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I wasn't good enough at encouraging people to be kinder, and removing people who refuse to be kind. Encouraging people is hard, and removing people creates conflict, and I hate conflict... so that's why I wasn't better at it.

I was a very, very sensitive teen. The atmosphere of this forum as it is now, if it had existed in 1996, would probably have upset me far more than it would have helped.

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Everyone else: If after everything I've said so far, you still don't understand my motivations, I think it's unlikely that you will. We're just too different. Maybe someday in the future it might make sense, but until then, there's no point in arguing about it. I don't have the time or the energy for arguing anymore. I will focus my time and energy on people who support me, and those who need help.

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Aversion to Asexuality (split discussion)
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SoulRiser Offline
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Post: #31
Aversion to Asexuality (split discussion)

I can be ridiculously loyal and devoted to friends I care about... the problem is that I worry people will misunderstand my motivations. So I'm not really comfortable being open about it.

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06-29-2016 11:32 AM
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Cianna200 Offline
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Post: #32
RE: Aversion to Asexuality (split discussion)

Completely understandable, if I was really affectionate and treated my friend as one of the most important people in my life up to the point where I would sacrifice for them, people would think I would have to be in love to feel this way, it's just plain sad and a little depressing on how society views friendship.
06-29-2016 08:10 PM
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the Analogist Offline
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Post: #33
RE: Aversion to Asexuality (split discussion)

I would agree with society if it was a man/woman friendship. In the Islamic context we've got several great examples of devoted friends. Holding hands between men was totally not gay in 7th century Arabia. Here and now people are weird about it

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06-30-2016 01:33 AM
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brainiac3397 Offline
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Post: #34
RE: Aversion to Asexuality (split discussion)

Its still not gay afaik

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(06-14-2013 08:02 AM)Potato Wrote:  watch the fuq out, we've got an "intellectual" over here.

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06-30-2016 01:51 PM
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the Analogist Offline
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Post: #35
RE: Aversion to Asexuality (split discussion)

*virtual hand extended*

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06-30-2016 02:22 PM
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SoulRiser Offline
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Post: #36
Aversion to Asexuality (split discussion)

Quote:I would agree with society if it was a man/woman friendship.
I am female and most of my friends are male, so this is annoying for me. I also find it difficult to relate to or get along with most females... or at least, the ones who are into stereotypical female-ish things like makeup and clothing or whatever.

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07-01-2016 01:29 AM
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Rule_BreakerXVIII Offline
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Post: #37
RE: Aversion to Asexuality (split discussion)

(06-29-2016 04:06 AM)Cianna200 Wrote:  Unfortunately, many people don't take friendship seriously, this is a problem.
If a friend is someone you care about, shouldn't you be loyal and devoted?

There is a concept- "nakama" which I've borrowed from shounen manga/anime; it means people you value as much as family despite not being necessarily related.

I was first exposed to the term in Naruto and One Piece; given that I wasn't that fond of my relatives (well, I downright despise them now), the idea that you could have closer-than-family ties with someone, even if you weren't related to them or had a particular reason to be loyal to them, was really attractive to me.

Of course, this influence during my primary school years only made me less likely to put up with bullshit later on. I'm so glad I listened to shounen anime over my parents when it came to people-skills advice.

Quote: I can be ridiculously loyal and devoted to friends I care about... the problem is that I worry people will misunderstand my motivations. So I'm not really comfortable being open about it.


Considering how many people think Free! is gay, I say you made the right call.

Don't play chess with pigeons-they'll just knock over the pieces, shit on the board and strut about like they won anyway.
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Quote:May the days and months of flowing bitterness be rewarded...
To forget!?

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07-01-2016 01:41 AM
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the Analogist Offline
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Post: #38
RE: Aversion to Asexuality (split discussion)

Soul, you sound like my wife.

All I can say is that if she actually had a really close guy friend other than me, I think it would be reasonable that I would begin to feel weird about it. Maybe that means I'm backward, but I would counter by suggesting that modern society and its values have affected women the hardest which is why you with your actual seriousness and interest in things finds greater companionship among males.

A properly functioning society I think we would agree would not have schooling as we know it with all of its cultish traits, cliques, and anti-intellectualism. I think we woild agree that in a better society we wouldnt constantly be using the female body to sell products that are in no way relevent to the sex they want you to think you'll get, but we find that this is not the case.

I am speaking from values which not only judge the modern relationships people like to form, but the aforementioned institutions which push people in very bad directions generally. I am sure that when my homeschooled daughter grows up she will have the same problems you and my wife have (i.e. girls are annoying), but I am sure you would find either of them extremely pleasant to be around, and me as well since I dont follow or care about sports and I leave the conversation if others wanna talk about some hot girl.

I see your desire for male friendships as a symptom of our societies polluting and destroying women disproportionately to men. Your inclinations are not what I am judging, but I would suggest that the awkwardness of such relationships is because of the fact that you who would be more at home in a better society have replaced what should be with a less than ideal solution. It would be far less awkard if ladies had lady friends, but dang these ladies are vapid wastes of space. I was lucky as hell to find my wife, and she feels equally lucky to have found me. Together we lament about the state of the world.

