RIP School Survival Forums
August 2001 - June 2017

The School Survival Forums are permanently retired. If you need help with quitting school, unsupportive parents or anything else, there is a list of resources on the Help Page.

If you want to write about your experiences in school, you can write on our blog.

To everyone who joined these forums at some point, and got discouraged by the negativity and left after a while (or even got literally scared off): I'm sorry.

I wasn't good enough at encouraging people to be kinder, and removing people who refuse to be kind. Encouraging people is hard, and removing people creates conflict, and I hate conflict... so that's why I wasn't better at it.

I was a very, very sensitive teen. The atmosphere of this forum as it is now, if it had existed in 1996, would probably have upset me far more than it would have helped.

I can handle quite a lot of negativity and even abuse now, but that isn't the point. I want to help people. I want to help the people who need it the most, and I want to help people like the 1996 version of me.

I'm still figuring out the best way to do that, but as it is now, these forums are doing more harm than good, and I can't keep running them.

Thank you to the few people who have tried to understand my point of view so far. I really, really appreciate you guys. You are beautiful people.

Everyone else: If after everything I've said so far, you still don't understand my motivations, I think it's unlikely that you will. We're just too different. Maybe someday in the future it might make sense, but until then, there's no point in arguing about it. I don't have the time or the energy for arguing anymore. I will focus my time and energy on people who support me, and those who need help.

-SoulRiser

The forums are mostly read-only and are in a maintenance/testing phase, before being permanently archived. Please use this time to get the contact details of people you'd like to keep in touch with. My contact details are here.

Please do not make a mirror copy of the forums in their current state - things will still change, and some people have requested to be able to edit or delete some of their personal info.


Post Reply 
 
Thread Rating:
  • 0 Vote(s) - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
My parents are great but...
Author Message
DrMedicine Offline
Defiant

Posts: 2
Joined: Feb 2014
Thanks: 0
Given 2 thank(s) in 2 post(s)
Post: #1
My parents are great but...

So this past school year my grades have been declining. I got my first D on a report card and my parents weren't to happy. This current semester I have 3 F's because the semester just started and if you forget 1 thing you get an F. Plus I taking college courses in highschool so they are pretty hard. I have finally decided that I won't let school run my life. Instead I'm gonna pursue things that I enjoy like writing, working out, reading, psychology, neuroscience, abstract math, and philosophy.

I frequent a site called Academic Earth which houses thousands of videos made by very prestigious colleges over a wide range of topics. It is very interesting and I can watch those videos at whatever pace I want. If I suddenly find something boring, I just move onto to a whole new topic. I find that this is such a great way to learn.

But the problem lies in my parents. Just a few weeks back I was reading lots of threads about school and parents and I was actually glad I had parents like mine. Don't get me wrong. I love my parents still and they are amazing people but this issue about school has been rearing its nasty little head more and more frequently. I had a great talk with my mom the other day about school and where my passions lie in until she became angry at me.

She decided I had to get a job, which is fine with me, but she is using this abnormal method to show that if I don't go to college I will have to flip burgers. She wants to punish me with it and she thinks I would hate getting a part time job. I felt my arguments fell on deaf ears.

The next day I was driving in the car with my dad and school was brought up once again. Throughout the entire conversation, I never felt like he was even listening to me at all. It just became a debate with my dad saying I needed to do things that weren't fun and that I should drop all of my college classes. I don't think I can really drop those classes because most of the smart kids take these classes and I have lots of friends in them. This made me feel angry.

And the last event that caused me to vent on this site occurred this morning. I was downstairs talking with my parents when school was brought up for like the fifth fucking time this week. My mom told my dad what her punishment for me was and my dad agreed. If I didn't find a job within two weeks I would receive severe consequences. I tried explaining to them that I couldn't force myself to do things that people said I had to. I couldn't try hard in school when one of the only arguments is that sometimes I have to do unfun things. That is one of the dumbest arguments I have ever heard. In the real world, if I find my job unbearable even though it was great pay, I would drop it in a heartbeat and take a lower paying but enjoyable job. I prefer my own happiness to that of getting a nice big paycheck.

So now I have no idea what to do. Should I get a job just to appeal to my parents or should I show them just how deeply I hate school?
02-10-2014 04:20 AM
Find all posts by this user Quote this message in a reply
 Thanks given by: Trar
xcriteria Offline
Fanatic

Posts: 3,090
Joined: Oct 2005
Thanks: 814
Given 930 thank(s) in 612 post(s)
Post: #2
RE: My parents are great but...

Hi, and welcome to School Survival. Smile

Yeah, I know that kind of scenario well, and I can definitely relate.

So can quite a few others here. Lots of threads around here have similar themes.

It's worth developing a plan for how you're going to proceed with your life, and your education (including online and informal learning.) This might also help your parents calm down and get out of "OMG my kid is at risk" thinking.

I'm actually trying to specialize in helping people with that, after dropping out of college multiple times and looking for a path forward that works for me. In the meantime, I've done various types of work, from unskilled to web development. I've been living according to your thinking, "if I find my job unbearable even though it was great pay, I would drop it in a heartbeat and take a lower paying but enjoyable job"... but I'm also interested in finding a way for myself, and others, to find or create jobs that are both enjoyable and pay relatively well.

You might consider getting a job in order to gain some experience, try something new, and make some money, rather than "just to appeal to your parents." What kind of work might you be interested in doing, in general, whether now or in the future?

Another question is, what are your plans for after high school (whether you graduate or drop out?) Are you considering college, and if so... what are you thinking along those lines?

