Don't Lose Your Humanity: A Grave Warning

[Miller0700]

I have some things to express before you read this:

1. I did not make this with the intent of attacking anyone here nor am I trying to be a smartass by posting this here exclusively. This was made over a year ago and this is not the only place I'm posting this so don't think I'm singling you guys out.

2. If reading things concerning bullying, family abuse, rape, cyber-bullying or torture scares, depresses, or offends you, then this is your only warning. Please note that this was not my original intention.

3. It's over 5k words in length so if you don't like reading anything over three paragraphs then this is your only warning.

4. If you don't want to read it here, you can read it from here:
http://a.storywrite.com/story/10771707-D...by-Derchin

5. I've hidden it if you want to read it from here because of its length. Comments, suggestions and concerns are welcomed.

6. Some helpful websites, phone numbers and other resources:

Hidden stuff:

If you or anyone you know has been abused or bullied in the past, is depressed or feeling suicidal, or feel like bringing harm to other people then please feel free to use any of the hotlines or websites below:

Suicide-Watch and Support
1-800-784-2433 (1-800-SUICIDE)

http://www.suicide.org/suicide-hotlines.html

http://www.befrienders.org/ (For international members)

Alcohol & Drug Abuse Hotline
(800) 729-6686

Domestic Abuse Hotline:
http://www.thehotline.org/

Child Help USA National Child Abuse Hotline
(800) 422-4453

Teen Help Adolescent Resources
(800) 840-5704

Shoplifters Anonymous
(800) 848-9595

Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network (RAINN)
(800) 656-HOPE

National Hotline for Missing & Exploited Children
(800) 843-5678

National Institute on Drug Abuse Hotline
(800) 662-4357

Anti-Bullying Programs:
http://www.stopbullying.gov/

http://www.antibullying.net/

Find a Therapist Near You:
http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/

http://locator.apa.org/

http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/

Online Support Groups
http://forums.psychcentral.com/

Extensive list on Mental Health and Psychology Resources
http://psychcentral.com/resources/

Practical Tips for Productive and Healthy Living
http://www.marcandangel.com/

The story:

Hidden stuff:

I- The Childhood Years





It started out as usual for 10 year old Fred. He's watches some cartoons on the TV when his dad comes home clearly irritable again. He yells that some clothes are in his way which alerts his mother who promptly arrives from upstairs. She replies that she was going to pick them up in a minute or two when she came back down. He responds by raising his voice saying that they should’ve been picked up before he got home. She replies that it isn't that big of a deal and he replies even louder that it is. She raises hers even higher saying that it’s always the same act with him and it escalates from there into another screaming episode until Fred's father finally snaps and slaps her dead square in the face.

She stumbles back a bit, mouth frozen in shock, eyes glued at his quickly departing father slams things to the ground on his way back out.

Fred's mother looks to him and tearfully, angrily tells you go to your room but the emotional the damage on you was already done.

Upstairs, Fred doesn’t know whether to cry himself or to quickly lie in his bed and go right to sleep after witnessing yet another fight they unexpectedly forced him to sit through. His only sense of hope comes from school where he can hopefully distract himself from the torment he's made to endure here.

The next day at school and Fred quietly completes his class work, too defeated to express his inner pain to anyone, but his quiet reflection has attracted some bullies. “Cunt,” “bitch,” and “retard” are some of their attacks. Days go on and he absorbs all their verbal blows. Fred has come to terms that a cunt, bitch or a retard is all he’ll ever be in life. But seeing that he's no longer affected by their verbal abuse, they decide to switch to physical violence. They begin to punch, kick, spit, and push Fred down whenever they see him.

Fred feels worthless, empty and alone.

The next day in the hall, Fred suddenly remembers all those commercials and posters plastered all around the school telling him "speak up" against bullying. He gains some hope seeing that the adults of his school will deliver harsh justice to his bullies. He practically sprints to the office and tells them everything, only to be met with a heart-crushing reply to “ignore them." Fred begs--pleads for them to see it his way but they can’t. They left their youth years far behind and they have no idea what it's like to be a kid anymore so they harshly rebuke him as a result. Fred sheds a few tears and looks up at the smiling and grinning bullies down at the end of the hall ready and waiting for him.

