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+--- Thread: Venting time... again. (/showthread.php?tid=29980)
Venting time... again. - WhatEvenIsThis - 11-06-2013 11:27 PM
So... feeling like a piece of shit again... what I truly am.
I want to ask you a weird question...
Am I the only person in the world who always gets his mood ruined or always feels uneasy whenever I see on any forum/video description/picture description/chat/etc. that a person mentions something like "Sorry for being away so much, college and stuff always keeps me busy" or "Gonna take my exam tomorrow"?
Like whenever I see someone talk about this... I always feel like being shot in the heart. It sounds ridiculous, yes, but here is why: I always see how "EVERYWHUAN" has a happy/busy/whateverthefuck life, and I see on so many sites how they talk/brag about it and strangely I feel directly insulted, because whenever I see them having a "successful" life, I realize how shit my life is...
I am not as good as these people are in school (I am in middle school and frequently just get grades between 3-4 (In your state C-D) and only rarely a 2 (B in your state) at best... and often 5 (Between D and F in your state I guess) at worst...) and I see LITERALLY EVERYONE being good in school or already in college or something (I feel more insulted when the word "university" is just mentioned around me). Like every great video/picture maker/every human in this fucking world and internet are so "SUCCESFUL" in their lives (even some of the worst people ever), and yet I am just this little worthless piece of shit that wastes his time envying these people and being depressive from a lot of stuff on the Internet hoping it would help me and having extremely low faith in humanity... and I keep insulting myself too.
I hate school so much... EVERYONE I know on the Internet and/or is a good youtuber/deviantART person is always this "HAPPEH BUSY PERZON WIPH A FULLFILLD LIFE CUZ UNIVERZITY" and I always mourn about myself and also thought of hoping to die because of it... Because I always think of myself as a worthless person who can do nothing and is not like these other guys... which I am not supposed to do... but I still do. And everyone else responds to them with "CONGRATZ" or "GOOD LUCK" while I am always... you already know.
Tell me, does everyone have to be a motherfucking know-it-all student who is already in college just to be a great person in general?!
...No I was not kidding, I actually thought of suicide sometimes...
RE: Venting time... again. - Heil_Kaiba8921 - 11-07-2013 12:34 AM
As far as middle school goes...it seriously doesn't matter. Colleges and jobs only care about the grades you got in high school, and even then really only the classes that matter to them/senior year. So don't worry too much about people possiblyy doing better than you and just have fun. A lot of the times the kind of people you mentioned are the kinds that are most often seen with a pile of books in one arm and a coffee in the other because they have to do so much homework because of the life they want to get set up for themselves.
Something you do need to remember that I never realized until it was too late though is that classes do matter and it's not a terrible idea to talk to teachers for help or just because.
If you manage to get a lunch with nobody that you know, then see if a teacher will let you eat in their room, it'll give chances to talk to them...and sometimes you get left in their alone so, if you feel the need, you can steal some stuff from them...but if another student comes in then you better have a fast thinking brain because I got in a bit of trouble one time because some dumbass is a snitch even though I'm pretty sure he was a fucking POTHEAD.
Now as far as dropping out of high school goes, try to stay away from that, because even the lowest level of diploma is better than a GED since you at least managed to finish high school...I have a crappy generic diploma too which sucks, but I still graduated high school and at least have that.
RE: Venting time... again. - WhatEvenIsThis - 11-07-2013 12:59 AM
Actually, my school system in Germany is kind of different.
From elementary school it goes to middle school, and after the 10th grade, in which I am right now, there is no such thing as "high school" as far as I know. Instantly after middle school it kind of goes to college (The places that we have to pick are colleges in a way because each focuses on certain things like physics/engineering/etc.)
I am not 100% sure... but this is what it is like to me.
I am 17 years old and in the 10th grade... so I assume it is middle school and high school mixed together? Whatever, the point is, everything makes me sick...
Venting time... again. - Ky - 11-07-2013 01:01 AM
Of course you feel that way - you're 17, and a lot of 17-year-olds (myself included) really haven't accomplished all that much.
Yet.
First, you need to stop being hard on yourself - you'll have the opportunity to have a "life" (which, from my observation, is actually rather overrated). Actually, that's the second thing: look for that opportunity.
I'd say more, but I'm still tired from it being the morning and all, and I need to get to school.
RE: Venting time... again. - WhatEvenIsThis - 11-07-2013 01:14 AM
By the way, this. Mainstream people think that whoever is on the Internet for a lot of time and is not a good student in school, but instead is good on really different things, should be automaticly labelled as "no life"... fuck these people.
I do not WANT to give a shit about what people expect in society... yet I do it, too much even.
You wanna know what I have in mind? Being a psychologist... I have a lot of knowledge of what is truly right or wrong, I never discriminate people because of what they look like/race/nationality/whatever, I am always a fair person that would find a simple solution for anyone, atleast I am doing my best on it, and a lot of people and friends in my school love that about me.
I really want to go to that direction, going for a job that I would truly love and show that I am worth something...
RE: Venting time... again. - Heil_Kaiba8921 - 11-07-2013 02:19 AM
Germany...17 years old...Germany...LIGHTBULB!!!!
Begin making your own beer in your room/basement/who the fuck cares where! If you do this and manage to make loads of good batches, start selling to people. You will instantly be invited to all of the parties because you are the "beer delivery guy."
I am going to reccomend driving a truck and figuring out how to fill a keg...then simoultaneously being able to lift a full keg.
RE: Venting time... again. - WhatEvenIsThis - 11-07-2013 03:49 AM
Oh you...
RE: Venting time... again. - Ky - 11-07-2013 07:14 AM
(11-07-2013 01:14 AM)Ferigeras Wrote: By the way, this. Mainstream people think that whoever is on the Internet for a lot of time and is not a good student in school, but instead is good on really different things, should be automaticly labelled as "no life"... fuck these people.
I do not WANT to give a shit about what people expect in society... yet I do it, too much even.
You wanna know what I have in mind? Being a psychologist... I have a lot of knowledge of what is truly right or wrong, I never discriminate people because of what they look like/race/nationality/whatever, I am always a fair person that would find a simple solution for anyone, atleast I am doing my best on it, and a lot of people and friends in my school love that about me.
I really want to go to that direction, going for a job that I would truly love and show that I am worth something...
You sound a lot like me; I am also thinking along these lines. There's nothing wrong with being an Internet-based autodidact, but I can't escape the societal stigma. Hopefully learning more about psychology would help me shake that off, and I'd get to know more about others to boot. Being a psychologist would be a cool job...
Anyway, if you really want to feel fulfilled, do something...or, at the very least, plan something; consider your future options and you might feel better.
RE: Venting time... again. - WhatEvenIsThis - 11-07-2013 09:34 AM
I will... if it makes me somewhat happy...