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To everyone who joined these forums at some point, and got discouraged by the negativity and left after a while (or even got literally scared off): I'm sorry.

I wasn't good enough at encouraging people to be kinder, and removing people who refuse to be kind. Encouraging people is hard, and removing people creates conflict, and I hate conflict... so that's why I wasn't better at it.

I was a very, very sensitive teen. The atmosphere of this forum as it is now, if it had existed in 1996, would probably have upset me far more than it would have helped.

I can handle quite a lot of negativity and even abuse now, but that isn't the point. I want to help people. I want to help the people who need it the most, and I want to help people like the 1996 version of me.

I'm still figuring out the best way to do that, but as it is now, these forums are doing more harm than good, and I can't keep running them.

Thank you to the few people who have tried to understand my point of view so far. I really, really appreciate you guys. You are beautiful people.

Everyone else: If after everything I've said so far, you still don't understand my motivations, I think it's unlikely that you will. We're just too different. Maybe someday in the future it might make sense, but until then, there's no point in arguing about it. I don't have the time or the energy for arguing anymore. I will focus my time and energy on people who support me, and those who need help.

-SoulRiser

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A heart-thumping dream!
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brainiac3397 Offline
Machiavellian Amoeba

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Post: #1
A heart-thumping dream!

Generally I don't remember my dreams, or they aren't very eventful. However, this dream makes my spine cold, my heart stop and injects a level of fear into my soul.

Yet I enjoy the sensations. The sense of fear, and terror, and excitement, sends dopamine surging through my body.

It's sort of sketchy, my recollection. The setting is familiar, I've been here in another dream before.

A school of some sorts. Taller than it is wide. I'd say about 4-6 stories. I'm preparing to leave I believe. It's night outside. As I reach the exit, I see somebody in the lounge area(arcade games, pool tables, pingpong, TV and couches). I go there, and see some people engaged in activities.

I don't recall exactly what happens, but suddenly the place is raided. The leader is some evil man(simplest description). The place is surrounded by these soldiers in riot gear, armed. They're hunting me. I can sense it. I don't know why. People in the school all work with the evil man. They behave normally, like nothing is happening. When I'm spotted however, they pursue me.

Bloodbath begins. I sneak into an office room. Grab a scissor. Someone sees me. Slash!, I cut their throat. I quickly run out. I'm desperate, so many people and I don't have the right tools to fight back. Stealth is difficult, the building is so well-lit. At least there are many rooms, many floors.

I make it the infirmary. A scalpel. Better than a scissor. I grab it. I hear sounds of footsteps. Students? Whoever it is, they're all after me. They all want me for some reason. I won't let them.

I sneak down to the lounge, It's time for a distractive offensive. I see the students playing, lounging. I sneak it, using the blade I cut a throat. I stab another. Somebodies neck I snap with my bare hands. Blood everywhere, yet none of it ever lands on me. The commotion brings others into the fray. Too many, here come the athletes. A difficult battle it would be against them. I run for the stairwell.

Up the stairs I rush, behind me a mob. Not like zombies though. Sane people. A frenzy but there is no insanity in their eyes. I toss the knife into one them, there goes my weapon.

I make it to the roof access. The door is locked. I can hear a military chopper outside. Bad idea. I can feel panic. No. Not now.

Skip ahead because I don't remember.

Now I'm in the basement. I've been sneaky and clever throughout. I managed to create an opening, using a window in the basement. I get out, hide behind some bushes. I see the soldiers patrolling, their masks with glowing red eyes(not their eyes, rather the lens). I sneak up to one, and kill him. Finally, some real weaponry. His armor and guns are now mine.

I sneak off the premises, escaping the surrounding troops. Where do I go? I don't recall.

I remember it ending when I come back...in a tank. I've brought hell with me. Explosions, gun fire, dead bodies, blood. I slice through them like a knife through molten butter. No blood ever gets on me.

I encounter the evil man. He's wearing a bright white coat over his black armor. Sunglasses cover his eyes. I don't hesitate, and impale him with a sword. The sun begins to rise as I, the prey, become the predator. Floor after floor, people flee in terror. When they once hunted me, I know hunt them.

By complete sunrise, the building is in flames. A thick black plume of smoke gushes from it. Bodies, bullet shells and general chaos. Yet now I feel no fear. Against all odds and greater numbers, with little on hand, I succeed.

Personality DNA Report
(06-14-2013 08:02 AM)Potato Wrote:  watch the fuq out, we've got an "intellectual" over here.

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Brainiac3397's Mental Health Status Log Wrote:[Image: l0Iy5HKskJO5XD3Wg.gif]
12-24-2013 04:00 PM
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James Comey Away
Banished Oldfaf in Exile

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Post: #2
A heart-thumping dream!

That actually sounds awesome.

Did you have any control over it? Did you feel aware of what was happening?

RIP GWEDIN
RIP URITIYOGI
RIP NIGHT
RIP VONUNOV
RIP WES/THEWAKE
RIP USERNAME

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Stop jerking off to porn and whining and do something about it

Make School Survival Great Again - MSSGA

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12-24-2013 04:39 PM
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brainiac3397 Offline
Machiavellian Amoeba

Posts: 9,823
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Post: #3
RE: A heart-thumping dream!

In a strange way really. It felt like the outcome of everythi g was dependent on my actions I could control, but I rarely control the settings of my dream or the things in it. Whater I control only applies to me and usually cant be out of context(so I couldnt just end up with power armor and an auto shotgun when the shit hit the fan).

I guess my logic systems apply in someway to my dreams. Even with control, things need to be in context.

I felt aware. Very aware. I can still feel the dream even if I cant remember all of it in detail. The sensations and feelings remained even if the memory didnt. I dont get such powerful dreams often.

My guess is such dreams happen when I have built up emotions. Lkke that day, I watched the entire Blade series, the Pacific Rim, Hellboy, Oblivion and Dredd. So I guess I got a healthy dose of badass and horror(sort of horror I guess with vampires, monsters, demons, evil AIs and nasty criminals).

Course media isnt the only factor, though media affects me pretty heavily(I can literally alter my mood and behaviors by simply watching a movie/reading a book and sometimes by music, though usually music is associated with something for it to affect me. Oh and video games)

So If I watch the entire godfather series, play mafia 2 and listen to some opera(thus reinforcing the movies I watched), Ill feel like the mobster.

Thats where my Amoeba-ness comes in. I do have my own fundamental personality, but irs so modular I can pretty much adopt anything.

Personality DNA Report
(06-14-2013 08:02 AM)Potato Wrote:  watch the fuq out, we've got an "intellectual" over here.

Hidden stuff:
[Image: watch-out-we-got-a-badass-over-here-meme-240x180.png]
Brainiac3397's Mental Health Status Log Wrote:[Image: l0Iy5HKskJO5XD3Wg.gif]
12-24-2013 04:56 PM
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