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Why Twilight is nonsensical.
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Akai Offline
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Post: #1
Why Twilight is nonsensical.

Say what you will about Twilight, but when critics of the series say Stephanie Meyer contradicts her own plot, they aren't kidding. Allow me to explain.

Later in the series, Edward the sparkly "vampire" and Bella have a baby. Jacob pedo jokes aside, it makes no sense that Edward and Bella had this kid, because it makes no sense that Edward and Bella can have sex. You see, the Twilight "vampires" are supposed to be undead. This by itself is a worthy reason, but what I'm really getting at is the fact that they have no blood in their bodies, save that which they drink. If vampires have no blood in their bodies, how the fuck does Edward get a boner?

07-05-2010 02:44 AM
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Leon Kinotolian Offline
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Post: #2
Re: Why Twilight is nonsensical.

Twilight is invalid to begin with. Vampires do not sparkle.

/thread

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07-05-2010 04:33 AM
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CrayolaColours Offline
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Post: #3
Re: Why Twilight is nonsensical.

Leon Kinotolian Wrote:Twilight is invalid to begin with. Vampires do not sparkle.

/thread
This, also... did it outright say they have no blood? And I dunno, maybe it's the sparkle power? Laugh

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07-05-2010 01:55 PM
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AWOL Offline
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Post: #4
Re: Why Twilight is nonsensical.

CrayolaColours Wrote:
Leon Kinotolian Wrote:Twilight is invalid to begin with. Vampires do not sparkle.

/thread
This, also... did it outright say they have no blood? And I dunno, maybe it's the sparkle power? Laugh

No, it did not.

Akai, you're a twat. They drink blood for sustenance.

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07-07-2010 01:56 AM
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Akai Offline
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Post: #5
Re: Why Twilight is nonsensical.

AWOL Wrote:
CrayolaColours Wrote:
Leon Kinotolian Wrote:Twilight is invalid to begin with. Vampires do not sparkle.

/thread
This, also... did it outright say they have no blood? And I dunno, maybe it's the sparkle power? Laugh

No, it did not.

Akai, you're a twat. They drink blood for sustenance.

Do they drink enough blood to get all their muscles moving? Is it enough to turn Mr. Floppy into VAMPIRIC SPARKLY COCK OF DOOM?

07-07-2010 02:11 AM
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AWOL Offline
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Post: #6
Re: Why Twilight is nonsensical.

Doesn't require much blood dude. And you have to remember, they're sucking bears and lions dry. That'd last for days. And that's only in a regular body.

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07-07-2010 02:13 AM
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Akai Offline
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Post: #7
Re: Why Twilight is nonsensical.

AWOL Wrote:Doesn't require much blood dude. And you have to remember, they're sucking bears and lions dry. That'd last for days. And that's only in a regular body.

But how does the blood get pumped into Edward's dick to give him a boner? Also, according to Meyer, all fluids in a Twilight "vampire's" body becomes their "venom". So, as soon as he ate the shit out of Bella's pillow, she should have also turned into a vampire.

07-07-2010 02:16 AM
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psychopath Offline
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Post: #8
Re: Why Twilight is nonsensical.

fuck you
07-07-2010 02:33 AM
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NowhereWoman Offline
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Post: #9
Re: Why Twilight is nonsensical.

Who cares?

I hate what Twilight has become.
I think it's funny when people try to take it seriously in order to prove how idiotic is it when IT WAS NEVER MEANT TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY IN THE FIRST PLACE.

When I read the books in JR. High, I took them for what they were - basically a harlequin romance for teens- and left it at that. They were fun to read that way. But now everyone thinks they're a modern classic or the worst thing ever written. THEY'RE NEITHER.

If you don't like them, don't read them.

But now, it's being crammed down our throat- that I don't like. -.- I'm sick of seeing Roderp Pattinfail EVERYWHERE.

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Carla Franklin may be a whore. She may be a wonderful, kind, moral woman. Seeing as I don't know her personally, I cannot know for sure. However, I find her actions (suing Google, requesting the personal info of her critics, getting angry over random internet idiocy that she should ignore and be bigger than, trying to get this site in trouble because of a few users' commentary on the situation, etc.) pretty ridiculous and unwarranted. If she didn't want people to to be talking about/judging her, well 1. that's impossible, she's a human, and 2. she shouldn't have been a model or agreed to be on film. AND 3. she DEFINITELY shouldn't have sued Google and made all this fuss over a few random idiots whom she probably won't ever know expressing their opinion. Mmkay? MMKAY.
07-07-2010 04:32 AM
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Prince Rilian Offline
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Post: #10
Re: Why Twilight is nonsensical.

