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The School Survival Forums are permanently retired. If you need help with quitting school, unsupportive parents or anything else, there is a list of resources on the Help Page.

If you want to write about your experiences in school, you can write on our blog.

To everyone who joined these forums at some point, and got discouraged by the negativity and left after a while (or even got literally scared off): I'm sorry.

I wasn't good enough at encouraging people to be kinder, and removing people who refuse to be kind. Encouraging people is hard, and removing people creates conflict, and I hate conflict... so that's why I wasn't better at it.

I was a very, very sensitive teen. The atmosphere of this forum as it is now, if it had existed in 1996, would probably have upset me far more than it would have helped.

I can handle quite a lot of negativity and even abuse now, but that isn't the point. I want to help people. I want to help the people who need it the most, and I want to help people like the 1996 version of me.

I'm still figuring out the best way to do that, but as it is now, these forums are doing more harm than good, and I can't keep running them.

Thank you to the few people who have tried to understand my point of view so far. I really, really appreciate you guys. You are beautiful people.

Everyone else: If after everything I've said so far, you still don't understand my motivations, I think it's unlikely that you will. We're just too different. Maybe someday in the future it might make sense, but until then, there's no point in arguing about it. I don't have the time or the energy for arguing anymore. I will focus my time and energy on people who support me, and those who need help.

-SoulRiser

The forums are mostly read-only and are in a maintenance/testing phase, before being permanently archived. Please use this time to get the contact details of people you'd like to keep in touch with. My contact details are here.

Please do not make a mirror copy of the forums in their current state - things will still change, and some people have requested to be able to edit or delete some of their personal info.


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Anyone else hate their life and wanted to kill themselves?
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scorchededge243 Away
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Post: #1
Anyone else hate their life and wanted to kill themselves?

Today was my last day of school and we got out early (woo hoo-sarcastic btw) and all I want to do his a refresh button on my life. Somehow stop my parents from moving me all across the country, no friends to celebrate with and I'm home alone while my parents are looking for an expensive car to go with their new expensive house Grindteeth

Yeah yeah oh woe is me you can just make fun of me. I don't care. I'm debating whether to bang my head against the wall or just take some sleeping pills. I literally have nothing to live for!Hiding this is me btw < I wanted to do that all day! Everyone's so happy and accepting (just today really) and I wanted to hide in the bathroom. I have plans for my life but they all so ridiculousCry2 that I just don't know. And to add on to my list of issues I'm bisexual, mostly gay and I can't tell my parents. I don't trust them and even then who cares?? No guy will want me because I'm so fucking ugly and yada yada.

Oh, and you know what's funny? I've been cold and hateful to just about everyone in my senior class and this guy saw me walking home, and offered to give me a ride. Wasn't that far anyway but I took it and he invited to some hunting trip thing. I don't care, but I'm really shocked he did that.

If you read all that I'm proud of you and if not then that's all right too. Doesn't make much of a difference.
(This post was last modified: 05-10-2014 03:47 AM by scorchededge243.)
05-10-2014 03:41 AM
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isolatedsystem Offline
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Post: #2
Anyone else hate their life and wanted to kill themselves?

Quote:all I want to do is a refresh button on my life
I wish that too...
(This post was last modified: 05-10-2014 03:46 AM by isolatedsystem.)
05-10-2014 03:46 AM
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Ky Offline
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Post: #3
Anyone else hate their life and wanted to kill themselves?

Proud of us for reading? No - we're proud of you for sharing your emotions with us in an honest way; few have the courage to reveal their inner worlds, particularly due to our society suppressing conversations about how one feels.

The guy who offered you a ride is probably thinking the same thing we are: that you're not as bad as you think you are, that you're worth being a friend of, and that you look like you could use some help.

Anyway, today was also my last day of school, and I also got out early; even earlier considering I chose not to attend the school's lame-ass barbecue. You've probably got more figured out that I have - and plus, I had to walk home Razz

My point is, you've probably got something to live for. What could it be? Do you have any ideas?

Public Service Announcement: First world problems are still problems.
05-10-2014 05:07 AM
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Cianna200 Offline
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Post: #4
RE: Anyone else hate their life and wanted to kill themselves?

You are not alone, I'm also bisexual and wouldn't think of you as a loser. I used to bear grudges toward everyone cause I hated the way humankind has created living. Though I've recently been trying to see the good in people but it isn't so easy. The psychological abuse that I went through made me just want to quit on life, to say goodbye to the most wicked beings that ever existed and to put an end to my misery but It took only one person to make me change my mind, my 8th grade English teacher. I than develop fantasy prone personality (FPP) and maladaptive daydreaming disorder in response to the judgmental world, another reason that kept me going. I learned to love myself unconditionally and you should keep striving to be the beautiful person you want to be.
(This post was last modified: 05-10-2014 05:54 AM by Cianna200.)
05-10-2014 05:37 AM
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SoulRiser Offline
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Post: #5
Anyone else hate their life and wanted to kill themselves?

Hug

Maybe the new place will be better?

"If you can, help others; if you cannot do that, at least do not harm them." - Dalai Lama
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05-10-2014 09:24 AM
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brainiac3397 Offline
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Post: #6
Anyone else hate their life and wanted to kill themselves?

Note that when outside the made-up society of the school environment, people behave somewhat differently.

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(06-14-2013 08:02 AM)Potato Wrote:  watch the fuq out, we've got an "intellectual" over here.

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05-10-2014 11:35 AM
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scorchededge243 Away
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RE: Anyone else hate their life and wanted to kill themselves?

