Fuck this shit, and fuck school and fuck everything.

[Depression101]

Well, you know what? Fuck this shit. I'm tired of school and all it's fucking bullshit, and I'm tired of it destroying what I love. You know, what I started writing a short story about how school destroyed my love for writing and reading to calm myself down and put my thoughts down; but as my previous statement suggests, that didn't work out. So I was thinking, should I jump out the fucking window, headfirst, and write a note saying how school drove me to suicide. But to prevent some people thinking I'm some edgy teen who doesn't have a right to be fucking depressed because he's from a loving family and a good "education", maybe I should make some stuff up that'll hopefully have some affect on the school and maybe get my English teacher fired, if not, hopefully, arrested.


I just had enough of all this motherfucking cocksucking shit. My philosophy is that dead men don't care about anything anymore, that they have absolutely no problems, because, well, they're fucking dead. Maybe I'm being dramatic, but fuck this SHIT. I Wwon't handle monday, I just fucking won't.

[Avatar Korra]

Damn, people don't realize the damage the tyranny of school can do. Fuck the people who'd invalidate your feelings by calling you an "edgy teen." They are trying to justify their lack of empathy and understanding.

How do you think your family would react if you just expressed everything you told us in one breakdown of emotion? That's what it took for my mom to start taking me seriously (combined with refusing to do work). She had an outburst of rage and hit me a few times, but the next day she she was sorry she overreacted, gave me a hug and (while crying) told me she was glad that I think for myself and doesn't want that squashed away. Then she told me she didn't want me to have bad memories of my high school years and let me start online school.

Do you think something similar could happen for you?

[Depression101]

If I told me mother in a huge breakdown of emotion, she'd be concerned, she'd ask me for about six hours who's bullying me(and to her, teachers aren't a valid answer); and after I'd convinced her that one aside from the teachers was bullying me, she'd ask me what else is wrong(because every signle reason I have is not valid to her, in her eyes, everyone dislikes school, but everyone has to go it no matter what, because that's just the way things are.) And that, but the way, is such a shitty and poor excuse that I get pshysically sick whenever someone actually believes it's worth the tiniest shit. She probably would ask me if I want to go to a different school, and I'd say no because she means another normal school, not anything else. And private school here are basically more dough and more work, there's no schools here that actually educate kids in a proper way.

If I actually hurt myself, my mother would probably move me to another school, bitch to the pricipal of the current school, and make sure the teacher cuddle me and treat me like a retarded kid at the new school I go to. Plus, I'll have to visit some shitty, good-for-nothing therapist. That's how my parents would react.

[Avatar Korra]

(05-07-2017 03:07 AM)Depression101 Wrote:  she'd ask me what else is wrong(because every signle reason I have is not valid to her, in her eyes, everyone dislikes school, but everyone has to go it no matter what, because that's just the way things are.)

"Everyone does it," and "That's just how it is."
The two best ways to stay close minded to new ideas.

You could tell her about unschooling and it's philosophies to convince her that school is not necessary and how it's authoritarian and coercive nature is harmful. I gradually sent my mom posts about this (like a few every week to assure she actually reads them) which probably contributed greatly to her change of mind.
A lot of the blogs seem to have a counter to almost every pro school argument in existence.
Sophia Gubb has a few antischool and youth rights posts along with expressing how people truly learn(intrinsic motivation).
What Is Wrong With The School System
http://www.sophiagubb.com/what-is-wrong-...ol-system/
Children Are Political Prisoners
http://www.sophiagubb.com/children-are-p...prisoners/
Non Violent Self Motivation
http://www.sophiagubb.com/non-violent-self-motivation/
--
Idzie has interviews with adults raised this way and has addressed pretty much all the concerns one could have about not being in school and explains why school is not a good place for people to be forced into. She has more content, so it is the best place for more specific arguments and ideas.
Unschooling 101
http://yes-i-can-write.blogspot.ca/p/new...oling.html The most basic unschooling questions and answers are here, then she links to her articles that go more in depth.

All of her articles listed by name:
http://yes-i-can-write.blogspot.ca/p/my-...iting.html

Interviews:
http://yes-i-can-write.blogspot.com/2010...on-of.html
--
You could actually show some of these to your mom or use them to find arguments that can convince her more easily.

[James Comey]

Are there any options for leaving school?

[Depression101]

Leaving school? Sure, in two years I can drop out -- and I would, if I could survive that long. But each day is beyond hell. I feel insane. Not pretend insane, but I actually feel my sanity slipping. I have intermittent headaches and I sometimes cry out of the blue, silently, for a second or two. And I've tried getting more sleep, but that didn't do jack shit. Even now, on the weekend, my head is pounding once in a while. But on a school day, I nearly always get headaches. And, funny thing, five or six days of a break from school usually makes them disappear. I'd know since I had them since last October.

