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I wasn't good enough at encouraging people to be kinder, and removing people who refuse to be kind. Encouraging people is hard, and removing people creates conflict, and I hate conflict... so that's why I wasn't better at it.

I was a very, very sensitive teen. The atmosphere of this forum as it is now, if it had existed in 1996, would probably have upset me far more than it would have helped.

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I got dumped
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~Mystery~ Offline
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Post: #1
I got dumped

My girlfriend just broke up with me.

I'm 18 and I never had anal sex before, so I really wanted to try it. But my girlfriend never wanted to do anal sex, she had a bad experience with an ex-boyfriend. So I told her she should try it with me, and that she shouldn't worry about it 'cause we'd use plenty of lube. She agreed but told me she didn't want to do it that night.

A week later, her parents were going out of town, so we had her place for ourselves. After she took a bath, we were enjoying our evening. Dinner, candles, movie and snuggling on the couch. I really did my best making it special for her. We went through 4 bottles of red wine. And after we walked her dog we got back home, sat on the couch and we started fooling around. After some steamy kissing and taking each others clothes off, she turned over on the couch, bending over for me to take her doggy. We started fucking but I really did not know how to bring up the anal thing and I was too drunk to come up with something clever or sweet, so I just gently put my thumb in her asshole. She was startled and mumbled something about lube so I got the bottle of lube and used a lot of it. It got on the couch, but we really didn't care.

So I gently start fucking her in the ass, and it was amazing! It was so fucking tight. She was getting into it too, and I think she even liked it very much. She was moaning and calling my name, when her parents car parked up the driveway. We saw the lights through the window.

I stopped and pulled out, jumped off the couch and put a shirt and my pants on without my underwear.
She stopped, jumped up and shat all over the couch! The white couch.. She looked at me with a 'oh shit we're fucked-face' and ran to the bathroom. I grabbed all our clothes and threw them in after her.

So her parents walk in, me in a t-shirt, jeans, and with a huge erection looking with big eyes at the white and shit-covered couch. Their daughter was in the bathroom, door closed and crying. Her parents screamed at me, asking why their daughter was crying and why the couch was covered in shit. I was numbed by the whole experience and I really couldn't say anything. As soon as her father grabbed my by the shirt I said, without thinking: "I was giving your daughter a massage on the couch. And we used some massage-oil.. We were in the kitchen, and the dog got on the couch and must've thought the bottle of massage oil was a toy. When we got back out of the kitchen he had it in his mouth and was spraying it all over the couch. I got real mad and shouted at him. He must've been real scared, cause he shat all over the couch." Her dad took the dog in the backyard and killed the dog with his hunting rifle.

So like I was saying. My girlfriend just broke up with me.. and I don't think it's my fault. What steps should I take to get her back?

People act unaware that the human body is a walking pharmacy![Image: rolleyes.gif]~David Icke~
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04-09-2010 02:23 PM
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Rebelnerd Offline
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Post: #2
Re: I got dumped

cool story bro.

I think Buenaventura Durruti is a pretty cool guy. eh kills fascists and doesnt afraid of ruins.
The quickest way to kill a revolution is to wait for it.
04-09-2010 02:36 PM
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Spot-ify Offline
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Post: #3
Re: I got dumped

Rebelnerd Wrote:cool story bro.
Son of a bitch!

I used to be "The circus" as I forgot my login, but then hey-ho I remembered it.
04-09-2010 02:40 PM
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Cilaos Offline
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Post: #4
Re: I got dumped

COOL COPYPASTA BRO.

I AM A THIEF IN THE NIGHT I WILL SAVE AS MANY AS I CAN

I KEEP THEM IN MY BASEMENT

I TELL THEM I AM THEIR MOMMY NOW
04-09-2010 02:41 PM
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The Desert Fox Offline
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Post: #5
Re: I got dumped

Zherneboh beat me to it, but it was obvious that it was copypasta from the start.

Hidden stuff:
(11-27-2011 01:00 PM)psychopath Wrote:  
(11-27-2011 10:52 AM)Efs Wrote:  Our Army is more professional than Amerika. Smile
Except ours isn't allowed to have guns
CrayolaColours Wrote:That post owned. TDF wins post of the year.
Faby Wrote:
krissy Wrote:dessert fox
Mmm, flambéed vulpine.
"There is no enemy, there is no victory, only boys who lost their lives in the sand."
[/center]
04-09-2010 02:58 PM
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LOON_ATTIC Offline
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Post: #6
Re: I got dumped

I laughed

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04-09-2010 03:07 PM
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Desu Offline
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Post: #7
Re: I got dumped

Lunatic Wrote:I laughed

RIP GORE GOROTH

He was an hero. He will always be remembered.
04-09-2010 03:46 PM
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Desu Offline
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Post: #8
Re: I got dumped

Rebelnerd Wrote:cool story bro.
Spot-ify Wrote:
Rebelnerd Wrote:cool story bro.
Son of a bitch!
Zherneboh Wrote:COOL COPYPASTA BRO.
The Desert Fox Wrote:Zherneboh beat me to it, but it was obvious that it was copypasta from the start.

