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I wasn't good enough at encouraging people to be kinder, and removing people who refuse to be kind. Encouraging people is hard, and removing people creates conflict, and I hate conflict... so that's why I wasn't better at it.

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The computer illiteracy thread
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aaaaaaasd Offline
Grorious Moddu

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Post: #1
The computer illiteracy thread

In which we point and laugh at those who suck at computers.

Quote:I've got 3 GB of RAM. Saving torrent!TS3 requires 5.59 GB of RAM. Does it take 5 GB to run TS3? Would I need to get more RAM? If I wait until it's in stores, will I be able to play it?
I'm very confused, because there seem to be conflicting ideas about this; some people are playing it with 1 GB, yet it requires 5 GB to download. This is a paradox. I can has confusion. Feel free to poke me with sharp objects and cackle.

Quote:Customer: "One of my friends gave me an ImageWriter printer and this keyboard. He said he gave me all the cables, but I can't figure out how to connect them. Am I missing something?"
Tech Support: "Well, a computer would help."
Customer: "You mean this keyboard isn't a word processor?"
Tech Support: "No ma'am, its just an input device."
Customer: "Then I need to buy a computer, right?"
Tech Support: "Yes."
Customer: "Do you think I'll need a monitor, too?"

Quote:When working at the Blinn College computer lab I had a girl come up to the desk and ask why her cdrom drive was not working. I went to check it out and to my surprise she had crammed the expensive software CD into the 5 1/4" drive. I had to take apart the drive to get the CD out, and of course it was ruined. A week later, the same girl came in and did it again.

Quote:Customer: "It's asking me for my username and passport. I don't have a passport!"

Quote:Customer: "My computer won't work. You guys must have broken it when you installed the modem."
Tech Support: "What happens when you turn it on?"
Customer: "It won't turn on anymore!!!!!"
Tech Support: "So you don't see any lights or hear any noise?"
Customer: "I'm telling you it WON'T TURN ON."
Tech Support: "Is it plugged in?
Customer: "OF COURSE it's plugged in, you MORON!"
Tech Support: "When you push the power button it--"
Customer: "Power button? This computer doesn't have a power button."
Tech Support: "Sir, all computers have power buttons. Look at the front of the case, find the word 'power,' and push the button."
Customer: "YOU FIXED IT!! Thanks!!!!"

Quote:My Friend: "I just installed Windows 98."
Me: "Cool. But...it's 2001. Why not Windows 2000 or wait for XP to come out?"
My Friend: "Oh, 98 is more easily hacked, so I want it."
Me: "You want to get hacked?"
My Friend: "Yes! Wouldn't you?"
Me: "No...."
My Friend: "When you get hacked you get a lot of money! That's a good thing!"
Me: "???"

Quote:Friend: "Hey, cool Mac! Does it have Windows!?"
Me: (incredulous stare)
Friend: "Oh, wait, that was stupid. All Macs have Windows."

Guess Who? Wrote:I think my old account is haunted-BY SPYWARE, and I dont wanna give my password away, and then I'm afraid they'll ask for the account to be deleted which will screw me over, and i dont wanna download things cause they cost money (which I don't have)
does anyone know where I can scan my computer without paying money or downloading it?

Quote:Me: "Have you tried rebooting your computer?"
Customer: "What?! Oh no, you never, EVER, reboot a computer!"
Me: "Ma'am, I can assure you that it's perfectly safe to--"
Customer: "No! If I went to the president of Milicron (a computer manufacturer) and told him that you said to reboot my machine, he would just laugh at that! You don't ever reboot a computer!"
Me: "Well, something like that might be reasonable if it were a large server or something, but rebooting your PC won't cause any--"
Customer: "No! No! No!" (click)


Yes, I know I'm mean. Shut up.
06-13-2009 08:13 PM
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True Strasserist Offline
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Post: #2
Re: The computer illiteracy thread

Quote:Any good sites that I can download some RAM from? My computer tells me i'm low on memory. Thanks in advance

