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To everyone who joined these forums at some point, and got discouraged by the negativity and left after a while (or even got literally scared off): I'm sorry.

I wasn't good enough at encouraging people to be kinder, and removing people who refuse to be kind. Encouraging people is hard, and removing people creates conflict, and I hate conflict... so that's why I wasn't better at it.

I was a very, very sensitive teen. The atmosphere of this forum as it is now, if it had existed in 1996, would probably have upset me far more than it would have helped.

I can handle quite a lot of negativity and even abuse now, but that isn't the point. I want to help people. I want to help the people who need it the most, and I want to help people like the 1996 version of me.

I'm still figuring out the best way to do that, but as it is now, these forums are doing more harm than good, and I can't keep running them.

Thank you to the few people who have tried to understand my point of view so far. I really, really appreciate you guys. You are beautiful people.

Everyone else: If after everything I've said so far, you still don't understand my motivations, I think it's unlikely that you will. We're just too different. Maybe someday in the future it might make sense, but until then, there's no point in arguing about it. I don't have the time or the energy for arguing anymore. I will focus my time and energy on people who support me, and those who need help.

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Regrets Of A Conformist. Working hard just to cry and hate
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Conformist Offline
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Regrets Of A Conformist. Working hard just to cry and hate

I am basically a lurker on this forum, with the exemption of this single topic which will sum up my life in a rant, beginning...now.
Ahh sweet youth! I remember 3rd grade well. Children frolicking in the flower spotted courtyard of the school running off to play their games, like ring around the rosie, patty cake, and, of course, hump tag. Wait, what? In third grade we played a game called hump tag and it was more related to what dogs do to people's legs than the biology of camels. This is perhaps unrelated from ending up having the sex talk with a complete stranger named Pedro. This was also a time when I liked school,not because of the pretend-sex, but because I enjoyed learning and could not understand why anyone could hate school as learning was fun!
Karma is a bitch. You see, I had the unfortunate ailment of being smart. Not terribly smart, but, 2 years later, it was enough to render the school inept. Every day, I had no homework, not because we didn't have any, but because I did it all at recess. Why wasn't I playing with my friends? Perhaps because they played games like hump tag, called me gay (which is very offensive when you don't know what the word actually means) and danced naked during sleep overs. Also, due to the sudden lack of gifted education programs, I ended up overqualified for all my classes. Spending each day doing nothing productive I fell into an existential depression. I slept in the classes that bored me, and lashed out in others. The teachers considered putting me in special education based on my behavior. In order to do this, they sent an adult into a classroom while I was finishing my homework to see how I would react to her. Of course, I responded respectfully, bowing to my master and answering every question she gave me. It got to a point where she was intentionally trying to make me angry so she would have something to write down. I still did nothing and she eventually gave up. After that, in my pent up anger, a created a petition with the statement, "We believe we are not being academically challenge," on it and got about twenty kids in fifth grade to sign it which is a pretty big deal as that was 1/5th of the fifth grade population. It would have been bigger, had the principal not confiscated it because it apparently was disrupting class.
By this time I was aware of school survival but didn't bother with it much. I enjoyed 6th grade as I found it academically stimulating, even though the amount of homework made me unhealthily stressed out. On an average walking speed, I have a heart rate of 110 beats per minute, which I noticed in 6th grade. I have no problems with blood pressure or have any heart related conditions.
7th grade was basically 5th grade but the lack of homework was replaced by busy work. Sayings like 'just do it, it's the law' don't help me when my main problem is me wondering whether there is any meaning in doing anything. I found myself sometimes refusing to do my homework, but was unable to fall asleep. I felt like a slave. I wanted to run away, but I would end up getting caught somehow. I was considering cutting thanks to our school which has a focus in health class on things like depression/coping mechanisms which we will go into detail about yet tell you not to do.Thank god I hated pain. I started to have suicidal thoughts, which is also an excuse to lock people in mental wards for a week. Note: I had no suicide plan, or suicidal intent, I was just thinking about it. There I met people who's lives were coincidentally also ruined by school. When I got out, I was back and more depressed than ever before. Actively trying to avoid all the people around me, knowing they wouldn't understand me or care, I ended all forms of social life not just in school but everywhere, as school taught me that people are disgusting. It is also why I am only a lurker on this sight.
