RIP School Survival Forums
August 2001 - June 2017

The School Survival Forums are permanently retired. If you need help with quitting school, unsupportive parents or anything else, there is a list of resources on the Help Page.

To everyone who joined these forums at some point, and got discouraged by the negativity and left after a while (or even got literally scared off): I'm sorry.

I wasn't good enough at encouraging people to be kinder, and removing people who refuse to be kind. Encouraging people is hard, and removing people creates conflict, and I hate conflict... so that's why I wasn't better at it.

I was a very, very sensitive teen. The atmosphere of this forum as it is now, if it had existed in 1996, would probably have upset me far more than it would have helped.

I can handle quite a lot of negativity and even abuse now, but that isn't the point. I want to help people. I want to help the people who need it the most, and I want to help people like the 1996 version of me.

I'm still figuring out the best way to do that, but as it is now, these forums are doing more harm than good, and I can't keep running them.

Thank you to the few people who have tried to understand my point of view so far. I really, really appreciate you guys. You are beautiful people.

Everyone else: If after everything I've said so far, you still don't understand my motivations, I think it's unlikely that you will. We're just too different. Maybe someday in the future it might make sense, but until then, there's no point in arguing about it. I don't have the time or the energy for arguing anymore. I will focus my time and energy on people who support me, and those who need help.

-SoulRiser

The forums are mostly read-only and are in a maintenance/testing phase, before being permanently archived. Please use this time to get the contact details of people you'd like to keep in touch with. Send me a message if you'd like to keep in touch with me & Steve.

Please do not make a mirror copy of the forums in their current state - things will still change, and some people have requested to be able to edit or delete some of their personal info.


Post Reply 
 
Thread Rating:
  • 0 Vote(s) - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
Why small talk?
Author Message
vonunov Offline
Badgrr

Posts: 564
Joined: Feb 2008
Thanks: 344
Given 186 thank(s) in 126 post(s)
Post: #1
Why small talk?

Wannabe Übermensch Wrote:Wah, I'm tired of this stupid, shallow small talk; why don't people just dive right into a deep and meaningful conversation about the meaning of life or something?

Here's one reply to this composite of an attitude I've seen a lot:

http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/commen...ng/chmayht

The short answer is you've got to get lubricated before you start getting deep. Don't be afraid of small talk. Playing the game doesn't make you fake or shallow.
05-21-2014 03:08 AM
Visit this user's website Find all posts by this user Quote this message in a reply
 Thanks given by: Gwedin , Trar , The man
Ky Offline
Shadow

Posts: 5,201
Joined: Aug 2012
Thanks: 1798
Given 1467 thank(s) in 972 post(s)
Post: #2
Why small talk?

Bullshit. Most people don't have enough interpersonal intuition to see past their own nose; the "calibration" is a pathetic excuse for a dying social convention.

That's my take on it, anyway.

Public Service Announcement: First world problems are still problems.
(This post was last modified: 05-21-2014 08:59 AM by Ky.)
05-21-2014 03:13 AM
Find all posts by this user Quote this message in a reply
 Thanks given by: Zo
vonunov Offline
Badgrr

Posts: 564
Joined: Feb 2008
Thanks: 344
Given 186 thank(s) in 126 post(s)
Post: #3
RE: Why small talk?

I have to question any statement about how "most people" are inferior in some way. This seems like the other side of this habit we have of illusory superiority. Most people think they're better at driving than most people (for example), which is obviously impossible.

How do you mean a pathetic excuse? Is it not measuring up to what it was in the past?
(This post was last modified: 05-21-2014 06:38 AM by vonunov.)
05-21-2014 04:01 AM
Visit this user's website Find all posts by this user Quote this message in a reply
Ky Offline
Shadow

Posts: 5,201
Joined: Aug 2012
Thanks: 1798
Given 1467 thank(s) in 972 post(s)
Post: #4
Why small talk?

Differences in cognition do not reflect superiority or inferiority. If they did, extraverted intuition would actually be at the bottom of the list, not the top. In any case, the illusion is yours, not mine.

Let me put it this way - in general, people tend not to bother reading other people that deeply. It is more common (and more accepted in society) to gather information by use of the more logical senses than the subjective nature of intuition. People who truly can accurately assess the mood and attitude of others are all the more rare when you consider that intuitive people are more likely to see inside themselves, through self-discovery, than others.

