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To everyone who joined these forums at some point, and got discouraged by the negativity and left after a while (or even got literally scared off): I'm sorry.

I wasn't good enough at encouraging people to be kinder, and removing people who refuse to be kind. Encouraging people is hard, and removing people creates conflict, and I hate conflict... so that's why I wasn't better at it.

I was a very, very sensitive teen. The atmosphere of this forum as it is now, if it had existed in 1996, would probably have upset me far more than it would have helped.

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Everyone else: If after everything I've said so far, you still don't understand my motivations, I think it's unlikely that you will. We're just too different. Maybe someday in the future it might make sense, but until then, there's no point in arguing about it. I don't have the time or the energy for arguing anymore. I will focus my time and energy on people who support me, and those who need help.

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Why am I always so depressed or nervous at school?
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MusicAndFruits1092 Offline
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Post: #1
Why am I always so depressed or nervous at school?

Does anyone know why I'm depressed, or nervous at school? I kind of feel like I act depressed on purpose. I don't think I really am. Like I started getting extremely depressed after I started using social media more, and I would always read negative things. I've tried too stop using social media, but I still feel depressed. I started feeling depressed like in fifth grade, then in the summer of sixth grade, then seventh grade because of a health problem and then eighth grade because I felt stupid, and problems with friends. Now I'm in ninth grade, and I'm only depressed mainly because I still feel stupid and I have no more friends. I only "act" or am depressed or nervous whenever I'm at school. At home I'm not depressed unless I'm by myself. And sometimes when I'm not depressed, I force myself to be depressed. I just like the feeling.

I have no right to be depressed. At school I feel like I'm fake, like I act innocent, quiet, smart and mature. But at home I disrespect my guardians, and I can be like a devil. I'm not even innocent, I've done bad and wrong things in my life that I'm too embarrassed to even talk about, and too ashamed to talk about. I wish I could respect my guardians but I feel like I have to act tough. It's just hard for me to respect them. But in my heart I feel so bad after I fight with them or argue with them, but I don't even bother saying sorry because more than likely we always argue or fight again.

I'm sorry if this sounds stupid I know it does.
04-22-2016 06:54 AM
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Dead Offline
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Post: #2
Why am I always so depressed or nervous at school?

Because school is shitty.
04-22-2016 07:37 AM
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SoulRiser Offline
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Post: #3
Why am I always so depressed or nervous at school?

School is a depressing and anxiety-inducing environment, so it's not surprising that you'd be depressed and nervous there. It's also really common for people to feel that way at school. I did, too. So did many (if not most) of the people around me.

I also used to like the feeling of being depressed. Though I'm not sure depressed is the right word. I liked it when things were gloomy, because I didn't like my surroundings or the people, and I wanted it to be gloomy, because it didn't seem right for it to be upbeat or happy or whatever. If that makes sense? And if everything was going smoothly for a while, I'd secretly wish something would go wrong so that things would be at least a little bit interesting again.

And there's no such thing as not having a right to be depressed - if you're depressed, then you're depressed, no amount of saying you don't have a "right" to be depressed is going to change anything. Or if it does, it'll just make you feel worse.

Maybe apologizing for the things you feel bad about will help you respect yourself more.

"If you can, help others; if you cannot do that, at least do not harm them." - Dalai Lama
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04-23-2016 03:57 AM
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MusicAndFruits1092 Offline
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Post: #4
RE: Why am I always so depressed or nervous at school?

(04-23-2016 03:57 AM)SoulRiser Wrote:  School is a depressing and anxiety-inducing environment, so it's not surprising that you'd be depressed and nervous there. It's also really common for people to feel that way at school. I did, too. So did many (if not most) of the people around me.

I also used to like the feeling of being depressed. Though I'm not sure depressed is the right word. I liked it when things were gloomy, because I didn't like my surroundings or the people, and I wanted it to be gloomy, because it didn't seem right for it to be upbeat or happy or whatever. If that makes sense? And if everything was going smoothly for a while, I'd secretly wish something would go wrong so that things would be at least a little bit interesting again.

And there's no such thing as not having a right to be depressed - if you're depressed, then you're depressed, no amount of saying you don't have a "right" to be depressed is going to change anything. Or if it does, it'll just make you feel worse.

Maybe apologizing for the things you feel bad about will help you respect yourself more.

Thank you for your response. I've tried to be more more respectful to my guardians, but it's hard because they know I'm really, really bad. I've tried to change, but it's hard because I feel like I'm being fake. If I'm disrespectful, I feel like I can't change all of a sudden to just be nice. It just seems weird to me with that whole process. I've tried, like many times and I still can't be mainly because I still feel like I have to be a negative person.
04-23-2016 12:19 PM
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SoulRiser Offline
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Post: #5
Why am I always so depressed or nervous at school?

