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James Comey · 03-05-2014 10:11 AM

I'm not sure where to post this, but recently in the IRC chat room we've been bumping our original welcome threads to see how much we've changed since we first registered. In addition, I posted a thread about this in the Philosophy section of the forums, looking back at our previous entries and such. Over the past few days I've been doing this, and though it's somewhat fun to look back at what you once thought, it's actually quite disturbing as well.

For example, take a look at these threads (August-December 2013):
http://forums.school-survival.net/showth...?tid=29626
http://forums.school-survival.net/showth...?tid=29812
http://forums.school-survival.net/showth...?tid=29903
http://forums.school-survival.net/showth...?tid=30044

Reading those threads (alongside with my own journal posts) was actually quite painful. Did anyone see anything parallel with all those posts? Basically, in all of them, I'm bitching about other people and talking about how much I hate them, without any goddamn legitimate reason why I hate them. I was a massively giant hypocrite and I think I felt slightly entitled as well, thinking that life should go my way because of my shitty school life and what had gone on in years past (which, to be honest, part of was my fault). I was the stereotype "edgy" teenager that was really a sociopath/narcissist/whatever, and looking back I hate that former me. That's not me anymore. That was a phase, a phase I hope I never go back to.

I'm really sorry for that, I'm really sorry if any of you thought I was a raging bitchy asshole that made quick judgments, who was hypocritical and entitled as hell, and thought of himself as part of a group of superior people (you guys, I guess), and thought there was no good reason to like the world anymore. In reality, I was just another fucking sociopath/whatever, a Holden Caulfield, Duelix, or any of those types. I'm really sorry if I gave of "that" vibe.

However, at the same time, I can't thank you enough. I can't thank this community enough, really. For one, existing and the fact that I was able to find this place. I can't believe the patience you showed me, especially xcriteria, brainiac3397, and DoA, who were able to post decent material, like TED talks and articles of people visiting back their horrible days of school, and also TVTrope pages as well. I can't thank you enough. I've come a long way since I first started posting, since I was the sociopathic side of myself.

Now, even with all the pain my past side gives me, I feel happy at the same time as well. I've changed, and for the better. I've developed all these skills such as metacognition and simply taking the time to think about other people and not making such judgments. I feel I'm a better person. I know that what is done is done. However, I know that I will continue to change, and that's fine. It's all part of life. Some people are able to find their way out of their own prison (like me), some people aren't. I just want to say, thank you. Thanks for all the support I've gotten here, and the understanding as well, even if I was a bitch.

(TL;DR, I apologize for being a whiny entitled asshole when I was first here, and thanks for helping me through school and also helping me change)

brainiac3397 · 03-05-2014 10:36 AM

STFU and GTFO you hippy...APOLOGY REJECTED!
[Image: rejected.jpeg]

By the way...what's DEFCON Level 1 mean?(if Duelix is level 3) A DnE invasion? The apocalypse?

James Comey · 03-05-2014 10:51 AM

DEFCON Level 1 would be a DnE invasion I guess, or some kind of group of stephens.

brainiac3397 · 03-05-2014 10:52 AM

I propose a Defcon level 6 called "Brain's Utopia"

James Comey · 03-05-2014 10:57 AM

Heh. Wonder what that would look like.

brainiac3397 · 03-05-2014 11:06 AM

Bright. Magnificent. Heart-Warming. ~~OBEDIENT!~~

Ky · 03-05-2014 11:21 AM

You're welcome.

And you know, I knew you were a good person the first time I saw your posts, and in my experience I'm seldom wrong with such judgments. In fact, I feel that way about most School Survivalists; of all the active users within the past year, the only one I had a really bad feeling about was Duelix/Zagix, even during his facade. I guess it just goes to show that (most) people can develop into something better, can improve their minds and hearts, and can use their abilities for good.

If anything, I should be thanking you for overcoming the obstacles within your own mind and making our world a better place. I'm cheering you on so that you may continue doing so, and I hope you'll do the same for me.

**SoulRiser** · 03-06-2014 10:09 AM

and thank you for sticking around and helping other people too Smile

xcriteria · 03-06-2014 06:48 PM

@Hansgrohe, I know the feeling of looking back on past writings, and feeling discomfort and pain, quit well. I think you have grown and changed over the timeframe you're referring to.

And yet, I think the threads you linked... particularly the more recent two, have a lot of insight in them. All of those threads do skew toward the negative. But, they were steps toward bringing yourself out of the negativity you were initially stuck in.

And, despite the tangible layer of negativity, you were still writing about very real things.

I think one question is, how can people learn to see both the "real" -- potentially difficult, painful, and negative -- side of things, as well as the equally real side of things that involves positivity, change, evolution and growth. There's nothing more discouraging than seeing darkness and despair equated with "realism." Especially when there's so much reality to things getting better, transforming, and become more like what reality should be like.

