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To everyone who joined these forums at some point, and got discouraged by the negativity and left after a while (or even got literally scared off): I'm sorry.

I wasn't good enough at encouraging people to be kinder, and removing people who refuse to be kind. Encouraging people is hard, and removing people creates conflict, and I hate conflict... so that's why I wasn't better at it.

I was a very, very sensitive teen. The atmosphere of this forum as it is now, if it had existed in 1996, would probably have upset me far more than it would have helped.

I can handle quite a lot of negativity and even abuse now, but that isn't the point. I want to help people. I want to help the people who need it the most, and I want to help people like the 1996 version of me.

I'm still figuring out the best way to do that, but as it is now, these forums are doing more harm than good, and I can't keep running them.

Thank you to the few people who have tried to understand my point of view so far. I really, really appreciate you guys. You are beautiful people.

Everyone else: If after everything I've said so far, you still don't understand my motivations, I think it's unlikely that you will. We're just too different. Maybe someday in the future it might make sense, but until then, there's no point in arguing about it. I don't have the time or the energy for arguing anymore. I will focus my time and energy on people who support me, and those who need help.

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Rlog
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Prince Rilian Offline
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Post: #1
Rlog

Stupid-ass fight with my mom over her continued laziness. She refuses to drive somewere that's only 10 miles away and also says that we can't go out after dark. I hit her in the back of the head and then she came stomping after me and I kicked at her but she backed off so she didn't get hurt. She has all the power in this situation, and she thinks I'm evil for hitting her.

Life is good. Jeta është e mirë. Goingcrazy
Die lewe is goed.
Het leven is goed.

Zoidberg: What is it, already? What's the cause of your anger?
Leela: I guess I would have to say, I hate you!
07-06-2011 12:11 PM
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Prince Rilian Offline
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Post: #2
Re: Rlog

I was thinking how I just want to gtfo this stupid-ass place, I don't want to live with my stupid-ass "mother" anymore, god I fucking hate her. She's not terrible all the time, sometimes she's just stupid, sometimes I can have fun with her, but it's like, it's not good enough to be worth how shitty she is most of the time. She'll never fucking take me anywhere, even though she said I could live with her, and we live in the middle of fucking nowhere, if we didn't I would just walk places I need to go, but she's so fucking lazy, I don't even think lazy is the right word, driving isn't hard work is it? I haven't driven that much and I don't have a driver's license. I just hate how she doesn't care about my needs at all, and how fucking stupid she is.

Anyway, I want to leave, but I don't have any money. I hate this, I hate this so much, I hate this stupid society. I am capable of doing physical labor, I am a reasonably intelligent person, why can't I find a fucking job, and then I just need a small air-conditioned box to sleep in.

I was feeling like I wanted to just leave my stuff behind and go to texas and go in a homeless shelter. But first I wanted to walk to kroger and get some fucking almond milk, because my mom said she would take me but then she changed her mind and I just hate how she exudes laziness and non-caring-ness. She literally does not give a fucking shit what I want or need. Anyway, kroger is forever away, and I'd have to walk through the you-gonna-get-shot neighborhood to get there, so instead I went to the stupid little store near our house and bought chips and cookies and dr pepper and I came back to my stupid room and ate half the chips and 2 cookies and a can of dr pepper and now I'm just sitting here feeling kind of that depression that comes after violent anger.

I hate that bitch, but I want her to fucking care about me and pay attention to me and do things for me and play games with me and of course I would fucking reciprocate, I DO, I do stuff for her if she asks. And if she needed me to walk 10 miles, as long as it wasn't through a dangerous area, I would do it, I wouldn't be so fucking lazy, but she won't even DRIVE 10 miles for me. Anyway, seriously, she is never going to be a good mother or a nice person, so I just have to give up on trying to get that from her.

Life is good. Jeta është e mirë. Goingcrazy
Die lewe is goed.
Het leven is goed.

Zoidberg: What is it, already? What's the cause of your anger?
Leela: I guess I would have to say, I hate you!
07-06-2011 12:32 PM
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Prince Rilian Offline
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Post: #3
Re: Rlog

I'm avoiding talking to her. I mean, I talk to her as much as is necessary for two people who live in the same house. I've tried this before. I wonder how long it will last this time.

