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I wasn't good enough at encouraging people to be kinder, and removing people who refuse to be kind. Encouraging people is hard, and removing people creates conflict, and I hate conflict... so that's why I wasn't better at it.

I was a very, very sensitive teen. The atmosphere of this forum as it is now, if it had existed in 1996, would probably have upset me far more than it would have helped.

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I may have schizoid personality disorder
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Cianna200 Offline
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Post: #1
I may have schizoid personality disorder

I have schizoid personality disorder according to a lot of tests online.
According to psychologists these are the symptoms

1. Neither desires nor enjoys close relationships, including being part of a family. (Check, but not true always, but I still fear getting too attached to someone)

2. Almost always chooses solitary activities. (Check)

3. Has little, if any, interest in having sexual experiences with another person. (Check, but than again, I am a sex repulsed gray asexual)

4. Takes pleasure in few, if any, activities. (Check)

5. Lacks close friends or confidants other than first-degree relatives. (Check)

6. Appears indifferent to the praise or criticism of others. (Not really, I like praise and can be sensitive to criticism)

7. Shows emotional coldness, detachment, or flattened affectivity. (At times yes I do so check!)

8. Prefers the fantasy world (Hell yes, check)

9. Suffered abuse from parental figure (All the time)

10. Displays off and on sadness (check, but that is what happens when you can't stop living in the past, nor can't stop thinking about how much it sucks to be a human being.)

11. Difficulty expressing anger (Many times yes, but my grandmother pisses me off!) (As I said before I show mostly emotional discomfort when criticized)

12. Difficulty relating to others (Check)
I had a feeling that there was something off about me for a while, and I finally found the definition. Though it seems problematic, at the same time I am not too ashamed of it nor does it affect me much. I don't want to go to the doctor because I don't really want to be like other people, like someone who must follow other people to be happy, and am I really screwed????
I don't believe many of the things society teaches, especially what it says about who's normal and who is not, because the term normal is mostly applied to people who are meeting society's expectations, anybody who is "outside of society's rules and expectations" is not normal, which I find to be BS. I always thought normal applied to anything that acts in accordance to the natural law, not human law. Well anyway, now that I know I am insane (hah maybe not!) according to psychologists, I don't know where to begin.
(This post was last modified: 12-07-2015 10:40 PM by Cianna200.)
12-07-2015 01:37 PM
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no Offline
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Post: #2
RE: I may have schizoid personality disorder

This is one of those non-harmful "disorders" that are just psychologists trying to control people they disagree with and/or turn a profit selling you drugs that will destroy your soul. If you can get by (financial independence etc.) it's a non-problem.

Hello, traveler.

This is an ancient account I have not used in a long time. My views have changed much in the intervening months and years.

Nonetheless, I refuse to clean it up. Pretending that I've held my current views since the beginning of time is what we in the industry call a lie. Asking people to do so contributes to moralistic self-loathing. "See, those people have nothing damning! I do! I'm truly vile!"

Because you can never be a good person with a single blemish on the moral record, I thought that simply entertaining some thoughts made me irredeemable. Though I don't care for his writing style, William Faulkner presents a good counterexample. He went from being a typical Southern racist to supporting the civil rights movement. These days we'd yell at him for that, probably.

People are allowed to change their views.

Nevertheless, this period of my life has informed some of how I am today. In good ways and bad ways. To purge it would be to do a disservice to history. Perhaps it will not make anyone sympathetic, but it may help someone understand.

If, after reading all this, you still decide to use the post above as evidence that I am evil today, ask yourself if you have never disagreed with the moral code you now follow. In all likelihood you did, at some point. If some questions are verboten, and the answer is "how dare you ask that," don't expect your ideological opponents to ever change their minds.
12-07-2015 02:43 PM
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Cianna200 Offline
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Post: #3
RE: I may have schizoid personality disorder

Thank you for that, I will be sure to keep that in mind.
12-07-2015 06:40 PM
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SoulRiser Offline
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Post: #4
I may have schizoid personality disorder

I'm skeptical of the very notion of a "personality disorder", as if there are definitions of the way personalities are "supposed" to be. We might as well all be the same and not have personalities at all if that's the case...

Really, it's more of a "society disorder" that made you react in the ways that you do/did.

Last time I checked, I partially fit the descriptions of a whole bunch of "disorders" that I looked up (can't remember what they were, though)... everyone on here probably has at least one "disorder". Razz

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12-08-2015 11:05 AM
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no Offline
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Post: #5
RE: I may have schizoid personality disorder

Sorry soul, it sounds like you're suffering from Excess Compassion Disorder. Don't worry though. Even if you don't feel bad, we know you're actually in pain, and we'll fix it for you.

Hello, traveler.

