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To everyone who joined these forums at some point, and got discouraged by the negativity and left after a while (or even got literally scared off): I'm sorry.

I wasn't good enough at encouraging people to be kinder, and removing people who refuse to be kind. Encouraging people is hard, and removing people creates conflict, and I hate conflict... so that's why I wasn't better at it.

I was a very, very sensitive teen. The atmosphere of this forum as it is now, if it had existed in 1996, would probably have upset me far more than it would have helped.

I can handle quite a lot of negativity and even abuse now, but that isn't the point. I want to help people. I want to help the people who need it the most, and I want to help people like the 1996 version of me.

I'm still figuring out the best way to do that, but as it is now, these forums are doing more harm than good, and I can't keep running them.

Thank you to the few people who have tried to understand my point of view so far. I really, really appreciate you guys. You are beautiful people.

Everyone else: If after everything I've said so far, you still don't understand my motivations, I think it's unlikely that you will. We're just too different. Maybe someday in the future it might make sense, but until then, there's no point in arguing about it. I don't have the time or the energy for arguing anymore. I will focus my time and energy on people who support me, and those who need help.


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Need Some Advice
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NowhereWoman Offline

Posts: 627
Joined: Feb 2009
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Post: #1
Need Some Advice

Ok, this is how the last few months have gone.

Third person:
Alex learns school is crap. Learns her life's been wasted trying to impress people.
Alex slacks off. Alex has fun. Alex thinks things are goin pretty good.
Alex gets two C's, the first C's she's gotten since fourth grade.
Alex's dad gives her a strict talk, but even when she tries to tell him her thoughts on school, he wants her to do good and tells her that since she's so good at playing the game, she should just do her best and get good grades and stuff...
Alex's dad is pretty calm about it, but past arguments and screamfests she and her father have had(since she was in first grade, for God's sake!) have scarred her for life. SO-
Alex agrees outwardly, curses her father's ignorance inwardly.
Alex does a little better, but is still struggling.
Alex wants to be a rebel, but has been such a goody two shoes that she has an inborn fear of punishment and doing the wrong thing.
So Alex keeps her rebellion in her head and marvels in awe of those who really DO skip class anhd do what the hell they want to without giving a damn(because what can the schools do to us?) and all of that glorious stuff...
Whilst staying a scaredy-cat and struggling to get into that straight-A frame of mind again(to no avail, thank God)

Now, first person again.
I have two friends who are lesbian and in a relationship. They got detention for hugging and/or kissing, and the excuse the faculty used was 'no PDA's.'
which everyone know's is BS because there are boys and girls kissing and making out all over the place and nobody does anything about it except for MAYBE say 'knock it off, cut it out, etc.'
So that's discrimination.
This BITCH of a security guard all the kids hate comes
and starts PREACHING to them about how 'it's not God's way' and how they have to 'resist sin' and all this religious shit.
Now, if teachers can't tell us who they support in the election, how DARE this random security woman say that my friends are defying God and shit?
So, I wrote a petition. So far we have 59 signatures.
There was a slight problem though. My friend asked her Spanish teacher about petitions, and he said that you have to say EXACTLY what you want in the petition, or else everyone who signed can get in trouble.
This happened once before, where the signers of a petition to get an expelled girl back in school got punished.
I'm not afraid of being punished(for a petition, anyway).
But for the signers' sake, I reviewed the petition, changed a sentence or two, and that's that.

Now, the thing is,
I'm really angry about this, and I want to take action NOW. Especially since me and the girls are good friends AND I have my whole group of friend's support.
I sort of just want to get my group together and tell the security guard that what she did was wrong. But I'm all 'no, I need to do a peaceful protest....'
So I want to try the petition first.
once I get 100 sigs, I'm hoping to get my friends together, and go to the assistant dean's office(the idiot who gave them detention) and just speak my case.
If they refuse to hear me, I'll rip up the petition(destroying name evidence,) and just walk the F*** out....
Well, that's what's going on in my MIND, anyway.


Now, here's for the gushy stuff.

My main fear that keeps me from fighting back and just doing what I want is that I will scare my parents. I want them to know that no matter how much I hate school, I still love them(I really do, they're awesome parents, just need to try to understand me more..) and I want a good life. I'm not doing drugs, smoking, drinking, having sex, nothing.

I mean, I can vent to my fellow students, but not to my parents(they think I'm just overreacting) and DEFINITELY not to teachers.

It's just a tough situation for a scaredy-cat like me, and I'm internally going through a lot to figure out who I am and what I believe.

My questions to you all:

What should I do about the situation with my friends?

How do I get past this fear of speaking my mind to adults?

How do I get my parents to understand my point when they see all my anti-school feelings as PMS or hormones or overreactions?
(I've tried the whole proposal thing, writing down your reasons for wanting to leave, all that...)

An it Harm None, Do What Ye Will
An it Harm, Do Only What Ye Must

Lighten up! This life was made for experimenting, making mistakes, falling on our faces, and standing up to do it all over again.
Live for Learning.