Life is good. Jeta është e mirë. Goingcrazy
Die lewe is goed.
Het leven is goed.

Zoidberg: What is it, already? What's the cause of your anger?
Leela: I guess I would have to say, I hate you!
07-08-2011 04:28 AM
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Prince Rilian Offline
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Post: #4
Re: Rlog

I don't think she's even noticed the difference. HA HA MY MOTHER DOESN'T LOVE ME.

Life is good. Jeta është e mirë. Goingcrazy
Die lewe is goed.
Het leven is goed.

Zoidberg: What is it, already? What's the cause of your anger?
Leela: I guess I would have to say, I hate you!
07-08-2011 04:31 AM
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Faby Offline
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Post: #5
Re: Rlog

Prince Rilian Wrote:HA HA MY MOTHER DOESN'T LOVE ME.

Join the club?

Let go of all desire for the common good, and the good becomes common as grass.

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Who can say how things will end?
Perhaps there is no end.
07-08-2011 04:33 AM
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Prince Rilian Offline
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Post: #6
Re: Rlog

It's weird because I think maybe she used to?
But maybe I was just deluded.

Life is good. Jeta është e mirë. Goingcrazy
Die lewe is goed.
Het leven is goed.

Zoidberg: What is it, already? What's the cause of your anger?
Leela: I guess I would have to say, I hate you!
07-08-2011 04:48 AM
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Prince Rilian Offline
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Post: #7
Re: Rlog

My mom lost her job and the computer I've been using is her work computer and she has to give it back so I won't have a computer. I have my own computer, but it's old and its parts have worn out. It can become functional again, but I don't know if I will have internet when we move. After a while (a short while, I hope) I will get my own apartment and I very likely will not have internet there because I will be poor. I'm not planning on having cable either.

Life is good. Jeta është e mirë. Goingcrazy
Die lewe is goed.
Het leven is goed.

Zoidberg: What is it, already? What's the cause of your anger?
Leela: I guess I would have to say, I hate you!
07-08-2011 02:05 PM
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Prince Rilian Offline
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Post: #8
Re: Rlog

I had a yummy sandwich for lunch today. It had dead half-chickens on it.

Life is good. Jeta është e mirë. Goingcrazy
Die lewe is goed.
Het leven is goed.

Zoidberg: What is it, already? What's the cause of your anger?
Leela: I guess I would have to say, I hate you!
07-09-2011 04:16 PM
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Sc00lh8er24 Offline
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Post: #9
Re: Rlog

Somehow your bitching doesn't inspire sympathy
07-09-2011 04:26 PM
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Prince Rilian Offline
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Post: #10
Re: Rlog

I said the sandwich was yummy. I meant that as a good thing.

Life is good. Jeta është e mirë. Goingcrazy
Die lewe is goed.
Het leven is goed.

Zoidberg: What is it, already? What's the cause of your anger?
Leela: I guess I would have to say, I hate you!
07-09-2011 04:36 PM
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Prince Rilian Offline
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Post: #11
Re: Rlog

I'm being on a diet and have lost 16 lbs but today is my mom's birthday which of course makes eating junk food obligatory. *gains a pound*

Life is good. Jeta është e mirë. Goingcrazy
Die lewe is goed.
Het leven is goed.

Zoidberg: What is it, already? What's the cause of your anger?
Leela: I guess I would have to say, I hate you!
07-10-2011 11:07 AM
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Prince Rilian Offline
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Post: #12
Re: Rlog

I've been going around calling myself nocturnal. Ever since I was 14, my uninhibited sleep schedule has to been to fall asleep around 6:00 in the morning and wake up around 2:00 in the afternoon. Then that other guy posted about delayed sleep phase syndrome, and I guess it makes me kind of happy to know that other people have the same situation as me, it makes me feel a little more certain that it's not just because of something being *wrong* with me. Anyway, I always try to make myself sleep on a normal schedule, but it never lasts. It usually takes about 3 days for me to get back around to sleeping during the day. I think I should just look for a night-time job. The problem with that is that the over-night jobs go to 6 or 7, so that would also interfere with my desired sleep schedule, but it's definitely better than trying to do a morning job.

But that wikipedia article said it can sometimes go away, so maybe my sleep schedule will go back to normal, how it was when I was little.

