(04-15-2017 05:04 PM)Hansgrohe Wrote: I used to think this way back in the day. I used to think that everyone around me was a phony and that I was somehow the one who was more intelligent than them. I couldn't have lied to myself more.
In the end, it's important to realize that most people in school hate it as much as you do and you're not really better by being angry and bitter. I used to be a pretty bitter and cynical person and looking back it hurt me more than it helped me.
What you can do is improve your attitude slowly, and spread joy by having that glow. A school tends to re-enforce negative viewpoints sadly, so it seems to get to everyone :/
Yes I know I'm not better. I sometimes worry about me and my classmates turning evil in Year 10 and trying to get a teacher fired (Even though the only teacher I hate right now is my Pastoral Leader. I like all other teachers at my school) and bullying the future Year 9 students (Current Year 8 students). Not only that, but my younger sister is coming to my school next year and I think she's not gonna do any work. Aleem, her naughty classmate is coming to my school next year as well. The school won't be able to deal with the evil Year 10 students (including me), my lazy sister, and naughty Aleem. My sister told me a lot about him and the naughty things he did in Earlsmead Primary School. At first I believed her, but after my mum said that my sister is lying, I don't know who I should believe. Anyway, I did some very bad things in Year 9. When I think about those naughty things I did, I think I will do much worse things in Year 10.
I fought with my classmates, I swore at them in Albanian, I cracked Yo Mama jokes in math class, I ate in English class, I brought pepper spray to school with the intention of attacking other students, I called my English teacher stupid and said that she can't teach, I was in seclusion as a punishment and found it fun, I stare at my teachers, I told my math teacher to burn in hell, I cheated on my math test, I flipped the table, I told Miss Olivero (My co-tutor) that Ms McCutcheon (My Form Tutor) fell down the manhole, I wrote a horrible note about a cover (substitute) teacher, I lied to my Year 7 and 8 German teacher (I stopped learning German in Year 9 because it was too hard), I passed notes RS class, I was tapping in RS, I threatened to burn down the gym, I threatened to set my English teacher's cupboard on fire, I told my classmates to get cancer, I yelled "Deez Nuts" and "Spooky Scary Skeleton" in DT class, I also yelled "What are those?!", I yelled at Liban (I don't know if I spelled his name correctly) and Nagma, I told Alvin that I will murder him, I accused my English teacher of stealing my pencil case and maths book (That makes me not only evil, but stupid as well), I flirt with my math teacher, I lie to my English teacher about why I go to another English teacher for homework help instead of her, I once came into school with a headscarf (No, I'm not Muslim) and used a poor excuse (I got it from my Year 8 Drama teacher because I was supposed to use it in Fame the Musical because students who didn't have a headband had to wear it and there were no headbands in the shops) I also said that I'll never show my hair again because it's ugly and got told off not only for wearing a headscarf when I'm NOT Muslim but also for wearing one that is not black or navy, I laugh at other students in English class every time they do something silly (I only got away with it when one student said something silly about Frankenstein in a lesson about Macbeth. I mean, what does Frankenstein have to do with Macbeth?), I drew Miss Olivero skiing, I kicked a boy, I attempted suicide, I was pretending to be my art teacher, I told my Directour of Learning and my Pastoral Leader that they can't exclude me (Because they can't. It is stated on the Behaviour for Learning policy that only Headteacher, Associate Head or a Deputy Headteacher in case of their absence can exclude people. I got in trouble after telling them that), I called my Pastoral Leader a jerk, I threw a tantrum in a meeting when a teacher took me out of art, I threw a pen, I gave Lexi a U2 for wearing red trainers (Only a teacher can do that), I tried to move English class, I tried to move math class, I don't bring my Reading book to school on Tuesdays, I kept coming to school late, I didn't do most of my homework, I wrote on the tables, I avoid English lessons, I threatened to throw something at my Year 8 PE teacher's husband, I didn't take my jacket off in English class, I disrupted my classmates during a math test, I lied to my Pastoral Leader about not being in love with my Form Tutor and worst of all, I hugged Ms McCutcheon during Circle Time.
Yeah, hugging her made me the worst student ever. Ms McCutcheon does not like being hugged. I hurt her. I really hurt her. In fact, I hurt her so much that I attempted suicide the next day at school. I failed because the window didn't want to open, so the month after I hugged Ms McCutcheon, I started tying my hands up every Thursday to prevent myself from hugging her again. My classmates told me that all I need to do is sit next to someone other than Ms McCutcheon and make sure it's not Miss Olivero. I didn't listen to them because I wanted to sit next to Ms McCutcheon or Miss Olivero and not my classmates, because I hate most of them. I like Ms McCutcheon a lot and I didn't mean to hurt her. My Pastoral Leader wanted to exclude me mainly for hugging Ms McCutcheon. I know that it's not nice to hug a teacher when he or she doesn't like it, but seriously? Getting an exclusion for just hugging a teacher? I thought we were only meant to get told off. And she yelled at me and threatened me with an exclusion. But yes, hugging a teacher who doesn't like it is much worse than doing the things that we CAN get excluded for.
I want to stay in that school, but I don't want to turn more evil in Year 10 than I already am. I don't want to fight with anyone, I don't want to swear, I don't want to bring dangerous weapons to school, I don't want anyone to burn in hell, I don't want to cheat in exams, I don't want to burn anything down, I don't want anyone to get cancer, I don't want to murder anyone, I don't want to make poor accusations, I don't want to wear a headscarf in school again even if my hair looks horrible, I don't want to draw Miss Olivero skiing (Why did I do that in the first place? She doesn't even know how to ski), I don't want to kill myself, I don't want to move math class, I don't want to arrive late to school, I don't want to throw anything at anyone and I don't want to do the thing that made me the worst student ever (Which is obviously hugging Ms McCutcheon).
I bet I will never be nice.