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The Truth About Santa
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Raikuron Offline
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Post: #1
The Truth About Santa

After much research, we present the annual aeronautical engineers report on the theory of Santa:

No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer, which only Santa has ever seen.

There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. BUT since Santa doesn't (appear) to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish & Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total -378 million according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes that there's at least one good child in each.

Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with. This is due to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 822.6 visits/second. That is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has .001 second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh and move on to the next house.

Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false but for the purposes of our calculations we will accept), we are now talking about .78 miles/household, a total trip of 75.5 million miles; not counting stops to do what most of us do at lease once every 31 hours, plus eating etc. So Santa's sleigh must be moving at 650 miles/second, 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a pokey 27.4 miles/second. A conventional reindeer can run, tops, 15 miles/hour.

If every one of the 91.8 million homes with good children were to put out a single chocolate chip cookie and an 8 ounce glass of 2% milk, the total calories (needless to say other vitamins and minerals) would be approximately 225 calories (100 for the cookie, give or take, and 125 for the milk, give or take). Multiplying the number of calories per house by the number of homes (225 x 91.8 x 1000000), we get the total number of calories Santa consumes that night, which is 20,655,000,000 calories. To break it down further, 1 pound is equal to 3500 calories. Dividing our total number of calories by the number of calories in a pound (20655000000 / 3500) and we get the number of pounds Santa gains, 5901428.6, which is 2950.7 tons.

The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized Lego set (2 lb.), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight. On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300lb. Even granting that "flying reindeer" (see #1) can pull 10 TIMES the normal amount, we cannot do the job with 8, or even 9, reindeer. We need 214,200. This increases the payload - not counting the weight of the sleigh - to 353,430 tons. This is four times the weight of the ocean-liner Queen Elizabeth.

353,000 tons traveling at 650 miles/second creates enormous air resistance. This will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as a spacecraft reentering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy. Per second. Each. In short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them and create deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within .00426 of a second. Meanwhile, Santa, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250 lb. Santa, being very conservative in terms of guessing Santa's weight, would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 lb. of force. If Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he's dead now.

A Merry Christmas to one and all!!
06-04-2010 07:27 PM
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AWOL Offline
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Post: #2
Re: The Truth About Santa

Santa works outside of the human notion of time, he has the entirety of a year to do his job, your argument is invalid.

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06-05-2010 12:06 AM
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~Mystery~ Offline
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Re: The Truth About Santa

Its June

People act unaware that the human body is a walking pharmacy![Image: rolleyes.gif]~David Icke~
Religion was invented to keep the poor from harrasing the rich"~Napoleon Bonaparte~
Do As Thou Wilt Shall Be The Whole of The Law! ~The Secret Order of Thelema~
"Respect goes to those who do not want it" ~TrueAnarchist~
"The only limitations that a person has are those that are self-imposed." ~Unknown!~
“Attraction is an emotion.~Dr. Alex~
“Life is an illusion albeit a very persistent one” ~Albert Einstein

I Am A Messenger From The Seduction Community!
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06-05-2010 02:20 AM
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AWOL Offline
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Post: #4
Re: The Truth About Santa

Guardian Cernunnos Wrote:Its June

Only just noticed this.

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06-05-2010 02:24 AM
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aaaaaaasd Offline
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Post: #5
Re: The Truth About Santa

WIN
06-05-2010 05:18 AM
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Denied Offline
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Post: #6
Re: The Truth About Santa

Laugh Laugh Laugh Laugh Laugh Laugh Laugh Laugh Laugh
06-05-2010 06:41 AM
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CrayolaColours Offline
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Post: #7
Re: The Truth About Santa

IT ISN'T TRUE!!!11

Santa uses the Ocarina of Time. Your argument is invalid.

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06-05-2010 07:08 AM
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Post: #8
Re: The Truth About Santa

CrayolaColours Wrote:IT ISN'T TRUE!!!11

Santa uses the Ocarina of Time. Your argument is invalid.

No, Link would've killed him.

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06-05-2010 02:36 PM
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CrayolaColours Offline
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Post: #9
Re: The Truth About Santa

I'm... strangely tempted to draw that now. Laugh

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06-05-2010 02:47 PM
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Post: #10
Re: The Truth About Santa

Please do, it would be awesome.

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06-05-2010 03:51 PM
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CrayolaColours Offline
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Re: The Truth About Santa

I lack proper drawing skillz. Maybe when I'm better.

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06-05-2010 04:01 PM
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AWOL Offline
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Post: #12
Re: The Truth About Santa

I'd probably be a good drawer if I had the patience to work on something for more than a few minutes but... Yeah, I don't.

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06-05-2010 04:21 PM
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The Desert Fox Offline
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Post: #13
Re: The Truth About Santa

I'd probably be a good drawer if I didn't suck ass at it.

Hidden stuff:
(11-27-2011 01:00 PM)psychopath Wrote:  
(11-27-2011 10:52 AM)Efs Wrote:  Our Army is more professional than Amerika. Smile
Except ours isn't allowed to have guns
CrayolaColours Wrote:That post owned. TDF wins post of the year.
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krissy Wrote:dessert fox
Mmm, flambéed vulpine.
"There is no enemy, there is no victory, only boys who lost their lives in the sand."
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06-05-2010 06:24 PM
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CrayolaColours Offline
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Post: #14
Re: The Truth About Santa

The Desert Fox Wrote:I'd probably be a good drawer if I didn't suck ass at it.
I'd imagine so.

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06-05-2010 06:30 PM
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Post: #15
Re: The Truth About Santa

CrayolaColours Wrote:
The Desert Fox Wrote:I'd probably be a good drawer if I didn't suck ass at it.
I'd imagine so.
No, you'd probably still be bad at it.

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06-05-2010 06:53 PM
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XmournfulX Offline
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Post: #16
Re: The Truth About Santa

i love how it went from santa to drawing with in like 4 posts

The ways we look at our world is different, we look different, learn different, but we will always love the same.
06-09-2010 11:44 PM
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Thade Offline
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Post: #17
Re: The Truth About Santa

AWOL Wrote:
CrayolaColours Wrote:
The Desert Fox Wrote:I'd probably be a good drawer if I didn't suck ass at it.
I'd imagine so.
No, you'd probably still be bad at it.
Laugh

Someone dear to me once said "We are the light." But, if that's true, then why am I still searching?
06-10-2010 12:07 AM
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CrayolaColours Offline
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Re: The Truth About Santa

Thade Wrote:
AWOL Wrote:
CrayolaColours Wrote:I'd imagine so.
No, you'd probably still be bad at it.
Laugh

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06-10-2010 06:52 AM
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Post: #19
Re: The Truth About Santa

CrayolaColours Wrote:
Thade Wrote:
AWOL Wrote:No, you'd probably still be bad at it.
Laugh
What?

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06-10-2010 03:55 PM
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CrayolaColours Offline
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Re: The Truth About Santa

You made a funny?

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06-10-2010 04:02 PM
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The Spooning Bard

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Post: #21
Re: The Truth About Santa

Ah, okay then.

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06-12-2010 12:24 PM
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