Life is good. Jeta është e mirë. Goingcrazy
Die lewe is goed.
Het leven is goed.

Zoidberg: What is it, already? What's the cause of your anger?
Leela: I guess I would have to say, I hate you!
07-10-2011 10:13 PM
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Prince Rilian Offline
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Post: #13
Re: Rlog

Sc00lh8er24 Wrote:Somehow your bitching doesn't inspire sympathy
I've decided I would like you to elaborate on this.
Confused

Life is good. Jeta është e mirë. Goingcrazy
Die lewe is goed.
Het leven is goed.

Zoidberg: What is it, already? What's the cause of your anger?
Leela: I guess I would have to say, I hate you!
07-10-2011 10:15 PM
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Prince Rilian Offline
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Post: #14
Re: Rlog

I've been trying organize a good diet, and my main concern lately has been protein. How to get enough protein? I don't want to eat meat and I kind of maybe don't want to eat any animals products at all. I went to a place called whole foods market and they do have a lot of vegan protein foods. The problem I'm encountering, still, is that I get too full to eat everything. Healthy foods are filling. I've heard it's because of the fiber.

Well, anyway, I've decided that I'm not going to worry about getting enough protein for a while. It is important because without enough protein your muscles fall apart. We're moving in 8 days. So that's the dividing line I'm goin to use. For the next 8 days, I'm not going to worry about getting enough protein. I need a break from it. I mean, I bought the vegan burgers and I will eat those so I will be getting some protein, but w/e.

Life is good. Jeta është e mirë. Goingcrazy
Die lewe is goed.
Het leven is goed.

Zoidberg: What is it, already? What's the cause of your anger?
Leela: I guess I would have to say, I hate you!
07-16-2011 09:16 AM
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Absnt Offline
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Post: #15
Re: Rlog

Muscle Milk or amino protein powders or something? They're usually for working out, but eh.

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07-16-2011 09:19 AM
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Prince Rilian Offline
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Post: #16
Re: Rlog

That stuff is expensive....
And when I'm not living with my parents anymore and have to pay for everything myself, I don't know wtf I'm going to do, because the vegan food is expensive too.

Life is good. Jeta është e mirë. Goingcrazy
Die lewe is goed.
Het leven is goed.

Zoidberg: What is it, already? What's the cause of your anger?
Leela: I guess I would have to say, I hate you!
07-16-2011 09:24 AM
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Absnt Offline
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Post: #17
Re: Rlog

I'm stumped then... Peanuts? lol. Good luck.

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07-16-2011 09:26 AM
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Prince Rilian Offline
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Post: #18
Re: Rlog

Ha! You're right. I just looked it up. I don't like peanuts, but they have more protein than almonds or walnuts or pecans. Also, this caused me to stumble upon something called "soy nuts" which has even more protein. Thanks!

Life is good. Jeta është e mirë. Goingcrazy
Die lewe is goed.
Het leven is goed.

Zoidberg: What is it, already? What's the cause of your anger?
Leela: I guess I would have to say, I hate you!
07-16-2011 09:34 AM
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Prince Rilian Offline
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Post: #19
Re: Rlog

My mom got the laptop fixed but it's her work laptop and she has to turn it in, probably tomorrow. She got it fixed by someone outside the school because she figured the school would inflate the price of fixing it. So, it's fixed now and the keyboard is super awesome. The keyboard was completely replaced. It makes this metallic clacky noise now that it never made before. It's cool, but the main thing is that it's so easy to type on it now. Still not as easy as a normal keyboard, but the easiest typing I've ever had on a laptop.

But anyway, since my mom is going to turn the laptop in, probably tomorrow, I'm not going to have access to the internet for a while. My mom has the internet on her computer in her room, but she bitches if anyone tries to use it for anything ever, because she's afraid a ghost will come out of the internet and steal her bank passwords.

I have my own computer that has been out of use for a while because the norton crap wasn't working and my mom wouldn't let me connect it to the internet without that. Whenever we finally get internet set up in our new apartment, she will put a new norton thing on my computer and let me connect it to the internet, and I have to get a new keyboard and new speakers and a new mouse. The keyboard broke a long time ago and I've been using an old crappy one, and then the mouse and the speakers both randomly died at the same time, so anyway I'd like to get ones that are exactly like my old ones, because they matched in color, and the keyboard was awesome, well nothing special I suppose, but quite to my taste.

