Life of an Attention Whore

[Gwedin]

Insert rants/feels/updates about muh life here. Sanity and proper morals are not provided.

ITT I desperately try to get attention by making my life look like shit. :3

[Gwedin]

Was supposed to go to another town to get checked for depression, but the idiot lady who we booked the appointment with forgot to freaking make our booking official (she was about to go on holiday). So we called up today to confirm it was still on and nope, someone else has that slot booked. Ugh. So now it's been rescheduled for the first day on next term. Ah well.

On a positive note, I passed my trig exam today with Merit. lel And school finished today for two weeks. ferk yer!

[Gwedin]

12 hours until attention whore appointment with camhs. nervous as a pig. not gonna sleep all night because i've fucked up my sleep schedule these holidays so that makes thing worse i guess because i'm terirble at staying up for long lengths of time.

IS GWEDIN MENTALLY MESSED UP OR IS HE REALLY JUST AN ATTENTION WHORE..?

on the bright side the holidays were... good.

good at times.

they were okay.

they sucked. :c

[brainiac3397]

What holidays? If it aint Murikan it aint a holiday.

[Gwedin]

i'm so nervous gah fuck this i'm leaving soon.

[Username]

Why did your holidays suck? :c

[Gwedin]

(05-05-2014 09:01 AM)Sharpie Wrote:  Why did your holidays suck? :c

sadness and emo faggotry and blehness but there were good points of course mr. shurpeh.

visit to camhs was a'ight. they're somewhat convinced i have anxiety and depression so i'm apparently getting properly checked by a psychologist for an actual diagnosis (idk, i spaced out at this part kinda so the details are fuzzy). also suspected that i have high functioning autism but idk what's happening there lol. will be interesting. :3

[Gwedin]

Eldest cat's (like 22 or 23 YO or something) gone blind from the looks of it. It's heart breaking as fuck to see her like this... And we don't have any money to get her put down or get treatment from a vet, if that's even possible. :| Mother thinks she'll die soon but I'm not so sure... If she doesn't die soon I'm gonna beg like fuck for her to get put down regardless of the cost because hfsgfksdjlghjdblvclbndsai[gop.

:(

[brainiac3397]

How much does it really cost to put down a cat?!

And wow...didn't realize cats could live THAT long.

[Gwedin]

'Tis a sunny Saturday afternoon and I'm leaving school, finally. I am done. DONE. Fucking done. Fuck it all. Mother's going in to do all the official shits on Monday, so woohoo.

Plan now is:
Wait until my mother has money to lend me to get learner's licence
Learn2drive and wait until I'm able to get restricted licence
While waiting I'll do huge 3D shits
Once got restricted licence try to get a job (probably one in farming, they're quite in demand around here and pay pretty good) but since most jobs require a licence I can't do this sooner. Oh well

Should be fun. I have survived school.

[brainiac3397]

Make money drag racing wizards.

[Gwedin]

I... I'm speechless.

[brainiac3397]

Watta score!

[James Comey]

(05-24-2014 01:36 PM)Gwedin Wrote:  'Tis a sunny Saturday afternoon and I'm leaving school, finally. I am done. DONE. Fucking done. Fuck it all. Mother's going in to do all the official shits on Monday, so woohoo.

Plan now is:
Wait until my mother has money to lend me to get learner's licence
Learn2drive and wait until I'm able to get restricted licence
While waiting I'll do huge 3D shits
Once got restricted licence try to get a job (probably one in farming, they're quite in demand around here and pay pretty good) but since most jobs require a licence I can't do this sooner. Oh well

Should be fun. I have survived school.

Another early exitee.

Welcome to the Freedman-on-the-land Student Society, a society which I failed to join because I did not pass the mathematics criteria.

[Gwedin]

One day my good man. One day.

[Gwedin]

holy crap bleach smells good

like i used to hate the smell but

damn man.

[brainiac3397]

Duct Tape son...

[James Comey]

Ah shiet.

[Illuzion]

*Gives you attention*

[Gwedin]

*eats it up*

More please. :3

While I'm here I'll note down I've gotten way too apathetic about everything. feeeeehhhkk I don't know how people can care so much about stuffs. Is weird.

[brainiac3397]

Eat mushrooms.

[Gwedin]

NOT DOING ANYTHING WILL MAKE YOU FEEL MORE DEPRESSED
I HAVE NO MOTIVATION TO DO ANYTHING BECAUSE I FEEL SHIT
FUCK YOU YOU OLD SCUMBAG HALF ASS EXCUSE FOR HELP
fuck you all ahhhhhhhh fuck i genuinely wonder what it's like to be dead ahahaha
go aboutyour business peoplee

fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck i'm too lazy to even bother lol how am i even typing this

[Efs]

(06-27-2014 08:58 PM)Gwedin Wrote:  NOT DOING ANYTHING WILL MAKE YOU FEEL MORE DEPRESSED
I HAVE NO MOTIVATION TO DO ANYTHING BECAUSE I FEEL SHIT
FUCK YOU YOU OLD SCUMBAG HALF ASS EXCUSE FOR HELP
fuck you all ahhhhhhhh fuck i genuinely wonder what it's like to be dead ahahaha
go aboutyour business peoplee

fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck i'm too lazy to even bother lol how am i even typing this

I've had some experiences which felt like death was suddenly approaching. And to be honest, apart from frightening, it was quite peaceful. I was surprised how my fear of being dead or ceasing to exist, was no longer a fear. I enjoyed the feeling of 'letting go.'

Although there is plenty of time to be dead. There's limited time to actually live, experience and spend time with the ones you love.

