I'm too scared to talk and ask questions at school?

[MusicAndFruits1092]

I've always been able to talk and ask questions in school. But recently in the past few years I've began to feel nervous when I speak. But when I'm online, I don't really feel that nervous. Now in school, I'm too scared to ask questions or even talk to anyone and it's prevented me from making any friends at all this school whole entire school year. In the sixth grade I would be able to ask my teachers so many questions without feeling so nervous or scared at all. And me not being able to ask questions or talk has disrupted my learning style because the only way I can really learn is by asking questions. I'm just a deep learner. I have to understand how everything works or why it works like that me for to be able to grasp the concept or fully understand it.

I also just started high school, and I went to a different high school from where everybody else from my middle school went too and because of that I wanted to start off with a fresh clean slate hoping I could make great friends, and better decisions. In elementary and throughout middle school I was always hyper, energetic, and I would always say things without even thinking. I felt like I needed to change because I felt like I wasn't smart enough ever since fifth grade. I've always wanted to be part of the smart kids, and have classes with them. Smart kids always seem to do everything right. I wanted to do things right. And I guess that's why I'm quiet now these days, because I'm scared of saying the wrong things, or doing the wrong things.

But here are some other reasons why I can't talk or ask questions:

-I'm scared I might annoy my classmates.
-I've already been quiet the whole entire school year and I don't want to start talking because everybody knows I'm quiet.
-I want to be known as the quiet kid.
-I know this kind of sounds stupid, but I thought being quiet would make me smart. I saw smart kids in my older schools were always quiet, and I've always wanted to be smart. So I thought to be smart, you had to be this quiet kid. This year it's kind of helped though because I've been able to concentrate more.
-And I know this sounds stupid too but I'm quiet because I don't want anybody learning about my personality and taking my advantage of me. I'm not sure how to put it into words, sorry - maybe you guys know what I mean.
-Now late in the school year I just feel uncomfortable just even trying to talk, like I don't even know anyone there at my school. The people I only feel comfortable talking too most at my school are just some teachers, and that's all. And when I think about how I feel uncomfortable talking, and remember that I feel that way and I don't even want to talk anymore.


Do you guys have any advice for me to not be scared to ask questions, or to not be scared to make friends? And how do I start now? It's almost the end of the school year and I don't want to start talking and then they'll be like "Why is this kid all of a sudden talking more, he's been quiet almost the whole entire school year?" and how am I supposed to talk or ask questions next year too if all the kids from this year are going to remember me from this year as being the quiet kid?

Thank you.

[Ilija.m]

(04-10-2016 01:47 PM)musicandfruits1092 Wrote:  I've always been able to talk and ask questions in school. But recently in the past few years I've began to feel nervous when I speak. But when I'm online, I don't really feel that nervous. Now in school, I'm too scared to ask questions or even talk to anyone and it's prevented me from making any friends at all this school whole entire school year. In the sixth grade I would be able to ask my teachers so many questions without feeling so nervous or scared at all. And me not being able to ask questions or talk has disrupted my learning style because the only way I can really learn is by asking questions. I'm just a deep learner. I have to understand how everything works or why it works like that me for to be able to grasp the concept or fully understand it.

I also just started high school, and I went to a different high school from where everybody else from my middle school went too and because of that I wanted to start off with a fresh clean slate hoping I could make great friends, and better decisions. In elementary and throughout middle school I was always hyper, energetic, and I would always say things without even thinking. I felt like I needed to change because I felt like I wasn't smart enough ever since fifth grade. I've always wanted to be part of the smart kids, and have classes with them. Smart kids always seem to do everything right. I wanted to do things right. And I guess that's why I'm quiet now these days, because I'm scared of saying the wrong things, or doing the wrong things.

But here are some other reasons why I can't talk or ask questions:

-I'm scared I might annoy my classmates.
-I've already been quiet the whole entire school year and I don't want to start talking because everybody knows I'm quiet.
-I want to be known as the quiet kid.
-I know this kind of sounds stupid, but I thought being quiet would make me smart. I saw smart kids in my older schools were always quiet, and I've always wanted to be smart. So I thought to be smart, you had to be this quiet kid. This year it's kind of helped though because I've been able to concentrate more.
-And I know this sounds stupid too but I'm quiet because I don't want anybody learning about my personality and taking my advantage of me. I'm not sure how to put it into words, sorry - maybe you guys know what I mean.
-Now late in the school year I just feel uncomfortable just even trying to talk, like I don't even know anyone there at my school. The people I only feel comfortable talking too most at my school are just some teachers, and that's all. And when I think about how I feel uncomfortable talking, and remember that I feel that way and I don't even want to talk anymore.


Do you guys have any advice for me to not be scared to ask questions, or to not be scared to make friends? And how do I start now? It's almost the end of the school year and I don't want to start talking and then they'll be like "Why is this kid all of a sudden talking more, he's been quiet almost the whole entire school year?" and how am I supposed to talk or ask questions next year too if all the kids from this year are going to remember me from this year as being the quiet kid?

Thank you.

I think anyone has the right to ask even you please don't limit yourself you have a right on this one

[SoulRiser]

When did this fear start, and why? Whenever I'm afraid of something, it helps me to figure out what the root cause of the fear is. Then I can figure out how to work through it.