I seldom see displays of extroverted intuition outside School Survival and my social circles. After careful thought, I've determined that there is a reason for this: Society has no love for people who can read others like a book.

Small talk is either a neglected tool of the psychologist or a layman's way of figuring people out. (Due to my annoyance with it, I find it more likely to be the second. Or it could be both.) In any case, any blatant attempt at seeing others for what they are is looked down upon, and I expect that small talk within American society will die soon - either because more people are finding it dreadfully boring, or because more people are afraid what little privacy they have these days means nothing when small talk is employed.

Public Service Announcement: First world problems are still problems.
05-21-2014 09:08 AM
Find all posts by this user Quote this message in a reply
 Thanks given by: vonunov , Rule_BreakerXVIII
SoulRiser Offline
Site Founder

Posts: 18,240
Joined: Aug 2001
Thanks: 2673
Given 1977 thank(s) in 1209 post(s)
Post: #5
Why small talk?

I'd rather not talk than talk about the weather. I'd rather listen to silence than listen to people talk about the weather. (or, insert other shallow small-talk topic instead of weather).

I think that most people prefer the sound of talking to the sound of silence, because they find silence awkward... or something. Well, when standing with other people anyway. Then it seems weird to not talk, I guess.

If I was better at conversations, I'd change the topic if it starts going weather-ish... but somehow I can never think of something else to talk about. I hope to get better at that.

Quote:Playing the game doesn't make you fake or shallow.
But it makes me bored and want to make some kind of excuse to get away from the person.

"If you can, help others; if you cannot do that, at least do not harm them." - Dalai Lama
Help & Support - Get help with leaving school, unsupportive parents, and more.
Click here if school makes you depressed or suicidal

Support School Survival on Patreon or Donate Bitcoin Here: 1Q5WCcxWjayniaL92b8GfXBiGdfjmnUNa2
"Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it." - André Paul Guillaume Gide
"The true sign of intelligence is not knowledge but imagination." - Albert Einstein
"I'm pretty sure there's a lot of beauty that can only be found in the mind of a lunatic." - TheCancer
EIPD - Emotionally Incompetent Parent Disorder

Push Button for Collection of Useful Links:
Hidden stuff:
05-21-2014 11:29 PM
Visit this user's website Find all posts by this user Quote this message in a reply
 Thanks given by: Ky , no , Avatar Korra , The man
James Comey Away
Banished Oldfaf in Exile

Posts: 6,519
Joined: Aug 2013
Thanks: 1081
Given 2292 thank(s) in 1517 post(s)
Post: #6
Why small talk?

I wouldn't say small talk is all that bad. I think small talk is somewhat useful when trying to start off a basic conversation, basically the building stages.

More in-depth conversations take time to happen. At least in my experience.

RIP GWEDIN
RIP URITIYOGI
RIP NIGHT
RIP VONUNOV
RIP WES/THEWAKE
RIP USERNAME

[Image: Nas-One-Love.jpg]

Stop jerking off to porn and whining and do something about it

Make School Survival Great Again - MSSGA

Hidden stuff:

[Image: BallsofSteel2.png]
[Image: mg_michelle_2020.png]
05-22-2014 02:55 AM
Find all posts by this user Quote this message in a reply
 Thanks given by: Trar
vonunov Offline
Badgrr

Posts: 564
Joined: Feb 2008
Thanks: 344
Given 186 thank(s) in 126 post(s)
Post: #7
RE: Why small talk?

Yeah, surely you don't want to go on about that sort of thing all the time, but when you're first forming a connection it can serve as a way in.

It reminds me of this comic, which I think I railed against before: http://zenpencils.com/comic/102-timothy-...like-them/

These topics of conversation are cool and all, but you can't just launch right into them with strangers. You ain't got it like that; you need to ease into it through less intense topics.

I don't like silence-avoiding blabber or recurring small talk with the same person about the same crap either, and if the conversation doesn't go beyond that then there's not much of a connection for me there. But asking how the mother is or commenting on the weather can be a way to segue into more meaningful subjects.

I used to find ways to not-so-subtly extricate myself from small talk, but it seems to me now that it's better to turn the conversation toward something you find interesting. The small-talk topics can be starting points for a personal story, if your relationship is close enough to warrant it, or maybe some questions about the person's background.

