Other people's lives are as real as your own.

[Desu]

At a certain point in my life, it dawned on me that other people are living a life as real and as vivid as my own. They had childhoods, fears, suffering, happiness, fell madly in love, worries, ambitions, hatred... they experienced it all. An epic story full of characters they interact with, an entire life from birth to death. My role in the story may be nothing more than an extra in the background, a car passing on the highway, the kid who sat behind them back in middle school before he moved, a customer standing in line at the grocery store.

My life, with all my sufferings and all my happiness, virtually unreal to the vast majority of beings that have lived or will ever live.

Sometimes when I meditate, I try to picture life through someone else. What I would appear to them, what it looks like from their point of view to drink from a cup, get dressed, talk nervously in an awkward social situation, have a car accident and die, live very wealthy or very poor, holding a loved one that is dying, sitting in front of the TV being bored...

It's a very humbling thought. It makes me feel as though no one is different from me, we're all the same universe telling the same story from a different perspective. This is one way I've come to accept others, even the people I hate, including myself. Easier said than done of course. I often forget I'm not the only person that exists.

[Ky]

People aren't so different, really. We're each guided by some level of self-preservation, most of us have some form of compassion at least for one other person, and we communicate with each other. It's humanity at its finest.

[Desu]

(02-24-2013 03:31 PM)DoA Wrote:  People aren't so different, really. We're each guided by some level of self-preservation, most of us have some form of compassion at least for one other person, and we communicate with each other. It's humanity at its finest.

I feel like the inability of people to see things from another perspective is what causes conflict. Not a new idea, however I don't think people really understand what it means to see things from someone else's point of view--realizing that someone else has reasons for acting the way they do that are as real as anyone else's reasons.

[SoulRiser]

More people should try to see things from other people's point of view, especially those of people they disagree with. That would solve a lot of problems...

[xcriteria]

(02-24-2013 03:31 PM)DoA Wrote:  I feel like the inability of people to see things from another perspective is what causes conflict. Not a new idea, however I don't think people really understand what it means to see things from someone else's point of view--realizing that someone else has reasons for acting the way they do that are as real as anyone else's reasons.

(02-24-2013 11:56 PM)SoulRiser Wrote:  More people should try to see things from other people's point of view, especially those of people they disagree with. That would solve a lot of problems...

Exactly. These are skills that can be built up, but they're rarely addressed in school. If people could do these things better, it would open the door to changing things so they work better for a lot of people.

One way to learn to see things from other perspectives is through story or film. The way a story comes across can be very different depending on who the camera is on.

For example, see:
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Ma...atheticPOV

http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Ma...edMorality

http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/PointOfView

I'm interested in how these ideas can be applied to showing different perspectives, not just in particular scenes, but over time.

Another angle of this is brainstorming and negotiation. Often people won't even begin to listen to someone else's ideas because they're so locked into their own. This is where being willing to listen has value.

Yet another angle is that of cultural anthropology. There's a lot to be gained from immersion in a totally different culture. There are universals and differences. This can be a matter of going to a different continent or sometimes even going to a forum or community of some kind. I tend to think, though, that globalized culture is somewhat post-cultural. As the perspectives of individuals are given more validity, traditional ideas are questioned, and cultures blend and get re-created thanks to the Internet, people can't so easily just go by whatever was traditional.

As a result, more people need to get to know each other as people, and try to understand what they really want and need. A big part of this is understanding how other people's minds work, and another part is understanding their backstory.

Myers-Briggs is one way, of course, to think about differences of mental processes. I think one way for people to better understand their own, and each other's backstories is by writing and adapting their memories into timelines as in creating a documentary. What are the important moments?

Finally, some people are promoting the idea of actually teaching empathy and brain awareness. For example, Goldie Hawn has been promoting this idea:

Goldie Hawn Plunges into Brain Science
http://blogs.scientificamerican.com/stre...n-science/

Quote:Hawn was no brain expert, but she reasoned that teaching kids about the brain might make them more aware of their own thoughts and emotions. It might help them to develop the ability to think about thinking, or metacognition. That awareness would then give them better control over their own mind—directing their attention more appropriately or calming themselves down—in ways that could improve learning. Hawn seems to give kids lots of credit. I doubt most grownups would be similarly confident that kids could ably control their minds if shown how. Hawn saw this mission as urgent, though. She particularly wanted to prevent stress from shutting down executive function, the self-control of thought, action and emotion that is essential for learning.

All in all, there are similarities and differences between people. Lots of universals and lots of particular differences. It really does put things in perspective to think about all the lives playing out in parallel, and the web makes it easier to see and know that's happening, with global 24/7 news and videos from around the world.

[Zotato]

Yes we all have a perspective on things yet we cannot know what it is like through someone else's perspective we may not even see the same red or blue etc. But one thing, it is our own choice in life to stop and imagine what it is like for someone else or not to and think more about our selfs and no one else.

[Ahab]

I say this: solipsism is an entertaining thought, and great for making people paranoid at a magic mushroom gathering, but when someone starts believing they're the main character in their own life-movie, they lose their sense of self at an alarming rate, and life turns into a bad movie that rests on the notion that Freud was right - most of their actions become interpret-able as defense mechanisms that has to do with unrequited self-love and sexual relations.

[Sir Kingston Hermaphrodite]

Well said. Although it's true. I must contradict that idiocy is real... and most people seem to be less competent than me...

I mean i'd love to agree with you 100% but.. it's like... hard to understand the real common mentality...

[brainiac3397]

While many people enjoy making a little bubble around their "reality" with them in the center, we all share the same larger reality.

[vonunov]

[James Comey]

This whole thread is true. If we could only see people with as much detail as we see ourselves, we could have basic understanding. Unfortunately, a lot of people are stubborn as hell, which means there never is any good understanding. This is why we can't have nice things.