One day, Fred just can’t take it anymore. From his dad abusing you, your mother who's too beaten to defend you anymore, and the apathetic staff who refuse to help him, Fred's bad day is finally here. The bullies start pushing him until he snaps and instinctively punches one of them in the cheek. He didn’t even think about it; it didn’t even register, you just reacted. Fred immediately regrets that decision and now sees the fire in their eyes. They were cruel and happy knowing that they could pick on him because they got off on it, but now they've seen him fight back and they no longer hold anything back. One bully grabs Fred by the hair, drags him out of his seat and begins to punch him in the face repeatedly. Fred suddenly feels a sharp kick in his chest from the other two bullies slamming their shoes into his body. Fred cowers in a ball as the repeated punches and kicks and stomps eventually wear him down.

They stop, catch their breaths, spit on him, and say a few smug remarks as they walk away, leaving Fred to suffer in the yard alone.

Fred can’t bring himself to cry because the mere thought of inhaling to wail makes his chest hurt even more. Fred wants to get up, but his legs are scrapped up and bleeding, but he forces himself to anyway. It’s a bit wobbly at first but the drive to walk overpowers his pain. Where to go? He asks himself that. Tears fall down his cheek as he looks around the yard. He's by himself and that's how he's been for all his life: Alone.

How should he react? If he goes to the principle, his parents will come up there and his father will make a scene at the bullies and then at him. If he goes home then he beats him even more for being too weak to stand up for himself. What to do?





II- The High School Years



Years past and Fred is now 17 and has already moved on to high school. Fred is now living with his mother, as his father is now rotting in prison. Fred and his mother's relationship are virtually non-existent as the two no longer speak to each other anymore. She’s still too beaten and battered to say anything to him and Fred's too enveloped in the cyber-world to care about her or anyone else for that matter anymore. The cyber world is much more pleasing and offers him so much at his fingertips. Music, art, knowledge, who wouldn't want that?

Fred's physical life quickly and quietly fades in the background as his cyber one becomes more and more dominant.
'
School is bore and a drag in which Fred solely exists in the background. He's "that boy" in the corner of the room that no one knows the name of, let alone was even aware was a student. He's the envy of everyone's attacks and gossip. "Future school shooter," "serial killer," "melodramatic drama king," is some of the rumors held by many of Fred's class.

In class Fred excels at most, but the “good jobs!” and “well dones!” From his teachers seem indifferent to him now. In the hall, Fred gets by the day with "I'm fine" or "I'm okay," though he really isn't. So while all the popular kids are chatting about some new phone that came out, Fred anxiously awaits to get back home so he can kill some soldiers on his computer.

And when Fred finally gets home, he quickly walks by his detached mother as she "watches" TV and runs right to his computer, not a care for her at all. Killing people is all he has on his mind right now. He quickly turns his computer on and clicks the bright red bullet in the edge of his computer screen. After reaching the main lobby, he signs in to his favorite level and quickly begins playing.

Fred's score is quickly in the millions as the body counts keep on coming. Every gunshot, hit and run, and explosion sends his score even higher. The disgust and fear of the simulated gore and guts no longer pings in his mind as his race to the top continues unaffected.

His room slowly begins to fade to black, the noise outside his window slowly ceases completely and the only thing in his world now is he and his game.

With only minutes left, he kills off whatever person he can find. The buzzer sounds and he checks his score. Fred's #2, which isn’t what he wanted. He quietly bemoans his loss but he clicks back to the lobby. Fred sees a newbie by the name of Warlord786 and he notices that he just won’t shut up about how he “pwned” everyone one. So Fred decides to call him out on it. He calls him an “annoying newbie twat that should just leave.” He does.

The community is stunned at Fred’s reply, but applauds his efforts nonetheless. And Fred suddenly feels something that he's never felt before: Power.

And it felt a little good...

