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To everyone who joined these forums at some point, and got discouraged by the negativity and left after a while (or even got literally scared off): I'm sorry.

I wasn't good enough at encouraging people to be kinder, and removing people who refuse to be kind. Encouraging people is hard, and removing people creates conflict, and I hate conflict... so that's why I wasn't better at it.

I was a very, very sensitive teen. The atmosphere of this forum as it is now, if it had existed in 1996, would probably have upset me far more than it would have helped.

I can handle quite a lot of negativity and even abuse now, but that isn't the point. I want to help people. I want to help the people who need it the most, and I want to help people like the 1996 version of me.

I'm still figuring out the best way to do that, but as it is now, these forums are doing more harm than good, and I can't keep running them.

Thank you to the few people who have tried to understand my point of view so far. I really, really appreciate you guys. You are beautiful people.

Everyone else: If after everything I've said so far, you still don't understand my motivations, I think it's unlikely that you will. We're just too different. Maybe someday in the future it might make sense, but until then, there's no point in arguing about it. I don't have the time or the energy for arguing anymore. I will focus my time and energy on people who support me, and those who need help.

-SoulRiser

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I always hated school.
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Eanw Offline
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Post: #1
I always hated school.

This is more of a personal story than anything. Apologies if this is in the wrong section or not appropriate.

Now, as a kid, I liked school during Elementary. Friends, easy work, teachers were (for the most part) nice. Not too many complaints there. (Other than that the 6th grade students, at the time, got to go to a water park on their final week of school. But when my time for 6th came around they merged the 6th grade with a middle school... minor annoyance and no water park)

ANYWAYS. Back on track. As middle school came around, I became less interested in the work and other kids seemed to just pick on me. The overweight-ness probably didn't help that. During this time, some issues happened at home, which resulted in me having to leave with my mother to another city, essentially leaving everyone I knew behind. In the new city, I hated the school. The teachers were jerks and unhelpful (And one of mine always had a hangover), the kids assholes (Yeah, thanks for pissing in my locker and knocking me to the ground constantly). I just came to the point to where I hated going to school and sometimes didn't want to go. Enter new stepdad. He was a controlling asshole. Did I make a creak on the floor while he was sleeping? He would instantly wake up and yell at me for a good 15 minutes how I was disrespectful. Heck, he could hear the water in the toilet filling up and it would wake him up, and it did. So, new rule, no toilet or bathroom usage after he went to bed. Many a night I pissed in the backyard.

Things only got worse for me from then on out. Bullying worsened, the staff did nothing to help (Because making him do a fake apology and telling him not to, and then making me apologize for tattling that he was bullying is HELPING), my grades slipped, and I was put on some sort of program in the school where I had to show up and have good grades or get suspended. Still wasn't interested. Now, all of this came to a boil one day. I had enough of going to school only to be picked on, not helped with any work (neither from teachers or parents), and my stepdad telling me it was my problem. So, I decided I didn't want to go. So what he does, after my mom left for work, is take a belt, hit me, and then call the cops on me who proceeded to handcuff me, put me in the back of a squad car and force me to go to school, where I was then submitted to a drug test where the cop was constantly shouting at me that I was doing drugs, he could tell it in my face and expression, and that my stepdad told him that he suspected me of doing so. (In reality, my stepdad was doing drugs. I wouldn't find that out for another year, where he, after dropping me off at school reluctantly, went back home, took all my things and sold them. Came back to a bed and furniture in my room. My Small TV, N64, and other random items were gone. ) I was scared during this incident, where it seemed no one was on my side, and everyone against me.


Of course, that's just middle school. High school came along afterwards, even though I didn't want to continue in public school due to how horrible it made me feel every day. Oh, it was no better. Some of the teachers were, but when it came to the work, I was just completely disinterested. I pleaded to my mother to try out other forms of my education (Note: Stepdad had divorced by this point) but to no avail. I put up with the picking on but hated the rules there. I was suspended a couple of times for cellphone usage during lunch. (Not during a class or anything. Just lunch period. ) Reason? I could be calling another kid to set up a bomb on the school or a shooting. Was taken to the office, searched, questioned, and sent home on a 3 day suspension. I still do not understand this rule. In reality, I was calling my mom to see if she would pick me up or if I should take the bus home.

Another class, another time. I had to print out a document to turn in later that day. So I was in the library. I didn't have a USB drive, but I did have it saved in my email. So, I logged in to download the attachment.. and was caught, had my library computer privileges revoked, and failed that assignment. Apparently I can't sign into my email because I could be sending viruses. Okay. Whatever. Pissed off, they call my mom again for this incident, and I was given detention for a few days after school, and a day of saturday school.

Ah, but let's fast forward here shall we? One day I was getting picked on yet again, and being hit, shoved to the ground, what have you. I was angry and was being hit. So, natural response, defend and hit back, right? I had a black eye and bleeding mouth, and my one punch back didn't do much to the bigger guy. Oh, what's that? HELLO ZERO TOLERANCE. Me? Suspended. Him? Warning. I guess I was doing something to make him angry at me, don't know what, at least that's what I was told. Oh, and that I shouldn't defend myself, I should shout for a teacher to help instead. I desperately wanted to leave public schools. But, since homeschooling wasn't an option due to time allowances, and our school district can fine/have parents arrested if their kids aren't in school, that wasn't an option at the time, until I reached the age where I could drop out.