I wish I was as cool as you guys.

RIP GORE GOROTH

He was an hero. He will always be remembered.
04-09-2010 03:56 PM
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CrayolaColours Offline
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Post: #9
Re: I got dumped

Lunatic Wrote:I laughed
But at first I didn't see the forum it was under, and started getting creeped out.

When it went into detail, I just lol'd.

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04-09-2010 03:58 PM
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Efs Offline
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Post: #10
Re: I got dumped

Ohh haha I cried until I realized it was fake..you had me for a sec mate!
Even funnier because I was actually going to help you then! If that was real though that would've sucked big time... :\

(01-10-2012 02:15 PM)Maelstrom Wrote:  Efs, your nihilism is beautiful.
04-13-2010 09:58 PM
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Hanny Offline
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Post: #11
Re: I got dumped

I knew this was fake before I clicked the topic. Mystery could never get a girlfriend with that fashion sense.

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<Darthmat> I love the taste of meat in my mouth. Cory, I don't know how you live without it.
<Darthmat> "Forbidden meat tastes sweetest."

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Conclusion: Still a penis.
04-13-2010 10:33 PM
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aaaaaaasd Offline
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Post: #12
Re: I got dumped

^

THIS VERILY
04-13-2010 10:52 PM
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AWOL Offline
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Post: #13
Re: I got dumped

Ohgawd, I was laughing for about ten minutes there.

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04-13-2010 11:04 PM
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HeartofShadows Offline
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Post: #14
Re: I got dumped

Knew it was fake before I clicked link.

Mystery isn't stupid enough to post his real life situations on here.

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04-13-2010 11:21 PM
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Alucard483 Offline
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Post: #15
Re: I got dumped

Old, and copy pasta. Binn'ed

Whilst some work diligently there are those who ask why. I am one of them
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04-14-2010 08:08 AM
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CrayolaColours Offline
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Post: #16
Re: I got dumped

CENSAWRSHIP!!!!!11

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04-14-2010 08:13 AM
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LOON_ATTIC Offline
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Post: #17
Re: I got dumped

LOL I was about to make a joke out of Mystery the pickup artist being dumped, until I realized it was just copypasta.

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04-14-2010 08:19 AM
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Sunbourn Offline
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Post: #18
Re: I got dumped

Moved to Funny Stuff, cause it's actually pretty funny.

Who am I? Who are YOU?
04-14-2010 08:21 AM
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Sociopath Offline
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Post: #19
Re: I got dumped

Hanny Wrote:I knew this was fake before I clicked the topic. Mystery could never get a girlfriend with that fashion sense.
I like Mystery's fashion sense. Oh, and I'm sorry, I believe you must have a boy/girlfriend for posting such, hm? No? Of course not. You couldn't score with your own bed with THAT avatar...

Hidden stuff:
TRIGGER WARNING: THIS TRIGGER WARNING CONTAINS TRIGGER WARNINGS!

Dear Tumblrites: Despite your wrongly self-diagnosed PTSD, no line of scientific evidence suggests people can be triggered over the internet. Triggering works through the senses (i.e. smell, taste, touch, vision, hearing.) but it goes through real time; if you're not experiencing it in real life as it's ACTUALLY HAPPENING in your ACTUAL life, you CANNOT be triggered. The only exception to this is if you have a seizure, but then again, that's triggered by epilepsy (i.e. rapidly-changing flashing lights) NOT PTSD. Remembering a bad incident is NOT the same thing as having a flashback. When you remember, you think; when you flashback, you feel.

#HashTagsAreForIdiots

[Image: violator_blackbg_110x32.gif]
Max Stirnir Wrote:"In the time of spirits thoughts grew till they overtopped my head, whose offspring they yet were; they hovered about me and convulsed me like fever-phantasies -- an awful power. The thoughts had become corporeal on their own account, were ghosts, e. g. God, Emperor, Pope, Fatherland, etc. If I destroy their corporeity, then I take them back into mine, and say: "I alone am corporeal." And now I take the world as what it is to me, as mine, as my property; I refer all to myself." The Ego and Its Own, pg. 15
Charles Manson Wrote:“Look down at me and you see a fool;
look up at me and you see a god;
look straight at me and you see yourself”
HeartofShadows Wrote:"Life is nothing more than a druggie trying to get their quick fix of happiness while dealing with the harsh withdrawal of reality"
Osip Mandelstam Wrote:"I divide all of world literature into authorized and unauthorized works. The former are all trash; the latter--stolen air. I want to spit in the face of every writer who first obtains permission and then writes." The Fourth Prose, 1930.
Lukas Foss Wrote:That is why the analogy of stealing does not work. With a thief, we want to know how much money he stole, and from whom. With the artist it is not how much he took and from whom, but what he did with it.
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04-14-2010 12:27 PM
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CrayolaColours Offline
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Post: #20
Re: I got dumped

And I'm sure you could find many a drag queen with yours.

