thoughts on ss forums
One of my needs is to feel safer.
That goes along with my need to feel more in control of my life.
Another of my needs is to feel supported. Another is to feel encouraged.
Along with feeling encouraged is the need to protect myself from feeling discouraged.
Another is to help people.
Another of my needs is to protect others, to warn them and to be their "emotional body guard" and to educate them on what emotional abuse is and what their human emotional needs are and help them understand why they are in pain from their needs not being met.
Now let's see how that applies to School Survival.
I have not talked to SR in a couple of days. I am a little worried about her. I sent her an email to ask if she was ok and the last time I checked my mail, she hadn't answered.
But anyhow, I am writing this partly for her and for anyone else who wants to understand me or to learn from me etc.
I come to the SS forum for several reasons - in other words, to try to partially fill several of my unmet emotional needs.
The other day SR made me a global moderator, so I can do a few things now that I wasn't able to do before.
I am thinking about how I will or could use these new "powers".
I can use them to help SR, to help the people who are currently using the forums, or who might use them in the future, and to help myself.
So let me address each of those.
1. Help SR. I can help SR by helping her keep the forums in line with what she wants for them. I can help her by saving her some time by taking care of some things so she can use her time for something else like making the video she wants to make.
I can help her by helping her feel cared about, listened to, taken seriously, understood and supported.
2. Help those who are currently using the forums. My first thought is I can help protect some of the less aggressive people in the forums. I can help them see when others are not showing empathy or understanding, or when others are invalidating them.
I can also offer them some new information or knowledge, such as what invalidation is.
3. I can help others who might come to the forums in the future. In particular I can help those who are socially anxious, insecure, depressed, suicidal, non-aggressive, intelligent, open-minded.
I can also help those who are in pain from trying to resist being brainwashed or domesticated, and from trying to swim out of the mainstream current with no support. I can help those who would be afraid to post on the forums as they now are. I can help them by making the forums a bit safer. I can also help those who don't believe depression is an illness while all those around them are telling them that there is, and that nothing is wrong with their culture, their family and the school they are forced to go to.
Teen depression is a subject that I feel very strongly about and which I feel qualified to write about. Right now I would say the forums are not a safe place for someone who does not believe depression is an illness.
I am an "adult" who has had many, many "successes" in life and who has, I believe at least, a pretty healthy self-esteem, at least compared to a socially anxious, depressed teen. I can defend myself pretty well if I need to against verbal and emotional attacks. Yet even I do not feel safe now writing that I believe depression is not a mental illness.
4. Helping myself. I could use my GM abilities to "clean up" posts, in particular my own threads. I could move posts, edit them, etc. I don't think I would just delete any because I believe we can learn from all posts and from everyone. This would help me feel more in control and safer. It would help me feel less discouraged when I look at my own posts and less afraid of going back to look at them again. There are some comments and some people's names that are painful for me to even look at and be reminded of. If SR agrees, I would move them somewhere else to keep my threads "clean" and safe. Safe not only for me but for others who are like me or like Priscilla or some of the teens I have helped in the past who now are not using these forums.
Another thought is that I would like to change the mission of the forums a bit. Or clarify it perhaps. I like original idea of surviving school - but to me that means surviving high school in particular. So I would judge or evaluate comments, threads and posts on that criterion, for example. Is it helping someone survive high school?
But actually I would want to do more than that. I would want to make more of a difference in someone's life. For example, it is not very fulfilling to me to know that a lot of people over the years have used this site to make it through high school and then they have gone on to universities where they pretty much just stay in the mainstream, or very close to it, only differing on a few minor things.
This bothers me more when I think that now they might have credit cards or jobs and they could support SS with a 1 dollar per month contribution. But they have forgotten about it and moved on.
This bothers me on a personal level because I have helped literally hundreds of teens survive their parents and schools and so far very, very few have thanked me or shown that they remember me after they got to into a university. I just stop hearing from them. And often I stop hearing from them as soon as they get started spending a lot of their time and energy on entrance exams, university applications etc. This is one of the reaons I call the university system a "black hole."
I personally don't believe the world needs more university students. The vast majority of them are staying in school to make more money than they could otherwise, not even to learn. Most would do no work or next to no work at all if they knew they could get their diplomas without doing it.
So then they get a relatively high paying job (though sometimes they still can't find one) and then they put more money into the corrupt system. This has been called "feeding the monster." Each time they make money, they pay income tax. Each time they spend it, they pay sales tax. So the monster, ie the government, gets fatter and more powerful.
On another note, I wanted to mention that I worry that I won't always have time to check SS. Thus I am not sure how much time I can spend "cleaning up" the forums. But I can still try to do my part.
The main reason I am worried about this is because I plan to go back to Brazil this year and maybe Europe. When I am traveling I don't have as much time to check the forum. So I don't want to overcommit myself, make promises I can't keep etc.
But I would like to help clean things up a bit and change the direction or mission of the forums a bit.
BTW I think I have more of a need for control than SR does. I would have banned a few more people by now I think. I don't want to spend a lot of time checking people's posts to make sure they are not dangerous to others, for example. Of course what is dangerous and what is not is controversial. I don't think it is even practical for me to ask SR for her opinion every time I see something which I would consider dangerous.
We have limited time to talk to each other, and when we do talk, we have a lot of other things to talk about. We already cannot finish all of the conversations we have started.
So that's about it. TFR thanks for reading.
Oh one more thing - I am getting very interested in mediation. If anyone would like to learn about this or would like to be a volunteer to be a mediator here on SS please let me know.
I like the idea of trying to mediate a conflict between two people here on SS better than just banning one, or both.
I suspect that mediation will be a growing career in the future. For one thing there are a lot of conflicts and I don't see an end to that and for another almost no one likes lawyers, but I haven't heard anyone say they hate mediators.