So, anyway, I'm not going to have access to the internet for a while, maybe even as long as a month, because my mom is lazy and stupid.

Life is good. Jeta është e mirë. Goingcrazy
Die lewe is goed.
Het leven is goed.

Zoidberg: What is it, already? What's the cause of your anger?
Leela: I guess I would have to say, I hate you!
07-22-2011 10:35 AM
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Prince Rilian Offline
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Post: #20
RE: Rlog

I'm bored. I woke up at like 12:00. I made a schedule of stuff to do but I was still tired when I woke up so I went to the computer and now I've wasted 4 hours.

I was sick the last few days and now I have to get a new toothbrush, but I don't know if I'm really over the sickness yet, so maybe I should clean my toothbrush with boiling water, like Monk does in the intro. I need to make a dr appointment because I've been having sinus problems at least since I was 12.

Also I need to go to the dentist and I guess they'll probably give me fillings or something. I used to have perfect teeth but they have mysteriously fallen apart in the last few years. I have about 5 cavities that I'm aware of.

Life is good. Jeta është e mirë. Goingcrazy
Die lewe is goed.
Het leven is goed.

Zoidberg: What is it, already? What's the cause of your anger?
Leela: I guess I would have to say, I hate you!
10-13-2011 07:28 AM
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Miller0700 Offline
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Post: #21
RE: Rlog

(07-06-2011 12:11 PM)Prince Rilian Wrote:  Stupid-ass fight with my mom over her continued laziness. She refuses to drive somewere that's only 10 miles away

Huh

Previously known as Derchin.
10-13-2011 10:39 AM
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Prince Rilian Offline
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Post: #22
RE: Rlog

(10-13-2011 10:39 AM)Derchin Wrote:  
(07-06-2011 12:11 PM)Prince Rilian Wrote:  Stupid-ass fight with my mom over her continued laziness. She refuses to drive somewere that's only 10 miles away

Huh

what

Life is good. Jeta është e mirë. Goingcrazy
Die lewe is goed.
Het leven is goed.

Zoidberg: What is it, already? What's the cause of your anger?
Leela: I guess I would have to say, I hate you!
10-13-2011 12:40 PM
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Prince Rilian Offline
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Post: #23
RE: Rlog

Bah, I'm bored. I walked 6 miles earlier today, and I'm taking a break and then I'm going to do more. My goal is 10 miles every day. When I did that before, I lost like 16 lbs, but then I stopped doing it because we were moving. Then I was going to the gym and doing the stupid machines but I don't feel as tired from those, so I think they aren't really as effective. So I decided to start walking again. I'm a do weight training too but that's kind of like, I'll do whatever I feel like for now, the walking will be my priority. I'm also not going to eat junk food anymore. I actually haven't eaten anything yet today. I can tell that my body is hungry but I actually do not like eating. I would rather never eat anything. But the fact that eating is required for living pisses me off and then I eat junkfood, hence being 100 lbs overweight. But I'm going to give this "healthy food" thing another try.

Life is good. Jeta është e mirë. Goingcrazy
Die lewe is goed.
Het leven is goed.

Zoidberg: What is it, already? What's the cause of your anger?
Leela: I guess I would have to say, I hate you!
10-14-2011 07:34 AM
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Prince Rilian Offline
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Post: #24
RE: Rlog

The forum calls this a hot thread. I guess just because it has multiple pages. Lame.

Life is good. Jeta është e mirë. Goingcrazy
Die lewe is goed.
Het leven is goed.

Zoidberg: What is it, already? What's the cause of your anger?
Leela: I guess I would have to say, I hate you!
10-15-2011 07:53 AM
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SoulRiser Offline
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Post: #25
RE: Rlog

It has multiple pages? Where? Razz

It also takes views into account... more than 100 I think makes it 'hot'.

Also, I don't think walking really does a whole lot of good for weight loss... need something more intensive, like running or bike riding.

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10-15-2011 09:44 AM
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Prince Rilian Offline
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Post: #26
RE: Rlog

(10-15-2011 09:44 AM)SoulRiser Wrote:  It has multiple pages? Where? Razz
It did. I'm guessing you changed some settings or something.