Insults flung by Fred become more common as he gets use to calling out crappy players. It becomes a habit. Fred's greatness at the game can't be topped so he berates anyone on it. As time goes on, Fred grows increasingly frustrated at the incoming level of newbie players so he logs off of the game for a few days. With nothing left to fill the void Fred gets up and paces the room. He acts out emotion he otherwise would've kept inside. He grins at the thought of running over other players, the sheer joy in killing them with his AR-15, and how he would so outdo his previous score by a mile.

Fred doesn't realize that he's been pacing the room for hours.

Suddenly, Fred's top in his tracks. His brain snaps and he find himself suddenly in the "mood." He sits back down and decides to find a favorite pornographic website of his. He searches page after page, category after category for the right videos he feels comfortable to masturbate to because the front page is filled with nothing but amateur and soft-core porn videos and it's quite boring now. Fred set his sights now on hardcore, BDSM, and even the most bizarre of videos to get him aroused.

Minutes past and Fred doesn’t quite find his videos but he's found his “back up” set and masturbates away and climaxes shortly after. The sudden orgasmic sensation quickly puts him to sleep right at his desk.

The next day at school Fred realizes that school is just an online version of his game, but only shittier. The only difference here is that Fred only lacks the courage to attack everyone he sees like he does online. Fred's only option is to sit back in the corner of the class and watch them.

Fred watches their every move, listens to every reply they say, looks at who they walk by, who sit with in the lunch room, and so on. In doing so, Fred slowly begins to learn everyone's biggest secrets as well as their biggest fears and their greatest insecurities. And with every secret learned, Fred realizes how shallow, insecure and weak most people are. Fred thinks they're all pathetic.

Fred on his way home, after being yelled and taunted by the popular crowd sees a helpless kitten in a ditch. Fred walks over to the kitten and scoops him into his arms. He takes him to his house, takes him out back and drops him onto the concrete. The kitten lands on its head and wails its head off. Fred taunts him as if his abusive words can get through to him. He bends over with a stick in hand and begins poking hard at his belly until blood begins pouring out. He keeps pocking, until his rage at the popular kids bullying him resurface. His poking becomes stabbing and his abuse becomes more vulgar, loud and sinister. The kitten stops moving altogether. Fred, content, calms himself as he walks back inside and forgets the whole thing.

Since Fred has vowed not to play games for a while he looks up more porn when he's home instead. But even the hardcore stuff is getting tiresome to Fred as he's desensitized and bored to them all. He decides to look up more gruesome porn in its place. In his search, Fred stumbles upon a staged rape video and he quickly clicks on the link right away. The video consists of a man and a woman who are parting, chatting and drinking when the man suddenly gets in the mood and despite her refusal, forces himself on her anyway. It's fake, clearly, but Fred likes it anyway. Such power he uses to subdue her and her screams of pain and suffering. Power that he wishes he could express to people. The power-- the feeling of being in charge brings a slight grin to Fred's face as an erection occurs and he masturbates away to their struggle fucking. He finds it amusing. After he's done he looks up more rape videos in the side bar and he begins to favorite them.

He then goes on more bizarre, deep websites like goreporn, stababitch, and rapevideos for more. Videos consisting of girls being stabbed, strangled or beaten to death after being raped, all of which gives Fred goose bumps every time.

And none of their suffering matters to Fred anymore. He's lost his sense of empathy of other people a long while ago.

The next day at school Fred hears a crowd of kids talking about the homecoming game in a few weeks. Fred walks away. He couldn't give two fucks about that crap. Fred has no intentions of going in the first place. In that same token Fred doesn't go to any sports teams or clubs either because he doesn't want to be bothered by stupid, annoying kids and their bullshit on a daily basis. He doesn't even plan on attending the prom in a few months because no one knows who he is anyway. And he doesn't want a girlfriend because he's watch them all and in his mind they are all whores, twats, and sluts who wouldn't give him the time of day anyway.

At lunch, Fred overhears some kids chatting about something on random celebrity on TV at a table behind him. Any other day he wouldn't have said anything, but he's just in a bad mood today and their shit is not helping. “Enough is enough,” he finally says. He musters up what courage within his belly and raises it to the surface. Fred turns around and calls them out on everything. Fred holds nothing back. He says some of the cruelest, sickest, most vile thing that could ever come out of a human mouth.

And the look of their defeated, sadden faces...

