing that I'm certain is that I've been through some of the worst times, some of the most uncertain of times, some of the most hopeless of times, times where I didn't believe my life could get better. But I'm here, and still on my feet. All I am certain is that I'm tired of my life being crap, and I just want to live a better life. I just don't want to spend all my time inside the house with no friends and not wondering where to go next. I want to discover myself with outrospective, to really discover the things that have been going on outside of my world......

I'm done.

[thewake]

Watch on YouTube

[Ky]

You are experiencing hope.

[KFC Nyan Cat]

Christian-Wiccian? What the.....

Anyway, DoA is right. This is hope.

[brainiac3397]

I felt shitty yesterday, then today I get a call from college in NY telling me the admissions director agreed to save a spot for me in the engineering class if I take calculus over the summer.

Not knowing the outcome of the future means you shouldn't bother carrying any feeling of annoyance, anger, dismay, hate or such forward. Each day is a reset. Explains why yesterday I felt like blowing up a planet with my death star, but today I'm just drinking tea.

Belief has never been an issue for me, but then again I've been called hypocritical, two-faced, manipulative and crazy.

It all depends on your outlook and view point. Perhaps you're still using clay tablets for the belief aspect while everything else is futuristic(if your life was a city).