Quote:It also takes views into account... more than 100 I think makes it 'hot'.

Also, I don't think walking really does a whole lot of good for weight loss... need something more intensive, like running or bike riding.

No, walking definitely works. My mom lost 50lbs from walking. I mean, and, you know, eating less.

Life is good. Jeta është e mirë. Goingcrazy
Die lewe is goed.
Het leven is goed.

Zoidberg: What is it, already? What's the cause of your anger?
Leela: I guess I would have to say, I hate you!
10-15-2011 12:24 PM
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Prince Rilian Offline
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Post: #27
RE: Rlog

I already lost a pound.
So, for a while, like a week I guess, I was trying not to watch tv and play on the internet all the time. I don't know if it really made a difference. I don't know if this caused the problem or if taking it away will help. But when someone is addicted to something, there may have been something else that caused the addiction, but the conventional wisdom is to take away the thing their addicted to, right? But just because it's conventional doesn't mean it's good. Anyway, I feel like poop all the time, and I sort of "know" that staring mindlessly at tv or computer for 12 hours a day is not good. I know that that time when I was happy, when I was younger, I did not do that. So I guess I think if I want to get back to that, I have to at least try to emulate it. I like posting on forums, watching videos, reading blogs though. At first I was just saying I'd do it only one day a week but that seems inefficient. I mean, for the forums that doesn't really work. So maybe I could just do it for an hour a day or whatever. Actually, I think I know when I need to go away. It's when I'm *looking* around for something to watch or read or play. When I was a kid, I never had to look for things to do, something was always in my mind. And these days I have practical things I need to be doing. So I don't think I'm going to limit the time, but I'm going to try not doing it as soon as I wake up. Why am I so miserable?
Often, I look at my computer science books and think, I'd like to read one of those right now, but then I think, No, I shouldn't read that because I'm supposed to be reading the pharmacy book, but then I don't read the pharmacy book, I just go watch tv.
I think food is part of this same addiction. I really "like" pizza. I don't know if I actually like it or if I'm just addicted to it. I don't like eating, but pizza tastes good, as do many other things. I think it's all just because I'm bored or something.

Life is good. Jeta është e mirë. Goingcrazy
Die lewe is goed.
Het leven is goed.

Zoidberg: What is it, already? What's the cause of your anger?
Leela: I guess I would have to say, I hate you!
(This post was last modified: 10-16-2011 05:35 AM by Prince Rilian.)
10-16-2011 05:23 AM
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Faby Offline
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Post: #28
RE: Rlog

Quote:Often, I look at my computer science books and think, I'd like to read one of those right now, but then I think, No, I shouldn't read that because I'm supposed to be reading the pharmacy book, but then I don't read the pharmacy book, I just go watch tv.

Happens to me all the time. Having a lot of stuff to read is daunting until you find just one thing and focus on it. Or read several books at once, if that's your kind of thing.

Let go of all desire for the common good, and the good becomes common as grass.

~~

Good fortune follows upon disaster;
Disaster lurks within good fortune;
Who can say how things will end?
Perhaps there is no end.
10-16-2011 05:54 AM
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Efs Offline
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Post: #29
RE: Rlog

We should have a home for all the SS members. I'd pay for it. Just sayin'.

(01-10-2012 02:15 PM)Maelstrom Wrote:  Efs, your nihilism is beautiful.
10-17-2011 07:41 PM
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Prince Rilian Offline
attic fan

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Post: #30
RE: Rlog

(10-17-2011 07:41 PM)Efs Wrote:  We should have a home for all the SS members. I'd pay for it. Just sayin'.

That's amazingly generous. My fear of strangers and doubt of your sincerity lead me to say nah.
I want to change my first name. I can't decide rar what to change it to. I was looking at J names but blah now I'm thinking maybe R? Because I haven't had much luck with J.
Gonna change my last name to Lunsford, need a first name that sounds good with that, any suggestions? Any letter except C, L, M, or S.

Life is good. Jeta është e mirë. Goingcrazy
Die lewe is goed.
Het leven is goed.

Zoidberg: What is it, already? What's the cause of your anger?
Leela: I guess I would have to say, I hate you!
(This post was last modified: 10-18-2011 04:06 PM by Prince Rilian.)
10-18-2011 04:00 PM
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