RIP School Survival Forums
August 2001 - June 2017

The School Survival Forums are permanently retired. If you need help with quitting school, unsupportive parents or anything else, there is a list of resources on the Help Page.

If you want to write about your experiences in school, you can write on our blog.

To everyone who joined these forums at some point, and got discouraged by the negativity and left after a while (or even got literally scared off): I'm sorry.

I wasn't good enough at encouraging people to be kinder, and removing people who refuse to be kind. Encouraging people is hard, and removing people creates conflict, and I hate conflict... so that's why I wasn't better at it.

I was a very, very sensitive teen. The atmosphere of this forum as it is now, if it had existed in 1996, would probably have upset me far more than it would have helped.

I can handle quite a lot of negativity and even abuse now, but that isn't the point. I want to help people. I want to help the people who need it the most, and I want to help people like the 1996 version of me.

I'm still figuring out the best way to do that, but as it is now, these forums are doing more harm than good, and I can't keep running them.

Thank you to the few people who have tried to understand my point of view so far. I really, really appreciate you guys. You are beautiful people.

Everyone else: If after everything I've said so far, you still don't understand my motivations, I think it's unlikely that you will. We're just too different. Maybe someday in the future it might make sense, but until then, there's no point in arguing about it. I don't have the time or the energy for arguing anymore. I will focus my time and energy on people who support me, and those who need help.

-SoulRiser

The forums are mostly read-only and are in a maintenance/testing phase, before being permanently archived. Please use this time to get the contact details of people you'd like to keep in touch with. My contact details are here.

Please do not make a mirror copy of the forums in their current state - things will still change, and some people have requested to be able to edit or delete some of their personal info.


Post Reply 
 
Thread Rating:
  • 1 Vote(s) - 4 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
Constructive criticism vs verbal abuse
Author Message
Cianna200 Offline
Pariah

Posts: 948
Joined: Oct 2013
Thanks: 2
Given 366 thank(s) in 210 post(s)
Post: #31
RE: Constructive criticism vs verbal abuse

Smile It's real simple on how to respond to destructive criticism.
03-07-2014 12:32 PM
Find all posts by this user Quote this message in a reply
James Comey Away
Banished Oldfaf in Exile

Posts: 6,500
Joined: Aug 2013
Thanks: 1078
Given 2293 thank(s) in 1517 post(s)
Post: #32
RE: Constructive criticism vs verbal abuse

It's clear that Soul had good intentions when posting this. This was pretty much roughly around the time when the forums had massive dysfunction, when the forums were a lot more frag happy than they are now. It appears that Soul and Aya were also having some kind of power-struggle, as well (or at least that's what her post implies). Worse, one of the members posting here (Endeavourer) actually left because "this forum is filled with shitheads".

Of course, a lot has changed, and yeah, we can warn about the past frag-happy days. Most of the people that posted here are long gone know, and we can build on this thread.

RIP GWEDIN
RIP URITIYOGI
RIP NIGHT
RIP VONUNOV
RIP WES/THEWAKE
RIP USERNAME

[Image: Nas-One-Love.jpg]

Stop jerking off to porn and whining and do something about it

Make School Survival Great Again - MSSGA

Hidden stuff:

[Image: BallsofSteel2.png]
[Image: mg_michelle_2020.png]
04-18-2014 01:24 PM
Find all posts by this user Quote this message in a reply
I Must Enter a Username Away
DoApocalypse Survivor

Posts: 321
Joined: Mar 2014
Thanks: 91
Given 69 thank(s) in 59 post(s)
Post: #33
Constructive criticism vs verbal abuse

(04-18-2014 01:24 PM)MichaelTownley Wrote:  It appears that Soul and Aya were also having some kind of power-struggle

I can imagine it eventually went down to pretty much this:
Glory to the Soulist Front, down with the Ayaite revisionists!

Yes, exactly like old Soviet-aligned Communist Party vs. Trotskyist Sec. drama politics.
04-19-2014 02:59 PM
Find all posts by this user Quote this message in a reply
Trar Away
R.I.P.

Posts: 1,437
Joined: Jun 2008
Thanks: 1384
Given 189 thank(s) in 125 post(s)
Post: #34
Constructive criticism vs verbal abuse

(03-07-2014 12:32 PM)Cianna200 Wrote:  Smile It's real simple on how to respond to destructive criticism.

DoA didn't like how I responded. Funny, a joke in one thread to let off steam is somehow comparable to what the people I was venting about were posting like.

(04-19-2014 02:59 PM)I Must Enter a Username Wrote:  
(04-18-2014 01:24 PM)MichaelTownley Wrote:  It appears that Soul and Aya were also having some kind of power-struggle

I can imagine it eventually went down to pretty much this:
Glory to the Soulist Front, down with the Ayaite revisionists!