This is an ancient account I have not used in a long time. My views have changed much in the intervening months and years.

Nonetheless, I refuse to clean it up. Pretending that I've held my current views since the beginning of time is what we in the industry call a lie. Asking people to do so contributes to moralistic self-loathing. "See, those people have nothing damning! I do! I'm truly vile!"

Because you can never be a good person with a single blemish on the moral record, I thought that simply entertaining some thoughts made me irredeemable. Though I don't care for his writing style, William Faulkner presents a good counterexample. He went from being a typical Southern racist to supporting the civil rights movement. These days we'd yell at him for that, probably.

People are allowed to change their views.

Nevertheless, this period of my life has informed some of how I am today. In good ways and bad ways. To purge it would be to do a disservice to history. Perhaps it will not make anyone sympathetic, but it may help someone understand.

If, after reading all this, you still decide to use the post above as evidence that I am evil today, ask yourself if you have never disagreed with the moral code you now follow. In all likelihood you did, at some point. If some questions are verboten, and the answer is "how dare you ask that," don't expect your ideological opponents to ever change their minds.
12-08-2015 09:13 PM
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Rule_BreakerXVIII Offline
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Post: #6
I may have schizoid personality disorder

As long as it isn't hurting anybody....they don't need to know or worry about it. That's my motto.
I'm probably a psychopath and a Machiavellian manipulator-type person IRL.

Don't play chess with pigeons-they'll just knock over the pieces, shit on the board and strut about like they won anyway.
-the Internet


Quote:May the days and months of flowing bitterness be rewarded...
To forget!?

Unforgivable!!
12-08-2015 09:27 PM
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brainiac3397 Offline
Machiavellian Amoeba

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Post: #7
I may have schizoid personality disorder

Someone say...Machiavelli?

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(06-14-2013 08:02 AM)Potato Wrote:  watch the fuq out, we've got an "intellectual" over here.

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12-09-2015 11:29 AM
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Shurpeh Offline
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Post: #8
RE: I may have schizoid personality disorder

I was diagnosed with this earlier this year. If you have any questions I'm probably the best one to ask.


I'd see a doctor for an official diagnosis but you'll likely be diagnosed with a bunch of other crap before anyone even brings up personality disorders, let alone diagnoses you with a specific one (Took several years and many different therapists, doctors, and psychiatrists for me).


Most of them are difficult to diagnose and near impossible to treat, so keep in mind that if you really are schizoid it's likely never going to "go away". You're stuck with it for life, all you can do is cope with the symptoms as best you can.. or not, if you're content with what's going on.


Also, beyond a diagnosis there really isn't much they can do, if you do see someone. Medication will likely be brought up as an option, but is useless for most of the symptoms and cannot solve the issues causing said symptoms.


Any form of therapy also has limited use since this requires being "open" with the therapist and giving them complete access to your deepest emotions and thoughts, as well as your fantasy world if you have one. Therapy cannot be effective without access to such things, yet this likely won't be an option as if you are schizoid then most or all of your objects of affection will exist internally, and the ego will make it near impossible for anyone but you to have access to these things as a way of preserving itself.


Not to mention a lot of therapists simply won't bother attempting to treat personality disorders because there just isn't much to be done about it or the patient will be too resistant to treatment for any progress to be possible or worthwhile.



Get an official diagnosis, since spd is ridiculously similar to other things like schizotypal PD and aspergers. Multiple opinions and psychiatrists will be necessary.

I'd also suggest getting as familiar as possible with what schizoid PD is and with whatever defense mechanisms are present; it'll answer a lot of questions you may have and provide some closure to what's going on. Most importantly you need to work on accepting this and that this is who you are, if you haven't already.. and assuming these online tests are correct. And like I said, I'm schizoid myself and can probably answer any questions you have.
(This post was last modified: 12-10-2015 02:41 PM by Shurpeh.)
12-10-2015 02:35 PM
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Cianna200 Offline
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Post: #9
RE: I may have schizoid personality disorder

Ah of course, It's likely that it is a society disorder. Hmm, who else could be diagnosed here, we all seem fine here with the exception of depression attacking some of us, but depression doesn't count right?