I also just got back from a run. I haven't done much physical exercise lately, but nothing will beat the freedom you feel when running. The wind hitting your face. The adventure. The sights of nature (treadmills suck). And finally, the relief to finally coming home, having a shower and then chilling the fuck out all refreshed.
I humbly recommend going for a run. If you're not fit enough, just go for a fucking walk. 10/10

[Gwedin]

Am actually doing pretty good for a change. Job is fun, albeit exhausting, but it pays well so is all good.

[Gwedin]

jesus i haven't updated this piece of shit in ages

well i quit my job because i'm a lazy piece of fuck who can't follow fucking basic as shit instructions also i don't really care about getting money who cares you're all fucking fags fuck you shitheads even bothering to get degrees just kill yourself it's much easier and kill others while yo're at it put every fycking person you can out of theri misery

sent my caseworker an email saying i intend to do shit (take a fucking guess as to what), she got worried, called me in for a thing, and sent me away saying we'd talk about it with the psych on friday (tomorrow) (lol according to my mum they were considering hospitalizing me for my own and others safety but they prolly just think i'm being a generic teenage PoS who never does anything other than rant on tumblr so they're like nah he won't actually do it lol). they can't do shit for me and i don't even want shit done anyway so i'm gonna refuse to go to that thing tomorrow. IT GETS BETTER TRUST ME no it fucking doesnt its gotten worse for years fuck off with that it isnt gonna get better especially considering id eventualy HAVE to geta job and support myself HOW THE FUCK IS THAT BETTER

i have no friends and i don't want any either. people are a fucking waste of time. hobbies fucking suck because no matter what it is it makes me mad as fuck (died in a video game ONCE yesterday and i ended up snapping one of my keyboards, CANT DO SOMETHING RIGHT IN 3D?? WELL HELLO DEPRESSION YOU CAN'T DO SHIT CAN YOU GWEDIN YOU USELESS FUCK JUST GIVE UP (good thing i fucking did i was shit)).

is that enough whining for you today /ss/

lol who am i kidding none of you read it.

[Sharpie]

I read it all..

:/

[Username]

You need some weed prescribed by Dr. LovesWeedandCoke

[brainiac3397]

(09-11-2014 07:55 PM)Gwedin Wrote:  jesus i haven't updated this piece of shit in ages

well i quit my job because i'm a lazy piece of fuck who can't follow fucking basic as shit instructions also i don't really care about getting money who cares you're all fucking fags fuck you shitheads even bothering to get degrees just kill yourself it's much easier and kill others while yo're at it put every fycking person you can out of theri misery

sent my caseworker an email saying i intend to do shit (take a fucking guess as to what), she got worried, called me in for a thing, and sent me away saying we'd talk about it with the psych on friday (tomorrow) (lol according to my mum they were considering hospitalizing me for my own and others safety but they prolly just think i'm being a generic teenage PoS who never does anything other than rant on tumblr so they're like nah he won't actually do it lol). they can't do shit for me and i don't even want shit done anyway so i'm gonna refuse to go to that thing tomorrow. IT GETS BETTER TRUST ME no it fucking doesnt its gotten worse for years fuck off with that it isnt gonna get better especially considering id eventualy HAVE to geta job and support myself HOW THE FUCK IS THAT BETTER

i have no friends and i don't want any either. people are a fucking waste of time. hobbies fucking suck because no matter what it is it makes me mad as fuck (died in a video game ONCE yesterday and i ended up snapping one of my keyboards, CANT DO SOMETHING RIGHT IN 3D?? WELL HELLO DEPRESSION YOU CAN'T DO SHIT CAN YOU GWEDIN YOU USELESS FUCK JUST GIVE UP (good thing i fucking did i was shit)).

is that enough whining for you today /ss/

lol who am i kidding none of you read it.

You suck. When I get a job, I try to do better than the boss himself/herself. Then I try to takeover the business

Crap I just got san pellegrino pouring out of my nose. Seltzer is a killer!

Why do you have a caseworker?

[Sharpie]

You can't tell why he has a caseworker based off what he just said alone?

[xcriteria]

Gwedin, I read it. I understand your frustration with the "things get better" comment, but sometimes they can. It's not always automatic, but sometimes there are steps that do bring about changes for the better.

Sometimes people can be a waste of time -- maybe often -- but sometimes they're not. Sometimes it's a matter of meeting new people, exploring new places and activities. If you're depressed, that may not seem appealing, but trying some new things, or going somewhere new, might help. It has for me at times.

I can relate to the urge to give up at things, too. And realizing what one has done isn't so great. That's part of the creative process, really. Taking some risks, trying things, and figuring out what next. But the hit of a depressive or self-critical feeling can drain all motivation to try again away.

I'd suggest going to the thing tomorrow -- to see what they say and do. They may not have the answers. But that doesn't mean there are none. I'm here, and others are as well, to do what we can from afar. And even if people you encounter in-person aren't what you're hoping for, that doesn't have to be the end of the story. I've encountered a number of psych professionals who really haven't helped me with my situations, but I've found my way out of pretty bad situations.

And... all those people you're feeling critical of... there often are paths out of misery... even misery that lasts for quite a while. Just getting a degree probably isn't the answer, but I think there are still ways to find answers.

Just because the professionals you're seeing have degrees, doesn't mean they have all of those answers, either. But why not talk to them, and see what they say and do? We're here for you. And sometimes, people find hospitalization helpful. It really depends. If nothing else, it's a change. If it's not costing you money or putting you in debt, and you're unhappy with your life as it is, hospitalization might at least be a temporary change.

Regardless, even though "it gets better" can seem like an unhelpful cliche, it certainly can get better, even if the people in your world don't seem to be helping make that happen.

(Any thoughts on all that?)