Carla Franklin may be a whore. She may be a wonderful, kind, moral woman. Seeing as I don't know her personally, I cannot know for sure. However, I find her actions (suing Google, requesting the personal info of her critics, getting angry over random internet idiocy that she should ignore and be bigger than, trying to get this site in trouble because of a few users' commentary on the situation, etc.) pretty ridiculous and unwarranted. If she didn't want people to to be talking about/judging her, well 1. that's impossible, she's a human, and 2. she shouldn't have been a model or agreed to be on film. AND 3. she DEFINITELY shouldn't have sued Google and made all this fuss over a few random idiots whom she probably won't ever know expressing their opinion. Mmkay? MMKAY.
04-27-2009 02:39 PM
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xcriteria Offline

Posts: 3,090
Joined: Oct 2005
Thanks: 814
Given 930 thank(s) in 612 post(s)
Post: #2
Re: Need Some Advice

The parent thing is really tough in that kind of situation. Maybe you can eventually get some kind of understanding from your dad. But if his advice is "play the game"... I dunno. What does he want from you, school-wise? What are his reasons, once you get through the generalized "you just have to" thing? Is it about college?

Keep trying to discuss it, but also have a plan or two to propose. If you're just complaining, it's easier to brush off. Of course, if you propose something, like dropping out, or just him being OK with Cs, it's easier for him to say no.

It really, really, sucks to be in that position of being told to care, not caring, not being sure if it's worth trying, being tempted to not try, risking getting yelled at. At some point the question becomes, how much drama is it going to cause vs. how much non-compliance you can get away with.

Maybe, on top of not blatantly misbehaving, if you learned some useful stuff on your own, and showed him what you're capable of outside of school, that could help your case. Even if it doesn't seem to, it's worth learning whatever you aren't learning in school and eventually maybe he'll realize that's more important in the long run than what grades you get.

With the petition... I suggest asking for advice about this on the youth rights forums @ - there are probably people there who've been in the same situation, and/or could suggest how to proceed. Religion isn't supposed to be mixed up in school decisions, and it's possible your district has anti-discrimination rules in place. At the very least it's an opportunity to raise awareness. But do figure out what you want to ask for or accomplish.
04-27-2009 04:57 PM
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SoulRiser Offline
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Posts: 18,240
Joined: Aug 2001
Thanks: 2674
Given 1978 thank(s) in 1208 post(s)
Post: #3
Re: Need Some Advice

Well, the security woman doesn't really have power to do much other than just talk to them and tell them what she thinks, right? So as long as nobody with actual power starts doing stuff, then it's not much different from if some random person did the same thing. Except random people can't pull kids out of class. But then I wasn't there so I don't know what actually happened. They're probably gonna come across a lot more people who don't approve of what they're doing... as long as they don't let it affect them, they should be OK. You can't win them all. Sometimes it's best to just not bother with close-minded people. Tell them that if it happens again, they should just walk away from the person preaching to them. Any person who preaches that any kind of love is wrong, is not worth listening to. Love is never wrong.

Aaanyway. I was always shit scared of talking to people older than me. Whenever I did, it's like I would actually change the tone of my voice so that I sound like a squeaky little kid, even when I wasn't a kid anymore. What's the worst that your parents are likely to do? If you want them to know that you love them, it's a good idea to say so every now and then. Balance is good. Tell them you love them and also tell them how you feel about school and other stuff. Then it'll be up to them to figure out how to keep both ideas in their brains at the same time. If they think you're overreacting about stuff, try to point out where they might be overreacting. Then again, that might make them overreact even more. Razz

See, the thing is... there's nobody on this planet that isn't afraid of something. Even so-called brave people shit their pants about things. The difference is that they carry on in spite of their fear. They just don't let it stop them.

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04-28-2009 09:14 AM
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Leon Kinotolian Offline

Posts: 1,880
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Post: #4
Re: Need Some Advice

mangareadr Wrote:My questions to you all:

What should I do about the situation with my friends?

How do I get past this fear of speaking my mind to adults?

How do I get my parents to understand my point when they see all my anti-school feelings as PMS or hormones or overreactions?
(I've tried the whole proposal thing, writing down your reasons for wanting to leave, all that...)
1. First, tell them to ignore that security guard from now on; she's lost any merit she may have had prior to that preaching. Second, continue through with the petition and make damn sure the assistant principal reads every last word, but not every last signature. If he does nothing in favor of it, calmly keep your gaze on him as you bring the petition in front of him and shred it until you can't shred no more. Walk right out and start planning with the 100 signature students to protest this outrage. Hell, get it into the eyes of the local media. Epic win!

2. Adults tend to believe that they bear both more intellect and wisdom than anyone younger then them, yet fail to realize that the biggest imbeciles on the face of the modern earth is none other than themselves. Remember this fact. That should help.

3. Sit them down. Have no prior warning to this. Before you do anything further, inform them that what you are about to say was formulated while you were under no influences and no distress of any sort - under a sound mind, if you will - and therefore you would like to be taken seriously. Furthermore, tell them not to say anything until you are done talking. Once they agree, let 'er rip. CALMLY, of course, but make sure they get the point: School ain't good for you. When you're done, tell them to consider everything you have said and ask for their response a couple days later. See how that works for you.

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04-29-2009 01:50 PM
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