the bastards drove me to hell and back again (rant)

[musicmylife]

when i started skl i was fairly quiet but happy- i had friends and after primary skl things seemed good. my confidence and self esteem levels were good and i had no phscological problems. thanks to the school system though that changed dramatically.
last year i was horribly depressed and noone noticed or cared at my school, i was quiet withdrawn and just did as i was told because i didn't have the energy to fight anymore. i guess the teachers just accepted that was who i was and what i was like little did they know that i was on the verge of suicide. i hated school and there were idiots that would take the piss out of me everyday and even when teachers saw it going on they turned there back on it (literally turn away) and pretend it wasn't going on. i asked one of my teachers if i could move away from the bullies and she refused over and over again. eventually i stopped the bullies and got over my depression with no help from the school.

after this i began building my self confidence up again and finding myself as the person i used to be had 'died' during the depression that the school caused. this year i began getting in quite alot of trouble however i was enjoying life and because of the fun i was creating school wasn't that bad. in one lesson i was mucking around consderably and got put on report- i have now been on that lesson report 4 times maybe 5 next week. then in many other lessons some teachers began complaining and getting me in trouble giving me detentions and stuff like that.

the other day i got called to see my head of year who although im not the typical 'bad girl' image, he was getting concerned over my behavior and underachievment and if it didn't improve he would call my parents (who are already REALLy annoyed with me bout the 4 other reports) and put me on focus report. thats not even the most annoying bit though. im no way near the worst behaved in my year the only reason why he's doing it is because im quite clever on paper im apparently an all a-a* student. the only reason why he's doing it is so the school looks good. he didn't give a damn when i was depressed and on the verge of suicide but now im not going to make the school look good he's concerned!!!

[Rebelnerd]

musicmylife Wrote:when i started skl i was fairly quiet but happy- i had friends and after primary skl things seemed good. my confidence and self esteem levels were good and i had no phscological problems. thanks to the school system though that changed dramatically.
last year i was horribly depressed and noone noticed or cared at my school, i was quiet withdrawn and just did as i was told because i didn't have the energy to fight anymore. i guess the teachers just accepted that was who i was and what i was like little did they know that i was on the verge of suicide. i hated school and there were idiots that would take the piss out of me everyday and even when teachers saw it going on they turned there back on it (literally turn away) and pretend it wasn't going on. i asked one of my teachers if i could move away from the bullies and she refused over and over again. eventually i stopped the bullies and got over my depression with no help from the school.

Man, I know how that feels. You can't trust the authorities to do shit for you when it really counts, they'd rather throw you to the wolves than admit that their wonderful school has a problem. Glad to hear that you're not getting attacked anymore. How did you end up stopping them?

[musicmylife]

started off rolling my eyes at them and acting unaffected and then as my self confidence grew i began fighting back vebally at first and then finally physically. firstly punching then hitting over the head with a book and then finally opening my locker as hard as i could onto his head - although i wouldn't recomend it most of the time i was just lucky noone was around coz otherwise i would have been in deep shit.

[Rebelnerd]

Good for you, standing up to the bastards. Don't ever let anyone tell you that peace solves everything. I labored under that delusion for far too long and I've got bruises to prove it. Always kills me how they say that you should never try to solve these problems on your own, you should just go tell a teacher. And all the teachers do is punish you for self defense.

[musicmylife]

i know i always try it at first as i hate using violence but when push comes to shove i use it and although i look very weak im suprisingly strong. the schools say oh come to us tell us your problems and we'll sort it out HA yeah right the only thing they ever did for me was... umm... well thinging about it .... ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!!
i even got in trouble once for telling the person to shut up and leave me alone, the teacher knew what was going on but told me to be quiet and not use that type of language! she's one of the reasons why i hate them all, they do nothing to help us and then when we don't help them they wonder why. on our school behavior policy it says respect others- yeah that includes you teachers, you show us none push us around ignore our needs and then expect us to worship the ground you stand on and do exactly as they say what a load of fucking bullshit

[SoulRiser]

I'm glad you're doing better now, and that you stood up to those stupid bullies.

I've tried to think of ways to get bullies to stop that don't involve physically hurting them, or at least scaring them in some way, and I really couldn't come up with anything. I actually regret not beating the shit out of the bullies at school back when I was still there. I think I would have enjoyed it. Only kicked one guy on his shin a few times. There was this one girl I would have loved to punch in the face, but sadly I never did. She's probably a whore now. Not that that's relevant to anything. XD


Is there any way you can get through to your parents about those 'reports' and explain your side of the story? What's the worst they're likely to do to you?

[musicmylife]

they were ok(ish) about the first time then i failed it and got put back on and they were a little pissed off then i failed it again and they got called into the school for a interview with my teach and head of faculty about my bahavior and got put on a final warning one- which i passed. now a week or so ago i got put back on which really pissed them off and i tried explaining but with my parents if i said i was being unfairly treated they would go into school and complain or do something extreme and anything else they just say is my fault and i need to know when to stop and how to get the balance right.
only problem is the school threw the balance out the window and everytime i got on report i would get a look from my teacher that just infuriated me and made me want to fail just so she wouldn't feel like she can control me by having a crappy piece of paper. my parents never understand and when i say i changed and this is who i am now so they have to learn to deal with this they simply say well who are you then, and i cant just sit here and do nothing whilst you throw away your life.. news flash thats what school does to you.

[SoulRiser]

'throw away your life' ...

You're not throwing away your life, you're getting it back. Back when you were just doing whatever people said because you were too tired to stand up for yourself, THAT'S more like throwing your life away. Not standing up for yourself.

Well... it does sound like they care, at least... they just don't really know you or understand you, doesn't sound like they have much experience with human psychology either. Until they learn more about it, or about you, I suppose telling them too much could actually do more harm than good.

At least somehow make it clear to them that you're happy with your life just the way it is? Or something... I dunno. Something to make them relax and not worry. I don't know how.

EDIT: How would they react if they read this forum thread?
Writing to people has always worked a lot better for me than talking to them.

[musicmylife]

if they read this... well lets just put it this way, i would never see my laptop again. they would moan at me for writing stuff like this, disagreing with the school system, being on a site like this and then they'd read it and tell me how i am wrong and how even my opinion is wrong just like they do at school.

i know i've made my parents sound quite bad in these posts and am starting to feel guilty so just to clarify they're great parents but we do have some major clashes over stuff like this

[Sanduril]

wow, they really sound like dicks. that goes to the bullies and the teachers. they do fuck all and when u try to do something, you get in trouble. im glad i found this site. it was lunchtime and i was on the computer in school. the day had been deppressing so far. so for the hell of it i typed in on google i hate school and came up with this site. i really wish i had the guts to kick the shit out of the bullies in my school, but i no ill just get humiliated as usual because im weaker than them. in my opinion school is just like living in a stoneage tribe. because ur hard ur really popular and brains are looked down upon. i fucking hate the place.

[SoulRiser]

Quote:if they read this... well lets just put it this way, i would never see my laptop again. they would moan at me for writing stuff like this, disagreing with the school system, being on a site like this and then they'd read it and tell me how i am wrong and how even my opinion is wrong just like they do at school.

Doesn't sound like they can really be reasoned with, then.

Quote:i know i've made my parents sound quite bad in these posts and am starting to feel guilty so just to clarify they're great parents but we do have some major clashes over stuff like this

If you can't talk to them honestly about things that really bother you, how great are they really?
I'm sure it could be a lot worse, though.