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School and the Allegory of the Cave Shooter | Username has no girlfriend! | Moon man, Moon man, can't you see?
06-14-2009 12:02 AM
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Milk2Go Offline
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Post: #3
Re: The computer illiteracy thread

Quote:i bought one of these and tried putting in my dell dimension 2350. my friend said that the shiny metal part on the bottom looks like it has lines because you cut at the lines if it doesnt fit. so i carefully cut off the bottom so that it fit into 1 of the slot things in my computer. now it doesnt work. did i cut it wrong? id post pics, but no camera. is there anyway i can fix this? thanks for any help.

hm............................................

now the rest of the system wont turn on and it beeps a lot. is this fixable???????????????
06-14-2009 12:55 AM
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aaaaaaasd Offline
Grorious Moddu

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Post: #4
Re: The computer illiteracy thread

BobManPerson Wrote:
Quote:i bought one of these and tried putting in my dell dimension 2350. my friend said that the shiny metal part on the bottom looks like it has lines because you cut at the lines if it doesnt fit. so i carefully cut off the bottom so that it fit into 1 of the slot things in my computer. now it doesnt work. did i cut it wrong? id post pics, but no camera. is there anyway i can fix this? thanks for any help.

hm............................................

now the rest of the system wont turn on and it beeps a lot. is this fixable???????????????

LOL OWNED
06-14-2009 03:32 AM
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Sociopath Offline
©o℗yright Infringe®

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Post: #5
Re: The computer illiteracy thread

Mine was a serious issuem, STFU Xploding Nigger
ur just butthurt cause ur a fat bitch, its getting old, STFU nao.

Hidden stuff:
TRIGGER WARNING: THIS TRIGGER WARNING CONTAINS TRIGGER WARNINGS!

Dear Tumblrites: Despite your wrongly self-diagnosed PTSD, no line of scientific evidence suggests people can be triggered over the internet. Triggering works through the senses (i.e. smell, taste, touch, vision, hearing.) but it goes through real time; if you're not experiencing it in real life as it's ACTUALLY HAPPENING in your ACTUAL life, you CANNOT be triggered. The only exception to this is if you have a seizure, but then again, that's triggered by epilepsy (i.e. rapidly-changing flashing lights) NOT PTSD. Remembering a bad incident is NOT the same thing as having a flashback. When you remember, you think; when you flashback, you feel.

#HashTagsAreForIdiots

[Image: violator_blackbg_110x32.gif]
Max Stirnir Wrote:"In the time of spirits thoughts grew till they overtopped my head, whose offspring they yet were; they hovered about me and convulsed me like fever-phantasies -- an awful power. The thoughts had become corporeal on their own account, were ghosts, e. g. God, Emperor, Pope, Fatherland, etc. If I destroy their corporeity, then I take them back into mine, and say: "I alone am corporeal." And now I take the world as what it is to me, as mine, as my property; I refer all to myself." The Ego and Its Own, pg. 15
Charles Manson Wrote:“Look down at me and you see a fool;
look up at me and you see a god;
look straight at me and you see yourself”
HeartofShadows Wrote:"Life is nothing more than a druggie trying to get their quick fix of happiness while dealing with the harsh withdrawal of reality"
Osip Mandelstam Wrote:"I divide all of world literature into authorized and unauthorized works. The former are all trash; the latter--stolen air. I want to spit in the face of every writer who first obtains permission and then writes." The Fourth Prose, 1930.
Lukas Foss Wrote:That is why the analogy of stealing does not work. With a thief, we want to know how much money he stole, and from whom. With the artist it is not how much he took and from whom, but what he did with it.
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06-14-2009 03:48 AM
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aaaaaaasd Offline
Grorious Moddu

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Post: #6
Re: The computer illiteracy thread

TrueAnarchist Wrote:Mine was a serious issuem, STFU Xploding Nigger
ur just butthurt cause ur a fat bitch, its getting old, STFU nao.

