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To everyone who joined these forums at some point, and got discouraged by the negativity and left after a while (or even got literally scared off): I'm sorry.

I wasn't good enough at encouraging people to be kinder, and removing people who refuse to be kind. Encouraging people is hard, and removing people creates conflict, and I hate conflict... so that's why I wasn't better at it.

I was a very, very sensitive teen. The atmosphere of this forum as it is now, if it had existed in 1996, would probably have upset me far more than it would have helped.

I can handle quite a lot of negativity and even abuse now, but that isn't the point. I want to help people. I want to help the people who need it the most, and I want to help people like the 1996 version of me.

I'm still figuring out the best way to do that, but as it is now, these forums are doing more harm than good, and I can't keep running them.

Thank you to the few people who have tried to understand my point of view so far. I really, really appreciate you guys. You are beautiful people.

Everyone else: If after everything I've said so far, you still don't understand my motivations, I think it's unlikely that you will. We're just too different. Maybe someday in the future it might make sense, but until then, there's no point in arguing about it. I don't have the time or the energy for arguing anymore. I will focus my time and energy on people who support me, and those who need help.

-SoulRiser

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Uh..Hi
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Softspoken Offline
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Post: #1
Uh..Hi

Uh...hi, my name is, well, call me Softspoken, it is my username after all, I'm from a little town in Missouri, and I am one of, maybe, six resident outcasts in my school. In my little Podunk hometown all that matters are sports, hunting, hip hop and social media, I'm a nerd through and through, I spend most of my time in front of an Xbox or between the pages of A book. Now I realize that this forum is meant for people who generally dislike their school system, and while I certainly don't enjoy the pressure of getting good grades, it's more my peers I have a problem with. I've never been bullied outright, but it's mostly just these fuckheads laughing at me behind my back when they think I'm not looking and then trying to feed me some bull when I confront them about it, and I realize my issues may be miniscule compared to other's, and if i become irritating at a later point I apologize, but I figured this would be a good place to come, so hello
08-08-2015 08:18 AM
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Cianna200 Offline
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Post: #2
RE: Uh..Hi

Hello softspoken, you seem really sweet. I am Cianna. I'm sorry to hear that you are getting crap from your peers. I like video games too.
08-08-2015 08:35 AM
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Softspoken Offline
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RE: Uh..Hi

Hello cianna, i've seen your name before, I think, thank you for the compliment, what do you like to play?
08-08-2015 08:47 AM
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brainiac3397 Offline
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Post: #4
RE: Uh..Hi

Im a macho classy charismatic nerd both admired and feared (might be exaggerating the latter. And currently macho at heart since I got a lil blubber to work on).

Personality DNA Report
(06-14-2013 08:02 AM)Potato Wrote:  watch the fuq out, we've got an "intellectual" over here.

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08-08-2015 09:02 AM
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Softspoken Offline
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RE: Uh..Hi

Well it's nice to meet you braniac, I don't have an once of macho in my whole body, so you're doing better than I am at least
08-08-2015 09:07 AM
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Cianna200 Offline
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RE: Uh..Hi

Mainly action and adventure games Smile
08-08-2015 09:42 AM
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Softspoken Offline
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RE: Uh..Hi

Oh, cool, I more of an RPG type myself. I love the Bethesda games
08-08-2015 09:44 AM
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schoolsux Offline
fuck this school bullshit

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Post: #8
Uh..Hi

Welcome, Softspoken. I have that happening to me (the thing involving people talking about you behind your back). I have spent the past week at band camp. I'm not very good at marching or dancing (yet). My marching band is playing "Dance With Somebody" during our first halftime show. There is one dance, and it involves tangoing. So my section splits into tango partners. My best friend and the section leader (who is a pretty decent guy) go off and tango, while I get paired up with the girl in my section (coincidentally she is the section leader's younger sister, she is one grade above me (9th to 8th)). No, she is not very hot for those who may ask. I suck at the dancing part of it. Later I hear that girl say "(my actual name) dances like this" and proceeds (along with others) to laugh at me. WTF, I'm new and I'm not great at dancing. Or marching.

schoolsux's countdown until school ends:

177 days until i get out of freshman year (aka hell)
1280 days until I get out of prison (aka school)

(as of november 28, 2016)

also Fu school

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08-08-2015 11:12 AM
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Softspoken Offline
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RE: Uh..Hi

Well that blows, that blows hard, I'm sorry you've gotta put up with that
08-08-2015 11:34 AM
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schoolsux Offline
fuck this school bullshit

