The Nice Guy™ Syndrome

[James Comey]

I'm surprised there hasn't been a thread for this already, but then again I imagine a majority of School Survivors are trapped in singledom anyway, so it's time to have a talk about this.

(I'm going to tell this from a male perspective too, so there's a discretion)

1. What is the "Nice Guy™ Syndrome?

A "nice guy" is a guy that believes that if they perform good deeds for a girl, they will be rewarded with a relationship or even sex. Actions of your typical "nice guy" may include opening doors, telling lame jokes, giving gifts or offering help with things like homework, etc. Nice guys typically portray themselves as gentle, compassionate, sensitive, or vulnerable.

The term "nice guy" can actually be used as positive; it may be used to describe a man who is genuine, is a good lover, and romantic. However, recently, the term is very negative as well, and describes a man who has no value, is submissive, has no goals or ambition, is boring, and may be actually manipulative or be misanthropic.

2. Should I be paranoid then?

No. Because the good news is that it's quite easy to weed out a Nice Guy™ from an actual nice guy. In this thread, I'm going to show you a number of ways to know who might be a Nice Guy™, or in the case for men, a Nice Girl™. For others, this may be a useful guide to cure themselves from the infamous Nice Guy™ Syndrome.

The worst you can expect from a Nice Guy™ is probably a mean text ranting about how "nice" they were to you and for them to go on some convoluted rant about how "women don't appreciate nice guys", so thankfully that's their max potency (unless you're dealing with someone like Elliot Rodger, which if you are, that's another story for another day; speaking of which, School Survival seriously needs an anti-bullying guide/stance).

3. How do I spot a Nice Guy™?

1. He's a bit too suspiciously... nice

One typical trait of a Nice Guy™ is that they tend to be quite... nice, doing a lot of favors for you. Generally speaking, there are a lot of people who tend to be genuinely nice and do these good things out of kindness. However, more often than not, a nice guy may go to the extreme, and this can be seen as rather manipulative.

2. His/her personality just sucks

Another overwhelming trait of the Nice Guy™ is that they constantly tout their niceness as their defining feature. This is not a good thing. This indicates that otherwise, they're a generally boring person who probably doesn't do much with their time, nor do they have a lot of interests.

I know this because when I was a Nice Guy™, my personality mostly sucked. I didn't provide much value, nor did I do many interesting things with my life, either. I did have some intuition and intelligence, but that was really it. Otherwise I was a doormat.

The good news is that there is definitely a way around this. This Elliott Hulse video is a good blueprint on how NOT to be a Nice Guy™. Generally those that are successful with dating and social circles tend to have a strong hobby/passion and their personality reflects this.

Also, most importantly, take care of yourself. Keep in good shape, wash your face, dress well, etc. One common trait of the Nice Guy™ is that they believe that women are shallow and only see men for their appearance. Again, this is a fallacy. The cold hard truth is that looks matter. Actually, women look more towards personality than appearance, which is why there are men who are successful in dating who aren't very attractive because their personality is awesome. However, appearance says a lot about personality, and in general people make a judgment on your appearance (it sends a message about yourself).

So, in the end, look attractive as you can and have an awesome personality.

3. They see other men as "assholes/douchebags" etc (or for girls, they see other women as sluts, etc)

This is psychological projection at its finest. The mantra and backbone of the Nice Guy™ is that they are absolutely convinced that other men are manipulative sociopaths who are just using women for sex. For the Nice Girl™, they may see other women as sluts or whores who only see men for sex.

Regardless, there's a strong idea of blatant hypocrisy. The reality is that the Nice Guy™ is most likely only nice in order to get a date or score. Their pretentious and judgmental attitude re-enforces a mindset that they are the only good people, and everyone else is bad. The reality is that those "assholes/douchebags/sluts" are people who actually have tried in their lives to be good people with value.

Think of it this way; is it really "nice" of a person to make a blatant and unbacked judgment of someone for simply being more successful than them? No. They're just bitter that their life sucks, and can't accept responsibility for it, therefore they blame something else for their life sucking.

4. Nice Guys™ see dating as a moral issue and are entitled

Do you know someone who constantly complains that they can't get a date and they start going off on how everything is against them, and they're so entitled to a date. Yeah, that's what a Nice Guy™ thinks.

Nice Guys™ think they're entitled to sex and a relationship. The reality is that inherently, society owes them nothing. If you want something, in general you have to do something to earn it. Nice Guys™ think that a girls should owe them sex for their "chivalry".

I think the reasoning for this is that people look to Hollywood for the "model relationship" and a lot of movies like to depict the man as being unfairly marginalized by a girl, or that the "nice guy" gets the girl in the end. There are some serious entitlement issues going here.

In the end, you're not entitled to anything. Accept this, and be at peace.