OH NO EVERYONE HAS ME ON IGNORE NOW I CAN'T SPOUT MY BULLSHIT A FULL VOLUME

Yup. It's a serious problem to me. Also, I fail to see how a scentence on the internet changes my gender.
06-14-2009 03:51 AM
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Sociopath Offline
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Post: #7
Re: The computer illiteracy thread

Quote:Boo-Hoo, I'm Xploding-Nigger and I r SADD My boobs will nvr grow in, i'll nvr experience love, and I'm a fat bitch who smokes 60 ciggarettes a day to ease the pain in my mangina from me having eaten so many fucking McDonald's meals, this is All TrueAnarchist's fault Even tho I've nvr met him in real life and he's just standing around and being mean to me SO MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAN Boo-hoo, Why Do I suck so much? Why can't I find a guyfriend? WHY DO I USE SO MANY DAMN SMILIES?

Hidden stuff:
TRIGGER WARNING: THIS TRIGGER WARNING CONTAINS TRIGGER WARNINGS!

Dear Tumblrites: Despite your wrongly self-diagnosed PTSD, no line of scientific evidence suggests people can be triggered over the internet. Triggering works through the senses (i.e. smell, taste, touch, vision, hearing.) but it goes through real time; if you're not experiencing it in real life as it's ACTUALLY HAPPENING in your ACTUAL life, you CANNOT be triggered. The only exception to this is if you have a seizure, but then again, that's triggered by epilepsy (i.e. rapidly-changing flashing lights) NOT PTSD. Remembering a bad incident is NOT the same thing as having a flashback. When you remember, you think; when you flashback, you feel.

#HashTagsAreForIdiots

[Image: violator_blackbg_110x32.gif]
Max Stirnir Wrote:"In the time of spirits thoughts grew till they overtopped my head, whose offspring they yet were; they hovered about me and convulsed me like fever-phantasies -- an awful power. The thoughts had become corporeal on their own account, were ghosts, e. g. God, Emperor, Pope, Fatherland, etc. If I destroy their corporeity, then I take them back into mine, and say: "I alone am corporeal." And now I take the world as what it is to me, as mine, as my property; I refer all to myself." The Ego and Its Own, pg. 15
Charles Manson Wrote:“Look down at me and you see a fool;
look up at me and you see a god;
look straight at me and you see yourself”
HeartofShadows Wrote:"Life is nothing more than a druggie trying to get their quick fix of happiness while dealing with the harsh withdrawal of reality"
Osip Mandelstam Wrote:"I divide all of world literature into authorized and unauthorized works. The former are all trash; the latter--stolen air. I want to spit in the face of every writer who first obtains permission and then writes." The Fourth Prose, 1930.
Lukas Foss Wrote:That is why the analogy of stealing does not work. With a thief, we want to know how much money he stole, and from whom. With the artist it is not how much he took and from whom, but what he did with it.
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06-14-2009 03:54 AM
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Rebelnerd Offline
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Post: #8
Re: The computer illiteracy thread

I can't give specific quotes, but I recently found out that my creative writing teacher did not know how to save files. She was typing out an email when class started, and she asked if anyone needed to use the computer. When no one did, she said that was good because she wouldn't have to print the message and retype it later.
And she's a writing teacher. What happens if she has to write something longer than a few lines?

But compared the substitute economics teacher we had once who didn't know what a mouse was, she's like a fucking matrix operator.

I think Buenaventura Durruti is a pretty cool guy. eh kills fascists and doesnt afraid of ruins.
The quickest way to kill a revolution is to wait for it.
06-14-2009 04:02 AM
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LOON_ATTIC Offline
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Post: #9
Re: The computer illiteracy thread

Quote:I've got 3 GB of RAM. Saving torrent!TS3 requires 5.59 GB of RAM. Does it take 5 GB to run TS3? Would I need to get more RAM? If I wait until it's in stores, will I be able to play it?
I'm very confused, because there seem to be conflicting ideas about this; some people are playing it with 1 GB, yet it requires 5 GB to download. This is a paradox. I can has confusion. Feel free to poke me with sharp objects and cackle.
I lol'd.
Quote:My Friend: "I just installed Windows 98."
Me: "Cool. But...it's 2001. Why not Windows 2000 or wait for XP to come out?"
My Friend: "Oh, 98 is more easily hacked, so I want it."
Me: "You want to get hacked?"
My Friend: "Yes! Wouldn't you?"
Me: "No...."
My Friend: "When you get hacked you get a lot of money! That's a good thing!"
Me: "???"
Laugh

