[split] Hi. I have an opinion.

[TheCancer]

I'm splitting this thread because brainiac is not being supportive.

Hugs only please.

---

I closed the other thread because brainiac disagreed with me.

[brainiac3397]

It's not even in the emotional venting forum son.

So derp derpa

[Missile]

Grow some balls

[SoulRiser]

[TheCancer]

I said I wanted a hug but now I feel like I'm being molested!

[brainiac3397]

Now show me on this doll where that big mean adult touched you.

[TheCancer]

She touched my vegetable!!!

[James Comey]

Was this thread really necessary? No need for a cheap shot at stevenhein.

[Ky]

In highest ping, in weakest host
No forum shall escape my boast
Let those who lock their threads the most
Beware my power, the Helpers' post!

[brainiac3397]

No tips.

[stevehein]

(02-15-2015 12:06 PM)Hansgrohe Wrote:  Was this thread really necessary? No need for a cheap shot at stevenhein.

im not sure what this is about... and i dont feel safe to say how i feel... not totally

but i feel reminded that some people in the world need to be protected from other people. some people get some of their needs met by hurting others - for example by mocking them.

i am not sure what to recommend to someone who has the power to ban people who hurt others. and who do not want to learn other ways to express their painful feelings. but i feel sure that some pple do need to be protected from others. some are just not as aggressive. or they have been beaten down for too long. they are tired of fighting back. they are drained. they have been hurt too many times and have gotten too little support. they feel too alone. too different. to unwelcome, too unwanted, too unvalued. so those pple need protection. or the world or the community will lose their contribution. they might have the most to contribute even. or at least they might have more to contribute in some helpful way to the well being of the others, let's say or to how the group or the people in the world can live together.

so do u ban someone who mocks someone else, and intentionally hurts them and shows no remorse, no regret, no willingness to do things differently?

do you warn them? i am not a fan of warning. i am a fan of explaining. and understanding. and a fan of some other things. but honestly not enough pple get what i have been saying so i dont want to spend a lot of my time on this now. but i will talk to sr about it. i would like some support from her. i consider myself a voice of those who are less agressive, who are depressed, who are beaten down, who are highly sensitive.

i think now of priscilla, my partner for 4 or so years. my peer in many ways. and i think of night. priscilla is much less aggressive than night. she needs more protection. she and i am sure a few others, need a world that is safer, and that includes online communities that are safer.

i feel bad for sr because she will probably end up spending some time on this... in fact, i may not talk to her about it at all. i may just leave it up to her to see if she wants to talk to me about it. i know she has gotten tired of all the hurtfulness and interpersonal conflicts.

i know her time is limited. in fact now i feel a little protective of her.

i was thinking of just silently walking away from ss again. like i have done before when i didnt feel valued or safe. i was thinking of encouraging sr or a moderator to ban people who intentionally hurt me or others, or who blatantly invalidate others. i guess i would try offering pple information, like about invalidation, and see if they voluntarily want to use it. i would do that instead of "warning" them. i would recommend someone try to talk to them - someone who is skilled in listening and conflict resolution.

right now we have moderators who have the power to ban but as far as i know they havent been trained in conflict resolution. it is kind of like giving me a gun which i could figure out how to us easily enough even with no training, but without giving me any cr skills training.

anyhow while some pple do need to be protected or at least supported and helped to feel safe, the community in general can learn from the ones who they need to be protected from. and i keep in mind that the world is very interconnected now. banning someone from here may contribute to them hurting someone else, somewhere else. in fact it is probably almost a sure thing that it will.

i really dont know what is going on and why my name was mentioned. i only found this post by chance when i came on to write something about love and support. it was going to be about how my family says they love me but they dont support me when it comes to some of my most important beliefs.

but i wanted to say something more about sr's limited resources. i was telling her that the direction of ss worries me. i will explain that a bit.

for example, when a group becomes too large it is not possible to care about each member adequately. and adequately depends on how needy the members are. here there are some very needy people. i dont mind including myself in that group. but some try to fill their needs by hurting others while others try to fill their needs by trying to help them. i will not mention a lot of names here but i feel ok saying that i think xc is a person who tries to fill his needs by trying to help people. so when xc writes a lot and posts a lot of links, it is because he has a big need to help pple. i believe i am similar in having a big need to help pple.

so back to sr. i am still not sure what her needs are. but i do know that if ss is not filling her needs she will shut it down or do whatever she needs to do so it will fill her needs. if i were to analyze her a bit i would say she alsohas a big need to help others. but it doesnt come out in a "needy" way.

the difference between needy and "needy" seems to be that one is more aggressive than the other. i dont feel much need to protect pple from sr for example.

nor do i feel a need for anyone to help protect me against her. or to support me when it comes to being in the same "community" with her.

anyhow, ss now has so many pple posting that sr can't moderate or control all of it alone. this is what happens in groups. they get too big. then u look for others to delegate to. but those pple probably will never have exactly the same values and beliefs u do. and they will probably have more of a need to control others than, in this case, sr does.

from what i can tell about sr she neither likes to control others nor likes to be controled. in this way i believe we are very similar. or to say it this way, she doesnt have a big need to control others. but she has a big need to be free from the control of others.

btw i just sent a copy of what i am writing to 3 depressed teens who i have been talking to online for a while. none of them are members here. not yet anyhow. there are some things here that would help them but right now there are still pple here who are too dangerous for them. these are emotionally fragile pple.