So, I did. I dropped out. I was done. I was happy. I didn't have the stress and anxiety I used to. But, my family made me feel like shit. Saying things like I should have stuck it out, I will never amount to anything now, I had so much potential that I wasted, things like that. And, I believed them. I was a bit depressed by being put down constantly by my family. I was miserable at school and now at home. I tried some online schools but didn't have the motivation to see them through. I had a plan. I was going to wait until I was 18. Get my GED. It may not be a diploma, but it's something, right? Well according to family, I will never get hired anywhere because with a GED, all they see is a dropout.

Well I turned 18, and went for the GED. Took some refresher classes with some monetary help from more distant relatives (Thank you auntie), and passed. Still not liked by family, but that's okay. I still accomplished my education, even though it wasn't public. I do plan to go to college if I can, but don't have the money right now. Still looking for a job though, and no one's hiring. I'm going to see if I can get some seasonal work for some resume experience.

Well... sorry if this was too long, not rant-y enough, or just doesn't fit the site. I apologize if this is the case, but I honestly feel better to get it off my chest after so long. Maybe it isn't so bad, I'm sure my things are minor.
10-22-2013 07:51 PM
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Gwedin Offline
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Post: #2
I always hated school.

Holy crap. Your life couldn't have been any worse. (Well maybe if the mother was an absolute ass, I suppose it could have been. Anyway.)

All I can say is... Welcome
10-22-2013 08:10 PM
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Eanw Offline
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Post: #3
RE: I always hated school.

(10-22-2013 08:10 PM)Nerdy Computer Guy Wrote:  Holy crap. Your life couldn't have been any worse. (Well maybe if the mother was an absolute ass, I suppose it could have been. Anyway.)

All I can say is... Welcome

Thankfully she wasn't, but she didn't do anything to help either. So.. neutral?
10-22-2013 08:13 PM
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Gwedin Offline
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Post: #4
I always hated school.

Normally neutrality is fine with me, but when it comes to something like this there's something wrong.
10-22-2013 08:16 PM
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timf Offline
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Post: #5
RE: I always hated school.

You have had a series of "eye opening" experiences. There was a PBS program on TV that followed a number of young doctors. Several years later they did a follow up documentary and I don't think a single one was still married. They were trying to make the best out of the shambles their lives had become and only in later life were they beginning to suspect that the direction in which they were pointed in their youth was not all that they were told it would be.

There are so many people spouting so much BS that it is almost impossible to see truth.

You might want to consider a move to the country. The do-gooders in cities usually pass zoning code regulations such that you can't find a cheap place to live. In the country you might find an old farmstead to rent for $200 a month. If you get a CDL (commercial drivers license) you can pretty much get a job anywhere.
10-23-2013 01:10 AM
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brainiac3397 Offline
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Post: #6
I always hated school.

Terrible.
Do you by any chance have a list of "Pricks of my life" list? I've got one prepared, though it has no names because I don't leave loose ends to add to the list.

Basically its a list of people who I intend to get back at. I never forget anyone who wrongs me, ever. Be it 1 day, 1 month, 1 year, or 1 decade, I will have my revenge. Even if you've renounced your ways, history can't be undone. It's a little evil, but does the trick when I use it as a threat.

You could get a CDL like tim says. The trucking business is always looking for new hires, and if you're young and single, it's going to be a very good job financially. You basically live in your truck, truck stops provide various amenities(my father was a trucker for 2 years, and the truck stops were like an oasis paradise in a vast desert). It can be tiresome, and unhealthy, but if you eat right and exercise and do other things like perhaps study a subject to prepare you(SAT,CLEP etc.), you'll have it balanced out.

But also never neglect maintenance of your vehicle. You'd better go over every inch of that truck and trailer at almost every stop, because the police will see you as a giant rolling piggy-bank ready to be squeezed. If you work for a company, it won't be good.(But a company has its benefits as well. We met a trucker once who was awarded a brand new next-year truck because he went 6-months without a single ticket or fine. The truck had a price tag of 200k...). So if you can get a CDL, then you'll be set for pretty much that sort of job.

Security also has a suitable level of jobs that aren't too requirement loaded to get. It tends to depend on state, and you'll need cash to get the license(each state has a class requirement, where you need to take a certain number of hours in a course and pass to qualify. You also have to register with the state police or something, since each state has its own system on that. Unfortunately though, unlike a CDL, you can't use one state's security guard license in another in most cases)

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(06-14-2013 08:02 AM)Potato Wrote:  watch the fuq out, we've got an "intellectual" over here.

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10-23-2013 04:59 AM
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Eanw Offline
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Post: #7
RE: I always hated school.

Yeah, rent sure isn't cheap in the city. A one bed/ one bath apt. runs about $700~month, unless you're willing to live where you feel like you're gonna get killed. I'll look into the country, but I don't have the money right now.

As for the list, I don't have anything written down, but I won't forget who was an asshole.
10-23-2013 04:45 PM
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James Comey Away
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Post: #8
I always hated school.

One easy way to make money is to simply collect as many bottles and cans as you can and go to a local deposit.
http://brokelyn.com/how-much-can-you-mak...d-bottles/

I should give xcriteria credit for the idea and link.

RIP GWEDIN
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RIP VONUNOV
RIP WES/THEWAKE
RIP USERNAME

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Stop jerking off to porn and whining and do something about it

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10-24-2013 09:03 AM
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