Yes, exactly like old Soviet-aligned Communist Party vs. Trotskyist Sec. drama politics.

Some information from Soul would be nice here...although I do like this metaphor right here. AFAIK the people who were Soul's friends (AKA potentially like her) largely cleared out by the mid-2000s or so, then the (new) old guard arrived, then more people came over the years and it gradually got shit up like 4chan. Aya was like that. There were some who were more like Soul, but I'm not sure it was anything comparable to a Russian Bolshevik-esque front. The, er, revisionists were driven away by the end result of the continual forum spats: SS going down for a while, a new forum being founded, then SS coming back and the new new userbase not wanting to put up with their shit anymore (see: the relatively recent expunging of a handful of members).
04-20-2014 11:49 AM
Find all posts by this user Quote this message in a reply
 Thanks given by: I Must Enter a Username , James Comey
James Comey Away
Banished Oldfaf in Exile

Posts: 6,500
Joined: Aug 2013
Thanks: 1078
Given 2293 thank(s) in 1517 post(s)
Post: #35
RE: Constructive criticism vs verbal abuse

(04-19-2014 02:59 PM)I Must Enter a Username Wrote:  
(04-18-2014 01:24 PM)MichaelTownley Wrote:  It appears that Soul and Aya were also having some kind of power-struggle
Yes, exactly like old Soviet-aligned Communist Party vs. Trotskyist Sec. drama politics.

That's exactly what was pretty much happening a few weeks ago.

RIP GWEDIN
RIP URITIYOGI
RIP NIGHT
RIP VONUNOV
RIP WES/THEWAKE
RIP USERNAME

[Image: Nas-One-Love.jpg]

Stop jerking off to porn and whining and do something about it

Make School Survival Great Again - MSSGA

Hidden stuff:

[Image: BallsofSteel2.png]
[Image: mg_michelle_2020.png]
04-20-2014 12:10 PM
Find all posts by this user Quote this message in a reply
Trar Away
R.I.P.

Posts: 1,437
Joined: Jun 2008
Thanks: 1384
Given 189 thank(s) in 125 post(s)
Post: #36
RE: Constructive criticism vs verbal abuse

(04-20-2014 12:10 PM)Hansgrohe Wrote:  
(04-19-2014 02:59 PM)I Must Enter a Username Wrote:  
(04-18-2014 01:24 PM)MichaelTownley Wrote:  It appears that Soul and Aya were also having some kind of power-struggle
Yes, exactly like old Soviet-aligned Communist Party vs. Trotskyist Sec. drama politics.

That's exactly what was pretty much happening a few weeks ago.

Shit...you're right. I completely glossed over that.

(Who knew I'd play the part of Trotsky one day? Not me 6 years ago, that's for sure.)
04-20-2014 12:24 PM
Find all posts by this user Quote this message in a reply
SoulRiser Offline
Site Founder

Posts: 18,240
Joined: Aug 2001
Thanks: 2669
Given 1978 thank(s) in 1208 post(s)
Post: #37
Constructive criticism vs verbal abuse

Quote:Some information from Soul would be nice here...although I do like this metaphor right here. AFAIK the people who were Soul's friends (AKA potentially like her) largely cleared out by the mid-2000s or so, then the (new) old guard arrived, then more people came over the years and it gradually got shit up like 4chan. Aya was like that. There were some who were more like Soul, but I'm not sure it was anything comparable to a Russian Bolshevik-esque front. The, er, revisionists were driven away by the end result of the continual forum spats: SS going down for a while, a new forum being founded, then SS coming back and the new new userbase not wanting to put up with their shit anymore (see: the relatively recent expunging of a handful of members).

I know nothing about the political references you guys are on about...
But your summary is pretty accurate.

It was a gradual shift... there were just enough edgy-ish people around to make the nicer people not want to stick around, so eventually it became overpopulated with edgy-ness, because they enjoyed themselves here more than anyone else.

Gradual shifts are sneaky like that... hard to notice, until one day it's suddenly glaringly obvious... and then it's hard to trace where it actually started.

