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I wasn't good enough at encouraging people to be kinder, and removing people who refuse to be kind. Encouraging people is hard, and removing people creates conflict, and I hate conflict... so that's why I wasn't better at it.

I was a very, very sensitive teen. The atmosphere of this forum as it is now, if it had existed in 1996, would probably have upset me far more than it would have helped.

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Everyone else: If after everything I've said so far, you still don't understand my motivations, I think it's unlikely that you will. We're just too different. Maybe someday in the future it might make sense, but until then, there's no point in arguing about it. I don't have the time or the energy for arguing anymore. I will focus my time and energy on people who support me, and those who need help.

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A Dream - *Possibly* Related to SS?
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Ky Offline
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Post: #1
A Dream - *Possibly* Related to SS?

Last night I had a more vivid dream than I've had in a long time, and it still clings tightly to my memory - there are very few dreams I've had that share this distinction, and I would consider such dreams pseudo-prophetic (earliest, possibly most minor example: dreamt of seeing a mostly-empty white room with marble statuary and impressive lighting, saw it for the first time in real life about two years later on vacation in Chicago).

Of course, it could just be an anomaly in my sleep cycle due to the fact that I took Advil PM before bed to kill a particularly terrible headache, with the added benefit of helping me sleep.

I would describe it as follows:

I found myself in a vaguely school-like setting. The seemingly-obligatory unease, tension, and distress such settings brought me in dreams past was, surprisingly, not present here; I felt as though I were somewhere I belonged, though emotionally I seemed slightly - and only slightly - resistant to the fact that the setting had this structure.

I was a part of some sort of group. Many aspects (with the exclusion of myself) of this group of people seemed constant. For one, they were all younger than I, and while my mind did perceive a slight variation in their supposed ages, I estimated that they were approximately the age of my younger brother, who recently started eighth grade. Each of them appeared to exhibit at least a small amount of charisma, and I while this group seemed quite the motley crew, it seemed to me that my younger groupmates were no outcasts like I was at their age, and had a greater understanding, at least, of the popularity chain than I. Finally, their motivations appeared superficial to me; none seemed as self-conscious as I, and if they were aware of my concerns as to the difference in age and temperament, they did not show it.

I would follow them around on their nondescript endeavors, occasionally offering input I deemed important, but would do so with unease; I felt somewhat excluded, but remained in their company, content that they made no effort to force me into or out of their affairs. I knew there had to be something I had in common with them for them to at the very least tolerate my presence, but such a concept seemed hazy to me as I dreamt.

At some point my emotional isolation had somehow gotten the better of me and I had found myself, at sudden, separated from them, and no longer in the somewhat school-related setting.

I was in a well-decorated, luxurious, opulent foyer in some unidentifiable place. My senses took in the grandeur as I explored whatever building I was in, and later the area outside it. As the dream continued, I began to notice flaws (minor, at first) in the scene before me - while they did not detract from the luxury nor give the place the impression of seeming "fake", they were unnerving reminders of the fallen nature of the reality I perceive and indicators of the impossibility of perfection.

Something about this made me yearn to return to the company of that strange, youthful, semi-apathetic group, but for some reason I could not. Despite the feeling of dissimilarity between myself and them, I found myself missing them even more all the same. The dream collapsed under the anguish of my neglect for this ambiguous group my mind constructed.


I awoke with a start, and quickly found I'd gotten less than six hours of sleep; somehow I was experiencing the effects of the sleep cycle that usually occur just after the six-hour mark (that being vivid, detailed dreams and longer periods of rapid-eye movement to account for that). I drifted off for another hour and the dream was no less clear to me the second time I woke up than the first!

While I shrugged this off and moved on for most of the day, I thought about it again this evening (still recalling it tremendously well) and wondered what significance it had - what my subconscious was, or perhaps is, trying to tell me.

