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To everyone who joined these forums at some point, and got discouraged by the negativity and left after a while (or even got literally scared off): I'm sorry.

I wasn't good enough at encouraging people to be kinder, and removing people who refuse to be kind. Encouraging people is hard, and removing people creates conflict, and I hate conflict... so that's why I wasn't better at it.

I was a very, very sensitive teen. The atmosphere of this forum as it is now, if it had existed in 1996, would probably have upset me far more than it would have helped.

I can handle quite a lot of negativity and even abuse now, but that isn't the point. I want to help people. I want to help the people who need it the most, and I want to help people like the 1996 version of me.

I'm still figuring out the best way to do that, but as it is now, these forums are doing more harm than good, and I can't keep running them.

Thank you to the few people who have tried to understand my point of view so far. I really, really appreciate you guys. You are beautiful people.

Everyone else: If after everything I've said so far, you still don't understand my motivations, I think it's unlikely that you will. We're just too different. Maybe someday in the future it might make sense, but until then, there's no point in arguing about it. I don't have the time or the energy for arguing anymore. I will focus my time and energy on people who support me, and those who need help.

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School is going to be the death of me
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Depression101 Offline
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Post: #1
School is going to be the death of me

School is making me depressed and suicidal. I tried to plead with my parents but they just said that everybody goes to school and I'm not a special snowflake. That fucking place makes me depressed and makes me contemplate suicide; I just want to kill myself, it'll end the pain and I don't believe in ultimate consequence, but I can't right now, too weak unfortunately. I cannot stay out of school, I'm forced to go there. The strain and stress from going there each horrible morning are making me go crazy. I either feel numb and depressed or manic and crazy, foaming from the mouth a little bit, and crying with laughter; I react like that because the pain inflicted in school combined by my sheer inability to do jack shit about it creates just an incomprehensible feeling that I don't know how to react. Please help, I beg you, please help. I implore you people, please.

"Then it was straight to the 40 ouncers/ slapping teachers and jacking off in front of my counselors." As the World Turns - Eminem.

"A man is a success if gets up in the morning and gets to bed at night, and in between does whatever he does what he wants to do." - Bob Dylan.

"A good artist should be isolated. If he isn't isolated, something is wrong." - Orson Welles.

"That is not dead which can eternal lie, and with strange eons, even death may die." - H.P. Lovecraft.

"I became insane, with long intervals of painful sanity." Edgar Allan Poe.
03-28-2017 10:50 AM
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SoulRiser Offline
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Post: #2
School is going to be the death of me

Sadhug

There is something you can do, and we will help you find it.

What would happen if you absolutely refused to go to school? Your parents are misinformed - plenty of people don't go to school and they don't need to be "special snowflakes" in order to get out. Maybe refusal might 'encourage' them to take you seriously?

Also, inform them about some alternatives:
http://alternativestoschool.com/

Also more links here:
http://forums.school-survival.net/showth...?tid=36467

"If you can, help others; if you cannot do that, at least do not harm them." - Dalai Lama
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Click here if school makes you depressed or suicidal

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"The true sign of intelligence is not knowledge but imagination." - Albert Einstein
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03-28-2017 12:02 PM
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Depression101 Offline
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Post: #3
RE: School is going to be the death of me

Hi, SoulRiser. No, I already tried telling them about alternatives but they're old-fashioned, and, honestly, don't have the time and/or resources for unschooling. I'll try refuse to budge but I was raised like a puppy: beat(metaphorically) and sculpted into societies little doggy, I was fucking trained like a circus animal to be a gooe, nice boy -- a fucking poster child for the American drram, the perfect American family. It got to the point where intentionally getting worse(not bad) grades was an achievement to me, I've started recently and hope I can progress. Sorry for the rant, had to get jt out.


And congrats on running the site 18 years. It really shows how important this sort of thing is -- keep up the great work, Soul

"Then it was straight to the 40 ouncers/ slapping teachers and jacking off in front of my counselors." As the World Turns - Eminem.

"A man is a success if gets up in the morning and gets to bed at night, and in between does whatever he does what he wants to do." - Bob Dylan.

"A good artist should be isolated. If he isn't isolated, something is wrong." - Orson Welles.

"That is not dead which can eternal lie, and with strange eons, even death may die." - H.P. Lovecraft.

"I became insane, with long intervals of painful sanity." Edgar Allan Poe.
(This post was last modified: 03-28-2017 12:53 PM by Depression101.)
03-28-2017 12:52 PM
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SoulRiser Offline
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Post: #4
School is going to be the death of me

Thanks.

Yeah, it's really hard to stop being a well-trained puppy. I was one too... sort of.

Do your parents know school is making you suicidal though? If they really truly understood that, I think they'd have to take you more seriously, if they're good parents anyway.