To answer your question, Hans, it's impossible to convince my mother that school is bullshit, and I very afraid of breaking down in front of her, because that would mean a life-time of therapy. And if I skipped a day of school out of desperation, then that would also be a lifetime of therepay from shitty counsleors that dope you up on adderal if you say you can't concerate in school. The shitty type of counsleors that dope you until you learn to go along with the system, that tell you neccasary for your future, that you will end up homeless if you don't go to school, the kind of fucking shrinks that flash and taunt you with how fucking depressed and crying you parents, grandparents and your fucking dog will be if you drop out of school, how dramatic your being with suicide, that's it's all just a fucking phase and all bullshit! They will tell you how you have a great fucking future. How talented I am at writing, how I should work hard at school so I can be chief editor in a silk-tailored suit behind some fucking desk writing and editing some fucking articles about how some new, revolutionary program that scares kids into going and paying attetion in school, and how the fucking government are proud of these programs, and fund them and shit. And all fucking great sunshine and rainbows. How I'll get a girlfriend in college, marry, have three children and live a gee-golly fucking life, and how I'll give her a fucking kiss in my goddamn suit when she's waiting for me at the elevator, and how we'll go all these dinners with all these fucking friends, all in suits, and laughing and joking at thing that aren't even funny. And bullshit. They'll say it like a normal, robotic life isn't boring, they'll try to indoctrinate you into the system. I fucking hate psychologist. I went to some, and I never wanna go again. They tell you to smile, that smiling fixes all the issues. They told me that, that bullshit. How fucking great this world is, how beautiful are shallow, superficial values are, how I should contribute to bureaucracy, government surevielence, capitalism and consumerism. How instrumental those things are to running a perfect, peaceful world.

Well, this just turned into a rant about shrinks, not school. Fuck me.

[Depression101]

Okay, I calmed down. What I was trying to say there is that I fucking hate shrinks telling me to be normal. And I hate the way this fucking world is. I despise it. I loath it.

[Avatar Korra]

Was your response also for my (2nd) comment?

[Depression101]

Yes, in a way, it was. I don't think I'll manage to convince my mother of how horrible school is. And the story I mentioned in the original post, I've posted it to the original writing section. It's bad since I didn't get to finish/edit it, so I wouldn't recommend reading it. But it's there, if you want to. Just felt it appropriate to post on the site.

[Avatar Korra]

Maybe she could be at least a tad bit convinced if she sees the arguments from the perspective of adults who've never gone to school, since she seems to think it's just a highschooler mindset.

[Depression101]

I don't know, once she came into the room(she always barged into the room unannounced) when I was on the Learn in Freedom site with all the Nobel winners that hated school. I just discovered it and was pretty happy to have something to relate to, she asked me what's up, why am I happy? I showed her the sight, he just shook her head in a joking way and said she's glad I'm happy. She knows how happy I am if I don't go to school, or if I discover something strongly anti-school, but she's just happy I'm happy. Probably doesn't take the whole thing too seriously. I guess if I really told her the reasons, and showed her all the arguments something might happen, but I don't know if the stress and explaining and shouting and arguing is worth a chance that is so fucking slim.

[Avatar Korra]

I think even the most heated argument in the world would be worth it, even with a 0.9999999999% chance.
Even if all she gets from it is just the slightest consideration of your side.

[Depression101]

So would I, so would anyone with an ounce of humanity and sanity. And so what else to say? That's as simple as it gets, but we have to go back and we're to afraid to kill ourselves. And despite our suffering the world keeps on turning. If that's how life is, I want out of it. I want to say more, I want to express more emotion, but I can't because it all boils down to the same thing: school destroyed everything I stand for, it's making me depressed and I'm too afraid and powerless to do shit about it.

