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The School Survival Forums are permanently retired. If you need help with quitting school, unsupportive parents or anything else, there is a list of resources on the Help Page.

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To everyone who joined these forums at some point, and got discouraged by the negativity and left after a while (or even got literally scared off): I'm sorry.

I wasn't good enough at encouraging people to be kinder, and removing people who refuse to be kind. Encouraging people is hard, and removing people creates conflict, and I hate conflict... so that's why I wasn't better at it.

I was a very, very sensitive teen. The atmosphere of this forum as it is now, if it had existed in 1996, would probably have upset me far more than it would have helped.

I can handle quite a lot of negativity and even abuse now, but that isn't the point. I want to help people. I want to help the people who need it the most, and I want to help people like the 1996 version of me.

I'm still figuring out the best way to do that, but as it is now, these forums are doing more harm than good, and I can't keep running them.

Thank you to the few people who have tried to understand my point of view so far. I really, really appreciate you guys. You are beautiful people.

Everyone else: If after everything I've said so far, you still don't understand my motivations, I think it's unlikely that you will. We're just too different. Maybe someday in the future it might make sense, but until then, there's no point in arguing about it. I don't have the time or the energy for arguing anymore. I will focus my time and energy on people who support me, and those who need help.

-SoulRiser

The forums are mostly read-only and are in a maintenance/testing phase, before being permanently archived. Please use this time to get the contact details of people you'd like to keep in touch with. My contact details are here.

Please do not make a mirror copy of the forums in their current state - things will still change, and some people have requested to be able to edit or delete some of their personal info.


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I'ma go nuts
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brainiac3397 Offline
Machiavellian Amoeba

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Post: #1
I'ma go nuts

God...If it wasn't for the fact they were my parents, I would literally never acquaint myself with them.

It has nothing to do with abuse or bad treatment. It just has to do with the fact that my parents are just so below my standards, they're in the areas I dislike and despise.

My mother is arrogant, ignorant, lacks self-control, lacks self-esteem and thus tries to boost her ego by treating family in degrading ways(while behaving calm, collected and kind public or around others). She even said that she "reserves" the right to use profanity and insults on us(me and my sister and my father), in private. She also hates it when she's proven wrong(rather than admit her lack of knowledge, she hides behind rage to cover it up). And always compares us to others("This kid goes to the airport and waits for his mother all day" or "That kid sold his favorite motorcycle so he could buy a car to drive his mother around" or "Some kid goes to school and has a job and pays for his household". Usually I ignore her but I'm usually at the border of just shouting "I...DONT...GIVE...A...FUCK! FUCK THE KID, AND HIS JOB, AND HIS FAMILY BECAUSE I DON'T GIVE A FUCKING SHIT!")

And she recently threatened to kick me out of the house, which makes me want to laugh. I stayed with her by choice. She had me do a ton of things like insurance and various applications. Yet instead of treating me like an adult and respecting the fact I bother to help her, she acts like she can control me and tells me to stop behaving like a child even when she doesn't give me the freedoms I spent 18 years waiting for.

She's also prone to tantrums of rage. It tends to rub off on me the wrong way because I hate when people irrationally show excess emotions. Once she got into a fit in the car because she told me to find someplace on the GPS yet didn't know either name or address. When I told her this we got into a needless argument, and she threw a fit. I just told her I'm not helping her if she doesn't calm the fuck down, and got out of the car and walked to the local library to read some books.

It doesn't seem to occur to her that I'm not bound by my emotions, and that I will feel no guilt or sorrow for leaving her.

My father isn't an active problem, but a passive one. Unlike my mother, he is calm and not ignorant or arrogant. However, his flaw is being very unambitious. He's not a fan of money, doesn't care about doing anything based on social perception(this even includes house cleanliness). He also really doesn't care what others think, which you might think is good. Problem is that he takes it the point of wanting to be a hermit. He's knowledgeable in many areas, yet he never bothers to take advantage of it. He care more of his personal comfort, then pretty much anything else(including money). It's also apparent in his driving. There was a line of cars at the exit to turn left onto a road we needed to get to as well. No line for the right turn though. He went into the right turn lane, then just cut right into the left(actually cut, then moved back out and cut the first car in the line that was halfway making a turn). He's also a very big conspiracy theorist(he'll usually blame Israels and call it a Jewish plot for most things), and somewhat superstitious(he actually told me my mother was possessed by "Jin", which are basically spirits). I somewhat believe in the existence of spirits, but I don't believe in this "evil eye" stuff or "possession". I tend to look at religion with a logical viewpoint. Like Arthur Clarke said "Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.", which means the more simper minded folk will more often attribute technology or science they don't understand to magic and superstition.

My father is also a bit unreliable as a person, doesn't consider anything important(even the important things), procrastinates a bit more than healthy and somewhat in the habit of lying(not big lies or bad lies, but inconvenient lies).