[brainiac3397]

Some just have very reflective bubbles that they cant see the outside.


Thus we must pop their bubbles

[Meow I'm a Cat]

I like this thread. I'm pretty stupid, so I have nothing to add, but all you people should keep talking.

[SoulRiser]

lol, DL. I'm pretty sure you're not stupid.

I like that image, Jack.

It's things like this that make me want to become more interested in people. I mean, sometimes I like to just sit in a park or whatever and 'watch' the people passing by. But I never get to really know them. Somehow I don't really want to. Not sure why. I'm sure it would probably be interesting, but it feels like a lot of effort. I'd rather get to know a tiny amount of people really well, rather than know a small handful of things about a lot of different people. Getting to know people takes time, and I'd rather spend that time on people I care about (and I still need my alone time! Lots of alone time!)

[Sir Kingston Hermaphrodite]

(08-27-2013 03:06 AM)brainiac3397 Wrote:  While many people enjoy making a little bubble around their "reality" with them in the center, we all share the same larger reality.

I will remix this and tweet it as my own. Permission granted?

[brainiac3397]

(08-28-2013 07:12 AM)Sir Kingston Hermaphrodite Wrote:  

(08-27-2013 03:06 AM)brainiac3397 Wrote:  While many people enjoy making a little bubble around their "reality" with them in the center, we all share the same larger reality.

I will remix this and tweet it as my own. Permission granted?

Does the pope shit in the woods?
*It means yes, granted*

[waterchariot007]

(02-24-2013 11:56 PM)SoulRiser Wrote:  More people should try to see things from other people's point of view, especially those of people they disagree with. That would solve a lot of problems...

Simply mastering the art of 'letting go' is enough I think.

Let it go ... you can't change other people's words, thoughts or opinions. Once you've known this fact you move on to Step #2: How to handle it.

[Potato]

^"witnessing someone relinquish a cherished opinion in real time is about as common as seeing a supernova explode overhead" http://www.samharris.org/#sthash.kkRqflqk.dpuf

[brainiac3397]

(02-18-2014 04:09 AM)waterchariot007 Wrote:  

(02-24-2013 11:56 PM)SoulRiser Wrote:  More people should try to see things from other people's point of view, especially those of people they disagree with. That would solve a lot of problems...

Simply mastering the art of 'letting go' is enough I think.

Let it go ... you can't change other people's words, thoughts or opinions. Once you've known this fact you move on to Step #2: How to handle it.

How to handle it?

A sword and a headless body usually works. The latter generally caused by the former. Hypothetically speaking.

[James Comey]

(03-04-2014 12:15 PM)rockstarjim22 Wrote:  I've been made fun of in school in the past and it didnt affect me at all, but this did. Some kid called me retarded out of nowhere (this was in the locker room) and everyone in the area laughed :(
Am i really retarded, or no?

I feel almost as if school helps teach the opposite of what is being said here, of learning how to understand people and such. Instead, I think the school environment teaches more about "mind yourself and your peers, and don't you dare cross the line and hang out with those not in your clique". I think that kind of mentality sets up bullying, which sets up a lack of empathy.

In addition, I feel that for a period of time I think the school environment turned me into an absolute sociopath/narcissist/whatever. Remember my earlier posts (August-December 2013) which a lot was essentially just me complaining about how other people were fake and how I hated them and such, without really any rational reason other than the fact that I perceived them to be sheeple product of the school environment? Yeah, looking back it really pains me to see that I was once like that. I was a lot like, say, a Holden Caulfield, or a Duelix, or whatever. It just really puts me at unease to see what I once was.

Now, I feel as if I have a good idea of realizing that other people experience things just as real as you did, not to mention that there are different personalities in which people are more sensitive and aware of not only what they feel but what others feel as well. I feel though that skill will continue to develop, it'll continue to grow. It really helps though when you see someone who has been in very similar situations that you have been as well, one who can share similar experiences, which helps to bring a closer bond.

Sorry, I'm feeling quite tense today, and it really relates to this. That is all.

[craxyguy562]

(02-24-2013 11:56 PM)SoulRiser Wrote:  More people should try to see things from other people's point of view, especially those of people they disagree with. That would solve a lot of problems...

I am very skilled at seeing things through other people's point of view. It's the reason I haven't killed every rude kid at my school.

[James Comey]

Yeah. It also raises the point of why kids are acting in such a rude way. I'll be honest, I get really annoyed by these kids (like my geometry class, for example), but I definitely wonder, "why are they acting in this way?". I think it's a combination of being in a place they don't want to be, alongside with lack of energy and motivation and perhaps issues within their lives that create such people.

[Miab419]

I've still yet to learn to sympathize with people. It can be frustrating.

[Miab419]

Honestly, I was a jerk when I was younger (still kind of rude). I tried getting in with crowds because is didn't like being alone, so at least some cases are about fitting in

[James Comey]

Hey Miab419! Long time no see!

[Miab419]

I get posts forwarded to my email every once in a while xD

[brainiac3397]

(03-04-2014 05:36 PM)Miab419 Wrote:  I get posts forwarded to my email every once in a while xD

Mine go to spam. Then again if they didn't, my inbox would be packed with a 100+ SS posts(a day pretty much) >.<

[Miab419]

Nah, I've only gotten 5 throughout the day. I check most of them

[James Comey]

Useful bump. Should be pinned (again).

EDIT: NVM. Didin't realize this is in the best of School Survival area.

[Miab419]

Still a good thread.
I've been into noticing people just by walking around lately, though it's difficult to try and guess their lives (until you talk to them). It may just be that I'm more engaged when I'm actually talking and focused on somebody because there's always some reason for me to be talking to them. Though it is entertaining o guess somebody's life and even better to have your assumptions proven true somehow