Please dont take it personal. You know better than any of us that SS is where we can come to express our values which the rest of the world generally rejects.

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07-01-2016 07:51 PM
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Ky Offline
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Post: #39
RE: Aversion to Asexuality (split discussion)

(07-01-2016 01:41 AM)Rule_BreakerXVIII Wrote:  There is a concept- "nakama" which I've borrowed from shounen manga/anime; it means people you value as much as family despite not being necessarily related.

I was first exposed to the term in Naruto and One Piece; given that I wasn't that fond of my relatives (well, I downright despise them now), the idea that you could have closer-than-family ties with someone, even if you weren't related to them or had a particular reason to be loyal to them, was really attractive to me.

Of course, this influence during my primary school years only made me less likely to put up with bullshit later on. I'm so glad I listened to shounen anime over my parents when it came to people-skills advice.
I only started watching Naruto a few months ago. Wish I'd been introduced to it, and shows like it, earlier, because I now see the concept you describe as the ideal form of non-romantic relationship.

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07-02-2016 12:13 AM
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SoulRiser Offline
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Post: #40
Aversion to Asexuality (split discussion)

Quote:Maybe that means I'm backward, but I would counter by suggesting that modern society and its values have affected women the hardest which is why you with your actual seriousness and interest in things finds greater companionship among males.
Good point, actually. I wonder why it is that women seem to be so content to accept their mostly pointless stereotypical women things (makeup, clothes, etc)...

Stereotypical manly things vary a lot more, and many of them are actually useful and interesting to know about, like cars and computers and building/fixing things.

"If you can, help others; if you cannot do that, at least do not harm them." - Dalai Lama
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07-02-2016 12:27 AM
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Rule_BreakerXVIII Offline
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Post: #41
RE: Aversion to Asexuality (split discussion)

(07-02-2016 12:27 AM)SoulRiser Wrote:  
Quote:Maybe that means I'm backward, but I would counter by suggesting that modern society and its values have affected women the hardest which is why you with your actual seriousness and interest in things finds greater companionship among males.
Good point, actually. I wonder why it is that women seem to be so content to accept their mostly pointless stereotypical women things (makeup, clothes, etc)...

Stereotypical manly things vary a lot more, and many of them are actually useful and interesting to know about, like cars and computers and building/fixing things.

Makeup and fashion have their uses too. Don't assume those things are limited only to women. Razz

Don't play chess with pigeons-they'll just knock over the pieces, shit on the board and strut about like they won anyway.
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Quote:May the days and months of flowing bitterness be rewarded...
To forget!?

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07-02-2016 01:36 AM
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the Analogist Offline
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Post: #42
RE: Aversion to Asexuality (split discussion)

Indeed. Our Prophet (saws) actually used antimony, and I know many Muslim men who still due this. He (saws) claimed very real benefits for using it, that it helps your vision for example.

Well its partly their fault partly not. Our horribly oversexualized culture objectifies women in one hand, on the other hand women dress cute. Therefore social pressure and how EVERYBODY thinks of women in damaged.

When I am at the mosque, even when I see a really hot lady not properly covering herself, something about that scarf over her hair kicks off an impulse that I lower my gaze and do not check her out. When I see women like my mother-in-law who covers her face too, I'm a bit intimidated. I see these customs as ways to combat objectification, effective even for a guy like me who struggles to ignore attractive women.

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07-02-2016 01:56 AM
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RE: Aversion to Asexuality (split discussion)

(07-02-2016 01:56 AM)the Analogist Wrote:  Indeed. Our Prophet (saws) actually used antimony, and I know many Muslim men who still due this. He (saws) claimed very real benefits for using it, that it helps your vision for example.

Well its partly their fault partly not. Our horribly oversexualized culture objectifies women in one hand, on the other hand women dress cute. Therefore social pressure and how EVERYBODY thinks of women in damaged.

When I am at the mosque, even when I see a really hot lady not properly covering herself, something about that scarf over her hair kicks off an impulse that I lower my gaze and do not check her out. When I see women like my mother-in-law who covers her face too, I'm a bit intimidated. I see these customs as ways to combat objectification, effective even for a guy like me who struggles to ignore attractive women.

There was this article on the hijab, in our local newspaper; an American-Muslim lady photographed various..kinds of hijab, IDK how to describe it.

The part that stuck with me was this: she described make-up and the hijab as similar, masks to make us feel more ready to face the world. And then she said that she felt more empowered while wearing the full-body black clothing, since it offered her a sense of anonymity and a feeling that nobody was judging her based on her appearance.

And TBH, how many times have I done the same? "Dressing down" to avoid attention? Oddly enough, I can relate.

For a moment I wondered what antimony had anything to do with your post, but a bit of googling reminded me that it was also used to make Kohl, or as we call it, kajal.

Don't play chess with pigeons-they'll just knock over the pieces, shit on the board and strut about like they won anyway.
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Quote:May the days and months of flowing bitterness be rewarded...
To forget!?

Unforgivable!!
07-03-2016 06:17 PM
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