FACADE STAGEPLAY
Tue Sep 14 20 11 04 2010
TRIP
Where are the new wine glasses?
GRACE
What for?
TRIP
That should be obvious!
GRACE
Oh God, Trip, don't turn this into a big production, please!
TRIP
Jesus Grace, come on, I'm not asking a lot here!
(Adam knocks on the front door.)
(Adam knocks on the front door.)
(Adam knocks on the front door.)
(Adam knocks on the front door.)
(Adam knocks on the front door.)
(Adam knocks on the front door.)
(Adam knocks on the front door.)
(Adam knocks on the front door.)
(Adam knocks on the front door.)
TRIP
Uhp, he's here!
(Adam knocks on the front door.)
(Adam knocks on the front door.)
(Adam knocks on the front door.)
(Adam knocks on the front door.)
(Adam knocks on the front door.)
GRACE
What?! You said he's coming an hour from now!
ADAM
I AM ZEE GESTAPO
TRIP
No, he's supposed to be here now!
(ADAM knocks on the front door.)
(ADAM knocks on the front door.)
GRACE
Trip...!
(ADAM knocks on the front door.)
(ADAM knocks on the front door.)
(ADAM knocks on the front door.)
(ADAM knocks on the front door.)
(ADAM knocks on the front door.)
(ADAM knocks on the front door.)
(ADAM knocks on the front door.)
(ADAM knocks on the front door.)
(ADAM knocks on the front door.)
(ADAM knocks on the front door.)
(ADAM knocks on the front door.)
(ADAM knocks on the front door.)
(ADAM knocks on the front door.)
(Trip opens the front door.)
ADAM
LET ME IN
TRIP
Adam!!
TRIP
Hey! God it's been so long since we've seen you! -- (interrupted)
TRIP
Uh...
TRIP
Well come on in...
ADAM
VERE ARE YOU HIDING ZEE JEW
TRIP
Uh, n -- no, heh, come in!
TRIP
Uh, let me go get Grace...
GRACE
No, no, here we are!
ADAM
SHOW ME ZEE JEW FAMILY
GRACE
Uh...
GRACE
So, come in, make yourself at home...
GRACE
So, Adam, I'm -- (interrupted)
ADAM
I KNOW YOU ARE HIDING ZEM
PHONE
** RING **
TRIP
You...
TRIP
You think I'm...
PHONE
** RING **
TRIP
afraid...
PHONE
** RING **
TRIP
Ho ho ho, ha, heh you're -- you're really joking around tonight, aren't you, ha ha ha...
PHONE
** RING **
ADAM
SHOW ME ZEE JEWS
GRACE
Ha, yeah, ha ha...
TRIP
Ha, never afraid to push our buttons, ha ha ha, heh...
ANSWERING MACHINE
** click **
ANSWERING MACHINE
You've reached the fabulous new home of Grace and Trip. Leave us a message!
ANSWERING MACHINE
** beep **
ANSWERING MACHINE
Grace, this is your father, I thought I'd call to see how my lovely daughter is doing.
TRIP
Uhh... yeah. Anyway.
ADAM
I AM ZEE SERIOUS
TRIP
Oh, it's your parents! I'll get it --
GRACE
Trip, Trip, please, I don't want to talk to them right now...
ANSWERING MACHINE
I want you and Trip to come up to the house this weekend, your mother and I are throwing a party for a senior VP at the firm, and you should be there.
TRIP
I want to say hello --
GRACE
No no, Trip, we're entertaining a friend in our new apartment... -- (interrupted)
ADAM
GIVE ME ZEE PHONE
ANSWERING MACHINE
Oh, and be sure to arrive early, I want to talk to you about this business about why you won't be attending your mother's Christmas Eve gala.
(ADAM picks up the phone.)
GRACE
Adam, no! Please don't do that.
PHONE
Ah, Grace? ...
(ADAM puts down the phone.)
(ADAM uses the answering machine.)
ANSWERING MACHINE
One new message *beep*
(ADAM picks up the phone.)
GRACE
Uhh, it's my dad, I can hear his voice.
ANSWERING MACHINE
Grace, this is your father, I thought I'd call to see how my lovely daughter is doing.
(ADAM puts down the phone.)
TRIP
Oh!
GRACE
Oh, good, you hung up. I can call him back later, or in a few days, heh.
ANSWERING MACHINE
I want you and Trip to come up to the house this weekend, your mother and I are throwing a party for a senior VP at the firm, and you should be there.
ADAM
HURRY UP AND SHOW ME
TRIP
Well, Grace's parents... They're something else, really classy people --
GRACE
Uhh, no, they're impossible, they expect me to drive up to the house in Connecticut to attend all their stupid socialite charity benefits and parties, it's so tiresome.
ANSWERING MACHINE
Oh, and be sure to arrive early, I want to talk to you about this business about why you won't be attending your mother's Christmas Eve gala.
ADAM
GIVE ME ZEE JEWS
TRIP
(frustrated sigh)
GRACE
Huh, you two really are getting along well tonight, heh...
(ADAM sits on the couch.)
(ADAM gets up from the couch.)
GRACE
So, Adam, you can help me understand where I went wrong with my new decorating, ha ha.
TRIP
Grace, oh, no, we don't need to do that.
ADAM
YOU ARE HIDING JEWS IN HERE
GRACE
Wait...
GRACE
You think I'm...
GRACE
afraid...
TRIP
Ah... ha ha... heh heh... ah, you're, uh... you're...
ADAM
WUT I NEVER SAID THAT
GRACE
What -- what is he --
TRIP
No no, Grace, no no, he's just... testing us tonight, I think, heh... it's funny...
GRACE
(clears throat)
TRIP
(frustrated sigh)
ADAM
I AM NOT TESTING, SHOW ME!!!!!
TRIP
Uh...
(ADAM sits on the couch.)
TRIP
Well hold on, hold on, take a closer look, give it a chance to soak in a little.
(ADAM gets up from the couch.)
GRACE
I bet I can return most of this, and start over again on this room...
ADAM
I BET YOU ARE HIDING ZEE JEW
TRIP
Okay, Adam, I think this evening is over, you've got to leave.
ADAM
NOOOOOO
(Trip opens the front door.)
ADAM
SHOW ME ZEE JEWS
TRIP
We'll be fine -- you should just go.
(Trip closes the front door.)
ADAM
YOU VILL GIVE ME ZEE JEWS