This reminds me when people told me before (including a teacher) that I am "too" nice. Biggrin
(This post was last modified: 12-10-2015 04:24 PM by Cianna200.)
12-10-2015 04:23 PM
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Cianna200 Offline
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Post: #10
RE: I may have schizoid personality disorder

It may hurt those who desire a personal relationship with me, with the exception of romantic relationships, my refusal for that is based on aromanticism, pretty normal. / You don't seem to be psychopathic, or is your kindness just an act like psychopaths prefer. I forgot about Machiavellian personality, I have to look it up again.
12-10-2015 04:30 PM
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Cianna200 Offline
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Post: #11
RE: I may have schizoid personality disorder

It may hurt those who desire a personal relationship with me, with the exception of romantic relationships, my refusal for that is based on aromanticism, pretty normal. / You don't seem to be psychopathic, or is your kindness just an act like psychopaths prefer. I forgot about Machiavellian personality, I have to look it up again.
12-10-2015 04:30 PM
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Cianna200 Offline
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Post: #12
RE: I may have schizoid personality disorder

My grandmother wouldn't let me see a doctor, she would think I am just trying to get attention, worst yet she would berate me for using the internet.
I couldn't even tell her that she has a part to play in it.

After reading a lot of stuff from doctors/psychologists, it's difficult to rely on them, especially since their definition of normal/healthy are those who behave like everyone else, I guess if everyone started to commit suicide or cannibalize each other, that would be normal in their book; those who don't do it are abnormal by their book.

The thought of me being schizoid for life doesn't really alarm me, in a way it's a good thing, seeing that it's a chance for me to actually embrace my uniqueness other than try to be like everybody else, like the black sheep in the herd or the ugly duckling.

I most likely will be this person for the rest of my life, so I do need to get more familiar with it, If you would like I will pm you about it, and thank you for your insight.
12-10-2015 04:47 PM
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Shurpeh Offline
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Post: #13
RE: I may have schizoid personality disorder

I'm quite content with who I am for the most part.. but this, as you said, can affect others who desire relationships with you. You can pm me if you'd like. Also, how old are you?
12-11-2015 12:56 PM
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Rule_BreakerXVIII Offline
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Post: #14
I may have schizoid personality disorder

Eh, psychopathy is defined as "shallow emotional response", among other things. From Wikipedia:
Quote:Psychopathy (/saɪˈkɒpəθi/), also known as—though sometimes distinguished from—sociopathy (/soʊsiˈɒpəθi/), is traditionally defined as a personality disorder characterized by enduring antisocial behavior, diminished empathy and remorse, and disinhibited or bold behavior. It may also be defined as a continuous aspect of personality, representing scores on different personality dimensions found throughout the population in varying combinations. The definition of psychopathy has varied significantly throughout the history of the concept; different definitions continue to be used that are only partly overlapping and sometimes appear contradictory.

It's a helluva complicated subject.

On the subject of me caring, it's logical caring vs. emotional caring; emotionally, I care only for myself, my cat, cats (and other animals to a lesser extent) in general, and my sister- tho the last one is diminishing as she is beginning to act more and more like a racist, classist sheep who bullies through ignorance(Ahem. more like the Turds, in other words.). Emotional caring is when hurting the whom/what I care about hurts me just as much.

On the other hand, logical caring is what I feel for most of the other people I meet. It's a sentiment of "It'd be bad if something happened to this person/animal", but hurting them won't hurt me. I guess that's one of my issues- I either care a lot or near not at all.

Kindness=not being an asshole=/=caring. Far from it.

Don't play chess with pigeons-they'll just knock over the pieces, shit on the board and strut about like they won anyway.
-the Internet


Quote:May the days and months of flowing bitterness be rewarded...
To forget!?

Unforgivable!!
12-12-2015 01:25 AM
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Cianna200 Offline
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Post: #15
RE: I may have schizoid personality disorder

In a way I can relate to you, but find myself feeling emotional kindness and tenderness. Sometimes, I don't want to, cause a part of me dislikes humans and would prefer to be alone. My happiness only comes from living in the fantasy world, I fear reality. It's like having to take drugs and hallucinate to stay happy. The human world has drained me terribly up to the point that I question why we even exist. I imagine killing people too, not just those who hurt me, but those who annoy me, and while thinking this, I feel relieved or indifferent. I don't feel much when a person dies, even when a few family members died, nothing. In fact I would have no problem if my grandmother died, she's a terrible human being. I find myself crying if my dog or young sister die though, but I will probably be more emotional over my dog.
(This post was last modified: 12-12-2015 04:17 AM by Cianna200.)
12-12-2015 04:13 AM
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Cianna200 Offline
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Post: #16
RE: I may have schizoid personality disorder

It affects my sister sometimes, causing her annoyance: I am 19, turning 20 next month.
12-12-2015 04:20 AM
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Dead Offline
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Post: #17
RE: I may have schizoid personality disorder

(12-12-2015 04:13 AM)Cianna200 Wrote:  I find myself crying if my dog or young sister die though, but I will probably be more emotional over my dog.

I wish I could see your sister react to this lmao
12-12-2015 06:36 AM
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schoolsux Offline
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Post: #18
I may have schizoid personality disorder

A bitch-slap?

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12-12-2015 03:37 PM
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