5. They have a defeatist attitude

Another common trait of the Nice Guy™ is that they feel they always lose at the end. They know that the "bad boy" or "douche jock" will always get the girl at the end.

First off, no one likes a defeatist. If you have a defeatist attitude, you're likely going to fulfill that prophecy in your head. It's an unhealthy attitude and people pick up on it. It also keeps you from making serious change that you need in your life.

Second, why do those kind of guys get the girl in the end? They actually do things that make themselves awesome. Think about it, if you're complaining that the "bad boy" wins in the end, you're really undermining yourself. The reality is that you're very capable of change, and you can be very awesome.

6. They really emphasize their niceness

This is a big one. Nice Guys™ think that their niceness makes them somehow distinct, somehow special in an amoral society. Somehow, they're special snowflakes.

The cold hard reality is that almost everyone is nice in some way or another. It's something that not only are we taught but it's a basic part of human empathy. Niceness is basically the lowest common denominator and an excuse not to improve yourself.

You really think the people with a lot of social success are somehow not nice? Do you really think that society is lacking in niceness? Again, I attribute this to the Hollywood trend of depicting a lot of men in RomCom movies as douchebags and that dating lacks genuine niceness.

7. They look towards "chivalry"/bash feminism, etc.

This isn't a universal trait of Nice Guys™, but it tends to be more common than not. A lot of Nice Guys™ look at themselves as "chivalrous" compared to other men. This is commonly called white knight syndrome, where these men see themselves as a "savior" to a woman from a shallow man, but in reality, the only reason a white knight is knighting in the first place is because they want to get laid.

It can get worse; some of these dudes think that feminism is responsibly for their failure in dating (even though plenty of men are still getting laid, women love sex, and a lot of pick-up techniques were actually pioneered by women...), so they go on and rant about feminism and are nostalgic for a return to past society.

This is the best example I can give:

4. I think I might be a or know a Nice Guy™! What do I do?

All right. Now that I've given you the best advice and signs of a Nice Guy™, I can give you some better advice on dealing with this.

If you know a Nice Guy™, unfortunately I have to say it's probably best to keep a good distance from them. Try to reject their advances and they'll probably get the message that they've been once again, rejected. The good news is that Nice Guy™ are mostly harmless (unless again, you're dealing with Elliot Rodger, which is another story for another day), so distancing yourself from them should be easy.

If you are a Nice Guy™, there are a number of tips I can give you, but in general I would emphasize to stop being so nice, and work on your personality, appearance, and transform yourself into a better person. Find a genuine interest or hobby, and work on social skills.

This thread was mostly dedicated to talking about Nice Guys™ in general. I've got other threads, such as my male fashion thread, which can help you improve on yourselves, but those are threads for other days

This, coming from a former Nice Guy™.

[SoulRiser]

Reminds me of a guy I used to know. And is, in part, the reason why I used to know him.

I didn't mind being friends with him. Most of his other friends were kinda avoiding him already (understandably) and I guess I felt sorry for him. But the obnoxiousness was just too much.

The thing that annoys me the most about people like this is how they don't really value friendship. They're really only using it as a stepping stone to some other shit I don't care about. Actually, lots of other people do that too, I suppose. It's depressing.

[James Comey]

Did this dude try to coerce you into a date or something through pity? That's what annoys me the most about Nice Guys. They use their pity as their charm... in reality most people find pity to be a massive turn off.

Lol. The popular girl I used to write about tried to manipulate me at the time. Yeah I was a Nice Guy douche but she was the narcissistic snobby girl douche so I guess what comes around goes around

[SoulRiser]

Quote:Did this dude try to coerce you into a date or something through pity? That's what annoys me the most about Nice Guys. They use their pity as their charm... in reality most people find pity to be a massive turn off.

Not really. Or, well, he was mostly whining about other girls and how they don't want to talk to him anymore. And then telling me I'm awesome, and sometimes some other kinda weird "compliments", which I'm sure he probably meant well, but... I didn't like it. He was fine sober mostly, but when drunk he said all kinds of weird shit, lol. I don't think he could possibly have ever believed there was even a remote chance I'd date him... but who knows, people believe strange things...

[DreamRebel]

I met one of those. He was.... humorous in hindsight, but he had me so uncomfortable when he was hitting on me. He even accused my boyfriend, who he never met or heard much of, of being about to betray me and acted nervous and crushed when I beat him at War. And I was stuck with him for a while because we were both in a mental hospital.

[James Comey]

Lol what's funny was that the girl I was nice guying on back then actually did have a dirtbag for a boyfriend. She actually told me he was incredibly manipulative and was a semi-stalker and was paranoid, so for once, the Nice Guy was actually right.

Meh, she was a dirtbag herself so what comes around, goes around.

[AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA]

I think I may have realized that I have been associated with a nice guy for a year and a half.

[James Comey]

Lol they're everywhere in high school