How to feel like myself again?

[..V..]

Okay, to start, I know that nobody here is a doctor, but I don't know where else to ask this.
Yesterday I felt normal all day, at school, when I came home.
I stayed after school and started typing my essay.
I left and got a bus token because I wanted to go to the library to go on the computer so I could download a RAR extractor to my USB.
I decided ro walk home and I got soda.
I decided to act buzzed because it was St. Patrick's Day, and it worked a bit.
I go home, changed and got ready.
Let me say that my sort of girlfriend and I are maybe going to stop talking and she's irritated and deleted me on Facebook, while saying we can continue talking, just not get physical and how she needed to work on her emotions and how she thought that maybe I was liking her more but we wanted different relationships.
Anyway, when I was ready I put some of my mother's Captain Morgan spiced rum into an empty vodka thing and walked to the library.
I read a thing that said it was temp. Closed and I walked home.
I was bored because the cable and phone have been canceled since Sunday (I could receive incoming calls but can't see who it is.)
I decided to read a book, smoke old cigarette butts I found and finish the soda and rum I got.
Then I was getting tired and decided to take a nap.
When I awoke, I felt okay and then the phone rang.
I didn't get it but I did when it rang a bit after and there was lady asking for my mother (who I think is Comcast) and said she wanted to discuss recorded complaints I think.
My mother wasn't home and she said that she'd call later.
Then I kept thinking what if they recorded what I looked at, like the things I watched and masturbated to on the TV through a camera on the box, or the underaged pornography (all ages) and websites that Iooked at on the broken laptop.
Then I decided that they would have just informed the police/FBI about it instead of calling.
But I was feeling guilty about what I've done and about how fucked it was and about the two times I almost did something like that and felt more guilty.
But then I said that it wasn't my fault because I was molested and now I'm this way. That at least I didn't do anything or harm anyone in the pornography but thought of what I almost done. My mind was cluttered.
I decided that if I kept feeling really weird and guilty in two days that I would tell my mother about how I used to look at the underaged pornography and maybe my school councelor.
I decided to masturbate myself with a Playboy magazine but I then put it in the trash, along with another, due to my OCD. I guess it helped a bit.
I read my book and at times I had a bit of trouble breathing (maybe from my pectus excavatum) or from the guilty feeling. I had to use the bathroom once.
I continued drinking water.
I read my book again but felt tired and weird and decided to take some night time medicine and sleep.
My mom came home and I read my Calvin and Hobbs book until I wanted to sleep, which was now 1.
I awoke 10 minutes before I had to leave for my bus, not my alarm clock time and I missed the bus.
But since I awoke, I still feel weird, like I'm not me, a bit guilty and my mind feels cluttered still, I'm shaking at times and my breathing is a bit irregular (having to take larger inhales). Last night my nose was running a bit but now it's not. My stomach, like last night, feels like it has butterflies at times, probaby due to the guilty feeling.
I also haven't been eating a lot recently because there's not much food in the house at the moment.
I really didn't eat much yesterday except school lunch (I missed the bus) and a coffee and york candy.
Anyway, now I'm tired but I have to walk to school.
How do I feel normal, like I'm myself?
This happened before, burt I guess not like this.
How do I drop this guilty feeling and feel normal?
Am I innocent? I didn't know what I was doing then (or at least what I know now.)
I'm going to brush my teeth again (damn cavities), use the bathroom, try and calm down, have a cigarette and maybe get more money and get chips at the store.
It feels like I'm in a movie, I don't know.
I hate this feeling and I want to feel normal again.
Thia isn't a troll question. I'm just looking for advice.
We also are getting the cable, phone and internet (laptop is broken) back on today probably.
I don't feel as intelligent, rantful or anything, my mind cluttering probably, I don't know.
Sorry for the excessive information, my OCD thought I should post mostly everything.

[..V..]

It also isn't a hangover. I was a bit depressed and sad before but I decided to not about thw situation because she's free to do whatever she wants.

[TheCancer]

You're going to keep changing because that is an unavoidable byproduct of the passing of time. That means the way you feel changes, too. Girlfriends/boyfriends come and go. Sometimes it really hurts. Stay away from kiddie porn because that can equal real trouble. But you can't go back in time so try to find positive things to focus on in the present and don't worry about stuff that's done and you can't change.

[..V..]

I'm trying to do that. I'm not sure why I feel so out of it.
I read something about depersonalization. I'm not sure if that's it or not.

[TheCancer]

I've been crushingly "out of it" before. Doing positive activities, like cleaning or studying, helps you through the short term. And the long term is made up of a series of short terms.

[Vatman]

While this isn't the place, and I'm not the person. I'll just dip my toe in to see if the waters warm.

I sense a pattern. The paramour who can't decide how she see's you, the fake buzz, the unsure feeling that what you are into could rip life apart... and the OCD of course, which at all times you are painstakingly aware of.

Out of Control, is what I'm feeling from you. And unfortunately I know of no answers to bail you out, because control isn't something you can take back. It's a lie to begin with, albeit a sweet one...I suggest taking stock in the fact that it's beautiful to ride the current, and a hollow chest doesn't make someone especially different. We are all quite irrepressibly different, and out of control.

[James Comey]

^Once again, holy shit, it's Vatman!