Quote:I've tried to be more more respectful to my guardians, but it's hard because they know I'm really, really bad. I've tried to change, but it's hard because I feel like I'm being fake. If I'm disrespectful, I feel like I can't change all of a sudden to just be nice. It just seems weird to me with that whole process. I've tried, like many times and I still can't be mainly because I still feel like I have to be a negative person.
What's the definition of 'respectful' in these cases? Are you trying to genuinely force yourself to actually respect your guardians, or just to be more polite to them?

What respect is: http://www.eqi.org/respect.htm

Being polite to people you don't respect is a useful skill to have. It doesn't mean you have to actually genuinely respect people who haven't earned it though, and as such, it isn't really being "fake" as much as it is about making life easier for yourself (because people tend to be less likely to be aggressive towards you if you're polite to them).

"If you can, help others; if you cannot do that, at least do not harm them." - Dalai Lama
Help & Support - Get help with leaving school, unsupportive parents, and more.
Click here if school makes you depressed or suicidal

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04-23-2016 08:30 PM
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MusicAndFruits1092 Offline
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Post: #6
RE: Why am I always so depressed or nervous at school?

(04-23-2016 02:53 PM)Joker Wrote:  Pretty normal. High school was depressing/anxiety-inducing for me up until I reached my senior year.

I'm very depressed right now. Gonna make a few changes in my life and hopefully try to get out of this dark hole I'm in. Why would you force yourself to be depressed? Are you sure you're not actually apathetic or stressed out over school?

I hope things get better for you. I know this sounds stupid, but a lot of factors have made me feel like I've needed to be depressed, and sometimes I naturally feel like I am really depressed but other times I just feel like I'm being depressed. I wish I could tell you why, but they're really stupid reasons and like I said a lot of factors lead me to feeling this way, and over the past several years. If I were to explain it a little, I guess it started when I felt like I wasn't being too nice so I felt like I needed to be more sensitive, and I guess eventually it lead me to being more depressed. I know that's kind of stupid to be excessively nice, but I mean I was in middle school and everybody was like .. rude or mean. I don't think I'm stressed out about school either.

(04-23-2016 08:30 PM)SoulRiser Wrote:  
Quote:I've tried to be more more respectful to my guardians, but it's hard because they know I'm really, really bad. I've tried to change, but it's hard because I feel like I'm being fake. If I'm disrespectful, I feel like I can't change all of a sudden to just be nice. It just seems weird to me with that whole process. I've tried, like many times and I still can't be mainly because I still feel like I have to be a negative person.
What's the definition of 'respectful' in these cases? Are you trying to genuinely force yourself to actually respect your guardians, or just to be more polite to them?

What respect is: http://www.eqi.org/respect.htm

Being polite to people you don't respect is a useful skill to have. It doesn't mean you have to actually genuinely respect people who haven't earned it though, and as such, it isn't really being "fake" as much as it is about making life easier for yourself (because people tend to be less likely to be aggressive towards you if you're polite to them).

They say I don't respect them, which is true. But like I don't do things they want me too. Like I'll always reply back with Mhm instead of saying Yes. I'm forcing myself to be nice and respectful towards them because they are nice to me, and I know I care for them but I just don't show it or act like it.
(This post was last modified: 04-24-2016 12:58 AM by MusicAndFruits1092.)
04-24-2016 12:56 AM
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schoolsux Offline
fuck this school bullshit

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Post: #7
Why am I always so depressed or nervous at school?

School definitely brings anxiety to the max. I am nervous as fuck fairly often at school. One person told me that I act like I'm on crack. Oddly enough, I can perform in front of about 70,000 people with hundreds of thousands more watching on TV with absolutely zero anxiety. But whenever I speak at school (and not near my friends), I tend to speak at a speed which rivals Eminem in Rap God, except I don't pronunciate words with any form of clarity at school (this has extended into my life outside of school too, mostly within the last couple months). I'm usually really fucking anxious now to talk (I often go at insane speeds now when talking to my dad, or my mom, or my stepdad).

schoolsux's countdown until school ends:

177 days until i get out of freshman year (aka hell)
1280 days until I get out of prison (aka school)

(as of november 28, 2016)

also Fu school

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04-27-2016 12:33 PM
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MarrySa Offline
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Post: #8
Why am I always so depressed or nervous at school?

Because more people in school and less comfortable
10-04-2016 04:27 PM
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