How much college fucking sucks
Let me start by saying high school fucking sucked too. Adults treat you like shit. Other kids can treat you like shit and someday when its all over all of this will disappear. Please do not kill yourself over what I'm about to say. please find a solution and let me know.
So, why the fuck did I go to college then? Well, I lucked out and actually had a good high school experience. The staff and my peers treated me with respect and I had almost no homework. Community college was even better because when you talk back to a teacher for them being as asshole, the school either doesn't care or asks how they can help you.
Fast forward to going to a four-year university. This is fucking hell. I'm even annoyed typing this because I have this dumb-ass grammerly app that highlights excessively (Like now how I didn't capitalize grammerdsii&%$#@^). I got this dumbass app to try and impress people. Like I do every moment of every day.
So. Much. Homework. It is like fucking abusive how much homework I have. I get anxiety and depression. I've literally lost the motivation to even try to go out and do things because I'm stapled to a chair every hour I'm awake stressing over some difficult fucking assignment. I left for school at 7 this morning and got back at five. I have class five days a week, go to tutoring and I'm expected to work for the school just to graduate (VERY competitive application process) I should be doing homework right now (I actually feel guilty for NOT). Many days, I'm starving, either because I'm broke or I'm intentionally starving myself because on top of getting straight As in really hard classes, I feel unworthy if I'm unattractive too. I used to be so confident.
Theres so much competition. You are constantly competing with literally everyone in the world to get the best degree, the best grades, the best networks, to be the most attractive, to be most popular. the most fulfilling professional relationships I have are shallow, backhanded competitive snarks and people pretending like all the fucking stress we're under is just a big party. No one cares if you have feelings. Even if your emotions are justified and communicated well, people are inconvenienced by anything but "Hi, how are you? I have straight As".
I work fucking constantly from when I wake up until I go to sleep. My peers have called me lazy for sleeping (because they literally slept an average of four hours a day) and not going to the gym. My homework due by Sunday: seven-page scientific paper I have to write on material that is obviously beyond my grade level, two six page lab reports that are supposed to be group reports but this semester I ended up with the LAZIEST fucking peers Iver EVER had to work with, a 20 question chemistry assignment (its actually math and most of these questions have five fucking questions inside of them), two tests (one of them is FUCKING hard) and a single-spaced essay thats also on difficult material.
Why did I chose such a hard major? Because I "followed my passion" and people constantly told me how useless it was. So I changed it to a STEM (math, math, more fucking math and math) major and this is the hardest fucking thing I've ever done. Even though anyone whos not in the STEM field is really impressed, all the fucking STEM people think my degree is weak because I'm not taking literally the highest level math courses available. The ones I passed STILL FUCKING TORTURED ME. I went to tutoring almost every day for two years. Even when a tutor was a dick to me, I had to suck it up and go back. Meanwhile, hearing every fucking nerd in the US say "This class is so easy" Suck my fucking dick you smug, annoying piece of shit.
Why don't you drop out? Completely aside from the shame I would feel for not finishing the race and letting all those nerds laugh at my failure, I owe $40,000 for three years of this! Six months out of school, Ill be working in a minimum wage misery with annoying retards all day as opposed to annoying geniuses all day, repeating the same monotony every day for the rest of my life. At least I could stop working when I go home but I'de never make enough get out of this fucking country. I pay over $1000 a month just to the school so I can work literally from when I wake up to when I go to bed, all day, everyday, including the weekends and there's just. more. assignments. My best friend is generous enough to pay all my fucking bills for me and that makes me feel like shit because I paid my own rent and bills from when I was 16 until I started going to a university full time. I have food allergies and can't afford better food so I get sick all the time but that doesn't exempt me from any of my work or polite and shallow conversations. I lied to the government to get free insurance. I'm considering committing tax fraud for a measly $1500 that I have to live off of until I can work in summer. I have no social life and I'm so miserable, it's starting to fuck up my only relationship.
So what should someone in high school get from this?
America fucking sucks. School children are treated like shit for the sake of authority and adults are pretty much just trying to not be homeless or imprisoned from some dumb bullshit. Money is your only value here and anything you have to say that isn't fake-ass small talk "deserves" abusive and unnecessary aggression.
Talk back to teachers, you're not a fucking slave. Don't go to college here, it so overpriced for what's free somewhere else.