My best guess is that this is an allegory for my predictions of a near future involving my role in politics, which these forums have been a significant part of in the past:

- The setting represents School Survival. That's why I wasn't put off by the elements pertaining to school - of course we reference it a lot here, considering many of us are wholeheartedly opposed to it! There are a number of unsettling structural similarities between we and our adversaries; however, I see them as cosmetic at most.
- The group of youngsters represents the future generation of SS. Some of them may have joined us already, in fact; this next generation is beginning to manifest itself today. For the most part, they're younger than I am (some younger than I was when I joined), and their approach to making their way in this community will not be the same as generations past, for obvious reasons.
- My unease with this group is foresight on my part, I think; it's my vision of a likely future in which I find myself unable to keep up with and adapt to change within this community. I may be trying to instigate some now, and I certainly have in the past, but I can tell that I'm starting to become seasoned by this point; it's possible that future users could be simply too radical for this former radical. As a result, I would likely withdraw, offering input on occasion, but noticeably less than in the past.
- This group's indifference to me would likely be due to the fact that to newer users, I would just be considered nothing more than their predecessor, as one of the old guard. Of course they'd merely tolerate my presence - what person with any social skills at all would go so far as to beg an "oldfaf" to either stay or leave?
- In such a scenario, it's possible I would eventually forget about the forums, and not remember I was a part of them for some time. I'd find some other community, perhaps even one of my own creation, and a jaded future me would likely pick a place that isn't so rough around the edges (regardless of my past self considering that an endearing quality). That's how I'd end up in the vague formal place I dreamed of.
- The flaws are just that; it is not possible to escape the imperfection of any culture or subculture, nor the decadence of society, nor the frequent suckiness of life, no matter where you go.
- Eventually I would come to realize what I lost and lament the progression of time, yearning for even the uncertain aspects of my past to return. Yeah, no matter what happens in the future, I would probably come to miss School Survival at some point after one day abandoning it, regardless of when that day is or what the circumstances are.

This is a warning, it seems, to be patient with those who will one day be doing the same things we're doing here differently, and to continue pushing for change; while perfection is not attainable, it is better to aim for it than to remain in the mundanity of the status quo, no matter how comfortable. Which goes double for these forums, apparently.

Thoughts on the weird mind of DoA?

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08-28-2014 03:34 PM
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Sharpie Offline
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RE: A Dream - *Possibly* Related to SS?

Maybe it's just me but that made no sense
08-28-2014 06:32 PM
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brainiac3397 Offline
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Post: #3
A Dream - *Possibly* Related to SS?

Am I in this dream?

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(06-14-2013 08:02 AM)Potato Wrote:  watch the fuq out, we've got an "intellectual" over here.

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08-28-2014 11:38 PM
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SoulRiser Offline
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A Dream - *Possibly* Related to SS?

Wow. That's pretty epic. I also like how you analyzed it... it makes sense to me. Also seems like something I would have dreamt, and for the same reasons.

It's really interesting how the mind processes stuff while asleep.

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Ky Offline
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RE: A Dream - *Possibly* Related to SS?

(08-28-2014 11:38 PM)brainiac3397 Wrote:  Am I in this dream?

N- I mean, sure. You were in the background, ruling the world or something Razz

(08-29-2014 12:04 AM)SoulRiser Wrote:  Wow. That's pretty epic. I also like how you analyzed it... it makes sense to me. Also seems like something I would have dreamt, and for the same reasons.

It's really interesting how the mind processes stuff while asleep.

Indeed. Dreams aren't just wish fulfillment; they're often said to be an attempt of the subconscious to solve problems the conscious mind hasn't been able to yet. Of course, I hadn't really considered that until I sat down and tried to ponder my dream's meaning.

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08-29-2014 01:18 AM
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A Dream - *Possibly* Related to SS?

This was a great read!

DoA, I think this newer generation of SS needs us, whether they realize it or not. I would not like to repeat the events of having another "edgy splinter group." We must remain committed to the SS movement, or otherwise everything that SS has tried to accomplish would be for naught.

In some ways or more past events would repeat themselves, and most likely for worse. We wouldn't get anywhere, and this up and coming "New Guard" would have no one to turn to to guide them. If no one like you, me, Soul, xcriteria, etc. is here to guide them, there would possibly be members of the 2014 New Guard like us but events would most likely repeat themselves. They would abandon the "movement" for the most part, and the successors to the previous Guard would be reincarnated and so on and so forth.