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Faith o' Meter
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04-14-2010 12:29 PM
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The Desert Fox Offline
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Post: #21
Re: I got dumped

TrueAnarchist Wrote:Of course not. You couldn't score with your own bed with THAT avatar...
I don't give two shits about what avatar Hanny has (for the most part), I'd tap her.

Hidden stuff:
(11-27-2011 01:00 PM)psychopath Wrote:  
(11-27-2011 10:52 AM)Efs Wrote:  Our Army is more professional than Amerika. Smile
Except ours isn't allowed to have guns
CrayolaColours Wrote:That post owned. TDF wins post of the year.
Faby Wrote:
krissy Wrote:dessert fox
Mmm, flambéed vulpine.
"There is no enemy, there is no victory, only boys who lost their lives in the sand."
[/center]
04-14-2010 12:29 PM
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Sociopath Offline
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Post: #22
Re: I got dumped

CrayolaColours Wrote:And I'm sure you could find many a drag queen with yours.
I prefer Emos. The lack of sex proposes a level of intimacy unbecoming of that of sexual interest relationships.

Hidden stuff:
TRIGGER WARNING: THIS TRIGGER WARNING CONTAINS TRIGGER WARNINGS!

Dear Tumblrites: Despite your wrongly self-diagnosed PTSD, no line of scientific evidence suggests people can be triggered over the internet. Triggering works through the senses (i.e. smell, taste, touch, vision, hearing.) but it goes through real time; if you're not experiencing it in real life as it's ACTUALLY HAPPENING in your ACTUAL life, you CANNOT be triggered. The only exception to this is if you have a seizure, but then again, that's triggered by epilepsy (i.e. rapidly-changing flashing lights) NOT PTSD. Remembering a bad incident is NOT the same thing as having a flashback. When you remember, you think; when you flashback, you feel.

#HashTagsAreForIdiots

[Image: violator_blackbg_110x32.gif]
Max Stirnir Wrote:"In the time of spirits thoughts grew till they overtopped my head, whose offspring they yet were; they hovered about me and convulsed me like fever-phantasies -- an awful power. The thoughts had become corporeal on their own account, were ghosts, e. g. God, Emperor, Pope, Fatherland, etc. If I destroy their corporeity, then I take them back into mine, and say: "I alone am corporeal." And now I take the world as what it is to me, as mine, as my property; I refer all to myself." The Ego and Its Own, pg. 15
Charles Manson Wrote:“Look down at me and you see a fool;
look up at me and you see a god;
look straight at me and you see yourself”
HeartofShadows Wrote:"Life is nothing more than a druggie trying to get their quick fix of happiness while dealing with the harsh withdrawal of reality"
Osip Mandelstam Wrote:"I divide all of world literature into authorized and unauthorized works. The former are all trash; the latter--stolen air. I want to spit in the face of every writer who first obtains permission and then writes." The Fourth Prose, 1930.
Lukas Foss Wrote:That is why the analogy of stealing does not work. With a thief, we want to know how much money he stole, and from whom. With the artist it is not how much he took and from whom, but what he did with it.
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04-14-2010 12:44 PM
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CrayolaColours Offline
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Post: #23
Re: I got dumped

TrueAnarchist Wrote:I prefer Emos.
Huh, we have something in common then... though I just like the hair...

[Image: True-Blood-Banner-true-blood-2196368-500-82.jpg]
Faith o' Meter
-{|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||}-
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Quote:Riddle me this, riddle me that. Give me a straight answer, you pain in the ass cat.
04-14-2010 01:21 PM
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Sociopath Offline
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Post: #24
Re: I got dumped

CrayolaColours Wrote:
TrueAnarchist Wrote:I prefer Emos.
Huh, we have something in common then... though I just like the hair...
I want the full-fledged, The hair, the poetry, the suicidal thoughts, piercings, body art...its all very interesting!

Hidden stuff:
TRIGGER WARNING: THIS TRIGGER WARNING CONTAINS TRIGGER WARNINGS!