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Post: #10
Uh..Hi

Yeah it does. Because of the way my squad is set up, we have to march next to each other for the whole season. Which sucks. Of course it will change during certain formations.

schoolsux's countdown until school ends:

177 days until i get out of freshman year (aka hell)
1280 days until I get out of prison (aka school)

(as of november 28, 2016)

also Fu school

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schoolsux's "k" Count: 60
(This post was last modified: 08-08-2015 12:00 PM by schoolsux.)
08-08-2015 11:59 AM
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Softspoken Offline
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RE: Uh..Hi

Well at least you aren't surrounded by assholes 24/7
08-08-2015 12:06 PM
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schoolsux Offline
fuck this school bullshit

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Post: #12
Uh..Hi

My best friend is on the other side of me most of the time. So it overall balances out.

schoolsux's countdown until school ends:

177 days until i get out of freshman year (aka hell)
1280 days until I get out of prison (aka school)

(as of november 28, 2016)

also Fu school

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schoolsux's "k" Count: 60
(This post was last modified: 08-08-2015 12:12 PM by schoolsux.)
08-08-2015 12:11 PM
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Softspoken Offline
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RE: Uh..Hi

That's good
08-08-2015 12:18 PM
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brainiac3397 Offline
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Post: #14
RE: Uh..Hi

(08-08-2015 09:44 AM)Softspoken Wrote:  Oh, cool, I more of an RPG type myself. I love the Bethesda games

Eben betta.

Now how far does this love of Bethesda RPGs go?

Ah SchoolSux, you doing tango? I took tango last semester. Was told that I was pretty good at it.

Personality DNA Report
(06-14-2013 08:02 AM)Potato Wrote:  watch the fuq out, we've got an "intellectual" over here.

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08-08-2015 12:34 PM
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Softspoken Offline
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RE: Uh..Hi

Brainiac, don't even joke about something that serious, my love for Bethesda games is indescribable
08-08-2015 12:53 PM
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TheCancer Offline
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Post: #16
RE: Uh..Hi

Softspoken,

I appreciate you pointing out your main problem is with your peers. I'm a teacher and I think the hardest thing I have to do is keep the kids from being cruel to each other without being cruel myself. Sometimes when a kid is getting bullied or at risk of getting bullied the teacher has no choice but to be aggressive and forceful enough to stop the situation. Sometimes it's might makes right in the classroom.

If you want to be a different fish, you've got to jump out of the school.


Captain Beefheart
08-08-2015 01:15 PM
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brainiac3397 Offline
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Post: #17
RE: Uh..Hi

(08-08-2015 12:53 PM)Softspoken Wrote:  Brainiac, don't even joke about something that serious, my love for Bethesda games is indescribable

So have you gotten acquainted with all to Elder Scrolls(or the good ones, peaking at Morrowind and take a slow slump beyond Oblivion)?

And the entire Fallout Series, even if Bethesda was just 3 and New Vegas?

Personality DNA Report
(06-14-2013 08:02 AM)Potato Wrote:  watch the fuq out, we've got an "intellectual" over here.

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08-08-2015 01:15 PM
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Softspoken Offline
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RE: Uh..Hi

Unfortunately I've never had the opportunity to play morrowind
08-08-2015 01:19 PM
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Softspoken Offline
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Post: #19
RE: Uh..Hi

And, cancer, my freshman English teacher couldn't even shut these assholes up and she was probably one of the most intimidating women I've ever met, so I don't even know if your might makes right strategy would work, that and I'm pretty sure they're too dumb to understand the phrase "sit down, shut up"
08-08-2015 01:30 PM
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TheCancer Offline
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RE: Uh..Hi

In my school district we're allowed to use proximity. I can get inches from their face and put my hand on their shoulders and I can use any tone and volume I choose and if they touch me in any way that's aggressive at all it's assualt on a school official which counts as a hate crime. It's straight to juvie. Plus, I can write up every word they say. Fair or unfair I can have any kid removed. The bullies know I'll play crooked. I won't put up with that wolf pack crap.

If you want to be a different fish, you've got to jump out of the school.


Captain Beefheart
08-08-2015 01:54 PM
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Softspoken Offline
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RE: Uh..Hi

Oh my god, if my school allowed that, Mrs. B ( the English teacher I mentioned) would've been In people's faces all the fuckin time
08-08-2015 01:58 PM
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TheCancer Offline
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RE: Uh..Hi

You live in a small town. Is it basically all white?