Thanks for your all your posts... they've definitely helped inspire me and give me hope, as well as in quite a few cases provided me with better writing prompts than I've ever found in school, including college. And in general, the past year or so has provided a *lot* of inspiration and writing prompts, from quite a few people.

This reminds me of a question Potato raised in the chat: if change is possible, why hasn't it happened already? Why not in the past years or decades? That's a big question to explore, but regardless of the explanation, I think things are happening now that I don't recall seeing much of, earlier on the forums: the prospect (and reality) of people growing and changing, rather than being stuck in cycles of despair, chaos, and base-level survival.

So, what's next in this whole process of figuring things out?

**SoulRiser** · 03-06-2014 08:20 PM

Can I sticky this?

James Comey · 03-07-2014 11:39 AM

If you wish to, most certainly.

brainiac3397 · 03-07-2014 11:46 AM

(03-06-2014 08:20 PM)SoulRiser Wrote: Can I sticky this?

Slip me an Andrew Jackson and I'll give it some thought. Laugh

James Comey · 03-07-2014 12:22 PM

(03-06-2014 06:48 PM)xcriteria Wrote: @Hansgrohe, I know the feeling of looking back on past writings, and feeling discomfort and pain, quit well. I think you have grown and changed over the timeframe you're referring to.

And yet, I think the threads you linked... particularly the more recent two, have a lot of insight in them. All of those threads do skew toward the negative. But, they were steps toward bringing yourself out of the negativity you were initially stuck in.

And, despite the tangible layer of negativity, you were still writing about very real things.

I think one question is, how can people learn to see both the "real" -- potentially difficult, painful, and negative -- side of things, as well as the equally real side of things that involves positivity, change, evolution and growth. There's nothing more discouraging than seeing darkness and despair equated with "realism." Especially when there's so much reality to things getting better, transforming, and become more like what reality should be like.

Thanks for your all your posts... they've definitely helped inspire me and give me hope, as well as in quite a few cases provided me with better writing prompts than I've ever found in school, including college. And in general, the past year or so has provided a *lot* of inspiration and writing prompts, from quite a few people.

This reminds me of a question Potato raised in the chat: if change is possible, why hasn't it happened already? Why not in the past years or decades? That's a big question to explore, but regardless of the explanation, I think things are happening now that I don't recall seeing much of, earlier on the forums: the prospect (and reality) of people growing and changing, rather than being stuck in cycles of despair, chaos, and base-level survival.

So, what's next in this whole process of figuring things out?

Thank you xcriteria for posting. I think we spoke about this in the chat, and I'll say this: last Monday I remember hearing about someone's rather vivid experience with their life.

Hidden stuff:

I agree though. A lot of those threads did have a lot of insight, and yeah, there were sprinkles of me wanting to change. I mean, it was really a lot of concern about the future and yeah, it was clear that I did want to open up, but the problem at the time was how, not to mention my bullshit perception of most of the world being "fake". Thankfully, that's changed. My goals have changed quite a bit and I think my castle fantasy has actually disappeared for the most part. Heh.

It does seem to be a problem that negativity and darkness to be equated with reality, that the entire world is negative. Hey, let's link to a TVTropes page, shall we?
Crapsack World
I think these ideas are developed by many "cognitive refugees" in school because that's pretty much what their life is like: crapsack as it can get. They're picked on, excluded, have low morale, have little to no friends, etc. It's really unbelievable to see how many people develop these ideas. There are definitely some people that find their way out of the forest, like me or Trar, and then there are people who only get deeper in that forest.... like a Duelix. It would really help if it didn't have to be this way, but people just let it happen. Disturbing, actually. Shows the lack of empathy and sonder that is taught in school, or is taken away by school perhaps.

As for that big question, "why doesn't change happen?", I'll answer this in a quick way: I think a lot of people accept things as a way of life, like school. No one is taught to question it, no one is taught to change it, no one is taught to oppose it, no one is taught to see the evils of it, and if you do any of those things, you'll be labelled as crazy. Yet I've pretty much done all of these things, and I don't think it's crazy. I think changing the entire way schools are done and also the perceived school culture will do a lot, both in the short and long run. Also, I think the mindset of "getting over things" is there as well, and people that really should get help don't get it.

And yeah, thanks for the compliments on my posts. I definitely feel I've helped a lot on these forums, and have posted a lot of great posts. I really am not sure what would've happened to me if I'd never gotten on here, really. I've learned and developed so many things.... like empathy. These next 3 months should be very interesting for me, and beyond.

Trar · 03-19-2014 10:59 AM

The posts you linked looked more like venting to me. If it helped you get to where you are now, they're not so shitty. I'm glad you've improved, though. Even if you didn't mention me in the OP. (Where's my glory, huh?)

Look at it this way: You joined in mid 2013, and it took only 3/4ths of a year to improve. I joined in mid '08. My descent into madness (so to speak) was more gradual and had started a bit earlier, but had accelerated by the start of '09. Getting out of school in the late spring and recovering in the summer helped somewhat. My road to recovery took from then to around 2012, at least. This was due to having to move into a situation that actually made things worse for a while, but the times that I could manage to get away from the shit I was facing helped me recover more, and find out more about myself.