I wondered how he could get an erection too.
But then I was like who cares.
However, I did hear something somewhere about stephanie meyer saying his venom does the job somehow.

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07-07-2010 04:41 AM
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LOON_ATTIC Offline
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Post: #11
Re: Why Twilight is nonsensical.

i wuz liek

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07-07-2010 06:01 AM
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CrayolaColours Offline
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Post: #12
Re: Why Twilight is nonsensical.

Akai Wrote:
AWOL Wrote:Doesn't require much blood dude. And you have to remember, they're sucking bears and lions dry. That'd last for days. And that's only in a regular body.

But how does the blood get pumped into Edward's dick to give him a boner? Also, according to Meyer, all fluids in a Twilight "vampire's" body becomes their "venom". So, as soon as he ate the shit out of Bella's pillow, she should have also turned into a vampire.
How do they live without food? How can they not breathe? They're vampires sparklepires, there's room for a bit of magic shit.

Wait... why the fuck am I debating this? It isn't even my fight.

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07-07-2010 06:08 AM
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Akai Offline
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Post: #13
Re: Why Twilight is nonsensical.

CrayolaColours Wrote:
Akai Wrote:
AWOL Wrote:Doesn't require much blood dude. And you have to remember, they're sucking bears and lions dry. That'd last for days. And that's only in a regular body.

But how does the blood get pumped into Edward's dick to give him a boner? Also, according to Meyer, all fluids in a Twilight "vampire's" body becomes their "venom". So, as soon as he ate the shit out of Bella's pillow, she should have also turned into a vampire.
How do they live without food? How can they not breathe? They're vampires sparklepires, there's room for a bit of magic shit.

Wait... why the fuck am I debating this? It isn't even my fight.

So, Edward gets a boner using magic? Is that why he also eats Bella's pillow?

07-07-2010 06:20 AM
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arthasmenethil Offline
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Post: #14
Re: Why Twilight is nonsensical.

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I've also seen another one but can't find it: It says, "Twilight: the story of a girl trying to choose between beastiality and necrophilia"

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07-07-2010 06:26 AM
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CrayolaColours Offline
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Post: #15
Re: Why Twilight is nonsensical.

Akai Wrote:
CrayolaColours Wrote:
Akai Wrote:But how does the blood get pumped into Edward's dick to give him a boner? Also, according to Meyer, all fluids in a Twilight "vampire's" body becomes their "venom". So, as soon as he ate the shit out of Bella's pillow, she should have also turned into a vampire.
How do they live without food? How can they not breathe? They're vampires sparklepires, there's room for a bit of magic shit.

Wait... why the fuck am I debating this? It isn't even my fight.

So, Edward gets a boner using magic? Is that why he also eats Bella's pillow?
Exactly. You can't put normal into the paranormal. He's a different species, human logic fails. Not to mention it's not worth the thought.

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07-07-2010 07:41 AM
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Akai Offline
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Post: #16
Re: Why Twilight is nonsensical.

CrayolaColours Wrote:Exactly. You can't put normal into the paranormal. He's a different species, human logic fails. Not to mention it's not worth the thought.

The thing is, human logic doesn't just fail here, in the context of Twilight; it crashes into the fucking earth and causes massive tremors. First of all, Twilight attempts to be realistic by not claiming that what happens is because of magic. The "vampires" have marble skin that sparkles in sunlight (I don't know how the fuck they move if their skin is marble, or why all the male "vampires" don't have huge constant fucking hard-ons, but whatever), the "plot" contradicts itself, and all kinds of other confusing shit...but somehow, it's not because of magic. That's why this doesn't make sense. Lord of the Rings has Saron and orks and giant walking forests and a sword that summons an army of ghosts and shit, but LotR makes way more sense than Twilight because at least they explain that magic does it. Twilight doesn't say shit about magic. Twilight just goes "Well it's because Edward is a vampire, and OH MY GOD EDWARD IS SO HOT PLEASE HAVE MY BABIES AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH EDWARD!!!!11!!11!!!"

07-07-2010 08:22 AM
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Prince Rilian Offline
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Post: #17
Re: Why Twilight is nonsensical.

Akai Wrote:First of all, Twilight attempts to be realistic by not claiming that what happens is because of magic.
No, it is magic. Bella and Jacob talk about it in the 3rd book.