"If you can, help others; if you cannot do that, at least do not harm them." - Dalai Lama
Help & Support - Get help with leaving school, unsupportive parents, and more.
Click here if school makes you depressed or suicidal

Support School Survival on Patreon or Donate Bitcoin Here: 1Q5WCcxWjayniaL92b8GfXBiGdfjmnUNa2
"Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it." - André Paul Guillaume Gide
"The true sign of intelligence is not knowledge but imagination." - Albert Einstein
"I'm pretty sure there's a lot of beauty that can only be found in the mind of a lunatic." - TheCancer
EIPD - Emotionally Incompetent Parent Disorder

Push Button for Collection of Useful Links:
Hidden stuff:
04-23-2014 12:37 AM
Visit this user's website Find all posts by this user Quote this message in a reply
 Thanks given by: Trar
Chanku Offline
Fanatic

Posts: 1,544
Joined: Jan 2014
Thanks: 60
Given 31 thank(s) in 18 post(s)
Post: #38
Constructive criticism vs verbal abuse

Which is kinda what we are doing, however Soul, I do think at somepoint we shall return to the hey day of SS

Pretty Much my only signature...I'm mainly a lurker....you can find me on the IRC (or on DnE and their IRC).

[Image: USVWSwj.png]
04-23-2014 08:49 AM
Find all posts by this user Quote this message in a reply
 Thanks given by: Ky
Ky Offline
Shadow

Posts: 5,201
Joined: Aug 2012
Thanks: 1794
Given 1469 thank(s) in 972 post(s)
Post: #39
Constructive criticism vs verbal abuse

We're doing it, but in the opposite direction. We're the Anti-Edgy.

Public Service Announcement: First world problems are still problems.
04-23-2014 09:50 AM
Find all posts by this user Quote this message in a reply
Chanku Offline
Fanatic

Posts: 1,544
Joined: Jan 2014
Thanks: 60
Given 31 thank(s) in 18 post(s)
Post: #40
Constructive criticism vs verbal abuse

We are kinda reversing the tracks and trying to return back to the glorious days.

Pretty Much my only signature...I'm mainly a lurker....you can find me on the IRC (or on DnE and their IRC).

[Image: USVWSwj.png]
04-23-2014 09:55 AM
Find all posts by this user Quote this message in a reply
 Thanks given by: Ky
Ky Offline
Shadow

Posts: 5,201
Joined: Aug 2012
Thanks: 1794
Given 1469 thank(s) in 972 post(s)
Post: #41
RE: Constructive criticism vs verbal abuse

(04-20-2014 11:49 AM)Trar Wrote:  
(03-07-2014 12:32 PM)Cianna200 Wrote:  Smile It's real simple on how to respond to destructive criticism.

DoA didn't like how I responded. Funny, a joke in one thread to let off steam is somehow comparable to what the people I was venting about were posting like.

Wait, when was this?

EDIT: Oh, right. The Obama thing. There's a fine line between "blowing off steam" and "spamming the crap out of the forums", and you were moving towards the latter. I do not apologize for putting a stop to it.

Public Service Announcement: First world problems are still problems.
04-23-2014 09:57 AM
Find all posts by this user Quote this message in a reply
SoulRiser Offline
Site Founder

Posts: 18,240
Joined: Aug 2001
Thanks: 2669
Given 1978 thank(s) in 1208 post(s)
Post: #42
Constructive criticism vs verbal abuse

Quote:Which is kinda what we are doing, however Soul, I do think at somepoint we shall return to the hey day of SS
We're not too far off, really. Biggrin

"If you can, help others; if you cannot do that, at least do not harm them." - Dalai Lama
Help & Support - Get help with leaving school, unsupportive parents, and more.
Click here if school makes you depressed or suicidal

Support School Survival on Patreon or Donate Bitcoin Here: 1Q5WCcxWjayniaL92b8GfXBiGdfjmnUNa2
"Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it." - André Paul Guillaume Gide
"The true sign of intelligence is not knowledge but imagination." - Albert Einstein
"I'm pretty sure there's a lot of beauty that can only be found in the mind of a lunatic." - TheCancer
EIPD - Emotionally Incompetent Parent Disorder

Push Button for Collection of Useful Links:
Hidden stuff:
04-25-2014 07:57 AM
Visit this user's website Find all posts by this user Quote this message in a reply
Trar Away
R.I.P.

Posts: 1,437
Joined: Jun 2008
Thanks: 1384
Given 189 thank(s) in 125 post(s)
Post: #43
RE: Constructive criticism vs verbal abuse

(04-25-2014 07:57 AM)SoulRiser Wrote:  
Quote:Which is kinda what we are doing, however Soul, I do think at somepoint we shall return to the hey day of SS
We're not too far off, really. Biggrin

Let's hope so.

(04-23-2014 09:57 AM)DoA Wrote:  
(04-20-2014 11:49 AM)Trar Wrote:  
(03-07-2014 12:32 PM)Cianna200 Wrote:  Smile It's real simple on how to respond to destructive criticism.

DoA didn't like how I responded. Funny, a joke in one thread to let off steam is somehow comparable to what the people I was venting about were posting like.