8th grade was the same as seventh grade, except this time I got the extra bonus of a shrink who also doesn't understand me and a student who did understand me. She hates school even more than me as she had a problematic social life. She was smarter than me and understood everything I was saying, but it turned out pointless since she had the hope to go on based on God, so while I, an agnostic, tried to justify the world with tangible reasons, she just discounted all her problems to Jesus, who loves her and is her personal savior. During this experience, I realized human society was a tragedy and also OH FUCK HIGH SCHOOL.
It's not over yet! I still need to devote a paragraph to my parents! You know how some parents don't give a fuck about privacy or other inconvenient inalienable rights? Well, in my house, none of the doors have locks! I, in addition to obsessively starting everything I say with an introduction, needing to use tabs during my paragraphs, and wasting a ton of my time being sarcastic for no good reason, I also have to piss while leaning on the door to keep anyone from coming in. Also, I finally got a computer in my room, and half the time, my dad is using it and I have to kick him out. It isn't like there are three other laptops he could use... Oh wait there totally are. My dad also makes me take tae kwon do, which sounds great except for tae kwon do being the only martial art that teaches an olympic sport over being able to actually defend yourself. I am a fucking black belt and Pedro could beat me up! My mom also made me have a bar mitzvah, even though I am agnostic. Of course since I respect my mother's schedule and jewish traditions, I said this a year in advance, before any planning had begun and even said that I would do the service as long as I didn't have the party. Well my mom went ahead with it anyway. Did I mention the day of the bar mitzvah I had swine flue. Apparently it isn't contagious enough to call of a party. It is also impossible to fake sick to get out of school in my family. One time, I literally puked in the middle of the classroom, after puking earlier that morning and asking if I had to go. Puking isn't a good reason to go home early either. The only consolation is that my parents are rich but despite that my dad won't tell me his paycheck, and whenever I ask him how much money WE have, he says its complicated.
Did I mention I did this all with straight As and maybe four b+es over all my years of school. I will be going into Honors physics, Seminar(the closest thing a freshmen can get to honors english),honors algebra 11+trig, which is the honors version of the class that is a year ahead of typical math classes, and of course, spanish for NATIVE speakers, because I decided to take dual language courses for the hell of it.
I worked hard at school. I wasn't lazy, and in the end what did I get? A general anxiety disorder, a mental ward stay, a clusterfuck of obsessive school habits, and nightmares. During the summer, I had 5 nightmares about school in a ROW, then I got one day of rest. I prefer the nightmares where I drown to the ones with school. You might be wondering if I have had an underlying mental problem and that none of this was the fault of school, but my parents did one useful thing with their psychopathy; they hired neurologists to hook electrodes up to my brain. The results were all normal. I have never needed medication designed to help mental problems because there was nothing wrong with me. In addition to this, it isn't my parents either; I have taken the trouble to talk to other smart kids to, and many of them share the same hatred I do. So for all you teachers out there hoping to laugh about some stupid lazy ass kids being whiny, remember, as you commend the next kid for presidential academic excellence, know that that kid either secretly hates for you and is sucking up to avoid looking bad, is in severe denial and may never live a 'normal' life, or has severe mental scars caused by pain you inflicted.
I once had an english teacher who handed out a short story project, I wanting to do well spent days writing a 21 page single spaced story. When I turned it in, she said to the whole class that she was underwhelmed. When she graded it, she said that she was unhappy that she liked it. I wondered if I should quit writing as a hobby. I had already quit art, since I had no time for it. Aproximate time I have to spend on homework a day: 3 hours. This does NOT include studying.
Bye-Bye teachers, I hope the world treats you with the same kindness you have given us.
07-17-2011 08:53 PM
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SH☮TGUNHEⒶRT Offline
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Post: #2
Re: Regrets Of A Conformist. Working hard just to cry and hate

k-WOW. This is why I'm not even going to bother trying that hard in school if it comes to a point where I am physically exhausted and having nightmares.

I had a friend who had nightmares because of school.
I totally agree that it's like no one understand or cares about your opinion so it's almost natural to avoid people.

I'm sorry you had to go through so much shit.

To be an anarchist, is to suffer greatly. To be a black woman is to suffer secretly. To be the earth, is to suffer silently.