They rile up what anger and courage they have left and try to come back at him but Fred just beats them down even harder. He leaves no stragglers and he shows no remorse. He beats them down at every reply until they are all sitting there in a shared, depressed silence. Seeing them defeated, Fred gets up and grins. He laughs at their reactions to his ridicule. "If someone can't take a joke, then fuck them," Fred always says. "They deserve feeling like shit for being too sensitive. Someone needed to teach them to grow a pair and that happened to be me."

After lunch, word spreads and their friends find Fred and to retaliate for what he did, but Fred is blunt and brutal and berates those kids even harder then the ones before, all with a smile on his face.

Fred can now control others by using their biggest fears and insecurities against him. Fred knows how to get under people's skin and he simply savors seeing them react to his replies. He enjoys watching them make fools of themselves as their world begins to implode; it's all funny to him. All the students call him a bully, but he doesn't care. People hate the truth, that's what Fred always says. Fuck tact, fuck restraint and fuck respect. That stuff is for people who hate the truth; they shy away from stuff like that. And they shy away from him because he dishes out the truth and hates small talk. He's not alone because he's a bully; he's alone because people hate the truth. They're weak. They live in a bubble and Fred comes with the needle to pop it.

Fred starts to lie whenever he can by giving empty promises and putting on fake, but promising smiles so big that everyone can see them.

Out of his infamy, Fred quickly has a garnered a new set of "friends," but once he saw through their ass-kissing he calls them on it too. They take off, calling him a cunt, loser and bitch, but he laughs at remarks of the defeated. Fred is a one man army and doesn't need anyone else messing that up. Everyone around Fred only serves to cater to his needs and happiness. Because in the end all you have in this world is yourself and Fred's needs always come first.

His actions soon get word from the principle and he asks him inside his office. Fred has always hated him; He basically hates authority in general. The only authority that matters in this world is Fred and he answers to no other man.

Fred manipulates the principle by breaking his voice, shedding some tears, and frowning a bit. The principle believes him and he lets Fred off scot-free.

Fred leaves smiling knowing that he now controls the principle, the staff and the other student body. The school is his now. No one would dare cross him. No one.

That power feels good to Fred, but he notices that the power he feels is fleeting. He realizes that it's boring and lonely at the top. Such a thought makes Fred feel empty inside. Life is empty. It's an empty, painful drag and he's forced to play in it. Students, staff and idealists alike call him depressed and mentally ill but he calls depression realism and thinks everyone else are the real mentally ill ones.

Fred decides to look into philosophy to cure his woes. Sartre, Aristotle, and Nietzsche are some of his favorites. He reads up on nihilism and it reels him in from then on. Fred finds it so amazingly honest. The idea that nothing matters and there’s no point to anything at all seems like profound wisdom to him. It’s as if nihilism itself is reading his mind, reiterating what he couldn't express in words. Fred comes to the conclusion that nothing really matters in this pointless reign of existence called "life." The idea that people could still carry on with their lives ill-aware of how pointless it all is sounds downright insulting to him.

As time progresses, Fred's nihilism makes it so that he finds almost anything people do or say aggravating so Fred begins to yell at them. People ask Fred why he wants to piss people off so badly and his response is because he wants them pissed off. Fred wants create enough emotional damage within them so that they keep quiet and out of sight so he doesn’t have to deal with any more distractions.

Fred screams and curses mankind and the whole world for being imperfect. He becomes misanthropic, deeply cynical and even more short-tempered. His explosions become greater and greater with every vile remark in ushered from his mouth. It's all in an attempt to express and alleviate himself of his inner pain but with no resolve. So Fred has to get worse. He has to let it all out but his pain can't be expressed in mere words. So Fred keeps yelling with no hope in sight. Fred knows that it doesn't make him feel any better, knowing that it doesn't change situations at all, but Fred doesn't know how to manage his emotions so Fred keeps yelling and cursing in hope that it will in the future.

Maybe through madness can Fred find the inner peace he longed for?

Fred's anger problems continue. No one is immune to his attacks: popular, geek, jock, emo, or ghetto thug, and their frail, fake tiny walls of protection are just that: Fake, and there’s no reason for him not to tear them down. Nothing matters in the end.