When I was around 13/14 or so, I had literally had enough of school. I locked myself in my room, my dad was yelling at me to come out and go to school, but I yelled back that I had a knife and was going to kill myself if they made me go back there. Well, long story short, they did make me go back there, and I obviously didn't kill myself, but I think that made them realize that school was a problem, and they started considering alternatives. They signed me up for a private school the year after that. (Which was ironically the school that inspired me to start this site, but that's another story).

Unfortunately, it takes some serious crisis stuff to knock sense into some people... and even that doesn't always work.

"If you can, help others; if you cannot do that, at least do not harm them." - Dalai Lama
Help & Support - Get help with leaving school, unsupportive parents, and more.
Click here if school makes you depressed or suicidal

Support School Survival on Patreon or Donate Bitcoin Here: 1Q5WCcxWjayniaL92b8GfXBiGdfjmnUNa2
"Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it." - André Paul Guillaume Gide
"The true sign of intelligence is not knowledge but imagination." - Albert Einstein
"I'm pretty sure there's a lot of beauty that can only be found in the mind of a lunatic." - TheCancer
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03-28-2017 01:08 PM
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Post: #5
School is going to be the death of me

Do you see a therapist or something like that? Sometimes they're willing to talk to the school and make things easier for you.
03-28-2017 09:38 PM
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Depression101 Offline
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RE: School is going to be the death of me

(03-28-2017 09:38 PM)Dead Wrote:  Do you see a therapist or something like that? Sometimes they're willing to talk to the school and make things easier for you.

No, therapists didn't help me in the past and they won't help me now.
03-29-2017 01:18 AM
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Post: #7
School is going to be the death of me

Yeah, finding a good therapist is a lot like gambling. Sometimes you get lucky, most of the time you don't, and either way it costs money.

I keep thinking it'd be great to have some kind of a list of therapists that are actually good with school issues... but I'm not sure how that would work exactly.

"If you can, help others; if you cannot do that, at least do not harm them." - Dalai Lama
Help & Support - Get help with leaving school, unsupportive parents, and more.
Click here if school makes you depressed or suicidal

Support School Survival on Patreon or Donate Bitcoin Here: 1Q5WCcxWjayniaL92b8GfXBiGdfjmnUNa2
"Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it." - André Paul Guillaume Gide
"The true sign of intelligence is not knowledge but imagination." - Albert Einstein
"I'm pretty sure there's a lot of beauty that can only be found in the mind of a lunatic." - TheCancer
EIPD - Emotionally Incompetent Parent Disorder

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03-29-2017 01:29 AM
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Post: #8
RE: School is going to be the death of me

Therapists are hit and miss. My experience is that they're at least helpful in expressing feelings and having a safe space, but how effective they'll be in long term planning is one thing to consider.

Anyway, it sucks to hear your situation is so bad. I used to feel the same way where practically every day was torture for me, I hated school. I had the same anxiety issues from back then and it made it much more difficult than it should have been.

Parents can be really stubborn but I think if you really showed them how bad it is for them, you might just start nudging them a bit... change in mind doesn't happen overnight.

If I may ask, what is your sleep and diet routine? What do you do in your free time? School sucks but there are ways to make it suck less by improving the quality of your life and making the most of your time.

EDIT: Moved to School Talk

RIP GWEDIN
RIP URITIYOGI
RIP NIGHT
RIP VONUNOV
RIP WES/THEWAKE
RIP USERNAME

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Stop jerking off to porn and whining and do something about it

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(This post was last modified: 03-29-2017 03:50 AM by James Comey.)
03-29-2017 03:49 AM
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Depression101 Offline
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RE: School is going to be the death of me

(03-29-2017 03:49 AM)Hansgrohe Wrote:  Therapists are hit and miss. My experience is that they're at least helpful in expressing feelings and having a safe space, but how effective they'll be in long term planning is one thing to consider.

Anyway, it sucks to hear your situation is so bad. I used to feel the same way where practically every day was torture for me, I hated school. I had the same anxiety issues from back then and it made it much more difficult than it should have been.

Parents can be really stubborn but I think if you really showed them how bad it is for them, you might just start nudging them a bit... change in mind doesn't happen overnight.

If I may ask, what is your sleep and diet routine? What do you do in your free time? School sucks but there are ways to make it suck less by improving the quality of your life and making the most of your time.

EDIT: Moved to School Talk

My diet is okay. The only thing unhealthy is the coffee and dark chocolate. My sleep is horrible. As soon as I think of waking up comfy, in my own bed, a whole day ahead of me, all nice and warm and comfortable -- then reality sets in, I remember school and my feeling of hope crashes in on itself. In short, I'm afraid to go to sleep and wake up. And so I stay up all night, watching old B-horror movies or sometimes blankly staring at the darkness, wondering why am I in so much pain. I'm lucky to get in four hours of sleep a night -- that's where the coffee and dark chocolate come in, they keep me awake at night.

