Need someone to listen for once

[Bell778]

The reason I'm here is because nobody bothers to listen to me. I tell my parents I hate school, but they just tell me to "take it like a man", or some other Bullshit. My mom tries to listen, but usually she just ends up screaming at me for something. There was this one time I made a remark about murder and not getting caught. She took it so seriously that she screamed at me that I wasn't that smart, and that just by saying that somebody was getting hurt. How does somebody get hurt just by me saying that?
My dad usually just tells me it's my responsibility to do good in school. I never agreed to go, I didn't have a say in the matter, so why should it be my responsibility?
My friends just laugh and say I'm crazy. I was actually thinking of going to my school guidance counselor to see what she had to say but she would probably say I have some mental problem. I was wondering if there was anyway to get them to listen to my side of it for once without the stupid "School is good for you!" shit they spew out.

[SaintVicious]

People confuse school with knowledge, but you can't do a whole lot except drop out.

[UnschoolShqiponjë]

Well we all agree with you that schools sucks (99% of us anyway). I am in college but when I bring up the bad aspects of schooling my mom thinks they are good. I made a thread here about how much homework my seven year old cousins gets. She gets more than I do in college. My mom says it is good because she needs to get used to it. Used to getting told what to do and raped by bosses is more like it.

Some of my friends think it is cool I am giving my future kids a choice on whether to go to school or stay home (I am going to unschool which is essentially giving them choice but also providing guidance and many opportunities to learn). Some of my friends though think I am crazy for not making them go to school. I say they are crazy.

[Bell778]

I just tried talking to my mom again. I was trying to have a civil conversation about how I feel about school, but of course she starts comparing my life to others who are less fortunate. I tried to point out that this does not excuse school for trying to make me into a slave, but she continued on with the comparison. I got a little angry when she started comparing school to her job as if her life is so much worse. Her job may suck ass but at least she gets paid.
I kinda snapped a wooden spoon though. I didn't mean to but she just pissed me off for the last time. Now she wants me to write some stupid list about all the things I'm grateful for. If I don't she will take away some of my things. I tried to point out that taking my stuff would only piss me off even more, but she said it would only teach to be more grateful. How the fuck does that work?

[Dirtbikemike]

There are many, many narrow and creativeless minds out there. If they think school = knowledge they'll make any argument to make it so, especially labeling you as stupid, ignorant, etc. Happens to me all of the time.

Try to find people that can relate to you. That helps me a TON.

[Bell778]

What really annoys me about this though is not the screaming. It's the times when she starts crying and saying that she failed me. Why is she crying? Apparently she thinks that based on my views of school that she must have failed as a mother.
Not true. Most of the time she's actually a really great parent. She gives me personal space and privacy and doesn't force me to do too much. It seems that the only area she falls short in is the school department. Also my views were formed from my own research and experiences, nothing to do with her.

[Dirtbikemike]

(05-01-2012 09:52 AM)Bell778 Wrote:  What really annoys me about this though is not the screaming. It's the times when she starts crying and saying that she failed me. Why is she crying? Apparently she thinks that based on my views of school that she must have failed as a mother.
Not true. Most of the time she's actually a 1. really great parent. She gives me personal space and privacy and doesn't force me to do too much. It seems that the only area she falls short in is the school department. 2. Also my views were formed from my own research and experiences, nothing to do with her.

1. My mom was such a bad parent to the point where I moved out of her house

2. Same

[Bell778]

I'm not telling her anything anymore. I tried in one last ditch effort to tell my mom how horribly wrong school is. I tried to explain to her that forcing this system on innocent people is wrong and should not happen, that it's a form of slavery. She screamed first. Not me, her. It does not matter how logical, or emotional I am. She told me that I am narrow-minded and ignorant to others problems.

She keeps telling me that she's listening but she's obviously not. How can she say that when all the time the conversation ends with her screaming at over my word choice or something? She got mad because I called forced schooling slavery. She told me I have no right to say that, but to me it's true. To me school is a form of slavery. Maybe not as harsh but that does not excuse it. She said it's good for some people, and I agree. But it's still wrong to force the innocent kids who obviously don't want to be there to go.

She apologized, but she then told me that I was wrong, that I was the rare case, that I didn't understand. Bullshit. I understand, I have had experiences, I have researched these problems. She told me that I need to give her a break. In the past she has given me leeway, and I thank her for that. She has considered homeschooling, and I thank her for that.

