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August 2001 - June 2017

The School Survival Forums are permanently retired. If you need help with quitting school, unsupportive parents or anything else, there is a list of resources on the Help Page.

To everyone who joined these forums at some point, and got discouraged by the negativity and left after a while (or even got literally scared off): I'm sorry.

I wasn't good enough at encouraging people to be kinder, and removing people who refuse to be kind. Encouraging people is hard, and removing people creates conflict, and I hate conflict... so that's why I wasn't better at it.

I was a very, very sensitive teen. The atmosphere of this forum as it is now, if it had existed in 1996, would probably have upset me far more than it would have helped.

I can handle quite a lot of negativity and even abuse now, but that isn't the point. I want to help people. I want to help the people who need it the most, and I want to help people like the 1996 version of me.

I'm still figuring out the best way to do that, but as it is now, these forums are doing more harm than good, and I can't keep running them.

Thank you to the few people who have tried to understand my point of view so far. I really, really appreciate you guys. You are beautiful people.

Everyone else: If after everything I've said so far, you still don't understand my motivations, I think it's unlikely that you will. We're just too different. Maybe someday in the future it might make sense, but until then, there's no point in arguing about it. I don't have the time or the energy for arguing anymore. I will focus my time and energy on people who support me, and those who need help.

-SoulRiser

The forums are mostly read-only and are in a maintenance/testing phase, before being permanently archived. Please use this time to get the contact details of people you'd like to keep in touch with. Send me a message if you'd like to keep in touch with me & Steve.

Please do not make a mirror copy of the forums in their current state - things will still change, and some people have requested to be able to edit or delete some of their personal info.


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talking it out
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the Analogist Offline
Connector of Dots

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Post: #1
talking it out

one thing i've noticed and enjoyed is that if i start to analyze and break down my wife's mother, my wife gets kind of happy and enthused.

when you know how somebody else has broken you down, it seems to help to break them down.

is that irony? some sort of vicious cycle?

im having a hard time reconciling the fun and healing of breaking down abusers with the fact that it is a type of backbiting.

just today I humorously summarized my wife's relationship with her mother thusly:
"so basically her daughter is a woman, and since women are sex objects symbolizing sex, and since sex is evil, my daughter is evil. we must contain this evil"

it makes me think of Christopher Titus's "Norman Rockwell is Bleeding", one of the best stand ups i've ever seen about his messed up childhood. and it was hilarious, it helped him. Titus btw once got a fan letter about how a fan of his was all set to kill himself and then stumbled upon his special "Love us evol" and it helped him work through it and heal.

i've always wanted to be a stand up comedian. there certainly is no shortage of bad people to break down...

Purity is to Believe only that which deserves it.
Wisdom is to follow only the Opinion which makes the best use of evidence.
Excellence is to be mindful of all these things in Living.
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06-23-2017 02:30 PM
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 Thanks given by: Rule_BreakerXVIII , SoulRiser , sswbm
SoulRiser Offline
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Post: #2
talking it out

Yeah, I've noticed it makes me feel better to say bad things about people who have made me feel bad for whatever reason. It doesn't usually feel very constructive though, but sometimes I just don't want to be constructive. Sometimes I need to be destructive towards that which brings me down before I have the energy to build it back up again, differently, and better. I think the last part is important... if that doesn't happen then it's just kind of pointless.

"If you can, help others; if you cannot do that, at least do not harm them." - Dalai Lama
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06-26-2017 11:39 PM
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Rule_BreakerXVIII Offline
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Post: #3
talking it out

If you correctly identify what's wrong with your abusive ex-family, you're that much less likely to copy those behaviours yourself. It's not only backbiting or wanting to tear them down; this instinct can be constructive as well.

Don't play chess with pigeons-they'll just knock over the pieces, shit on the board and strut about like they won anyway.
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06-27-2017 02:48 AM
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