Poll: Was My Poem Good?
No it was the worst thing I've seen in a loooooooong time!!
It was the best poem I've ever seen!!
This is a joke so I don't give a shit (it was the best thing ever).
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Can Someone Review my Poem?
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Illuzion Offline
Christoph

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Post: #1
Can Someone Review my Poem?

It's a free verse that took me over an hour to write. I'm quite proud, but my mom says it's inappropriate so I turned to the internet to make the final decision if I should tweak it or not.
Fucking Ducks am I Right?
Sometime when I step on a duck (quack)
I just want to say fuck
Because it made me trip and fall
And then I broke through a wall
I was in a very strange land
Of people wearing nothing but a rubber band
And then I woke up from the dream
To find things aren't as they seem
A reindeer prancing on my bed
And a little mouse riding on a moped
Then I said:
AHHHHHHHHHH GAWWWWD I'VE LOST MY FUUUUUCKING MIIIND

It could use some small changes I'm sure.

Have your regrets, but always stay strong from yours truly, Illuzion.
05-02-2014 08:04 AM
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LadyKira Offline
~Strawberry Crisis!~

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Post: #2
Can Someone Review my Poem?

Is this for school? and if it is what class?

"The difference between school and life? In school, you're taught a lesson and then given a test. In life, you're given a test that teaches a lesson."-Tom Bodett

"I've been making a list of the things they don't teach you at school. They don't teach you how to love somebody. They don't teach you how to be famous. They don't teach you how to be rich or how to be poor. They don't teach you how to walk away from someone you don't love any longer. They don't teach you how to know what's going on in someone else's mind. They don't teach you what to say to someone who's dying. They don't teach you anything worth knowing."-Neil Gaimen

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05-02-2014 08:05 AM
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Illuzion Offline
Christoph

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Post: #3
RE: Can Someone Review my Poem?

(05-02-2014 08:05 AM)Lollipopgirl Wrote:  Is this for school? and if it is what class?
It's for my favourite teacher in Math c:

Have your regrets, but always stay strong from yours truly, Illuzion.
05-02-2014 08:06 AM
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LadyKira Offline
~Strawberry Crisis!~

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Post: #4
RE: Can Someone Review my Poem?

(05-02-2014 08:06 AM)Illuzion Wrote:  
(05-02-2014 08:05 AM)Lollipopgirl Wrote:  Is this for school? and if it is what class?
It's for my favourite teacher in Math c:

Ah ok.

"The difference between school and life? In school, you're taught a lesson and then given a test. In life, you're given a test that teaches a lesson."-Tom Bodett

"I've been making a list of the things they don't teach you at school. They don't teach you how to love somebody. They don't teach you how to be famous. They don't teach you how to be rich or how to be poor. They don't teach you how to walk away from someone you don't love any longer. They don't teach you how to know what's going on in someone else's mind. They don't teach you what to say to someone who's dying. They don't teach you anything worth knowing."-Neil Gaimen

Usernames that I have used before: Lollipopgirl

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05-02-2014 08:07 AM
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Ky Offline
Shadow

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Post: #5
Can Someone Review my Poem?

If you write an emotionally-charged poem that isn't "inappropriate" in someone's eyes, chances are you're not doing it right. This is an excellent piece of free verse; my only complaint is that it isn't longer. It gets my seal of approval.

Public Service Announcement: First world problems are still problems.
05-02-2014 08:08 AM
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LadyKira Offline
~Strawberry Crisis!~

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Post: #6
Can Someone Review my Poem?

For the end you could write I've lost my head to make it rhyme.

"The difference between school and life? In school, you're taught a lesson and then given a test. In life, you're given a test that teaches a lesson."-Tom Bodett

"I've been making a list of the things they don't teach you at school. They don't teach you how to love somebody. They don't teach you how to be famous. They don't teach you how to be rich or how to be poor. They don't teach you how to walk away from someone you don't love any longer. They don't teach you how to know what's going on in someone else's mind. They don't teach you what to say to someone who's dying. They don't teach you anything worth knowing."-Neil Gaimen

Usernames that I have used before: Lollipopgirl

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Hidden stuff:

[Image: 931y1.png]

LadyKiras emotional status Wrote:[Image: tenor.gif]

LadyKira's Daily Song(s):



Watch on YouTube

(This post was last modified: 05-02-2014 08:09 AM by LadyKira.)
05-02-2014 08:09 AM
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Illuzion Offline
Christoph

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Post: #7
RE: Can Someone Review my Poem?

(05-02-2014 08:08 AM)DoA Wrote:  If you write an emotionally-charged poem that isn't "inappropriate" in someone's eyes, chances are you're not doing it right. This is an excellent piece of free verse; my only complaint is that it isn't longer. It gets my seal of approval.
Ha ha, if you haven't guess (which you obviously have) it's a joke and I'm writing a poem write now for the memory box about personal things.

Have your regrets, but always stay strong from yours truly, Illuzion.
05-02-2014 08:11 AM
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Ky Offline
Shadow

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Post: #8
Can Someone Review my Poem?

I know it's a joke, but if it were serious it wouldn't be that bad.

Public Service Announcement: First world problems are still problems.
05-02-2014 08:20 AM
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DeadorAlive Offline
The Other DOA

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Post: #9
Can Someone Review my Poem?

This is one of the few poems I actually like.

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I missed my old username
05-04-2014 01:07 PM
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ThorodonSorrow Offline
Just another face in the crowd.

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Post: #10
RE: Can Someone Review my Poem?

^ Same.

If this is one of those poems that you dramatically act out, you should totally post it on YouTube and let us see! (Even if you just make it so only people who click on the link can see it.)

Infecting the world, one opinion at a time.
05-05-2014 04:23 PM
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