i get a lot of emotional support from them. and they support each other. they don't say things to each other like pple here do. pple here could learn a lot from them. if they were open to learning..

i feel mostly accepting of all of this right now. i feel pretty neutral really. i feel philosophical let's say. but also afraid i am going to lose this somehow before it gets posted so i will post it now.[/YouTube]

[stevehein]

I want to add that one evening i realized i felt mocked by one of my older brothers. the next day i told him i had felt mocked. he said something like "well you should have because what you were saying was really dumb"

i lost nearly all respect for him that day. i have hardly spoken to him since then. he has never apologized.

so i say this because i want to help others realize that when they are being mocked by someone it is a strong indication to detach urself from that person and seek healthier relationships.

i realize of course that when u are a teen prisoner ur options to seek better relationshvips are severely restricted. yet still, it might help to be clear in your mind that this is not what u want or need. and it might help u avoid the temptation if u sometimes feel it, to mock others.

i am thinking that it is a very childish thing to do but i dont really like to use that label so i will clarify what i mean by saying that it is a very indirect and unconstructive way of expressing painful feelings.

btw i am curious if anyone felt any painful reaction to the comment made by someone to "grow some balls" - or if i was the only one. plz pm me if u felt bothered by that comment.

one thing that worries me about ss is that comments like that just seem to slip right past most pple. they are such a common part of "normal" ie unhealthy, communication in places like the USA. i am not sure who the moderators are these days but i wonder if that comment would raise concern to any of them. or if it would raise concern to sr. i really dont know, so i want to call attention to it.

[TheCancer]

Steve

This thread is not about you.

It's just a parody of people who express an opinion and then act like it's a personal attack when someone else expresses a different view.

People on this site tend to think outside the box and embrace various radical ideas. Plus, they're smart and articulate. A community like this is going to dissect ideas from many angles. I've always considered that a good thing. It's how you get your thoughts ironed out.

[TheCancer]

The "grow some balls" comment was a joke. A continuation of my parody.

[vonunov]

(02-16-2015 12:08 AM)stevehein Wrote:  so i say this because i want to help others realize that when they are being mocked by someone it is a strong indication to detach urself from that person and seek healthier relationships.

So would you say there is nothing that deserves mockery, or nothing good that can come of it?

[brainiac3397]

I still disagree with all your opinions. Im a jingoistic patriotic American who believes you non-American Jews and Muslims and Hispanics don't belong to the US of A cause my Republican senator tells me so. I am a proud Christian and I shall fight for Jesus by murdering, looting, violating and committing every sin out there while I seek courage from a bottle of the best home-grown whiskey and my Colt pistol. God Bless America!

[SoulRiser]

Quote:It's just a parody of people who express an opinion and then act like it's a personal attack when someone else expresses a different view.

Depending on how they express that other view, it may very well actually feel like a personal attack to them.

[TheCancer]

Yeah.

I get you're coming from but I feel like ideas are fair game. Ridiculing the person is bad form but ridiculing a person's opinion is a healthy part of the process. If it's in the emo forum where we're given guidelines not to do that then ok. Also, if someone says I don't want anyone to disagree with me I just want to say it, fair enough. Still, if everyone just agrees with everyone I think that's mind-numbing. When someone says something like "by disagreeing with me you're hurting me" that's a really cheap card to play.

[vonunov]

SoulRiser Wrote:Depending on how they express that other view, it may very well actually feel like a personal attack to them.

What's more important, the intent or the perception? I've had some conflicts based on this. I've had people say that something I said seemed like X, and I'll tell them I just meant Y, and they keep talking about how it felt like X (where X is an attack or sarcasm or whatever they don't like), and I so badly want to say "That sounds like a you problem" but I know this isn't going to be productive.

As you might guess from that, my opinion is that things should be said with the best intentions and interpreted with the greatest charity, and if a misunderstanding arises, it should be written off as a mistake, whether the one misspoke or the other misunderstood.

So I guess the question is, should it really matter if something feels like a personal attack (etc.) to someone, even if no such thing was meant? Lying and lack of self-awareness can be involved for sure. Maybe something is blatantly antagonistic even if the speaker claims not to have meant it. My point is that some people are going to get offended about everything, so I wonder where the responsibility lies and where the line is drawn.

[SoulRiser]

Quote:So I guess the question is, should it really matter if something feels like a personal attack (etc.) to someone, even if no such thing was meant?

I think it should, but I suppose it depends how much you care about the other person. I would care if something I said felt like a personal attack to a friend, but I'd care less if it's someone I don't like anyway.

I'd say ridiculing an opinion is bad form too, because many people consider their opinions to be part of who they are as a person, so in that case it really is a personal attack to them. Ridicule is just so unnecessary when we have things like constructive criticism.

Quote:When someone says something like "by disagreeing with me you're hurting me" that's a really cheap card to play.

Has anyone ever actually seriously done that?

[Missile]

Yes, I've seen people do it

[Username]

(02-16-2015 12:00 PM)SoulRiser Wrote:  

Quote:When someone says something like "by disagreeing with me you're hurting me" that's a really cheap card to play.

Has anyone ever actually seriously done that?

You need to browse the Internet more, Soul.

Quote:I'd say ridiculing an opinion is bad form too, because many people consider their opinions to be part of who they are as a person, so in that case it really is a personal attack to them.

I think it's a case of people not distancing themselves from the Internet, which causes things like "cyberbullying"