I didn't find anything of dumb people, but this.

http://www.ninjapirate.com/newcomputer.html

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06-14-2009 09:15 AM
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monkey Away
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Post: #10
Re: The computer illiteracy thread

vitralizer Wrote:
Quote:Any good sites that I can download some RAM from? My computer tells me i'm low on memory. Thanks in advance

Lol

Had to move on. Account is dead.
06-14-2009 09:27 AM
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Amortisatie Offline
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Post: #11
Re: The computer illiteracy thread

My computer teacher took an hour to figure out that his keyboard wasn't working because it wasn't plugged in, called tech support and everything Laugh

(During the call we all high-fived my friend who unplugged it) Giggle

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06-14-2009 10:59 AM
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LOON_ATTIC Offline
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Post: #12
Re: The computer illiteracy thread

Amortisatie Wrote:My computer teacher took an hour to figure out that his keyboard wasn't working because it wasn't plugged in, called tech support and everything Laugh

(During the call we all high-fived my friend who unplugged it) Giggle
lol.

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06-14-2009 04:09 PM
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aaaaaaasd Offline
Grorious Moddu

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Post: #13
Re: The computer illiteracy thread

Quote:One night working at technical support, this old lady called and
told me that she recieved our disk and said that she's afraid of it.
Tech: Well, ma'am there is nothing to be afraid of. It's for your computer.
Cust: Well, I don't have a computer. The directions say "install and run".
I'm too old to run.
Tech: Ma'am could you please hold? (screams with laughter)
Tech: Ma'am I can insure you that you are ok.
Cust: Ok. Should I call the police?
Tech: No, ma'am, just throw it away.
Cust: Well, there is a silver thing that slides across and it
clicks. What is that?
Tech: It is safe to throw it away. It's for a computer, ok?
Cust: But is this a bomb?
Tech: No, ma'am, just throw it away.
Cust: Now?
Tech: Yes, if you like.
Cust: Son, you saved my life! Thank you and have a nice day.

Quote:I was teaching Excel and I kept telling the class that they needed
to have their pointer on the cell and then click the mouse button
to select it. One lady was having a terrible time until I noticed
she was literally pointing with her FINGER, and clicking the mouse.

Quote:I've heard of a man (PhD in heavy engineering!) who got the message
"Bad sectors on disk" and cleaned the disk up. With *glasspaper*.

Quote:I installed a simple peer to peer network for a client with 2 PC's,
and a printer. Everything was fine for a while when I got a panic call:
User: Help me, I can't print or read so-and-so's files anymore.
Tech: Well, can she print and access the files?
User: No, she's not here today.
Tech: Well, go to her pc and try to print the file.
User: Ok, but I'm kinda busy and it takes so long for her PC to boot up
when I turn it on!
Tech: You mean you're trying to print to a printer hooked to her PC and
access files on her computer and it's not turned on?!
User: No, it's not on; does it have to be?

Quote:Member: Keep getting a message when I launch the software.
Me: What does the message say?
Member: Something about a protection foot.
Me: Was it a general protection fault?
Member: Yeah that could not it! (actual words no typos)
Me: Do you know what module and address it occured at?
Member: Well in my living room at 1174 East 2nd street.
Me: No, on the screen did it give you an address like manager.aol at
000F:0f23?
Member: I already told you it accured in my living room!! (angry)
Me: Okay, do you remember anything else about the error message?
Member: Listen, are you gonna come over and fix my problem?
Me: No, we will do it over the telephone.
Member: Well, then what the @%*(#$ are you asking for my address for?
(At this point it has occured to me that members blood alcohol was
higher than his AOL version number so I explained our policy on
swearing at a tech and was sworn at more times and finally belched at!)