Fred emotional problems, coupled with his abusive life begin to take their toll on his mind. Fred begins to teeter on the brink of life and death as the two merge. Fred finds the idea of death to be comforting. But Fred doesn't want people to see him a pussy who took the easy way out so he throws the suicide letter he made away and tosses his father's gun back under his parents’ bed.

In the corner of his room, Fred laughs as his eyes grow red and tears roll down his cheek...

And his laughter soon overcomes his tears. Fred laughs at life and how much of a joke it all is and at the stupidity of people. Fred can’t help to laugh at our stupid, failing species and all the stupid things it does.

Fred comes to terms with his parents and he actually thanks them. Through his father's relentless abuse and his mother's neglect, he's become enlightened; He's sees life for what it really is and see things more clearly and more than anyone else. He realizes that if our parents are fallible and useless then the same goes for the rules that we blindly follow in this crappy society of ours. If these rules are pointless then there's no real reason to follow them. Fred decides to cry no more and to no longer feel sorry. He leaves the corner of his room and heads out to that brand new world ahead of him.

Fred decides to head to the desolate parts of town where the adults told him no to go. Fred visits all the abandoned factories, tunnels and bridges that everyone said would house pedophiles and rapists, but he doesn't fear them; he would love to find an excuse so he can beat one to a bloody fucking pulp if they ever crossed him.

And after lurking in the factories and bridges, Fred goes back to town and decides to start stealing from some stores. At first it was just some candy and juice, but by the fourth of fifth time they were watches and clothing. But Fred got lazy and reckless on the seventh time and he's caught by the police at a neighbor's house. They send him to the juvenile center where he learns even more skills by the other teens around him.

Fred come out even worse; even better.

Some time has past again and Fred is now 19. He exhales the last of his weed into the night air after leaving an abandoned factory. He suddenly sees a wounded deer on the tracks. He see's that one of its legs broken. It's so helpless. It's crying for help and he can’t help but to fuck with it. Fred pulls out his father’s old pocket knife from his back pocket and proceeds to walk towards it. He kneels to it as it pulls its head back away from him. Fred pulls its head closer and right into the blade of his knife. The blade slices at it cheek in which it shakes and wails even louder, but yet Fred doesn’t seem effected in the least so he pushes on. Fred begins to slowly stab and slice away at its gut as blood and organs begin spewing out. It begins to wail even louder which causes him to get pissed off. Fred digs the knife deeper in its chest where he thinks its heart is and the deer's legs slowly stop moving. It appears dead, but he wants to be sure. He grabs a huge rock next to him, stands, raises it above his head and slams it onto its head. He hears a loud crunch as its brain matter explodes outward in all directions.

"Bitch," is heard from Fred lips as he folds up his knife and heads back home.



III- The Dark Years



Years pass again and Fred is 25. He's skipped the college life completely since he has no real long term goal and now resides in a tiny apartment in a crappy part of town. When he's not at his boring cashier job, he wastes his life at home. Fred paces around the living room thinking, laughing and talking of all the numerous ways he would like to kill all the annoying coworkers at his job. He "watches" TV, reads up on some existentialism or nihilism, stares at the ceiling in bedroom for no real reason at all, or sometimes Fred just watches some rape porn on his laptop.

But he notices that the porn is limiting and he wants the real thing now. Fred thinks of all to the women he knows or had the luxury of eying up and down but none of them would want to ever go out with him. He's no model, he's rather plump for his age and the acne and hell that is called his hair shows he doesn't care about his personal hygiene. Why should he? He's not out to prove or impress anyone. With normal women out of the equation, he quickly decides to find a prostitute instead.

Later in the night, Fred finds one hanging on the edge of the corner. He pulls up his car to her, smiles innocently enough and holds a wad of cash he saved up her way. She smiles even more than she did previously. With that amount she’s willing to do anything for him or to him. Fred asks her to take a simply ride with him and she quickly enters his car no questions asked.

The ride is a pleasant one as Fred makes up a whole life story of his life to impress her even further. He's an aspiring musician who's looking for some relief from his stressful life and she's hooked in. She asked if he would like to be jerked off, but Fred politely declines. He wants the whole thing instead.

