gender and sexuality

[Mizael]

if this isnt in the right forum please feel free to move it but i will probably vent a lot in this post so.................

i've made it really obvious i want to be referred as they/them (for now. im really genderfluid but im most comfortable w/ that rn) and stuff like that here.

but people in school keep referring to me as my birth sex and whenever i tell them not to they call me stuff like "faggot" and other shit like that. noting that i'm pansexual and i can be attracted to any gender

i have really bad gender dysphoria and i just?? hate everything that has to do with those parts soooo fucking much and im so close to just screaming about it.

why cant people see i dont want to be seen as my birth sex right now just wh y

[SoulRiser]

People are silly... they probably have never come across someone with preferences such as yours and don't want to do anything 'weird' to accommodate you... especially if nobody else is. Also maybe because they/them sounds like it's referring to more than one person.

Why do you hate your gender parts so much?

[brainiac3397]

People fear what they dont understand. Stupid people go against it.

Its why if aliens visit, the human race will be nearly exterminated because a couple of Murikans will assume that the good ol' US can defeat anyone especially aliens that can travel the universe with giant spaceships armed with beam particle weaponry and powered exoskeleton armor.

[Ky]

Soul and brain summed it up fairly nicely: People are afraid of the unknown, uncomfortable with the unspoken, and averse to things that are different from their perceived norm.

There are ways around this, of course, and they're often related to improving communication and knowledge.

[scorchededge243]

Sadly, if you're not a one gender kinda guy, people freak the hell out and judge you. Unless they physically threaten you just ignore them.

[craxyguy562]

I'm genderless too.

[Elfy]

I am biologically male, but I believe humans regardless of gender all experience this 'consciousness' that seems to transcend gender turning what it means to be a male or female to not be an objective truth but a social construct.

[ThorodonSorrow]

(05-05-2014 01:45 AM)Mizael Wrote:  if this isnt in the right forum please feel free to move it but i will probably vent a lot in this post so.................

i've made it really obvious i want to be referred as they/them (for now. im really genderfluid but im most comfortable w/ that rn) and stuff like that here.

but people in school keep referring to me as my birth sex and whenever i tell them not to they call me stuff like "faggot" and other shit like that. noting that i'm pansexual and i can be attracted to any gender

i have really bad gender dysphoria and i just?? hate everything that has to do with those parts soooo fucking much and im so close to just screaming about it.

why cant people see i dont want to be seen as my birth sex right now just wh y

I haven't taken the time to read anyone else's responses because I'm lazy, so I might be saying that someone else has already said, but...

I don't like labeling people as Liberal or Conservative. Or anything, for that matter. Most people, however, are very conservative whether they think so or not. This problem is slowly becoming less prominent, but people just aren't open to anything different. In this 'Equality' based world, there really isn't anything equal about it. I'm sorry if this is insensitive, because I'm totally not picking on you or anything, but you'll just have to get used to it for the time being. I went through it, kindof. I'm one of those feminine guy that wears eyeliner, as you can see in my picture. But when you start to ignore it, it stops. I know this is cliche to say, but it literally worked. The amount of friends that I have has extended since I stopped caring what people think.
Try it. (:

[brainiac3397]

Yes. Ignore.

I for one will now have to ignore those liberals who think I'm a snob for wearing a fancy suit and a killer ascot.

[ThorodonSorrow]

(05-05-2014 11:15 AM)brainiac3397 Wrote:  Yes. Ignore.

I for one will now have to ignore those liberals who think I'm a snob for wearing a fancy suit and a killer ascot.

I literally wish that young men wearing suits was more socially acceptable because it's so attractive ugh.

[xcriteria]

I suggest addressing your gender dysphoria and view of yourself separately than what pronouns others use to describe you.

Unfortunately, it's asking a lot for the average person to use customized gender pronouns. The why behind that is a whole conversation, and maybe even course, by itself.

I can write a short wall of text and try to explain it, if you'd like. But it's a long, analytical, multi-part explanation. Regardless of the why, people are showing resistance... so there's the question of how to deal with and accept that. Just as you want others to see who you are, and adapt to you, there's a place for considering how to adapt to others -- even if it's uncomfortable.

Ideally, and optimally, it's possible for people to educate each other, and learn and grow, so there are less "compromises," -- but that requires a very big step back and a lot of steps, experiments, risk, and uncertainty on all sides.

I'll give some thought to a longer answer to this, but in the meantime... I'd suggest accepting that not everyone is going to immediately accept and comply with your request. Even people who are totally supportive of atypical gender identities sometimes have trouble with the grammatical weirdness of using "they" and "them" for an individual person. I'd suggest that if you're pretty gender-fluid, to try (if you can) to be open to a range of pronouns. Do you see that as an option you'd be comfortable with, at least in the short term?

As for your overall gender dysphoria, you're certainly not alone. Based on how you describe things, it'll take time to figure out who you are and what you can be comfortable with. Arguably, embracing your birth gender as well as other gender identities, if you're open to that, could be one step forward.

Do you have some people in your in-person world who are open to discussing gender, and seeing it as more than a binary thing? What about your parents, or any therapist-type person you might be seeing?

Having some people who can relate and be supportive can be an enormous help, even when the majority of others don't get it. And, on the bright side, it's possible to take steps toward educating others, even if that's a whole project in itself, rather than an instant change in the world.

Does that make any sense, and/or help at all?

[SoulRiser]

Quote:I am biologically male, but I believe humans regardless of gender all experience this 'consciousness' that seems to transcend gender turning what it means to be a male or female to not be an objective truth but a social construct.

I like this so much I feel compelled to quote it.

Gender is basically a side-effect of being human/mammal/earthling/whatever. It really shouldn't dictate our behaviour as much as most people let it.

[Ky]

Anyway, Mizael, many of us here, including me, promise to use "they" and "them" when referring to you in the third person; it's not an unreasonable request, but merely a confusing one.

Can you tell us more about your experiences with gender identification and genderfluidity?

EDIT: I kind of wish there were non-gender-specific pronouns I could use when, say, referring to a person whose gender I don't know, who doesn't identify with the binary genders, or whose gender is not relevant. It would make referring to other people (especially online) in the third person sooo much easier.

[Chanku]

DoA I hear there is a word in Japanese that is Gender-Neutral IIRC, however in English there is no word. The only reason I know that is because of Soul Eater (Crona is supposed to be Gender Neutral, however when dubbing the series the people didn't feel comfortable calling Crona it, so they used he...). However I will try to use, "They", and "Them" when referring to you, although I might forget due to habit, so if that happens I apologize in advance.

[Ky]

Oh, yeah, German has neuter words and pronouns as well. Many languages do; I'm surprised English doesn't. Supposedly Spanish does too, though I haven't run into any examples.

[craxyguy562]

(05-06-2014 06:48 AM)Chanku Wrote:  DoA I hear there is a word in Japanese that is Gender-Neutral IIRC, however in English there is no word. The only reason I know that is because of Soul Eater (Crona is supposed to be Gender Neutral, however when dubbing the series the people didn't feel comfortable calling Crona it, so they used he...). However I will try to use, "They", and "Them" when referring to you, although I might forget due to habit, so if that happens I apologize in advance.

I don't mind being referred to as it. As a matter of fact I would love it if you did. But sadly most creatures see it as "awkward".

(I use creatures to refer to all living on earth since I don't feel comfortable using "people". lol.)

[brainiac3397]

I blame the English language for lacking a singular gender-neutral word that can be used to refer to a person(calling someone an "it" doesn't sound very good and can make stuff confusing)