Quote:A Dell technician received a call from a customer who was enraged
because his computer had told him he was "bad and invalid". The tech
explained that the computer's "bad command" and "invalid" responses
shouldn't be taken personally.

Quote:Another customer calling the Canon help desk complained that his
BJC-610 was not printing red. After the tech ran the customer through
a few unsuccessful cleanings, he asked the customer to remove the red
tank and see how much ink was in it. The customer then said "No, it
doesn't have any ink. On page 130 in the manual, it said to do some
extensive cleanings. So, I drained the ink and filled it with water
to clean it."

Quote:Got a call today from a gentleman who was upset because ABC's "This
Week with David Brinkley" show had run long, causing the first twenty
minutes or so of a sporting event to be pre-empted, and he had seen
AOL's blurb at the end of the show.
Tech: "Well, sir, ABC News does have an area on AOL but we're not
affiliated with them...I'm not sure I understand, why did you call
us instead of ABC?"
Cust: "Well, things like this sure don't make America Online look good!"
06-14-2009 06:43 PM
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SoulRiser Offline
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Post: #14
Re: The computer illiteracy thread

Epic lulz. XD

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06-18-2009 05:16 AM
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random_name Offline
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Post: #15
Re: The computer illiteracy thread

Lol. That sad thing is, i didnt get some of those.

My grandma is hopeless with computers. I went on my grandad's laptop at her house, and tured it off to go home. She rang us on the way back, and asked us to turn around and o to her house. Wen we got there , she explained she wanted us to look at a flashing light on the computer. It was the battery light, telling us it was charging.

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"What is the task of higher education? To make a man into a machine. What are the means employed? He is taught how to suffer being bored." – F W Nietzsche
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06-19-2009 02:07 AM
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aaaaaaasd Offline
Grorious Moddu

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Post: #16
Re: The computer illiteracy thread

LOL OWNED

EDIT:
Quote:The best idiot I had, so far, was a guy whom I had to install Windows.
The next day he called: "It doesn't work anymore!". D'oh, it was for real: no system at boot.
"What did you do?" "Nothing!" (of course).
Format, reinstall, go home.
Next day, another call: "It doesn't work!". Me: "WTF! It's not possible, what did you DO??" "Nothing at all!" (suuuuure!).

With one exception apparently: he fixed a bug. "A what?!". "A Windows bug. The system wasn't fully translated in Italian: there still was a folder "WINDOWS" - it was nearly impossible to fix it, but in the end I succeeded!" (proud smile).

The moron had renamed the WINDOWS folder in FINESTRE. I still have to find out how did he managed to do that; morons are full of incredible resources.
06-20-2009 10:36 PM
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LOON_ATTIC Offline
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Post: #17
Re: The computer illiteracy thread

Quote:If you ask me, I recommend getting a motherboard that supports DDR5 1000000 to the power of 7 RAM. I mean, sure, it costs billions of Yen, but the SPEED! Its like your computer is an F1 car with rockets on the back ...

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06-29-2009 06:15 AM
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Amortisatie Offline
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Post: #18
Re: The computer illiteracy thread

CrayolaColours Wrote:
slAcker Wrote:
Quote:If you ask me, I recommend getting a motherboard that supports DDR5 1000000 to the power of 7 RAM. I mean, sure, it costs billions of Yen, but the SPEED! Its like your computer is an F1 car with rockets on the back ...

...In a computer thread here in ss, when talking about which ram was better...
Damn, the sad thing? I don't understand that joke. Explaination please? I'm trying to learn as much as possible about computers. It's a goal of mine this summer. Tis is the first joke in this whole thread which I didn't get =/

Lol, that DDR5 10000000 stuff was him being retarded

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07-01-2009 02:30 AM
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aaaaaaasd Offline
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Post: #19
Re: The computer illiteracy thread

wat
07-01-2009 02:34 AM
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SoulRiser Offline
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Post: #20
Re: The computer illiteracy thread

http://social.answers.microsoft.com/For ... d5cb1a7605

Hard Drive weight increasing?