Fred pulls up near some abandoned buildings in which she looks around, confused. She asks him where he intends to take them, but Fred doesn't reply. All he hears is a muffled blur from her mouth as she curses at him. She tries to exit the car, but his hand suddenly jerks up and grabs her by the wrist. She yells at him to get off and tries to pry herself away, but his strength is too great. He pulls her back inside and pounces himself on top of her as she screams for anyone to help.

You see, Fred was never taught what consent was or what “no” meant. He had to crawl and fight his way to where he is now and people who begged and waited were chumps. In his world, if he saw something he liked or wanted, he took it.

And why not? Because there's no reason not to and even if there was one he wouldn't care. He's above rules and limitations and he's above people who make them.

He knows she doesn’t want it but that’s the point. Why? Because it's actually her fault for leading him on like that. If she hadn't wore slutty makeup, a skimpy skirt and thong that left anything to the imagination and a tank top that barely contained her breasts then he wouldn't have forced himself on her. Now she has to pay the price for getting him aroused. As far as he’s concerned, she’s just some pussy with legs who only serves for his erotic needs and fantasies. Fred isn't letting her get away just because she said “no.” That would be pathetic. Fred's not weak.

He proceeds to violently rape her from them on. In the struggle he lets out a smile, not of affection for her, but of a cruel appreciation of snatching her up. She's his "prize"; he put the work in to get her and has the right to do anything he wants to her in return. He earned it.

In the struggle, he decides to jam his thumbs into her eyes simply because he can and he enjoys hearing the sounds of agony from his prize. It makes him smile even more; it makes his achievement even greater. He grabs her breasts until they're both purple and bruised just because he can. The screams and cries are music to his ears, but her screaming starts to get annoying and Fred punches her to get back on track to his liking.

In the struggle, his mind starts to wander. He ever so pounds away, waiting--agonizing for an orgasmic release to make him feel good. Her cries to for him to stop are dulled and pushed to the side all in his race for pure bliss.



The lion strikes the gazelle…


A climax wasn’t reached, but he feels satisfied anyway. With the desire for sex over and done with Fred sees no more use for her. He begins to move his hands to her neck and presses down firmly. She squirms and shrieks, flailing her arms into the air as the redness color leave her face and her eyes roll in the back in her head. Her squirming and screaming quietly fade...

He rises from her lifeless body and slumps back into his seat.

Fred waits there expecting the guilt or sorrow to finally kick in but its not there. Fred just stares out into space for what seems to be an eternity.

He suddenly opens his door, walks to her corpse, grabs her by the hands and drags her to some piles of trash in the distance. He pushes her body underneath them and proceeds to walk back to his car.

Fred wakes up the next day, emotionless and blank. He vividly remembers the events of last night, but couldn’t care less about them. He grabs his clothes for work like always, but the hungers from last night’s festivities suddenly plague his mind. He wants more and salivates at the thought of getting it. That power felt amazing and he can't help but to get more of it.

He's noticed that he's been eying a female coworker of his for quite sometime now and now he's decides to pay her a visit.

Once off of work and at the dead of night, Fred stalks her to her house. Before she can exit her car, Fred smothers her mouth with his hands and drags her back to his own car. She struggles, squirms and screams a bit so Fred throws her to ground and punches and kicks her in the head until she calms down.

He looks at her. Is she passed out? Is she dead? Fred doesn't know and he frankly doesn't care.

Fred ties her hands up anyway and tapes her mouth firmly shut. He then drives out near the river and rapes her motionless body, proceeding to beat her to death with a rusty hammer he found around the apartment. Fred throws her lifeless, pulpy and bleeding body in the river to be carried away by the current.

And even after the second death, Fred's hunger still isn’t satisfied...

To avoid further detection, Fred looks elsewhere beyond his neighborhood and job. He looks around high schools, dorms and camp sights, and preys on the overly feminine of women: The petite, the frail and the young. Those who are easy to overpower, whose struggle would excite him, who would be forced to cater to his own sexual desires and fetishes and those would deliver the most amount of discomfort and pain for his own personal pleasure.