I wish no harm on anyone, but those whose harmful ways will not stop without the same harm.

It's time we kill this cancerous system, before it kills us and everything left of gaia. Rise from our immaturity and take back our autonomy!

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07-17-2011 11:49 PM
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UnschoolShqiponjë Offline
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Re: Regrets Of A Conformist. Working hard just to cry and hate

Sounds like a huge shitfest... This is why I am grateful I never realized the worthlessness of school until after I was done with the compulsory part.

At least you know that here we will probably back you up on your school hating...

Also... lol... hump tag.

Live until you die
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07-18-2011 01:07 AM
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IllusoryDeath Away
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Re: Regrets Of A Conformist. Working hard just to cry and hate

My - and everyone else's here @ SS - condolences.
07-18-2011 01:56 AM
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Aya Offline
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Re: Regrets Of A Conformist. Working hard just to cry and hate

Conformist Wrote:Ahh sweet youth! I remember 3rd grade well. Children frolicking in the flower spotted courtyard of the school running off to play their games, like ring around the rosie, patty cake, and, of course, hump tag.

Obvious troll is so fucking obvious.
07-18-2011 04:40 AM
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SoulRiser Offline
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Post: #6
Re: Regrets Of A Conformist. Working hard just to cry and hate

lol @ 'hump tag' Giggle

Also, welcome to this crazy place of misfits and general insane people who are actually perfectly sane but just turned out this way because ... well, I don't know. Razz

You've probably already read all the articles on the site by psychologists and other smart people who agree that school causes a whole bunch of anxiety disorders and other problems, right?

Don't let those silly teachers stop you from doing what you enjoy just because they don't know how to appreciate it.

"If you can, help others; if you cannot do that, at least do not harm them." - Dalai Lama
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07-18-2011 06:25 AM
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UnschoolShqiponjë Offline
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Re: Regrets Of A Conformist. Working hard just to cry and hate

Ayliana Wrote:
Conformist Wrote:Ahh sweet youth! I remember 3rd grade well. Children frolicking in the flower spotted courtyard of the school running off to play their games, like ring around the rosie, patty cake, and, of course, hump tag.

Obvious troll is so fucking obvious.

Always possible but one post shouldn't determine that... sometimes you guys are too quick to scream troll or justin or whatever.

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07-18-2011 06:43 AM
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Conformist Offline
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Re: Regrets Of A Conformist. Working hard just to cry and hate

UnschoolShqiponjë Wrote:
Ayliana Wrote:
Conformist Wrote:Ahh sweet youth! I remember 3rd grade well. Children frolicking in the flower spotted courtyard of the school running off to play their games, like ring around the rosie, patty cake, and, of course, hump tag.

Obvious troll is so fucking obvious.

Always possible but one post shouldn't determine that... sometimes you guys are too quick to scream troll or justin or whatever.

Sorry, forgot to use the sarcasm emote on that, of course I wasn't being sarcastic about hump tag; that was an actual thing. I could probably say I am not a troll, but that seems like such a trollish thing to say. As I said, I have been a lurker here for a while, and will probably not post frequently. Ironically, most of this was a response to teachers. Many of you hate school but few have had the same experience I had with it. If I was a troll, hypothetically, wouldn't it be more likely for me to, instead of writing paragraphs about hating school, make a a sentence or two on something blatantly ignorant that you could correct me on, while I proceed to create more topics with out acknowledging any of the stuff you have posted?
Also, Ayliana, you're one to talk, in regards to trolls.... I have no way to prove it since I could just read the archives, but I have been lurking for a while. When a crazy mod broke the forum, I was there. When another crazy mod broke the forum, I was still there. When Soulriser finanlly snapped, I was there!
Huh... It seems I am getting defensive. Although I am really just ranting about about Asder Miller, who makes me want to punch the internet. Anyway, I just wanted to describe how even when students respect teachers completely and work hard, the problems of school doesn't just go away, it is merely silenced. Regardless of how a student treats teachers, regardless of how a student works in a class, the end results can all be described with one word: bad. When this site says that kids who hate school are not alone, there is more to it than that. Most kids, regardless of intelligence or attitude hate school, they just don't understand why. I have asked them about why they deal with this crap and even kids who support school aren't able to find an answer. We are the majority, many kids just need to wake up.
Shit, why do my posts have to be so long?
07-18-2011 05:11 PM
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Faby Offline
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Post: #9
Re: Regrets Of A Conformist. Working hard just to cry and hate

Conformist Wrote:Although I am really just ranting about about Asder Miller, who makes me want to punch the internet.