I believe that God created nature, which contains physics and sciences, which form the basis of technology. And because of this, it makes more sense that a lot of superstitions can be explained with science(though some may be beyond our grasp at the moment). Like how feelings are just chemicals. And my theory on the soul, which I believe exists, is that the soul is simply a system of electrical current with a unique signature in each person.(Our souls are a form of energy, is what I'm getting at). Makes more sense then attributing it to magic...

When it comes to me, as a person, is that I'm ambitious, motivated, self-controlled, high self-esteem, open-minded, charming, logical, calm, no problem with money(I like to consider that unlike most cases with other people, money is ma bitch and not vice-versa), dislike societal perceptions but also use this knowledge to manipulate(Why not? At least I'd be benefiting from it this way. My father however disagrees with this and claims that I'm subconsciously a weakling. He didn't say that, but that's the basic summary of it).

Unfortunately, my sister is basically a combination of both of them and also an average American teen(which makes it a whole lot worse, if you get what I mean by average American teen). It seems like I'm the black sheep of the family, or more like the human who was raised by sheep and is now aware that I'm fundamentally different from those around me.

The most logical solution to my problems is unfortunately in the category of "bad idea". The solution is to outright tell my parents, in the nicest way possible, that they aren't the type of people I like and have far lower standards than my minimum tolerance(anyone below my minimum tolerance goes into a category under acquaintance, which is "someone I know". Being near minimum makes you an acquaintance. Being middle makes you a "person of interest". Being at my preferred level makes you a friend, and being at equal or higher standards makes you my best friend)

Personality DNA Report
(06-14-2013 08:02 AM)Potato Wrote:  watch the fuq out, we've got an "intellectual" over here.

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(This post was last modified: 11-08-2013 02:43 PM by brainiac3397.)
11-08-2013 02:38 PM
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GamerGurl Away
"Queen of Cosplay"

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Post: #2
I'ma go nuts

My mom is also guilty of comparing me to others. She'll usually pull the "other kids" card and it's complete generalizations. She'll say things like: "Other kids go to school," "Other kids go get jobs and help out around the house", "Other kids drive", etc. It's just so fucking annoying. I just ignore it because if I argue with her about it, she'll just see how she's right and that it's her way or the highway. Sometimes you can agree with her, but other times if you can't it's even hard to agree to disagree. My dad is also guilty of doing this, but his level of doing this isn't as bad as my mom's.

As for my dad, well, he decided to go get a girlfriend, and you may think that I have a problem with that, but no, I don't. The main problem I have with him is that he got her pregnant, and now my sister and I have a half-brother. We've never met this girl of his or his baby, but I know I'll never want to. This family is already dysfunctional as it is, so there's no reason for me to want more of my family when I've almost never gotten anything good out of it this past 1 to 2 years(?). I'm not sure if my sister will want to go see them one day, but I kinda doubt it for her too. I got slightly off-topic, but my dad complains how he almost never has enough money for the stuff that I WANT, yet he'll go out and buy food from outside a lot for not only my sister, but for me too. I never ask him to get me anything now, but I am kind of the enabler since I do eat it anyways. Maybe I should stop that?

Well I would stop, but then my mom would instigate a fight because I'm not eating the stuff he's bringing here for me to eat. It's just a fight that's unneeded and it's more BS I'd rather not deal with. It just pisses me off how he buys groceries for us and fast food, even though he doesn't have to, and to add on to that, he sent me two letters—one in late August and one in early September—while he was still in deployment, and was basically telling me how he wasn't going to buy anything for me related to video games. I pretended not to read it, but I just couldn't believe what I was reading. What I found kinda funny was that he repeatedly said "how much he loved me", but after all that's happened this past year between me and the family, the "I love you" card lost meaning to me from them long ago.

They criticize basically the person I am. One of the things I love is video games, and since it seems my dad can't accept that, then he's just nothing to me anymore.

I'm going to be 18 on June 7th, and I have no job yet. I just don't know what's going to happen to me next year, but I just want my family out of my life. My sister is an immature bitch who's always talking about me to my mom behind my back, and my dad sometimes calls my mom to complain how "I'm not doing anything", and my mom is being an enabler by listening to that and telling me to "do something with my life" JUST so my dad can leave her alone.

Well, their definition of "doing nothing" is me just being on the laptop all day. There's more to all of this but I think I'm just borderline depressed, and I just don't want to deal with them or want their help anymore. Why would I want their help when they were the ones who ignored my call for help when I wanted homeschooling? They almost got me petitioned for a court hearing! Like, what the fucking fuck? They haven't even apologized for what they did to me, but that's probably because they thought the end justified the means. They might think they're right, and I'm done trying to argue with them that I was the victim and that I was right.