In my free time, I tried to get back into playing video games like I did a few years ago but practically everything about it gave me a headache; I also like to read and love to write, and those two were what took me away from school, what made my day more bearable. So I did do well in English class but whenever I was writing in my free time I couldn't help but think of English class and how I was writing so I could be better at it -- school turned my passion into a fucking competition, it made it a fucking commodity. This is a post I made on reddit, explaining mostly how I feel: https://www.reddit.com/r/depression/comm...=0e4027c7.
03-29-2017 05:19 AM
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RE: School is going to be the death of me

(03-29-2017 05:19 AM)Depression101 Wrote:  
(03-29-2017 03:49 AM)Hansgrohe Wrote:  Therapists are hit and miss. My experience is that they're at least helpful in expressing feelings and having a safe space, but how effective they'll be in long term planning is one thing to consider.

Anyway, it sucks to hear your situation is so bad. I used to feel the same way where practically every day was torture for me, I hated school. I had the same anxiety issues from back then and it made it much more difficult than it should have been.

Parents can be really stubborn but I think if you really showed them how bad it is for them, you might just start nudging them a bit... change in mind doesn't happen overnight.

If I may ask, what is your sleep and diet routine? What do you do in your free time? School sucks but there are ways to make it suck less by improving the quality of your life and making the most of your time.

EDIT: Moved to School Talk

My diet is okay. The only thing unhealthy is the coffee and dark chocolate. My sleep is horrible. As soon as I think of waking up comfy, in my own bed, a whole day ahead of me, all nice and warm and comfortable -- then reality sets in, I remember school and my feeling of hope crashes in on itself. In short, I'm afraid to go to sleep and wake up. And so I stay up all night, watching old B-horror movies or sometimes blankly staring at the darkness, wondering why am I in so much pain. I'm lucky to get in four hours of sleep a night -- that's where the coffee and dark chocolate come in, they keep me awake at night.

In my free time, I tried to get back into playing video games like I did a few years ago but practically everything about it gave me a headache; I also like to read and love to write, and those two were what took me away from school, what made my day more bearable. So I did do well in English class but whenever I was writing in my free time I couldn't help but think of English class and how I was writing so I could be better at it -- school turned my passion into a fucking competition, it made it a fucking commodity. This is a post I made on reddit, explaining mostly how I feel: https://www.reddit.com/r/depression/comm...=0e4027c7.

All right, so we've gotten to part of the problem here.

Dark chocolate in moderation is okay; it's not terrible and is much healthier than regular chocolate, and cocoa has benefits, though I'd put it in moderation. Coffee in moderation is also fine, and while caffeine isn't particularly addictive (it's incredibly mild), I can see how excessive caffeine consumption can be causing your issues.

One suggestion is to cut out the caffeine; it makes sleeping a lot more difficult and four hours of sleep means you're going to be constantly lethargic, depressed, and low-energy. Lack of sleep can also contribute to stress and aging, so sleep is very important.

It's natural for teens to sleep later due to biological clocks switching later in life. However, it's definitely possible to sleep earlier.

You could detox on the caffeine and see how it affects your sleeping schedule. I'm not sure of the other issue with being afraid to wake up; that definitely sounds like a psychological issue that needs to be checked out.

Hopefully you continue with writing/reading. I started drawing again and I noticed how much fucking different it felt since I left school. It didn't feel forced but rather... natural. Again, your headaches may or may not be caused by caffeine consumption.

Hope I've helped.

RIP GWEDIN
RIP URITIYOGI
RIP NIGHT
RIP VONUNOV
RIP WES/THEWAKE
RIP USERNAME

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03-29-2017 07:40 AM
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Depression101 Offline
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Post: #11
RE: School is going to be the death of me

(03-29-2017 07:40 AM)Hansgrohe Wrote:  
(03-29-2017 05:19 AM)Depression101 Wrote:  
(03-29-2017 03:49 AM)Hansgrohe Wrote:  Therapists are hit and miss. My experience is that they're at least helpful in expressing feelings and having a safe space, but how effective they'll be in long term planning is one thing to consider.

Anyway, it sucks to hear your situation is so bad. I used to feel the same way where practically every day was torture for me, I hated school. I had the same anxiety issues from back then and it made it much more difficult than it should have been.

Parents can be really stubborn but I think if you really showed them how bad it is for them, you might just start nudging them a bit... change in mind doesn't happen overnight.

If I may ask, what is your sleep and diet routine? What do you do in your free time? School sucks but there are ways to make it suck less by improving the quality of your life and making the most of your time.