For me it's kind of draining to constantly only talk about deep and significant things -- not that I don't ever want to talk about them, but sometimes I could go for some light commiseration or commentary.

I do often get awkward in silence, not because it bothers me particularly, but because I either think the other person is bothered or because I expect people in general to be bothered by it. I then feel compelled to help them avoid this.
05-22-2014 02:57 AM
Visit this user's website Find all posts by this user Quote this message in a reply
 Thanks given by: Trar , Avatar Korra
brainiac3397 Offline
Machiavellian Amoeba

Posts: 9,823
Joined: Feb 2013
Thanks: 20
Given 1983 thank(s) in 1428 post(s)
Post: #8
Why small talk?

Small talk is just as efficient in gauging a person's attitudes and beliefs.

Personality DNA Report
(06-14-2013 08:02 AM)Potato Wrote:  watch the fuq out, we've got an "intellectual" over here.

Hidden stuff:
[Image: watch-out-we-got-a-badass-over-here-meme-240x180.png]
Brainiac3397's Mental Health Status Log Wrote:[Image: l0Iy5HKskJO5XD3Wg.gif]
05-22-2014 09:46 AM
Find all posts by this user Quote this message in a reply
 Thanks given by: the Analogist
vonunov Offline
Badgrr

Posts: 564
Joined: Feb 2008
Thanks: 344
Given 186 thank(s) in 126 post(s)
Post: #9
RE: Why small talk?

I was going through this guy's videos because he's awesome and all that, and his first point there is relevant:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vho9eKarxgY

It's basically what's already been said, but said cooler.

(Also, I can confirm using myself as an example that impulsive introverts exist.)
05-22-2014 05:10 PM
Visit this user's website Find all posts by this user Quote this message in a reply
Elfy Offline
Fanatic

Posts: 3,267
Joined: Sep 2008
Thanks: 1
Given 64 thank(s) in 41 post(s)
Post: #10
RE: Why small talk?

If you don't want small talk then don't engage in small talk. No one else should tell you what you want to personally communicate, you might feel shit and not be in the mood to talk for all they know. When I get in a taxi I prefer to watch the world go by and relax in comfort knowing I'm getting to where I want to go a lot quicker and effortless. Some of us have a lot going on in our heads, so much that we would just not want to talk to anybody in our ventures sometimes. I don't really extend this to family and friends. Of course this doesn't apply all the time, sometimes I will go out with the intention of being social when I want.

[Image: tumblr_lpjpoqOyQ91qb8nljo1_500.gif]
05-22-2014 07:19 PM
Find all posts by this user Quote this message in a reply
 Thanks given by: vonunov , Ky , Rule_BreakerXVIII
brainiac3397 Offline
Machiavellian Amoeba

Posts: 9,823
Joined: Feb 2013
Thanks: 20
Given 1983 thank(s) in 1428 post(s)
Post: #11
Why small talk?

Small talk isn't an issue. What is an issue is incesssant talking.

The sales manager at my job just goes on and on, repeating himself at least twice. Probably what makes him a good salesman, but still annoying as hell.

Personality DNA Report
(06-14-2013 08:02 AM)Potato Wrote:  watch the fuq out, we've got an "intellectual" over here.

Hidden stuff:
[Image: watch-out-we-got-a-badass-over-here-meme-240x180.png]
Brainiac3397's Mental Health Status Log Wrote:[Image: l0Iy5HKskJO5XD3Wg.gif]
05-23-2014 08:59 AM
Find all posts by this user Quote this message in a reply
 Thanks given by: Ky , Rule_BreakerXVIII
James Comey Away
Banished Oldfaf in Exile

Posts: 6,519
Joined: Aug 2013
Thanks: 1081
Given 2292 thank(s) in 1517 post(s)
Post: #12
RE: Why small talk?

Looking back at this thread and having become more extroverted these days, small talk is pretty useful at knowing someone. It's not as horrible as it seems.

If you're able to use free association well then you can navigate the depths of human conversation. Also usually small talk leads to much deeper conversations in the future.

Ultimately you can't just approach some hot blonde girl at a party and discuss quantum physics. Not that it's impossible, but usually you'd have to build a level of comfort before you have that level of conversation.