And don't think my posts were better than yours. They weren't.

http://forums.school-survival.net/showth...?tid=13716 - my very first thread was a rant about my bad Language Arts teacher from the sixth grade. A paragraph and a separate line that didn't even garner a reply from anyone. The thread title certainly didn't do me any favors, and my writing only serves to remind me of how aggressively Aspbergers was affecting me.

http://forums.school-survival.net/showth...p?tid=9823 - my most popular thread, even after all these years, is 'Masturbation', with 141 replies and around 5,580 views as of right now. First post was in April '09, last post was in July '11. I excised most of my OP about a year ago because it was a truly execrable graphic description of a masturbation fantasy. The rest of the thread is rather...personal and disturbing at times, although with a bit of practical advice thrown in.

(Who remembers Freeman? I do.)

http://forums.school-survival.net/showth...?tid=10366 - my second most popular thread is about school dances. It was me, ranting about school dances. And also me calling myself a sociopath because I was ranting about school dances. And then the rest of the forum ranting about school dances.

Hopefully, the future bodes better for us both. Good luck with that exit test, Hans.

EDIT: I apologize to anyone who was put off by my earlier posting, and my earlier behavior in general. I'm glad I changed too.

EDIT 2: I made a thread about my last Social Studies teacher, who was IIRC of Sicilian descent, titled 'That fucking guido bastard'. Yeesh.

James Comey · 04-24-2017 02:20 PM

Shit I still remember making this thread. And who would've known a girl I chased that ended in disaster would cause me to change so much?

Still it's mostly true though what I was saying. Not that hugboxy me was much better, but yeah, it's surprising how much of an asshole I was back then. What still gets me is that I wasted so much time being an asshole and I'll never get that time back. Fuck.

Alistoriv · 04-25-2017 12:44 PM

I feel ya, I spent a bunch of time on here just being an asshole for no reason. I don't even want to look at my old posts tbh lmao

EDIT: also rip irc :((

James Comey · 04-25-2017 03:25 PM

Eh as cringeworthy as the old posts are they still serve a purpose.

brainiac3397 · 04-25-2017 03:30 PM

Still the same asshole probably. In fact, I think I write shorter comments in general these days than the past. Ah, them irc days were great...even had that cool kids irc room whose name i forgot.

James Comey · 04-25-2017 03:36 PM

I still remember looking at your posts for inspiration lol. You got me through them bad days.

Gwedin · 04-25-2017 07:12 PM

(04-25-2017 03:30 PM)brainiac3397 Wrote: Ah, them irc days were great...even had that cool kids irc room whose name i forgot.

srsbsn... or was it srsbssn? i forget which we ended up sticking to. one of them's (or is it both?? i forget) still around with just the bots idling lel

James Comey · 04-26-2017 04:36 AM

I created SrsBssn actually.

Lmao.

brainiac3397 · 04-26-2017 10:46 AM

(04-26-2017 04:36 AM)Hansgrohe Wrote: I created SrsBssn actually.

Lmao.

Pls get outta here with your revisionism. You created the knockoff.
doge

James Comey · 04-26-2017 02:19 PM

SrsBssn was the knockoff of the knockoff.

SrsBsn was the knockoff.

brainiac3397 · 04-27-2017 10:06 AM

No trademark, no rights. GTFO. Free trade. IM A SOVEREIGN CITIZEN YOUR LAWS DONT APPLY TO ME!

James Comey · 04-27-2017 10:11 AM

NO, IT IS PART OF THE WORLD TRADE ORGANIZATION HURR HURR HURR.

brainiac3397 · 04-27-2017 10:23 AM

DOWN WITH THE NEW WORLD ORDER (((GLOBALIST)) CONSPIRACY!

James Comey · 04-27-2017 01:59 PM

GLOBALIST CUCKS EVERYWHERE.

EVERY GROUP THAT'S NOT WHITE STRAIGHT CONSERVATIVE ATHEIST MALES ARE IN A CUNSPIRRACCYYYYYY

(((☭✝性交GRAND UNIFIED CONSPIRACY卐☪∴)))

Gwedin · 04-27-2017 03:44 PM

(04-27-2017 01:59 PM)Hansgrohe Wrote: GLOBALIST CUCKS EVERYWHERE.

EVERY GROUP THAT'S NOT WHITE STRAIGHT CONSERVATIVE ATHEIST MALES ARE IN A CUNSPIRRACCYYYYYY

(((☭✝性交GRAND UNIFIED CONSPIRACY卐☪∴)))

ya blew it

James Comey · 04-27-2017 03:46 PM

I added Chinese symbols. Your favorite.

Gwedin · 04-27-2017 03:59 PM

you lack that jew star of david thing

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