(In my case, I was eventually able to convince my parents to let me drop out of high school, get a GED, and start college a year early. I had one pretty good year of college, but then I started to question that, too... but that's a whole sub-conversation.)

What grade level are you in now? And, what college classes are you taking? How are you doing in them?

It might be useful to get a third party to talk to your parents about all this, whether a therapist/counselor, family friend, or hypothetically someone playing the role of "education consultant" like what I'm looking to do, and what people like Lisa Nalbone are doing.

In fact, you might find Lisa's Letter to Parents and Hackademics relevant to your situation... and it might serve as a catalyst for discussion with your parents about your options for learning and life.

Peter Gray & allies launching the Alliance for Self-directed Education

ASDE Newsletters: #1 Announcement | #2 History of ASDE | #6 Education Liberation


School Survival & Catalyst Learning Network featured on AlternativestoSchool's blog
“Mom, Dad, can I stop going to school?”

Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking when the Stakes are High

Hidden stuff:
02-10-2014 04:51 AM
Find all posts by this user Quote this message in a reply
 Thanks given by: Trar
GamerGurl Away
"Queen of Cosplay"

Posts: 676
Joined: Sep 2012
Thanks: 172
Given 233 thank(s) in 157 post(s)
Post: #3
My parents are great but...

I don't know why any student would want to take advanced/AP/college-level courses in high school in the first place. It's too stressful and the workload is way too much. Huh

Seven crappy hours of our lives.
(This post was last modified: 02-10-2014 06:21 AM by GamerGurl.)
02-10-2014 06:18 AM
Find all posts by this user Quote this message in a reply
 Thanks given by: Trar
Rusty Shackleford Offline
El Guapo

Posts: 99
Joined: Jan 2014
Thanks: 30
Given 24 thank(s) in 21 post(s)
Post: #4
RE: My parents are great but...

Welcome. As this is your second post, I assume you haven't been here long.

I advise you to tell your parents how much you hate school. If you try to appeal to them and get a job, you will probably end up depressed and bored. I still advise you to get a job, but if you get a job you don't like, you might as well give up.

Even if your parents do not agree with your opinion about school, you have at least made clear that you do not like school, and have given your honest opinion. If you state your opinions toward your parents, you will also gain some small manner of catharsis. 'Getting it all out' is another way to cope with school, and you will feel a lot better.

Quote:Rusty Shackleford's Mental Health Log wrote:

[Image: u6EJrdW.gif]
02-10-2014 06:19 AM
Find all posts by this user Quote this message in a reply
 Thanks given by: Trar
xcriteria Offline
Fanatic

Posts: 3,090
Joined: Oct 2005
Thanks: 814
Given 930 thank(s) in 612 post(s)
Post: #5
RE: My parents are great but...

(02-10-2014 06:18 AM)MrJurgens Wrote:  I don't know why any student would want to take advanced/AP/college-level courses in high school in the first place. It's too stressful and the workload is way too much. Huh

If they're actual college courses, they aren't necessarily stressful, or heavy in workload. It depends on the class. I would have loved to go straight into college classes instead of high school (but again, depends on the class.)

But now, as DrMedicine mentioned, there are all these ways to access college-level lectures and learning materials with the web, and one can take more control of all that than being at the mercy of a specific teacher's whole class.

The catch is then finding ways to apply the knowledge somehow, like with projects or performances of some kind. And possibly getting credit or recognition... which Degreed and Accredible are building platforms to make possible. Smile

Peter Gray & allies launching the Alliance for Self-directed Education

ASDE Newsletters: #1 Announcement | #2 History of ASDE | #6 Education Liberation


School Survival & Catalyst Learning Network featured on AlternativestoSchool's blog
“Mom, Dad, can I stop going to school?”

Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking when the Stakes are High

Hidden stuff:
02-10-2014 06:42 AM
Find all posts by this user Quote this message in a reply
Trar Away
R.I.P.

Posts: 1,437
Joined: Jun 2008
Thanks: 1384
Given 189 thank(s) in 125 post(s)
Post: #6
My parents are great but...

Welcome to SS!

What sort of job openings are available in your area? What sort of job do you think your parents want you to have? Given the state of the economy, I'd be surprised if you could find anything other than fast-food work (which is my guess for what your parents envision) that pays minimum wage (which isn't really enough to live on your own right now). The conditions for the restaurants themselves can vary from franchisee to franchisee, so if you do decide to find a job at one of those places cross your fingers. Things may be better nowadays but from what I've read the turnover rate is high and the hours can be tough. (Honestly I'd work at any place but a fast-food establishment).

Your father's whole 'flipping burgers' thing is kinda ignorant too. College can help with career and earnings prospects, sure, but it has its share of problems. It doesn't guarantee a nice job. And if things don't improve, college degrees will just get more expensive and become the new high school diploma in terms of employment requirements.

I will say this, though - I myself would value a well-paying job as long as it's not too shitty. Work isn't exactly supposed to be fun and games, but then again there's more than one way to make a living for yourself!

Good luck, whatever you do.
(This post was last modified: 02-10-2014 02:25 PM by Trar.)
02-10-2014 02:24 PM
Find all posts by this user Quote this message in a reply
Post Reply 


Possibly Related Threads...
Thread: Author Replies: Views: Last Post
  Great. My parents took away my computer. Larryington 13 9,569 03-17-2014 04:38 PM
Last Post: scorchededge243

Forum Jump:


User(s) browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)

Contact Us | School Survival | Return to Top | Return to Content | Mobile Version | RSS Syndication