RIP GWEDIN
RIP URITIYOGI
RIP NIGHT
RIP VONUNOV
RIP WES/THEWAKE
RIP USERNAME

[Image: Nas-One-Love.jpg]

Stop jerking off to porn and whining and do something about it

Make School Survival Great Again - MSSGA

Hidden stuff:

[Image: BallsofSteel2.png]
[Image: mg_michelle_2020.png]
05-06-2017 04:08 PM
Find all posts by this user Quote this message in a reply
 Thanks given by: vonunov , Avatar Korra
Avatar Korra Offline
There is no cause of anything

Posts: 342
Joined: Jan 2017
Thanks: 1491
Given 204 thank(s) in 143 post(s)
Post: #13
Why small talk?

My old literature teacher was the master of deep conversations. Every classroom discussion trailed off into conspiracies, esoteric ideas you never hear outside of the internet, questions about the universe, or political stuff from perspectives neither democrat nor republican. She once told us she made her own religion with ideas that just made sense to her. Then she said something like, "I used to think.. Who created god? And then I wondered.. Who created who created god? And who created who created who created god? And who created who created who created who created god?" and as she continued that, my classmates started beating on the table and we made a song out of it. "And who created who created who created who created who created who created god?" Laugh

I wouldn't have even called that just a literature class. It more like a creative writing, art and literature class with lots of video watching and other interesting ways to learn stuff. She didn't like the traditional way of teaching.
~Legendary teacher right there~ She doesn't even stay in one school. She moves from school to school every year, and may quit teaching soon.

"I’M BEGGING YOU, PRINCE ZUKO! It’s time for you to look inward and begin asking yourself the big question: who are you and what do YOU want?"
" While it is always best to believe in one’s self, a little help from others can be a great blessing"
-Uncle Iroh(Avatar: the Last Airbender)
05-06-2017 11:31 PM
Find all posts by this user Quote this message in a reply
 Thanks given by: Rule_BreakerXVIII , The man
Avatar Korra Offline
There is no cause of anything

Posts: 342
Joined: Jan 2017
Thanks: 1491
Given 204 thank(s) in 143 post(s)
Post: #14
RE: Why small talk?

I feel like it would be fun to edit the small talk. Like instead of saying, "Weather's awful today, eh?" you could say, "Aww heck yes! I love the rain! I hope it hails today, I've never seen that."

Would starting deep be that bad, if someone used the spectrum of deep. Saying, "I always get mind fucked when I try to imagine a world without consciousness filled with nothingness, but it also mind fucks me to think of it always being there," probably would be more awkward than asking, "How do you feel about the system?" which would be more awkward than, "How much of an empath do you think you are?" which may be more awkward than, "Do you think riding the train to the end of the line could send you to another world?"
Maybe it'd be fun to start conversations like that..
I'm just bored by anything said normally.

I don't even like saying regualar happy birthday's. I sent these to 2 friends from camp:
-Feliz cumpleaños(Happy birthday)!!!!!!! Also, if you ever miss being 15, remember that in parallel universe you still are... but then again... in a parallel universe you could be 17 or any other age... Enjoy being 16!! ^-^

-EEEEEERRRIINNN!!! Happy birthday!!! Now your my age...and around the age that characters in awesome shows start their adventures. So prepare for your discovery of superhuman abilities, beings of other universes entering your home, your horses speaking to you telepathically and teaching you the secrets of nature, your recruitment into a secret agency for teens with powers/ from other dimensions, mastering impossible skills, making unexpected friends, my theory of camp coming true, and more! x3


The liked my posts, so maybe they weren't that weirded out... o-o

"I’M BEGGING YOU, PRINCE ZUKO! It’s time for you to look inward and begin asking yourself the big question: who are you and what do YOU want?"
" While it is always best to believe in one’s self, a little help from others can be a great blessing"
-Uncle Iroh(Avatar: the Last Airbender)
05-07-2017 12:15 AM
Find all posts by this user Quote this message in a reply
Rule_BreakerXVIII Offline
Revolutionary

Posts: 484
Joined: Sep 2013
Thanks: 733
Given 271 thank(s) in 168 post(s)
Post: #15
Why small talk?