EDIT: Moved to School Talk

My diet is okay. The only thing unhealthy is the coffee and dark chocolate. My sleep is horrible. As soon as I think of waking up comfy, in my own bed, a whole day ahead of me, all nice and warm and comfortable -- then reality sets in, I remember school and my feeling of hope crashes in on itself. In short, I'm afraid to go to sleep and wake up. And so I stay up all night, watching old B-horror movies or sometimes blankly staring at the darkness, wondering why am I in so much pain. I'm lucky to get in four hours of sleep a night -- that's where the coffee and dark chocolate come in, they keep me awake at night.

In my free time, I tried to get back into playing video games like I did a few years ago but practically everything about it gave me a headache; I also like to read and love to write, and those two were what took me away from school, what made my day more bearable. So I did do well in English class but whenever I was writing in my free time I couldn't help but think of English class and how I was writing so I could be better at it -- school turned my passion into a fucking competition, it made it a fucking commodity. This is a post I made on reddit, explaining mostly how I feel: https://www.reddit.com/r/depression/comm...=0e4027c7.

All right, so we've gotten to part of the problem here.

Dark chocolate in moderation is okay; it's not terrible and is much healthier than regular chocolate, and cocoa has benefits, though I'd put it in moderation. Coffee in moderation is also fine, and while caffeine isn't particularly addictive (it's incredibly mild), I can see how excessive caffeine consumption can be causing your issues.

One suggestion is to cut out the caffeine; it makes sleeping a lot more difficult and four hours of sleep means you're going to be constantly lethargic, depressed, and low-energy. Lack of sleep can also contribute to stress and aging, so sleep is very important.

It's natural for teens to sleep later due to biological clocks switching later in life. However, it's definitely possible to sleep earlier.

You could detox on the caffeine and see how it affects your sleeping schedule. I'm not sure of the other issue with being afraid to wake up; that definitely sounds like a psychological issue that needs to be checked out.

Hopefully you continue with writing/reading. I started drawing again and I noticed how much fucking different it felt since I left school. It didn't feel forced but rather... natural. Again, your headaches may or may not be caused by caffeine consumption.

Hope I've helped.

Thanks, man. To be honest, I think the fear and anger in the morning are enough to keep me up a while. I'll try to cut out on those things. The headaches have been around longer than the coffee, so I seriously doubt it. I've been compulsively drinking four to six cups a day since about a month ago, the headaches started shortly after New Year's. I also have been feeling faint recently. Most likely because of stress and lack of sleep. I usually rest at home so the faintness only comes when I'm in Hell -- I meant school. I'll try to hold on but I'm climbing towards my fever pitch. And thank you for your advice and time, it was invaluable to me.
03-29-2017 08:07 AM
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Post: #12
RE: School is going to be the death of me

You're welcome Smile

Another underrated thing is hydration. Water is essential and your body uses much more resources with low water levels than with high. I assume your headaches are likely caused by stress.

RIP GWEDIN
RIP URITIYOGI
RIP NIGHT
RIP VONUNOV
RIP WES/THEWAKE
RIP USERNAME

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Stop jerking off to porn and whining and do something about it

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(This post was last modified: 03-29-2017 08:09 AM by James Comey.)
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RE: School is going to be the death of me

(03-28-2017 10:50 AM)Depression101 Wrote:  School is making me depressed and suicidal. I tried to plead with my parents but they just said that everybody goes to school and I'm not a special snowflake. That fucking place makes me depressed and makes me contemplate suicide; I just want to kill myself, it'll end the pain and I don't believe in ultimate consequence, but I can't right now, too weak unfortunately. I cannot stay out of school, I'm forced to go there. The strain and stress from going there each horrible morning are making me go crazy. I either feel numb and depressed or manic and crazy, foaming from the mouth a little bit, and crying with laughter; I react like that because the pain inflicted in school combined by my sheer inability to do jack shit about it creates just an incomprehensible feeling that I don't know how to react. Please help, I beg you, please help. I implore you people, please.
I feel the same way about school. I'm trying to find some other alternative. I can't continue going there.

I HATE my school. I'd rather die than go to school for another 6 years.Fu
05-14-2017 01:49 AM
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School is going to be the death of me

What country are you in Benjavaz?

RIP GWEDIN
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05-14-2017 06:17 AM
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School is going to be the death of me

The Divided States of America

I HATE my school. I'd rather die than go to school for another 6 years.Fu
05-14-2017 06:28 AM
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School is going to be the death of me

Ah, for whatever reason I thought you were German.

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05-14-2017 06:33 AM
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School is going to be the death of me

My mother is German and I go to Germany every summer.

I HATE my school. I'd rather die than go to school for another 6 years.Fu
05-14-2017 06:36 AM
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School is going to be the death of me

Figures, no wonder.

RIP GWEDIN
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RIP NIGHT
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RIP USERNAME

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05-14-2017 06:38 AM
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