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To everyone who joined these forums at some point, and got discouraged by the negativity and left after a while (or even got literally scared off): I'm sorry.

I wasn't good enough at encouraging people to be kinder, and removing people who refuse to be kind. Encouraging people is hard, and removing people creates conflict, and I hate conflict... so that's why I wasn't better at it.

I was a very, very sensitive teen. The atmosphere of this forum as it is now, if it had existed in 1996, would probably have upset me far more than it would have helped.

I can handle quite a lot of negativity and even abuse now, but that isn't the point. I want to help people. I want to help the people who need it the most, and I want to help people like the 1996 version of me.

I'm still figuring out the best way to do that, but as it is now, these forums are doing more harm than good, and I can't keep running them.

Thank you to the few people who have tried to understand my point of view so far. I really, really appreciate you guys. You are beautiful people.

Everyone else: If after everything I've said so far, you still don't understand my motivations, I think it's unlikely that you will. We're just too different. Maybe someday in the future it might make sense, but until then, there's no point in arguing about it. I don't have the time or the energy for arguing anymore. I will focus my time and energy on people who support me, and those who need help.

-SoulRiser

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Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking when the Stakes are High
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xcriteria Offline
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Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking when the Stakes are High

This book has a lot of worthwhile strategies for learning to better handle conversations where emotions run high and things are at stake. I listened to the whole audiobook version of this a while back, and I learned a lot from it.

Actually, a lot of the points it covers overlap with the general themes of metacognition, perspective-taking, brainstorming options, growth mindset, and looking for win-win-win outcomes that a number of related approaches hit on. These are often things missing from dysfunctional interactions.

This wikisummary page provides a good outline of the ideas in the book... even just reading and reflecting on this could go a long way toward learning about different ways to interact. (Especially if put into practice on these forums, and in other places.)

Wikisummary: Crucial Conversations

For those that read through that... what do you think? How might we adapt those ideas to things like communication with parents, conflict on the forums, and so on?

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Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking when the Stakes are High

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07-03-2014 05:13 AM
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