It's allows us to assess of the other person, who is simultaneously assessing us Biggrin

Like. if OP mentions voting for Trump, racist, sexist or ageist attitudes, etc. in casual conversation, it's time to run. And chatting about shallow stuff can be quite fun sometimes.

Don't play chess with pigeons-they'll just knock over the pieces, shit on the board and strut about like they won anyway.
-the Internet


Quote:May the days and months of flowing bitterness be rewarded...
To forget!?

Unforgivable!!
05-07-2017 12:57 AM
Find all posts by this user Quote this message in a reply
 Thanks given by: Avatar Korra
James Comey Away
Banished Oldfaf in Exile

Posts: 6,519
Joined: Aug 2013
Thanks: 1081
Given 2292 thank(s) in 1517 post(s)
Post: #16
RE: Why small talk?

(05-06-2017 11:31 PM)Korravatar Wrote:  My old literature teacher was the master of deep conversations. Every classroom discussion trailed off into conspiracies, esoteric ideas you never hear outside of the internet, questions about the universe, or political stuff from perspectives neither democrat nor republican. She once told us she made her own religion with ideas that just made sense to her. Then she said something like, "I used to think.. Who created god? And then I wondered.. Who created who created god? And who created who created who created god? And who created who created who created who created god?" and as she continued that, my classmates started beating on the table and we made a song out of it. "And who created who created who created who created who created who created god?" Laugh

I wouldn't have even called that just a literature class. It more like a creative writing, art and literature class with lots of video watching and other interesting ways to learn stuff. She didn't like the traditional way of teaching.
~Legendary teacher right there~ She doesn't even stay in one school. She moves from school to school every year, and may quit teaching soon.

Learning about politics from non American perspectives is really fun and enlightening, really.

RIP GWEDIN
RIP URITIYOGI
RIP NIGHT
RIP VONUNOV
RIP WES/THEWAKE
RIP USERNAME

[Image: Nas-One-Love.jpg]

Stop jerking off to porn and whining and do something about it

Make School Survival Great Again - MSSGA

Hidden stuff:

[Image: BallsofSteel2.png]
[Image: mg_michelle_2020.png]
05-07-2017 05:04 AM
Find all posts by this user Quote this message in a reply
 Thanks given by: Avatar Korra , The man
the Analogist Offline
Connector of Dots

Posts: 820
Joined: Feb 2016
Thanks: 231
Given 434 thank(s) in 261 post(s)
Post: #17
RE: Why small talk?

cuz they have opinions outside of the US. Most of us here have other peoples opinions.

Purity is to Believe only that which deserves it.
Wisdom is to follow only the Opinion which makes the best use of evidence.
Excellence is to be mindful of all these things in Living.
Follow me on Twitter!
05-07-2017 03:32 PM
Visit this user's website Find all posts by this user Quote this message in a reply
 Thanks given by: The man
James Comey Away
Banished Oldfaf in Exile

Posts: 6,519
Joined: Aug 2013
Thanks: 1081
Given 2292 thank(s) in 1517 post(s)
Post: #18
Why small talk?

US media is a pretty terrible way to gauge the situation on the ground

RIP GWEDIN
RIP URITIYOGI
RIP NIGHT
RIP VONUNOV
RIP WES/THEWAKE
RIP USERNAME

[Image: Nas-One-Love.jpg]

Stop jerking off to porn and whining and do something about it

Make School Survival Great Again - MSSGA

Hidden stuff:

[Image: BallsofSteel2.png]
[Image: mg_michelle_2020.png]
05-07-2017 04:00 PM
Find all posts by this user Quote this message in a reply
 Thanks given by: The man
the Analogist Offline
Connector of Dots

Posts: 820
Joined: Feb 2016
Thanks: 231
Given 434 thank(s) in 261 post(s)
Post: #19
RE: Why small talk?

indeed

Purity is to Believe only that which deserves it.
Wisdom is to follow only the Opinion which makes the best use of evidence.
Excellence is to be mindful of all these things in Living.
Follow me on Twitter!
05-08-2017 07:34 AM
Visit this user's website Find all posts by this user Quote this message in a reply
Post Reply 


Forum Jump:


User(s) browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)

Contact Us | School Survival | Return to Top | Return to Content | Mobile Version | RSS Syndication