Wait, when was this?

EDIT: Oh, right. The Obama thing. There's a fine line between "blowing off steam" and "spamming the crap out of the forums", and you were moving towards the latter. I do not apologize for putting a stop to it.

They were joke threads. I had no intention of continuing to spam any threads that wasn't related to the problem users. I was finished, mate. I just wanted to keep the Obamas up in the thread I originally posted them in, for posterity.
04-25-2014 09:35 AM
Find all posts by this user Quote this message in a reply
Ky Offline
Shadow

Posts: 5,201
Joined: Aug 2012
Thanks: 1794
Given 1469 thank(s) in 972 post(s)
Post: #44
RE: Constructive criticism vs verbal abuse

(04-25-2014 07:57 AM)SoulRiser Wrote:  
Quote:Which is kinda what we are doing, however Soul, I do think at somepoint we shall return to the hey day of SS
We're not too far off, really. Biggrin

Here's to a new golden age!

Public Service Announcement: First world problems are still problems.
04-25-2014 10:57 AM
Find all posts by this user Quote this message in a reply
Chanku Offline
Fanatic

Posts: 1,544
Joined: Jan 2014
Thanks: 60
Given 31 thank(s) in 18 post(s)
Post: #45
Constructive criticism vs verbal abuse

-raises my glass of fine champagnie- Here's to the new order!

Pretty Much my only signature...I'm mainly a lurker....you can find me on the IRC (or on DnE and their IRC).

[Image: USVWSwj.png]
04-25-2014 11:14 AM
Find all posts by this user Quote this message in a reply
 Thanks given by: Ky
xcriteria Offline
Fanatic

Posts: 3,090
Joined: Oct 2005
Thanks: 814
Given 930 thank(s) in 612 post(s)
Post: #46
RE: Constructive criticism vs verbal abuse

(04-25-2014 07:57 AM)SoulRiser Wrote:  
Quote:Which is kinda what we are doing, however Soul, I do think at somepoint we shall return to the hey day of SS
We're not too far off, really. Biggrin

I think we're in a position to do more than that. Smile

(Wall of text explanation omitted, for now.)

On the topic of this thread, though... I think one solution to negativity is to appeal to people's actual goals and objectives, beyond their participation on a forum. What do they want or need in life? What are they running away from?

Beyond the momentary experience of interaction (which has a value in itself), what purpose do their responses serve? And what are they trying to build, or tear down, in a bigger picture sense?

It can be hard to frame things in those terms in the midst of a heated (or chaotic) forum thread. But, if people pull themselves off the page, discuss backstory, identity, and plans for the future, and ask what they're doing in general, I think it can go a long way to avoiding these patterns of verbal abuse.

It's one thing to engage in constructive criticism... but it's another to go beyond that to building something new... to building on what someone else said, to making a meaningful link to another topic or thought, and the like. I suppose many of us haven't seen that kind of interaction modeled, especially in Internet=based discussions.

But that's one thing I've experienced and learned from in my interactions on G+ over the past 18 months. Come to think of it, that might be something to put into a guide of sorts. Smile

Even with those more constructive approaches to conversation, though, there's the question of how to help people beyond providing basic support, information, and advice... or constructive criticism. (And, even when it comes to those things, there's the question of how to better do them!)

In short, it will be interesting to see what comes of all the new things that are possible in 2014 and beyond, versus the previous heyday of SS... Smile

Peter Gray & allies launching the Alliance for Self-directed Education

ASDE Newsletters: #1 Announcement | #2 History of ASDE | #6 Education Liberation


School Survival & Catalyst Learning Network featured on AlternativestoSchool's blog
“Mom, Dad, can I stop going to school?”

Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking when the Stakes are High

Hidden stuff:
04-26-2014 02:23 AM
Find all posts by this user Quote this message in a reply
 Thanks given by: Trar
Trar Away
R.I.P.

Posts: 1,437
Joined: Jun 2008
Thanks: 1384
Given 189 thank(s) in 125 post(s)
Post: #47
Constructive criticism vs verbal abuse

I must remind you that not everyone will be willing or even able to do what you suggest, xcriteria. Such was the case with the, er, offal we cleaned up a little while ago.
04-26-2014 04:34 AM
Find all posts by this user Quote this message in a reply
Post Reply 


Possibly Related Threads...
Thread: Author Replies: Views: Last Post
  Criticism Threads SoulRiser 3 2,490 07-07-2014 01:47 PM
Last Post: brainiac3397

Forum Jump:


User(s) browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)

Contact Us | School Survival | Return to Top | Return to Content | Mobile Version | RSS Syndication