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To everyone who joined these forums at some point, and got discouraged by the negativity and left after a while (or even got literally scared off): I'm sorry.

I wasn't good enough at encouraging people to be kinder, and removing people who refuse to be kind. Encouraging people is hard, and removing people creates conflict, and I hate conflict... so that's why I wasn't better at it.

I was a very, very sensitive teen. The atmosphere of this forum as it is now, if it had existed in 1996, would probably have upset me far more than it would have helped.

I can handle quite a lot of negativity and even abuse now, but that isn't the point. I want to help people. I want to help the people who need it the most, and I want to help people like the 1996 version of me.

I'm still figuring out the best way to do that, but as it is now, these forums are doing more harm than good, and I can't keep running them.

Thank you to the few people who have tried to understand my point of view so far. I really, really appreciate you guys. You are beautiful people.

Everyone else: If after everything I've said so far, you still don't understand my motivations, I think it's unlikely that you will. We're just too different. Maybe someday in the future it might make sense, but until then, there's no point in arguing about it. I don't have the time or the energy for arguing anymore. I will focus my time and energy on people who support me, and those who need help.

-SoulRiser

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Inventory Meditation
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the Analogist Offline
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Post: #1
Inventory Meditation

I thought a bit about the concept of Inventory as it was taught to me by a recovering alcoholic of 30+ years. "That we do a fearless and searching moral inventory of ourselves"

What this means is that we trace our attitudes down to their ultimate source. Why exactly do we feel or think what we do?

Meditation, the western word or concept simply means to think or ponder. The "zen" learn-to-ignore-everything-that-is approach to "meditation" is not what we are talking about here.

If this process is done correctly, some part of you will have to change forever. This process if done properly is ongoing.

I suspect that many of us sorely need to go through a process like this. I believe this is in essence the ultimate reason SS exists, it is a platform for us to meditate, a process which is done most effectively in the company of others who want to bring out the best in us. This is what many of us lack, and so we seek it here.

For me personally, one major thing comes to mind: why exactly do I think I am so smart? Once I arrive at some answer, I have to question that answer. If I have bothered to use my mind in a way that makes me special, why have the ways others have used their minds not made them special? If I were to be honest about this question I would have to say only that the issues I have focused my thoughts on are somehow intrinsically more important than what others have done. Both my inner unschooler and my inner Muslim take issue with me thinking this way. Thus, a contradiction has been discovered in my thought and now I am left with a choice; do I remain incoherent or abandon the idea that I am smart, which is in reality a belief I am on some level better than other people?

I would imagine on some level that grades, parental approval, teacher approval, all unfortunately play a deep role in our self-perception, but we have to dig deep within ourselves and really answer the question "Why do I feel this way?" Are you sad that you let your parents down? Are you sad that you've let yourself down? Are you, not sad, but mad that the control exerted over you is illegitimate, unjust? Have you in fact let yourself down because you have put up with your unjust imprisonment too passively? Do you still have a deep worry and care for your imprisoners like Stockholm Syndrome so that when they retaliate against your rebellion you get upset or sad instead of amused?

I think many of us experience dissonance within ourselves. Some contradiction we carry for want of meditation to discover and discard it. Maybe we are thinking the wrong things? Maybe we are doing the wrong things?

I think each of us should engage in this type of meditation. Each of us should then share our ongoing results if not on SS, then at least with somebody we know truly cares about us, not about controlling us.

AA does not tell you not to drink, AA simply says, if you want to quit drinking here are the things we have done. Perhaps one day we could write the twelve steps of School Survival, but it might not be twelve.

Purity is to Believe only that which deserves it.
Wisdom is to follow only the Opinion which makes the best use of evidence.
Excellence is to be mindful of all these things in Living.
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05-05-2017 03:22 AM
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 Thanks given by: SoulRiser
James Comey Away
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Post: #2
RE: Inventory Meditation

12 steps of school survival, I kinda like this idea.

But yeah, I think I understand what you're trying to say. I've been in moments where I suddenly have a realization on why I'm acting the way I'm acting, and I go back into my childhood and I remember certain experiences and perceptions which sort of got me to the point I am now.

Have you ever read on the term metacognition? xcriteria used to love discussing it.

RIP GWEDIN
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RIP NIGHT
RIP VONUNOV
RIP WES/THEWAKE
RIP USERNAME

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05-05-2017 04:48 AM
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the Analogist Offline
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Post: #3
RE: Inventory Meditation

yes, metacognition is what we would be developing.

Purity is to Believe only that which deserves it.
Wisdom is to follow only the Opinion which makes the best use of evidence.
Excellence is to be mindful of all these things in Living.
Follow me on Twitter!
05-05-2017 12:18 PM
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James Comey Away
Banished Oldfaf in Exile

Posts: 6,519
Joined: Aug 2013
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Given 2293 thank(s) in 1517 post(s)
Post: #4
Inventory Meditation

Being aware of awareness. Knowing what the actual fuck you're doing helps wonders.

RIP GWEDIN
RIP URITIYOGI
RIP NIGHT
RIP VONUNOV
RIP WES/THEWAKE
RIP USERNAME

[Image: Nas-One-Love.jpg]

Stop jerking off to porn and whining and do something about it

Make School Survival Great Again - MSSGA

Hidden stuff:

[Image: BallsofSteel2.png]
[Image: mg_michelle_2020.png]
05-05-2017 02:47 PM
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