Social Anxiety | School Anxiety

[EnemyOfTheState]

Okay FIRST, I want to say THANK YOU. Thank You to all the people who gave me advise in my other thread ("Forever Going To Be Weak"). I have taken alot of things you guys said and I went out and started to work out, and I have been feeling fucking great since then. But I have another big problem that is stopping me from opening up. Social Anxiety....

I thought since I have been making so many "Emo" threads where I bitch about something in my life, I decided to open up and hear the opinions of the SS Community again, as last time it helped me.

Social Anxiety. This has been fucking up my life for a long amount of time. But for some reason I can't seem to tell weather I have it or not, or weather I'm just a Loser, who dreams to big, is Lazy and sits back and does nothing but envy people with a more "Social" Life than me. I will NOT rant, but simply make a list, as to not have you guys read 1 big "wall of text".

1: I don't talk much. It's not that I'm scared to, it's just that I have nothing to say. Is that a Problem?

I don't watch Jersey Shore. I don't watch Teen Mom. I don't Gossip. I don't care about what other people (Students) do. I don't listen to Lil Wayne or Nicki Minaj. So I can't just talk about Nonsense, or a random subject because I just don't fit in to what other Teens (in My City) do, so it causes me to have NOTHING to say about any of the more Mainstream Topics that everyone is talking about. And I don't talk about other people behind their back. And that makes me a "Lame" for some reason....

I feel as if I'm a dumb fuck for not just being like them. I feel like my life would be much better if I just acted like them and did the things they did. I have friends. But very few of them are friends that I can trust and chill with. The others are just....."Friends" (if you know what I mean). I try not to be Anti Social, but I do dumb shit that pisses a teacher off like they do. I don't act like they do. And I don't want to be a asshole to others just to make myself look better or look better to others. I personally just don't give a fuck. I go to school, just because I feel I need to in order to get out of school. I'm having a feeling SCHOOL in general isn't the problem. I think it's the PEOPLE I am FORCED to be around everyday. I hope College is better because of the freedom we get to have we pay for.

2: I got Mugged. So I have Trust problems. Is that a Problem?

I was mugged while walking to school in my city (Beginning of Sophomore Year. I'm going into Junior now). I was late and was walking there at a later time. i had music in my ears and wasn't paying attention to what was around me. And to make a long story short, these 2 guys who looked like seniors in the other High School in my city (the one i don't go to) came up to me and mugged me for my Cell Phone (Which was my music player). I was pissed off at not only the fact that I just got Mugged and my Phone just got stolen, but all this happened while i was going to school!! I know that's irrelevant and it could have happened anywhere, but I just was so pissed at the time.

So from that time on, I've been having issues with walking to school, and/or talking the Bus to school. I keep looking behind me for no reason. I'm always on edge. I don't talk to anyone, don't stop for anything. I walk really fast. I feel as if I'm about to have a panic attack. It just shook me up, I think. But ever since that I have been keeping to myself. Not trusting anybody I meet, but giving them a chance. I HATE the "Gangsta"/"O.G" students in my school with a murdering passion, as I feel they know the people who mugged me, but I don't talk to them or know alot of people they know (The guys who mugged me looked like they would know them). I have been REALLY selfish with my stuff and just can't trust anyone in my city or around me anymore. But when I leave that piece of shit place I'm hope I'll get better.

3: I feel that my life is meaningless if I don't have a job with a 5 figure salary. Meaningless if I don't get straight A's. Meaningless if I don't have alot of friends. Meaningless if i don't act like everyone else in order to be accepted. Is that a Problem?

I mean. I know alot of people here on this site have Similar out looks on Life and the School System, but how many people like you and me have you meet IN REAL LIFE?? I mean be serious. I have meet only 2 people (who happen to be my closes friends) who have similar views on school like me. I feel alone and retarded for not just being oblivious to what's happening around me. Almost as if I'm going through my midlife crisis at age 16. It fucking sucks to feel this way and not have anybody in real life to talk to. I have passive thoughts of suicide. Like "what would happen if I got hit by a truck and died? would anybody care? would I feel as if I did everything I had to offer in life?". Sometimes I wish I could meet some of you guys and just chill and talk. Because seeing as everybody in my city is trying to suck off the more popular people to over-inflate their lives just makes me shake my head.

4: I have to go to Prep Classes.....

I failed the Geometry Regents back in June. So now I have to take Prep classes for 2 weeks at a High School I don't go to. I know that some of the people from my school are there, but most of the people there are the assholes from the school year. I'm having panic attacks because I am don't go to that school and have a feeling that some asshole is going to fuck with me and get me pissed off. I'm still somewhat skinny, and I'm shorter than alot of people my age, so I feel I'm just fucked.

[.Manicrose.]

Quote:how many people like you and me have you meet IN REAL LIFE?? I mean be serious. I have meet only 2 people (who happen to be my closes friends) who have similar views on school like me.

You're assuming they don't share the same views, just because they don't advertise it. Whether they're your close friends or not may be related to how you perceive their views on school, for one thing--maybe there are people you only know distantly who actually are anti-school too, except they're not gonna tell you cause they might not trust you with that controversial opinion. At least until they get to know you well. Only my close friends know my views on school and most people would just think I was a big weirdo for not being brainwashed like them.

[Tiji]

Let me say from somebody who has in a way "been there, done that", in my experiences 99.99% of people at school suck and are uninteresting. While it's true that social anxiety will make you hesitate to have any input in conversations, don't feel bad just because you can't relate to uninteresting highschool bullshit

What you have to do is get used to not hesitating, because when the anxiety doesnt have a tight grip on you I'm sure you are 100% as capable of conversing as everybody else, but if you fail at conversing due to anxiety it's too easy to let it fool you into thinking you can't do it.

About the mugging incident, I know it's easier said then done, but it's one of those things where there is a risk, but taking the right measures you can make the risk very small, and then there is no need to worry, if it happens then it happens, at least the scumbags who did it will likely not get anywhere in life so at the end of the day the jokes on them :-).

[flann]

EnemyOfTheState Wrote:I'm still somewhat skinny, and I'm shorter than alot of people my age, so I feel I'm just fucked.

Same. I'm also unsocial. I hope neutrality doesn't get too fucked up in 4 years.

[EnemyOfTheState]

flann Wrote:

EnemyOfTheState Wrote:I'm still somewhat skinny, and I'm shorter than alot of people my age, so I feel I'm just fucked.

Same. I'm also unsocial. I hope neutrality doesn't get too fucked up in 4 years.

It's not like I WANT to not socialize. Some people tell me I'm too Independent. That I'm too use to living life like a "Lone Wolf". I have no brothers, sisters, or father, and me and my mother can't relate.

It's not hard to approach me or anything. But my friends tell me that I push people away when it comes to "opening up". I have no motivation for school which makes me look like a boring person I guess.