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07-07-2010 08:28 AM
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Akai Offline
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Post: #18
Re: Why Twilight is nonsensical.

Prince Rilian Wrote:
Akai Wrote:First of all, Twilight attempts to be realistic by not claiming that what happens is because of magic.
No, it is magic. Bella and Jacob talk about it in the 3rd book.

Sauce?

07-07-2010 08:29 AM
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Prince Rilian Offline
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Post: #19
Re: Why Twilight is nonsensical.

Akai Wrote:
Prince Rilian Wrote:
Akai Wrote:First of all, Twilight attempts to be realistic by not claiming that what happens is because of magic.
No, it is magic. Bella and Jacob talk about it in the 3rd book.

Sauce?
THE THIRD BOOK.

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07-07-2010 08:32 AM
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Akai Offline
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Post: #20
Re: Why Twilight is nonsensical.

Prince Rilian Wrote:THE THIRD BOOK.

I meant a quote or something.

07-07-2010 08:33 AM
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The Desert Fox Offline
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Post: #21
Re: Why Twilight is nonsensical.

Leon Kinotolian Wrote:Twilight is invalid to begin with. Vampires do not sparkle.

/thread

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07-07-2010 11:20 AM
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CrayolaColours Offline
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Post: #22
Re: Why Twilight is nonsensical.

Akai Wrote:
Prince Rilian Wrote:THE THIRD BOOK.

I meant a quote or something.
Yeah, because we're going to go through the book so you can bitch.

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07-07-2010 11:37 AM
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Akai Offline
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Post: #23
Re: Why Twilight is nonsensical.

CrayolaColours Wrote:
Akai Wrote:
Prince Rilian Wrote:THE THIRD BOOK.

I meant a quote or something.
Yeah, because we're going to go through the book so you can bitch.

You've got to admit though that this is one of the better troll threads. Biggrin

07-07-2010 11:41 AM
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Prince Rilian Offline
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Post: #24
Re: Why Twilight is nonsensical.

The Desert Fox Wrote:
Leon Kinotolian Wrote:Twilight is invalid to begin with. Vampires do not sparkle.

/thread
Twilight is invalid to begin with because vampires are not real.

Oh wait a second. That's why it's called fantasy. The author gets to make shit up.

Life is good. Jeta është e mirë. Goingcrazy
Die lewe is goed.
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07-07-2010 11:43 AM
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Akai Offline
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Post: #25
Re: Why Twilight is nonsensical.

Prince Rilian Wrote:
The Desert Fox Wrote:
Leon Kinotolian Wrote:Twilight is invalid to begin with. Vampires do not sparkle.

/thread
Twilight is invalid to begin with because vampires are not real.

Oh wait a second. That's why it's called fantasy. The author gets to make shit up.

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07-07-2010 11:51 AM
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CrayolaColours Offline
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Post: #26
Re: Why Twilight is nonsensical.

Akai Wrote:[Image: Edward_Faggot.jpg]
For once I agree.

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07-07-2010 01:20 PM
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MorikoMisa Offline
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Post: #27
Re: Why Twilight is nonsensical.

CrayolaColours Wrote:
Akai Wrote:[Image: Edward_Faggot.jpg]
For once I agree.

*SPARKLING* *DOUCHEBUCKETS.*
07-07-2010 02:17 PM
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Prince Rilian Offline
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Post: #28
Re: Why Twilight is nonsensical.

The one on the left looks faggotty.
The one on the right looks like a model (so, kinda faggotty).

Life is good. Jeta është e mirë. Goingcrazy
Die lewe is goed.
Het leven is goed.

Zoidberg: What is it, already? What's the cause of your anger?
Leela: I guess I would have to say, I hate you!
07-08-2010 05:04 AM
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Akai Offline
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Post: #29
Re: Why Twilight is nonsensical.

Prince Rilian Wrote:The one on the left looks faggotty.
The one on the right looks like a model (so, kinda faggotty).

How does the one on the left look faggotty?

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07-08-2010 05:10 AM
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Re: Why Twilight is nonsensical.

Prince Rilian Wrote:The one on the left looks faggotty.
The one on the right looks like a model (so, kinda faggotty).
I'm a faggotess so I damn well know my faggots, and the one of the left is approximately 85% straight, the one on the right is...questionable.

*SPARKLING* *DOUCHEBUCKETS.*
07-08-2010 12:01 PM
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