Quote:Apologies if this is the incorrect area for this question.

I've noticed that as I copy data/install programs on my Laptop, the weight of the Laptop increases. I have a bad back and am medically limited on the amount of weight I can carry so I need to be very carefull not to inflict injury upon myself.

I have also noticed my XBox feels heavier as well (the more games I save or purchase from arcade). I generally don't travel with my XBox so that is not an issue for me, but note the I am having the same results.

My ask, what is the weight/file ratio? So for example, how many GB's = 6oz? I dread the day I need a dolly to commute to work with my Laptop.


Thanks in advance!
- K

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Quote:If you have very large files, you can compress them and then compress the compressed file etc. until the files are down to 1 byte. That should make you laptop lighter than when you bought it! I use this trick all the time so that I can save my entire music collection on a 5-1/4" floppy (yeah, I found a use for them Smile

Quote:Dear friend:

Every Gigabyte counts as 5oz of extra weight for your computer.There has been cases (in computers with 1Tb of Hard drive and more) of people left eMule activated 3 days and when that people returned to the computer,there was a hole in the floor instead.

Maybe you should try a compression software (like 7zip for example) which help reducing the data's weight.

Take care of those P2P software that quickly increase your data.Watch out and be careful.

Use MS-DOS to drastically reduce data weight.

Greetings from Spain!

Quote:I am glad you brought this up actually.

I don't think this is just a technology problem. The other day, I was reading one of those MS press books (One of the Thick ones) and towards the end of the book (after reading it for about three hours) I wanted to get up for a glass of water and use the toilet eventually.
But, here's when a strange thing happened. As i was about to get up (I usually read in bed) my head was so heavy that I couldn't get up. I roughly estimate the wheight increase ~564.32 grams.
Well, I attributed this phenomena to the amount of information that got stored in my brain during that time (Notice the similarity there ? )
I eventually fell asleep and when I woke up a few hours later to take the MS exam guess what?!? My head was light again, and I consequently failed the Exam as I couldn't remember anything a read on that book.

Based on my experience, what I would suggest, is turn the laptop off, leave it like that for a few hours and then you can carry it around without risking to break your back. You might risk to loose your data but hey, your health is more important.

I hope that helps

Quote:It depends on the size of the gigabyte, if it's a bigger gigabyte it will weigh more (like a normal bite of your Mcdonalds) ...the bigger the byte the more energy (jiggawatts) it will consume and therefore weigh more. Using the formula w=g/j (weight = gigabytes/jiggawatts) you will see how much the weight will increase. Avoid .exe files as they are really heavy according to Christophé Toffy Brun in his 1908 memoirs...

Quote:I'm afraid I have to disagree with you on this one. The fact is that the equation to which you refer (discovered in the XVIIII century, by Lineus Torvaldus) involves gigabytes AND giggawatts (as opposed to your "jiggawatts" which have been deprecated). The correct form is>
"weight of data equals gigabytes divided by giggawatts"
or
wD=g/g
Basic algebra shows that g/g=1, so
wD=1
Divide both sides by D...
w(D/D) = 1/D
thus eliminating (D/D) it renders.
w = 1/D
Which reads: "The weight is the inverse of the Data"

This is the formal mathematical proof that the more data you store, the LESS the computer weights.
If anything, this person should put his hamburger ON TOP of the laptop, to act as a paperwieght.

Quote:Forgot to explain:
The fact that the giggawat is spelled with a "g" is because it actually has the same latin root as gigabyte: "gi" and means "the highest one" as in "ginius" (the highest one in IQ).

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07-03-2009 02:59 AM
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Amortisatie Offline
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Post: #21
Re: The computer illiteracy thread

ROFLMAO Soul

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07-03-2009 03:01 AM
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the_ryan Offline
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Post: #22
Re: The computer illiteracy thread

lol my mum was reading the other day on how to copy and psate.

this forum cant tale a joke
08-24-2009 08:47 PM
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