Dear Tumblrites: Despite your wrongly self-diagnosed PTSD, no line of scientific evidence suggests people can be triggered over the internet. Triggering works through the senses (i.e. smell, taste, touch, vision, hearing.) but it goes through real time; if you're not experiencing it in real life as it's ACTUALLY HAPPENING in your ACTUAL life, you CANNOT be triggered. The only exception to this is if you have a seizure, but then again, that's triggered by epilepsy (i.e. rapidly-changing flashing lights) NOT PTSD. Remembering a bad incident is NOT the same thing as having a flashback. When you remember, you think; when you flashback, you feel.

#HashTagsAreForIdiots

[Image: violator_blackbg_110x32.gif]
Max Stirnir Wrote:"In the time of spirits thoughts grew till they overtopped my head, whose offspring they yet were; they hovered about me and convulsed me like fever-phantasies -- an awful power. The thoughts had become corporeal on their own account, were ghosts, e. g. God, Emperor, Pope, Fatherland, etc. If I destroy their corporeity, then I take them back into mine, and say: "I alone am corporeal." And now I take the world as what it is to me, as mine, as my property; I refer all to myself." The Ego and Its Own, pg. 15
Charles Manson Wrote:“Look down at me and you see a fool;
look up at me and you see a god;
look straight at me and you see yourself”
HeartofShadows Wrote:"Life is nothing more than a druggie trying to get their quick fix of happiness while dealing with the harsh withdrawal of reality"
Osip Mandelstam Wrote:"I divide all of world literature into authorized and unauthorized works. The former are all trash; the latter--stolen air. I want to spit in the face of every writer who first obtains permission and then writes." The Fourth Prose, 1930.
Lukas Foss Wrote:That is why the analogy of stealing does not work. With a thief, we want to know how much money he stole, and from whom. With the artist it is not how much he took and from whom, but what he did with it.
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04-14-2010 01:25 PM
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Colin Offline
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Post: #25
Re: I got dumped

TrueAnarchist Wrote:
Hanny Wrote:I knew this was fake before I clicked the topic. Mystery could never get a girlfriend with that fashion sense.
I like Mystery's fashion sense. Oh, and I'm sorry, I believe you must have a boy/girlfriend for posting such, hm? No? Of course not. You couldn't score with your own bed with THAT avatar...
My avatar sends all the ladies flying towards me, you know.

PLEASE, TELL US JUSTIN
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04-14-2010 01:53 PM
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The Desert Fox Offline
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Post: #26
Re: I got dumped

Not Colin, as all Colins are bleating fools Wrote:
TrueAnarchist Wrote:
Hanny Wrote:I knew this was fake before I clicked the topic. Mystery could never get a girlfriend with that fashion sense.
I like Mystery's fashion sense. Oh, and I'm sorry, I believe you must have a boy/girlfriend for posting such, hm? No? Of course not. You couldn't score with your own bed with THAT avatar...
My avatar sends all the ladies flying towards me, you know.
That is one sexy hoers ya got thar.

Hidden stuff:
(11-27-2011 01:00 PM)psychopath Wrote:  
(11-27-2011 10:52 AM)Efs Wrote:  Our Army is more professional than Amerika. Smile
Except ours isn't allowed to have guns
CrayolaColours Wrote:That post owned. TDF wins post of the year.
Faby Wrote:
krissy Wrote:dessert fox
Mmm, flambéed vulpine.
"There is no enemy, there is no victory, only boys who lost their lives in the sand."
[/center]
04-14-2010 01:57 PM
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CrayolaColours Offline
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Post: #27
Re: I got dumped

Oh Colin, you avatar is SO sexy! *swoon*

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04-14-2010 01:58 PM
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Cosbydaf Offline
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Post: #28
Re: I got dumped

Did someone mention sexy avatars? ;D

Thanks to Weegee here, I see more vagina in a week than a gynecologist does in a year.

For srs.
04-14-2010 02:04 PM
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Ceiling Cat Offline
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Post: #29
Re: I got dumped

HURR
You're no match for that fucking cat.

Problem, officer?
Hidden stuff:
TrueAnarchist Wrote:and to think, i could be yiffing a hot vixen right about now
CrayolaColours Wrote:He just admitted today that he spent two hours...errr... shaking hands with the Bishop afterwards.
The Desert Fox Wrote:I thought when I downloaded it it was already emulated.
zagix Wrote:I'm stuck to the fagarena because I'm a fag
CrayolaColours Wrote:Woman up, will you? Grow a damn pussy and get over yourselves.
04-14-2010 04:07 PM
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Jonno Offline
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Post: #30
Re: I got dumped

I'd show you guys the ULTIMATE lady magnet avatar, but....well....you know.....
04-14-2010 06:39 PM
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