The lion strikes the gazelle...



VI- The Downfall



Fred is now 46 and after years of killing and laying low in between, he's now up to 21 victims so far. He's moved past bludgeoning them to death and now savors dismembering them. To do so, Fred first kidnaps and takes his victims to an abandoned building that he's used to visit in his teen years. Once there, Fred videotapes their crying pleas for him to let them go as he verbally describes the countless ways that he's going to gruesomely dismember them. He then tells them that he is going to mail these tapes to their families when he's done killing them.

While taping, Fred enjoys peeing on his victims, kicking them, spitting on them, performing painful fellatio and sodomy on them with tools he's found around his apartment complex and he especially enjoys cutting them open from neck to stomach with kitchen knives. Big ones. Fred examines their insides: Yanking out kidneys and pancreases, stabbing lungs, untangling intestines and squeezing hearts until they violently explode.

At home, Fred sees the faces of the victim's families and friends on TV crying their eyes out after hearing the news of the daughters, sisters and mothers being slain and brutally murdered by a mysterious serial killer.

“Fucking retards,” he thinks of them. Emotions are wasted on the weak and he's more than glad he's expelled himself of them long ago.

Suddenly a violent bang on his door. Fred's face goes white and his heart beat increases.

“Police!” he hears, following another bang, this time with the light from the hallway clearly visible in his darkened apartment.

Fred switches into panic mode, grabbing his shoes and heading for the window.

The banging becomes louder until the door flails away and slams onto the floor.

Fred slams the window up, extends his leg out the window onto the fire escape and reaches for the ladder. His fingers wriggle and squirm as they etch closer and closer to the ladder.

...Nearly there...

...Almost...

But Fred suddenly feels dozens of hands around his head and torso, yanking him back inside. He hears the grunts and shouts of dozens of angry police officers above him and frightened apartment residents who have left their rooms to see what the commotion is.

The cops above him twist Fred over on his stomach and fight to get the handcuffs onto him. They hoist him up collectively and pull him back into the hallway.

Fred slipped again, it turns out. His last victim was the daughter of a cop and once she was dead, he, his friends, and the community at large wouldn’t rest until they found him.

And they might get justice too because the judge lays down death by lethal injection.

But he doesn't care. A rising grin appears on Fred's face as they take him from the courtroom.



Fred has had a good life...

[Subb]

Gah...

Very good. A bit messy, and it could use a bit more description, but good. The Second Person narration was a good touch. If I did it, I would do First Person. That way, the reader could be fully immersed in the protagonist's mind. But that's just me.

I think I'm gonna watch some cat videos now...

[Miller0700]

I was thinking of doing it in first person, but that would take forever to convert to considering how long this story is. And since I uploaded this to three other sites then that means I have re-upload them all over again and I don't feel like doing it right now.

So I might keep it like this until I can be arsed to change it over.

[brainiac3397]

My eye!

No, I jest. It was an interesting read. Especially how society itself is like a "humanity-sucking" machine. I could say I somewhat understand the entire story, the things happening. However, the main fundamental difference was that I embraced my humanity and considered myself superior in civilized behavior while the story person embraced the animalistic side of the human psyche.

If I was to compare, where Z(I shall refer to the person as Z) berated "newbs" and saw that as a form of power, I protected them. Z got stepped on, and instead of standing back up, decided to lay down. Z became "self-absorbed", where reality was their own(where Z ended up defining others as something negative, and considered this "true reality" and a form of "enlightenment").

Yet, can we fully blame Z? Sure, Z lacked the will, the self-esteem, the "pride and honor" of being a great person and not an evil one. However, the reason Z created a so-called "enlightened to true reality" was because to Z, reality itself rejected Z. The steam built up and instead of being released from a valve, it just "backfired" and soon, it blew. No longer was Z contained by any form of decency, of morality, of humanity. Those were shattered in the backfire.

But I would probably despise Z as a human. Why? Because, though Z may have lacked empathy and concern for life, Z operated on emotion purely. Everything was done as reactions to emotional stimulus. Any logical person would realize evil does not win. Why? Because a lack of humanity, a lack of civility, a lack of kindness and goodness, provides only short-termed reward. Would you like that one cookie, or would you rather wait for the whole box?