Hello Derchin, ever considered taking pills and perhaps dropping by a psychiatric hospital?

Let go of all desire for the common good, and the good becomes common as grass.

~~

Good fortune follows upon disaster;
Disaster lurks within good fortune;
Who can say how things will end?
Perhaps there is no end.
07-18-2011 05:22 PM
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HeartofShadows Offline
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Re: Regrets Of A Conformist. Working hard just to cry and hate

Derchin I swear to god this better not be you or else..

Welcome to SS.
Me I never had to work hard in high school.
In normal classes I cheated in classes that bored me and in the end I spent my time either reading for entertainment in the library or sleeping in class.
At home instead of studying my ass off I just did what I enjoyed.
Not easy to get passing grades in school but its a waste of time.

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07-18-2011 05:43 PM
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Conformist Offline
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Re: Regrets Of A Conformist. Working hard just to cry and hate

I am not Derchin. Not that this means anything, but I created my account 20 days before Asder Miller signed up, unless I am hallucinating my control panel. First someone calls me a troll, and right after that someone called me Derchin! Is everyone here really that paranoid? For the sake of self-denial, say no.
Also, this site has some epic smilies.

Faby Wrote:
Conformist Wrote:Although I am really just ranting about about Asder Miller, who makes me want to punch the internet.

Hello Derchin, ever considered taking pills and perhaps dropping by a psychiatric hospital?

I am STILL not Derchin, if you had read the post, you would have known that I was already AT a psychiatric hospital. I actually have some weird stories about that place...
07-18-2011 06:14 PM
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Absnt Offline
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Re: Regrets Of A Conformist. Working hard just to cry and hate

Chill out with the "Troll" and "Derchin" shit, he's legit. He's not using any proxy's and he doesn't match any other members I.P's...

Anyway, welcome aboard.

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07-18-2011 06:17 PM
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HeartofShadows Offline
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Re: Regrets Of A Conformist. Working hard just to cry and hate

Sorry Conformist.
Just teasing but I forgot the smilie. Biggrin
Welcome to SS and ignore most of the assholes and bitches who frequent this place as unwarrented self importance is heavy here. Welcome

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07-18-2011 06:20 PM
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.Manicrose. Offline
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Re: Regrets Of A Conformist. Working hard just to cry and hate

Conformist Wrote:trollish
I love that word so much. I just think it's so fucking funny. Bouncey

Faby Wrote:Hello Derchin, ever considered taking pills and perhaps dropping by a psychiatric hospital?
lolol that probably still applies even without him being Conformist.
Well you seem pretty cool (except for the stalkerish lurker thing but I must admit I am guilty of that too) so, Welcome

Go to work. Send your kids to school. Follow fashion. Act normal. Walk on the pavement. Watch TV. Save for your old age. Obey the law. Repeat after me: "I am free."

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07-18-2011 06:27 PM
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psychopath Offline
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Re: Regrets Of A Conformist. Working hard just to cry and hate

Are you justin?
07-18-2011 08:56 PM
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SoulRiser Offline
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Re: Regrets Of A Conformist. Working hard just to cry and hate

The paranoia in this place is hilariously overwhelming. I don't blame you for not posting here much. Razz

"If you can, help others; if you cannot do that, at least do not harm them." - Dalai Lama
Help & Support - Get help with leaving school, unsupportive parents, and more.
Click here if school makes you depressed or suicidal

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07-19-2011 03:48 AM
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SaintVicious Offline
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Re: Regrets Of A Conformist. Working hard just to cry and hate

SoulRiser Wrote:The paranoia in this place is hilariously overwhelming. I don't blame you for not posting here much. Razz
quiet awol
07-19-2011 03:49 AM
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thewake Offline
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Re: Regrets Of A Conformist. Working hard just to cry and hate

Quote:Well, in my house, none of the doors have locks
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How do you masturbate?

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07-19-2011 03:52 AM
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