Good luck, friend. Sadhug

Seven crappy hours of our lives.
11-08-2013 07:38 PM
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Ky Offline
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Post: #3
I'ma go nuts

I don't relate to my relatives either, but I respect them enough not to create walls of text about them. At least, now I do.

Public Service Announcement: First world problems are still problems.
11-09-2013 07:31 AM
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1312 Offline
It gets better, believe me. :)

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Post: #4
I'ma go nuts

Life is fucked up, as usual... :'(
11-09-2013 07:35 AM
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GamerGurl Away
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RE: I'ma go nuts

(11-09-2013 07:31 AM)DoA Wrote:  I don't relate to my relatives either, but I respect them enough not to create walls of text about them. At least, now I do.
The respect I had for any of my relatives flew out the window a long time ago.

Shrug

Seven crappy hours of our lives.
11-09-2013 11:30 AM
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KFC Nyan Cat Away
suck 360 blazeit hooks

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Post: #6
I'ma go nuts

Wow, I'm one lucky person.

City YouTube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/user/kfcnyancat
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For anyone who remembers me going on an archive binge: Thank you all. I know I ended it being a drama queen, I don't really agree with the ideology anymore, and I'm really not the same person I was (I went through a neopagan phase!) but still this site was the first online community I was in. I graduated from school and turned 18. Time flies. KFC Nyan Cat, June 20, 2019.
11-11-2013 09:21 AM
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xcriteria Offline
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RE: I'ma go nuts

(11-09-2013 11:30 AM)MrJurgens Wrote:  
(11-09-2013 07:31 AM)DoA Wrote:  I don't relate to my relatives either, but I respect them enough not to create walls of text about them. At least, now I do.
The respect I had for any of my relatives flew out the window a long time ago.

Shrug

How is creating walls of text about them disrespectful?

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11-11-2013 09:46 AM
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Ky Offline
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RE: I'ma go nuts

(11-11-2013 09:46 AM)xcriteria Wrote:  
(11-09-2013 11:30 AM)MrJurgens Wrote:  
(11-09-2013 07:31 AM)DoA Wrote:  I don't relate to my relatives either, but I respect them enough not to create walls of text about them. At least, now I do.
The respect I had for any of my relatives flew out the window a long time ago.

:shrug:

How is creating walls of text about them disrespectful?

It's not anything that has to do with them specifically - I just find it bad principle to tell strangers lots of details about anyone I know, especially if it would carry a negative tone. Considering my parents don't even know about this site, it would be talking about them behind their back, which isn't very moral either.

But that's just me.

Public Service Announcement: First world problems are still problems.
11-11-2013 11:38 AM
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brainiac3397 Offline
Machiavellian Amoeba

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Post: #9
I'ma go nuts

But wouldn't you be then assuming that the details of your parents are in some way unique?

Of the things I posted in my wall of text, I'm sure such traits are existence in a good portion of parents now and before. Even if it's "talking behind their back", it doesn't justify the negative behaviors. Would you hide something from your doctor at the cost of getting an inaccurate diagnosis/treatment, or hide something from a judge/lawyer/psychiatrist about others under the pretense of not talking behind their backs without their knowledge and not have the most appropriate and logical action be taken?

And is it not likely that parents have done things behind the child's back, believing it to be the best option?

There is also the fact that telling a doctor or psychiatrist would end up having more specific information given to a stranger, then would online. Even with these details, you can only know how my parents behave and what they believe. There isn't really anything else you can get from these details, which is basically attributing traits and characteristics to a person and are thus not necessarily private or unique in any way.

Personality DNA Report
(06-14-2013 08:02 AM)Potato Wrote:  watch the fuq out, we've got an "intellectual" over here.

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11-11-2013 12:00 PM
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xcriteria Offline
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RE: I'ma go nuts

I think it's both therapeutic, and a good learning experience, to write and talk about one's life in some context. This includes interactions with parents, and one's thoughts about parents.

Ideally, people could have more open lines of communication with parents. What's the blocking factor there? If parents ban their kids from ever talking about them, even in a support context, and in the context of making sense of life, something is seriously wrong.

The idea of "talking about people behind their back" implies some kind of malicious gossiping. I don't think that's what's going on here. I do think that there are probably more positive sides to the negative portraits described here, but it's hard to tell without bringing the parents into the conversation.

So, who wants to volunteer for that? Why don't we create a talk show-style format, specifically about parents, their kids, education, and figuring out this transition from locked in school and dependent on parents, to independent and capable of moving beyond these toxic environments?

Just maybe, along the way, parents themselves could learn and grow.

Peter Gray & allies launching the Alliance for Self-directed Education

ASDE Newsletters: #1 Announcement | #2 History of ASDE | #6 Education Liberation


School Survival & Catalyst Learning Network featured on AlternativestoSchool's blog
“Mom, Dad, can I stop going to school?”

Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking when the Stakes are High

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11-11-2013 12:36 PM
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