[MusicAndFruits1092]

(04-12-2016 01:19 AM)SoulRiser Wrote:  When did this fear start, and why? Whenever I'm afraid of something, it helps me to figure out what the root cause of the fear is. Then I can figure out how to work through it.

I'm sorry for replying late, I completely forgot about this post. It started earlier this school year. I don't what specifically caused me to stop asking questions. There's so many reasons why I stopped, and I know some of the reasons are stupid, but maybe you know what I mean. Like I said I don't know what specifically caused me to stop asking questions, but I know I don't ask questions because of the following reasons:

*I go to a school where the crowd isn't the best. I wanted to be a "smart student" and I saw how "smart students" at my old school were quiet, and acted well behaved and they managed to learn without asking questions. So I guess I tried to act like that student. So my teachers would know they actually had a good student in their class.

*I had a class before that where my teacher was strict and mean, and sometimes he said things that I guess were directed towards me which made me feel bad about myself (or unless I took what he said too personally) and so the following classes after that I still felt bad and too scared to ask questions.

*I also used to talk a lot and do a lot of stupid things in middle school. I just started high school and I wanted to start fresh, be a quiet kid, and ace school, I wanted to do everything right in school. So I thought the best way to start off my high school career was by starting off as a quiet, mature kid.

I know what I said sounds stupid, and I know it is but please don't say anything mean about what I said.

[MusicAndFruits1092]

(04-22-2016 07:04 AM)Joker Wrote:  

(04-22-2016 06:45 AM)musicandfruits1092 Wrote:  

(04-12-2016 01:19 AM)SoulRiser Wrote:  When did this fear start, and why? Whenever I'm afraid of something, it helps me to figure out what the root cause of the fear is. Then I can figure out how to work through it.

I'm sorry for replying late, I completely forgot about this post. It started earlier this school year. I don't what specifically caused me to stop asking questions. There's so many reasons why I stopped, and I know some of the reasons are stupid, but maybe you know what I mean. Like I said I don't know what specifically caused me to stop asking questions, but I know I don't ask questions because of the following reasons:

*I go to a school where the crowd isn't the best. I wanted to be a "smart student" and I saw how "smart students" at my old school were quiet, and acted well behaved and they managed to learn without asking questions. So I guess I tried to act like that student. So my teachers would know they actually had a good student in their class.

*I had a class before that where my teacher was strict and mean, and sometimes he said things that I guess were directed towards me which made me feel bad about myself (or unless I took what he said too personally) and so the following classes after that I still felt bad and too scared to ask questions.

*I also used to talk a lot and do a lot of stupid things in middle school. I just started high school and I wanted to start fresh, be a quiet kid, and ace school, I wanted to do everything right in school. So I thought the best way to start off my high school career was by starting off as a quiet, mature kid.

I know what I said sounds stupid, and I know it is but please don't say anything mean about what I said.

It's very smart that you're aware of how you feel and why you want to do certain things. Many people your age don't develop this ability until they reach their 20's, or they never develop it at all.

When I was in elementary school, I was one of the "quiet kids." I was too shy to ask questions or even talk to my peers. Over time, I think this developed into an ability to focus on the material and understand it instantly. I never felt the need to ask questions by the time I got to high school. My peers would fail every test and then wonder why... well, it's because they were too busy playing on their phones in class while the teacher was teaching. What annoyed me the most though were the kids who thought they could fool around in class and then catch up later by asking questions.

Being quiet isn't bad. It's REALLY good! Teachers will appreciate it because quiet kids are typically smart, independent, and introverted. If you feel that the teacher hasn't discussed what's on your mind, ask your question. If you feel that you missed something because you weren't paying attention or you're having trouble understanding the material, approach your teacher after class.

I guess it's good, but still I'm the quiet kid and I still fail tests. I usually only get A's or B's as my class grade, now I have a D out of all the other quarters. How should I start asking questions if I need help? Like I'm in the back. Everybody knows I'm quiet and I don't want to start asking questions because then they'll be like oh why is this kid all of a sudden talking, and I don't want my teachers to think that too. And it's almost the end of the school year, I don't want them to think all of a sudden oh this kid wants to do better all of a sudden, and plus we take like our last big test and state tests like in a few more days, and for my other classes in like a few more weeks. I would also ask questions but people ask unfarily, like they just shout it out and don't even raise their hands, and I guess teachers well my teachers at least are okay with that. But that's how I was taught you were supposed to ask questions in class.

Thank you so much again for your quick response

[MusicAndFruits1092]

(04-22-2016 07:34 AM)Joker Wrote:  I see what you're saying. Changing someone's first impression of you can be hard. Get help from your teachers during lunch or after school. It's their job to help you. Worst comes to worst, you can Google search your questions when you get home. That's what I did sometimes.

Yeah. I guess I'll try. Thank you.

[SoulRiser]

What Joker said is true - many people don't really figure out the reasons why they do things, so it's good that you actually know those things.

Being quiet is good, and I understand about not wanting to draw attention to yourself among a large group of people, and ask a question in front of anyone. I wouldn't have done things like that either, and I still usually don't.

So I guess catching the teacher alone somewhere to ask is probably best. Or maybe you can even ask here in the homework forum, maybe someone here knows.