(05-10-2014 11:35 AM)brainiac3397 Wrote:  Note that when outside the made-up society of the school environment, people behave somewhat differently.

Is that a good thing or a bad thing?
05-10-2014 04:10 PM
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xcriteria Offline
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Post: #8
RE: Anyone else hate their life and wanted to kill themselves?

Definitely, a lot of people feel like that sometimes. In your case, one thing you have going for you is that you do have an opportunity to help write the next chapter in your life. It's not a total reset button, but it's a lot more of a reset button than many people have in front of them!

The question is how to make the most of that freedom, in a world that has a lot of constraints. Time, for one thing. Backstory, for another. Money and other resources, for another. And not to mention, only being one place at one time (except what can be mediated by technology. Biggrin)

And, not every plan can be put into action. But planning, even if some of the plans seem ridiculous, can be a starting point for exploring what you might want to do.

On the note of other people's experiences with dark points in life, you might want to look back at rockstarjim22's thread, I am a freak, and check the video there.

I think we need to do another one. (And speaking of plans, that could be part of this summer series plan... which you might be interesting in taking part in.)

In the meantime, here's Mani, a psychiatrist I've met on G+, explaining one key to climbing out of depression:

Hidden stuff:

So, not only do others feel the same way, but others have made the path out. As Mani explains there, one step forward is to "look at how you look at things."

Cue lecture... Razz

One term for that is metacognition... thinking about thinking, learning about learning. A related one is mindfulness. It's perfectly legitimate to feel despair at times, and see the dark sides of life, but there is so much more than just that.

(One tool for doing all that is called reframing [3m.])

Continuing on that theme...

EL Kersten, co-founder of Despair, Inc. (the de-motivational products company), talks about some of the different ways to look at life in his dark but informative TEDx talk:

Hidden stuff:

The talk has 4 basic parts:

1 - introduction to EL Kerstin's backstory, and the founding of Despair, Inc.
2 - explanation of the concept of narrative identity
3 - dark-comedic run-through of why some demotivational posters appeal to people
4 - uplifting conclusion about how life is a story, where you can write your own next chapter

In practice, the story of your life is written by a combination of your conscious and unconscious choices, and factors beyond your control. But, by looking at what you can influence, and learning to see yourself as the captain of your own learning and choices, a lot of doors can open up that may at first be hard to find.

So, how do you make sense of the future?

One way to figure that out is to learn about the paths others have taken. In traditional school environments, and many families, people aren't exposed to that big a variety of life stories. Even watching TV, it can be hard to find stories that are good building blocks to draw from for figuring out your own life (at least in my experience.)

But, I've found that with some exploration, useful stories are out there.

On that note, John Green of vlogbrothers talks about maps, learning, and connecting with learning communities in this TEDx talk.

Hidden stuff:

Another place to look for insight into the future can be in making sense of the past. Your posts here indicate to me that you have a lot of potential. You're exploring your options and asking what's possible. That's more than a lot of people do!

In one, you mentioned maybe being a teacher. In the 21st century, that can take in many different forms than the traditional one of classroom manager. On the topic of going from despair to teaching, anthropologist Michael Wesch has a story in this short clip, about his search to figure things out... which led him to Papua New Guinea.



Watch on YouTube

In another, you asked, Has High School taught you any real world stuff?

It's a good question, and the fact that many people say "not much" is a clue to what's wrong with education. That provides a path to asking about what is important in real life.

Before that, you asked about MOOC Campus, one of many attempts out there at developing innovative learning communities. Things like this are just a starting point for thinking about what's possible in the world.

Peter Thiel's fellowship is another, but obviously that's extremely selective. It's just one of many possible options, though... and you can hear some Thiel's thoughts from talks like his recent one about luck, Peter Thiel: You Are Not a Lottery Ticket - SXSW Interactive 2013.

While I'm at it, another one of those different-than-college learning approaches, which happens to be in NC, like MOOC Campus, is Mycelium. One of its founders gave a very upbeat TEDx talk, that also explores how many things are changing and transforming when it comes to learning in the 21st century.

Hidden stuff:

With all that said (and linked), sometimes it's useful to just have a conversation, or a series of them. When good conversation is missing from your in-person life, what do you do? That gets into the whole question of meeting people. But, given that you've already connected with some people online (even if just through this site), that's one starting point.

If you want to talk, PM me, or check out the chat (just stick around for a while or come back if it's quiet or chaotic Biggrin)

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05-10-2014 11:16 PM
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scorchededge243 Away
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Anyone else hate their life and wanted to kill themselves?

You all were so helpful and I'm very grateful Smile
05-12-2014 04:29 PM
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SoulRiser Offline
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Post: #10
Anyone else hate their life and wanted to kill themselves?

So how are you doing now? Hug

"If you can, help others; if you cannot do that, at least do not harm them." - Dalai Lama
Help & Support - Get help with leaving school, unsupportive parents, and more.
Click here if school makes you depressed or suicidal

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"Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it." - André Paul Guillaume Gide
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"I'm pretty sure there's a lot of beauty that can only be found in the mind of a lunatic." - TheCancer
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05-13-2014 01:54 AM
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Desu Offline
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Post: #11
Anyone else hate their life and wanted to kill themselves?

I've wanted to kill myself before. Glad I didn't, shit gets better, big world, big life. It would have been such a waste.

RIP GORE GOROTH

He was an hero. He will always be remembered.
05-13-2014 10:32 AM
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