The time for communities being fractured and SS not getting anywhere stops here. Let's not only help this New Guard survive school if they have no other alternative option, but let's work on defeating the system altogether. It'll take some time, but if we don't give up we can prove to those that even abandoned our movement and now ridicule us that, because we remained committed to this, it'll get us to the freedom from schooling that everyone deserves.

(08-28-2014 03:34 PM)DoA Wrote:  - This group's indifference to me would likely be due to the fact that to newer users, I would just be considered nothing more than their predecessor, as one of the old guard. Of course they'd merely tolerate my presence - what person with any social skills at all would go so far as to beg an "oldfaf" to either stay or leave?
I believe a few of us here are responsible for this, but considering what they put the ones who're committed to those movement through it's all justified. Like I said, I want to avoid repeating the events of creating another "edgy splinter group." The past group was mainly here to cause mayhem, and many of those same individuals used to use SS as their old stomping grounds and used to believe in our movement.

I don't really think anyone wanted most of those individuals to stay, but if they did then I would go as far as to say that they're only trying to prolong the mayhem that plagued these forums and that they, too, should leave, or be forced to, since it's clear they don't care what SS aims to do – and that is give every person the freedom from schooling that they deserve.

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08-30-2014 02:23 AM
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Ky Offline
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A Dream - *Possibly* Related to SS?

Indeed, Marty.

I was disheartened to find that Soul would be "retiring" from regular activity; to me it seemed as though she'd be running the forums forever (shutdowns notwithstanding). She welcomed me, she offered advice, she was supportive of many of my first posts - and now that more pressure is on me to do this for newer users, I don't feel as though I'm up to the task, even though I know I have to try.

The eyes of the future are upon us. (Rather, will be. Tense trouble.) We must show them a movement worth joining, yet retain our faith in the movement all the same (in other words, we must never side with the schools, no matter how tempting it may be to pander to pro-school doctrine). Most members of the generation directly preceding us did not do this for us (for obvious reasons), but we did have one another's guidance as well as Soul's and that of a handful of much older users. We must set a better example than our predecessors for future members of School Survival, but I fear our unusual circumstances put us at a disadvantage.

The point, however, is not to prevent the creation of another "edgy splinter group" - those are as inevitable as they are transient. Our focus should be on making School Survival as a whole able to withstand the test of time and the venom of unnecessary subcultures; we nearly failed at this completely a month ago because we made the mistake of scratching our wounds rather than bolstering our immunity. Providing quality content that draws suspicion as to the true nature of public education, providing hope to those in a hopeless situation, and providing time to a movement that needs to get somewhere as time goes on is important, and we must work together with one another and with newer users as we accomplish our goals.

The dream was a warning to me, I think, telling me what would happen if I did the same thing those before me had done. I should be the one who sticks with the group in the hopes of reinforcing what we stand for despite a difference in longevity, rather than betraying that for some other community in which I do nothing.

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08-30-2014 03:27 AM
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A Dream - *Possibly* Related to SS?

Very interesting, DoA. That was a compelling read.

Some sleep meds can increase dreaming, but the themes are still worth thinking about.

I'd say that despite the potential for an age-based disconnect, people can find value in interaction across ages and times-of-joining of a given community. Stepping back from the temporary cultural norms that can develop is one approach.

It's noteworthy that we'll likely see a lot more younger people joining, with the start of a new school year, more and more people questioning education, and hopefully a revitalized set of conversations around here.

The question is then, what role do we all play, perhaps differently than in times past? How might things like hangouts, chat, social media dialogue, and even in-person events change how people get to know what School Survival is all about?

Lots more to think about, but that's a start. Another thought: the themes of rough-around-the-edges vs. detached opulence don't necessarily have as much separation in reality than it might seem. But it's interesting looking at those sides of things.

Question: how do you see your future role as something like a psychologist relating to being a member of a community like this? More and more, it's possible for conversations to bridge worlds... instead of psychiatry conferences and teachers lounges being isolated, years-removed-from-youth events, the world is moving toward a lot more convergence.

Still, what does that look like?

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