But what I wanted was for someone to listen, to try to understand, to try to see thing my way. I will no longer discuss these problems with her, because she obviously cannot do so.

[HeartofShadows]

Welcome bell and alot of us know how you feel.
My mom was the exact same way and never listened or shrugged me off.
Now I'm a cold unfeeling bastard in real life and she wonders why I never open up or talk to her.

[Bell778]

(05-03-2012 10:25 AM)HeartofShadows Wrote:  Welcome bell and alot of us know how you feel.
My mom was the exact same way and never listened or shrugged me off.
Now I'm a cold unfeeling bastard in real life and she wonders why I never open up or talk to her.

Believe me, if she keeps it up, I may stop talking to her altogether. I know she cares, but she needs to understand if she wants to help me, and she has show me that it's hard (seemingly impossible) for her.

[Dirtbikemike]

"I hated school too, but you have to go!" -My parents

I don't know how people force their kids to go to the same institution they also hated.

Everyone also seems to add this word "success". I always want to ask them, "What is success to you?" I feel I'll often get an answer involving money, which is pretty pathetic.

[Moneyfuskie935]

(05-03-2012 10:54 AM)Bell778 Wrote:  

(05-03-2012 10:25 AM)HeartofShadows Wrote:  Welcome bell and alot of us know how you feel.
My mom was the exact same way and never listened or shrugged me off.
Now I'm a cold unfeeling bastard in real life and she wonders why I never open up or talk to her.

Believe me, if she keeps it up, I may stop talking to her altogether. I know she cares, but she needs to understand if she wants to help me, and she has show me that it's hard (seemingly impossible) for her.

Run away for 2 weeks. Say it's because you hate school. You have to play this carefully, though. One of my old friends tried it. She ended in my old homeschool group but was classified as a special needs kid...

[Unknown-Creation]

(05-01-2012 09:52 AM)Bell778 Wrote:  What really annoys me about this though is not the screaming. It's the times when she starts crying and saying that she failed me. Why is she crying? Apparently she thinks that based on my views of school that she must have failed as a mother.

My mom does the exact same thing.

[SoulRiser]

First of all:

Quote:Believe me, if she keeps it up, I may stop talking to her altogether. I know she cares, but she needs to understand if she wants to help me, and she has show me that it's hard (seemingly impossible) for her.

Make sure she knows exactly why you stop talking to her, if you do that. Maybe she'll take the hint, although, from what you've said so far, it sounds like she has some insecurity issues... like she's been convinced of the idea that people who don't love school will be failures, and she doesn't want you to be a failure, and that terrifies the crap out of her and makes her do/say completely illogical and stupid things.

If she doesn't know why you've stopped talking to her, she'll probably assume there's something wrong with you and I dunno, maybe start crying about that.

People who cry to try to guilt trip people and manipulate them, really piss me off...

[SomeRandomHuman]

I HATE SCHOOL!! my mom never understands me hateing school at all! this is all because she was such a perfect nerd who got all As in school, according to her! And since I hate school so much, i dont even bother to try anymore, but even when i did try, i still did terrible. now my mom thinks i have mental problems and every single teacher treats me like i am retarded and explain instructions to me as if they were speaking to a 5 year old!!!!!

[Ami]

It's possible to convince even people like your mom, who seem to view school through some very neurotic lenses. Not sure if it's worth your effort, though.

From the way you describe her she's blocked from listening to you - and listening one's child should be really basic instinct - because of something emotional. Find that something and develop good rhetorical skills and you can corner her into a sort of silent agreement.

That won't neccesiraily make her understand you, though, it's just a good way to get her off your back since it shows her emotional responses or outbursts won't work with you anymore. To get true understanding she needs to step up and be willing to try, and there's not a whole lot you can do about that.

[Bell778]

Thank for all the advice guys. I have managed to get her to consider online schooling. But she told me that if I did that I would have to attend a church group. Obviously, Sarcastic, logical me with a room full of religious people is a good idea. I have nothing against them (Except for the extreme ones that are complete assholes) but I think too many arguments would get started because of it. Though it would be funny to see how many would tell me that I'm going to hell for some minor crap. Like saying god's name in vain (Which I like to do quit a bit).

[Ami]

Hi atleast it's progress

[Bell778]

(05-08-2012 04:11 PM)Ami Wrote:  Hi atleast it's progress

Indeed, it is!