The Scholastic Swindle

[Trar]

I would love to be a part of this base. You think we could create a separate website or will I have to actually start using G+? I'd probably be willing to post elsewhere if I need to. My PLN in regards to education as of right now consists of SS, a couple close friends and a couple of progressive education reform groups/people that I read about every so often.

As for building a base? I'm not entirely sure how, but I think finding more like-minded individuals and connecting them to the various groups and websites that comprise our movement is important. So is linking the aforementioned groups and websites to each other. We'll probably have to go to them, though; I can't imagine terribly many professional types wanting to post here.

If I may, though, your bringing up interpersonal neurobiology and the paragraph that followed it stirred (hopefully relevant) memories for me. You can read about them in the hidden section. Be warned: it's long.

Hidden stuff:

I used to like school in my first year; after the first quarter I usually genuinely enjoyed going there, and the act of learning & doing (some of) the assignments. It helped that some of what we did was rather fun (it was the third grade after all, and yes I started in the third grade after a brief stint at homeschooling and then a Montessori school). I didn't always get along great with the other students (I had a handful of friends, and the most prominent was sometimes a frenemy due to my limited social skills), but I usually did okay. My first few weeks or so were pretty much a bucket of water to the face as I was very naïve about social interaction and the school setting due to my remote upbringing (thanks, parents). This probably had a hand in my being partially introverted in the later years.

I didn't even know how to write my first day. I remember I didn't take learning how to do so that well, but at least one of my classmates helped me out rather well. I think my handwriting to this day was influenced by my impromptu lesson, which ultimately I have no hard feelings for. It is writing, after all.

The fourth grade was also somewhat enjoyable and rather unremarkable, all things considered. I still enjoyed going, to an extent. For some reason now I remember this period as practically halcyon despite its faults, but that may just be because I'm reading the Wayside School series which reminds me of these days. I had to move across town during the winter of that year, and after a 'break' of about a year (I still remember not really liking the idea of going back), I started fifth at a different school.

Sometimes I wonder what would have happened to me if I had not moved. Would I have stayed the same, considering I was still somewhat different as a person compared to me now? Would I then have been stifled under middle and high school? Would I have become malcontent and an SSer, or would I have buckled and submitted? Imagining myself in these alternate scenarios can be a bit scary!

I still wasn't that great at socializing but I survived. I moved to a different teacher in the first quarter (for what reason I cannot remember) who was one of the nicest and kindest I've had. I did quite well, academically and emotionally, even if I got away with the occasional missed assignment. I had to take a special math class since I was still bad at it, and I eventually got to really like that as well: me, 4 others (eventually it became 3) and one or two teachers. I remember being sad on the last day! Can you believe that?

Near the end of the sixth grade my enjoyment of public school had worn off, and I had become more and more malcontent. Through the year I was part class clown, part average student, and eventually part rebellious.

A handful of incidents in sixth affected my view of a certain topic (and still does to an extent). It wasn't as much a change of opinion as it was me going through brief involuntary mental shifts that were probably a sign of Tourette syndrome; sometimes I had trouble thinking the way I used to when I wanted to, when I knew it was right. It probably had to do with the fact that it involved public humiliation that I was totally unprepared for, and the worst part was that it was all my fault. This, combined with the increased pressure of public schooling. I suppose I could have avoided it if I had decided to keep my head lower, but at least I am now aware of the issue and how it affects others. Maybe I would have turned out worse if I didn't go through what I did, but I'm not sure. I would like to keep the specifics of all this private.

Home life was starting to deteriorate at this point, so I still enjoyed going for a while. It was during this period that I found School Survival.

By the middle of the seventh year I was growing physically and mentally sicker due to a worsening lot. Well, physically fatter due to my consistently poor lunch choices (5 dollars 5 times a week for the same unhealthy meal) and my lack of exercise. I got sick a lot during my school years too, if that's important; my immune system was probably suffering as well. I was chafing quite painfully under public school, my mind eventually started growing darker and my depression was creeping up on me. My close circle of friends (and one teacher that wasn't as bad as the others) helped me through most of the year, but as far as I recall near the end I was drifting away from them. I was close to the end of the year when my mother pulled me out; for all her faults she knew that I was not well. I probably would have had to take summer school due to the amount of days I missed and my grades anyhow.

I'm fairly sure I would have remained a 'problem student' if I stayed for the following year and high school. Maybe I would have been relegated to special ed or another school. Maybe I would have grimly struggled through, maybe I would have finally broke and submitted, maybe I would have dedicated myself to counterculture and rebelliousness by any means possible. I can't say, except that if I had to go back now I'd shoot for the last one.

So yes, my last year of public school showed me the inadequacies of the system the hard way. I was burned out by then, and had to spend my summer recuperating. It was not exactly a healthy process, the way I went about it, and then there was the extra schoolwork I was saddled with because I missed several dozen school days. My family tried to give another shot at homeschooling, and we started preparing for taking the GED in future, but I was so burned out on education my heart wasn't in it. Which my mother (my father wasn't as involved in this) observed with her traditional lack of tact.

I don't recall much homeschooling being done when the next school year started, but we had to move soon after it started anyhow. What happened after I moved is another story in itself. If I had stayed, I'm not sure whether I would have started paying better attention to my health as I have.

I occasionally dreamed of going to school while I was actually going to school, but for a couple of years after I left I was still having the occasional dream about it. Usually dreams of what I thought high school would have been like, or dreams about being back in the last year.

If you've read all of this, thank you. You have eyes of steel. Feel free to tell me what you think of my experience.