If you want to be a different fish, you've got to jump out of the school.


Captain Beefheart
08-08-2015 02:08 PM
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Softspoken Offline
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RE: Uh..Hi

Well, white and Hispanic
08-08-2015 02:11 PM
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Softspoken Offline
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RE: Uh..Hi

Cancer, I gotta ask you, since you're a teacher n' all, is my problem an actual problem or am I just being whiny and paranoid, because I've never been directly accosted by anybody.
08-08-2015 02:30 PM
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TheCancer Offline
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RE: Uh..Hi

When a person is forced to be with other people that make them uncomfortable everyday that's a serious problem. Low key but constant anxiety can really do a number on you. You have a RIGHT to feel safe and comfortable in school. Most of the kids where I teach won't tolerate a second of hassle. I mean like a kid just looks at another kid funny and it's on. My classes are usually 80% or more black. I haven't had a fight in my room for years but the hallway fights are mostly black female on black female. They start group texting or Facebook or whatever on their phones and then when the bell rings - boom! It's on! I don't break those 50/50 fights up either. I let them keep going until the police get there.

If you want to be a different fish, you've got to jump out of the school.


Captain Beefheart
08-08-2015 03:12 PM
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MurkScribe Away
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Post: #26
Uh..Hi

I had bad memories and confrontations with the teachers and faculties, and I find compulsory industrial against our innerly human desire, but If the teachers are allowed to do that and students are not, it leads to a certain level of stratification, but you already know this for yourself as an anarcho-pac. But I ended up getting suspended when I yelled at a teacher and was aggressive and then I was threatened with the cops, I felt uneasy, alienated and angry that day..... this was though during the principals office and I was told I was kicked out of my classes for being disruptive at class and arguing with the teachers, I was a threat to the stability and organization of school, I wasn't in class when I was told to sit and comply with the classes I was assigned. I wanted to roam around freely and talk to other people about their own lives and I wanted to read and play the piano, but I was suppressed under the disciplinary system. I realize that from my own school experience, school felt alienating and a unwelcoming place to be myself, but I pressured these thoughts, because I was told, that school was a place of cooperation, peace, and friendship and this was reinforced, so I had turmoil within my heart, and I thinks that's why I hate school. Maybe radically changing schools would shape and restructure our current society.

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08-08-2015 04:19 PM
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Softspoken Offline
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RE: Uh..Hi

Anarcho-pacifist wasn't a term I would've applied to myself, but I think you hit the nail on the head, murkscribe, that is what you meant by anarcho-pac, yes? I've never really felt a compulsion to argue with faculty and staff, it just seems to bring on more headache than it'd be worth.

And thank you cancer for answering my question, and I'm glad that I don't go to the school you teach at, I don't think I'd make it
(This post was last modified: 08-08-2015 04:53 PM by Softspoken.)
08-08-2015 04:51 PM
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TheCancer Offline
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RE: Uh..Hi

Murk - I do consider myself an anarchist pacifist (with sympathy to non-racist-anarcho-tribalism). And I know there's some hypocrisy and inability to reconcile that with my employment. I don't know for sure, but I think you probably would have come to my class for shelter that day and I would have provided you with sanctuary. That may sound arrogant and I'm sorry if it does.

If you want to be a different fish, you've got to jump out of the school.


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(This post was last modified: 08-08-2015 10:19 PM by TheCancer.)
08-08-2015 10:16 PM
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TheCancer Offline
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RE: Uh..Hi

Softspoken- you would make it fine. That small town shit where everyone knows each other and there's a crystal clear pecking order is as hard as anything else. You are in a land without allies, probably. The grass is always greener. You deserve physical and psychological space and wherever you are, sometimes you have to insist. Set the precedent for your life by standing up for yourself now.

If you want to be a different fish, you've got to jump out of the school.


Captain Beefheart
08-08-2015 10:30 PM
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SoulRiser Offline
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Post: #30
Uh..Hi

Hi there Smile

I also was the outcast most of the time at school, and always noticed people laughing about me when I walk past. Or at least, that's what I think they were laughing about... I can't actually be sure.

I also don't talk much, and when I do, I'm never loud. I used to not talk at all to people other than my parents for quite a while.

I really doubt you'll be irritating in any way. Smile
... but I also sometimes think I'm irritating, so I kinda get why you'd say that. It's probably not true though... Razz

I like Skyrim & Oblivion the most, but I also played a lot of Fallout 3 and some New Vegas. I think I spend more time modding the games than actually playing them though. Razz

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