[Depression101]

I'm afraid that freedom is restricted to me... You know what I want to be? I want to be a motherfucking writer dude. And no, not some crappy motherfucker that gathers dust on the shelf of some bookstore until some bored person who read all the great shit pick it up, reads it, and says "cool" and gives it a three-star, four-line review on goodreads. Fuck no -- I want to be a great writer. I want to be the shit, man. And how is this relevant? In a few ways; firstly, I'm fine gathering up all the hate and anger I have towards school and life and putting it in what I write: I have no problem being miserable at the cost of creating great art. I've always had more interest in being a writer than a human being, and I always found that a great quality about myself. And how it relates to school is this. School made writing for me a competition, some exercise to please some bitching cunt of an English teacher punk sore at the world because she couldn't get the short story she worked on for five years submitted to the trashiest, 2-cent magazine that exists. School made reading for me an academic exercise, it made it turned into a fucking academic joke. It destroyed what my world of art and writing meant for me. I don't think I can describe it in a clear, concise way that resonates with you: this is something that can only be felt. But trust me, it destroyed everything I stood for, school did; and I use the past tense for the right reasons: it destroyed it, my ambitions are no more. I just sit on my sorry ass all day, looking at my beutiful books and my blank word document, and I cringe away from it everytime I think of school.

What am I supposed to do, for fucks sake. WHat? Just what. Feels like I'm trapped, like there's something inside me, something burning, raging, flaring, trying to get out, but I'm trapped. If you ever watched Psycho, when Anthony Perkins(Norman Bates) talks about being trapped in that movie. That's how I feel like. I feel worthless, I dread school. I have to go there tomorrow and a sleepless night is guaranteed because of it. What can I do? Is there anyone/anything that can help me? And if so, where? Where? Where the fuck is it? Because I'm just so sick, and so tired of life, and all this bullshit. I just don't want to go to school. It shouldn't be so bad, but it IS. It's humiliating, it's degrading to just go there, and bend over to people just because they're tyrants and because they have more power than you for no good reason. I'm just fed up. Just motherfucking fed up.

[Depression101]

Yeah, most parents are living boring lives, going to work at some shitty firm, all dressed up nice and all, go dinner once in a while, and do normal shit that the system tells them to do. When they look at people who want to do something great, they just say "Ah, it's just a phase, we are all ambitious but it's time to get real and consider a realistic future." Their pissy because they failed to even attempt to do anything great, or meaningful, so they think nobody has the right to and that everybody should just fall in line with the regular robots walking the streets in synchronized movements, responding automatized answers to equally automatized and generic question: "The weather's nice, is it not, Suzy?"; "Oh, yes, beautiful and sunny, Bob."

I fucking hate this world. No one has the right to achieve anything great because it compromizes the system, because it promotes individuality and free thought. Man, I hope you revolutionize the world of game devolpment. Man, I hope you bring games to the same respect and status as books and movies; I fucking hope there will be video games Oscars and video game Nobels all thanks to you, my dear friend.

[SoulRiser]

What would happen if you refuse? Either refuse to go to school, or, if the legal consequences are too bad, just refuse to do anything the people in school tell you to? Don't listen in class, don't do the work, just sit in class and do whatever you want... write what you want to, or read what you want, etc... what would happen?

If they try to make you take drugs, what would happen if you just refused to take them? Refuse to talk to a shrink or whoever?

Take your power back somehow, as much as possible, as much as you can get away with... something like that...?

[Depression101]

Refusing to go to school would get my ass thrown in a shrink's office every day of the week, and the police would come by once in a while.

As to refusing to do things, I'm gradually getting there. But I've been conditioned against it so I have to try very hard to go against it. But, right now, my mother is really getting sore because I'm getting a lot of notices about homework not done(I never do homework at home; I do it at lunch time, or in class. I don't cause trouble so I've gathered a good reputation with teachers, so I get away if I have only some of it done at times). Anyway, my mother is very sore and is really enforcing homework, she's saying that I will do the homework with HER if I get another notice. Well, I don't have maths done for tomorrow, and since that's the first class in the morning I'm getting the notice. As to writing and reading in class, thats the only place I feel desperate enough to do it. But I do it so very little because of the fear -- the motherfucking conditioning. I want to do it while the teacher is yelling her sorry head off at me, I want to rebel against the sytem, but years of authoritarian tyranny have forced me to be an obediant little angel. I'm fighting against it, and it's going okay, but I'm waiting for myself to snap. Which I do a lot at home. I go insane, kind of.

And, yes, Ben, my mother is exactly like that: "Oh, everybody hates school, but everybody has to go. And you're not a special little snowflake, so just put up with it and stop whining."

[Depression101]

No, my mother doesn't threaten me with that, she used to, though. And in school, I don't think I should mind the teacher harassing me anyhow, they do that anyway. And, you're right, the system is fucked.

[James Comey]

I wish rebelnerd were still on here; something tells me he'd get into a lot of big arguments with brainiac.

Oh those would be fun to read. There'd be popcorn overflow on here.

[James Comey]

What the actual fuck.

[Depression101]

That's borderline abuse, mate, you should have a sit-down with your parents.

[James Comey]

Verbal and psychological abuse.