An example of how kindness rewards, from personal experience:
One day, in NYC, my father and I had parked the car in front of a furniture store in a parking space(the sidewalk parking). We were waiting for my mother to finish her shopping from a nearby grocery store. Suddenly, we here a horn and see a truck behind us waiting to unload some furniture to the store. The nearest spot to park was nearly a block away(and considering that NYC streets are congested, one can't spend much time on the road without clogging).

Long-story short. The man asked my father if he could move into the spot and my father agreed, even though we'd lose a good spot. However, after the man had unloaded his cargo, he energetically thanked us and bought both me and my father(basically the people in the car at the moment) cans of Cola. He also mentioned that my father was probably the first person he'd encountered that was kind enough to actually abandon a parking spot for nothing in return.

We lost a parking spot, but gained two cans of ice-cold Cola and made a man not only very happy but also let him finish his work early and return home.(I forgot to mention there was a week-long heatwave at the time).

In conclusion? If you want to get back at society for all it's evil and apathy and ignorance, you don't become a part of it and behave at it's level. You become better. You become a far better human. You go beyond their expectations, you do the opposite of what they presume of you. You strive to become the bright beacon among the darkened. People will look up to you because they want to, not because their afraid.

When everyone kneels and crawls, you stand tall and take great confident strides.

[Miller0700]

Another quality post that I actually enjoyed reading.

[Miab419]

Pretty vivid, it shows a side of the bullied and depressed that other people may not otherwise be familiar with.

[Miab419]

^ Shamed all other posts xD

[154bmag]

Interesting, a story with a clear chain between the bullies, parents, and the wrecked lifes.

[Miller0700]

Thanks.

[TheCancer]

I like that last line "You've had a good life"

It gave me a sinister giggle.

[Miller0700]

Oh it did?

[TheCancer]

Yeah. It sort of remInds me of Gogol or Dostoyevsky. Some kind of gritty Russian realism.

[Miller0700]

Updated it all based on Subculture's suggestion. It's gone from second to third person with some more details added to it.

[тωιѕтє∂]

I don't really know what to say, but I will comment anyways for you to know that I have read and really enjoyed reading the story.

[Miller0700]

Thanks.

[TheCancer]

It was better the other way.

[Miller0700]

Perhaps you should give it some time first.

[TheCancer]

It's rare when second person works but that story does because you can feel it happening to 'you'. At the end, when it says 'You had a good life' the reader can feel how it came to pass so morbidly that the narrator would feel that way. But in the typical third person it just becomes the author's opinion. Even if it's intentionally cynical or dark and the reader should catch on you still know the author is making a point. But in the second person the point is that it's sincere and that makes it much more powerful.

[Miller0700]

Well the conversion took an hour so I pretty much won't convert it over again. But I do have a first draft with the second person still there. I might upload it later.

[Dead]

Cool story. Worth reading.

[Thade_Chan]

I liked it. Alot. Even though the rape part triggered the fuck out of me, I couldn't stop reading.

[Miller0700]

I hope it didn't fuck you up too bad. You can use the stuff I gave in the OP.

[Thade_Chan]

I'll live. I've dealt with triggers before, so I'm fine. Back to the story though. I really found it realistic. You can believe this story actually happened and that makes it 1000x better in my opinion.

[Miller0700]

I was trying to strive for that.

[Miller0700]

More updates.

[Miller0700]

More updates.

[vonunov]

Damn, good read. Scary thing is that I can find many similarities between this guy and a real person I know. It's not quite as bad as in the story, but the traumatic childhood, misanthropy, and unwarranted sense of superiority are there. I'm sure that his story might easily have turned out much more like this one had certain people not been there for him at the right times.

[thewake]

I lost my humanity in 'nam.

[brainiac3397]

(08-16-2013 12:54 PM)Wes Wrote:  I lost my humanity in 'nam.

You obviously fell for the "me so horny" line. That vietcong sure knows how to steal your humanity from you.

[Miller0700]

Updates to come. Massive updates.